Pre Comedy of Errors.

The Job

At first he had simply been asked. The young man who had arrived in Hearth and with difficulty had tried to make a place for himself in the small town, without having many communicative skills.

Arthur had asked him first. "What do you do?"

Kiku had fumbled and said he was a programmer of something specific that he did not know how to translate. Arthur had not pushed it. But Arthur's son had, of course.

"You're short for a grown up person!" Alfred said loudly. Kiku stared down at him.

"You are short for a small person," Kiku retorted immediately. Alfred stared at him with wide eyes, then grinned.

"Mom!"

"Would it kill you to call me dad?" Arthur demanded. Alfred immediately seemed to forget what he wanted his 'mother' for and grabbed Kiku by the hand.

"You're my friend now! We're going to play cowboys! But just cowboys, apparently playing about the Indians is bad or somethin'."

"...uwah?"

Needless to say, Alfred was not concerned about finding out about his job immediately. Neither was he very interested when he found out it had to do with computers. Kiku found this strange.

"I have never known a child to not like computers," he confided to Ludwig. Ludwig shrugged.

"Good luck comparing dat child to anyone," he told Kiku. Ludwig had only known Alfred for a year, but he was pretty sure he had never been like that. Or that anyone he had ever known had been like that. Maybe Feliciano was a close enough comparison, but only in the fact Ludwig did not think Feliciano could be compared to anyone either. "Vhat do you program?" he asked Kiku.

Kiku hesitated, mouth silently running over English words that he obviously had not learned too long before arriving. "I program... computer programs... for a company to utilize in organization... ah..."

Ludwig nodded and did not push the matter.

"I invented the computer!" Yong Soo exclaimed.

Kiku did not ask.

All of these things had little to do with anyone knowing what Kiku did, but it was the most anyone knew. Years passed and no one questioned it.

Then iMarcus was born. Or created. Whichever word was most appropriate. Alfred and Feliciano were the ones who pushed it this time, Alfred back for Christmas during his first year at University.

"He made a computer who acts more like my grandpa then my grandpa does!"

"That's stupid," Lovino snorted.

"What sort of job would have him making something like that?" Alfred asked.

"What're you both doing talking about it here?" Lovino demanded. Both of them glanced over.

"Hiding from Arthur, he wants me to cut my hair."

"It looks like it could use a trim..." Feliciano shrugged. Alfred glared at him. Lovino snickered.

"And why's that?" Alfred demanded, pushing a hand back through the hair of his mullet protectively. "Fuck, you both are just as bad as he is!"

The Italians protested that similarity and the subject was changed once more. Or, more correctly, returned to the previous path of conversation.

"He said he worked as some sort of programmer for some company," Alfred reiterated. Feliciano 've~d' and Lovino ignored them. "And didn't Ludwig hear him say once it was for organizing information?"

"Yeah, but Kiku couldn't explain it well," Feliciano nodded. "But hey! How is organizational stuff important to making computers that act like other people?"

"Steal their identities?" Lovino grumbled. He was ignored.

"Maybe he works for the government!" Alfred announced his guess. Lovino scoffed. Feliciano stared at him with wide eyes.

"The government?"

"The government!"

"Feliciano, stop bringing Alfred to our house," Lovino griped, leaving the room.

They ignored him. "What do you think he does for the government?" Feliciano asked, enthralled by the idea. Alfred thought about it.

"Robots. Like Transformers. And iMarcus was just the first step to giving them the wills to control themselves!"

"But that's horrible!" Feliciano wailed, gripping at Alfred's arm.

"No it's not, they're good guys! I mean, if Kiku makes them, what could go wrong?"

"I don't want a robot that acts like me!"

Which was a good point, Alfred decided. He did not want a large robot that acted anything like Feliciano either. Other than making a lot of pasta, it would probably freak out as soon as it realized it could not eat the pasta. Alfred thought about it.

"We're getting ahead of ourselves here."

"We are?"

"I think so," Alfred nodded. "First of all, no one's asked for a while, right? Damn! It's been a long time! Back when Kiku wasn't so good with his English. He's a lot better now! Let's just ask him!"

"Okay!" Feliciano exclaimed happily, no longer as worried about a robot being made of him. Even if that was what Kiku was doing, he was certainly take in mind a request if Feliciano asked it of him!

"Am I making Transformers for the government?" Kiku deadpanned.

"In disguise," Alfred clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, giving Kiku a thumbs up. Kiku could only be grateful for the sanity of Ludwig and Gilbert, who were both trying not to laugh. It was a strange sight, something that made the both of them giggle, but Feliciano and Alfred seemed to have easily made it possible.

"No," Kiku responded.

Unfortunately, this public conversation opened up to the entire town that none of them really knew what he was doing. And Kiku, the private man he was, was not answering.

Secrets in Hearth?

No one was going to stand for that!

Matthias came up with the first idea. In a conversation with Feliks, which had him berating the way Alfred went about asking Kiku ("Like, oh my God! You don't ask him like that!), Matthias was sure he had come up with a different angle. An angle that would work.

"Berwald, you should ask Kiku what his job is!"

Berwald thought about it. Berwald did not see why Kiku would answer him if he had not answered Feliciano and Alfred. Berwald also did not see why not. It was not as if he was too curious, but if people knew then he would not have to hear about it anymore. "'ll right."

Tino, on the other hand, knew exactly what Matthias wanted. "No you will not," he said to Berwald, as firmly as he could. "It is not our business, Berwald."

Berwald shrugged. "'ll right."

"Hey!" Matthias exclaimed. Tino glared at him. "That's cheating!"

Tino was rather smug with himself. More than it not being their business, he was not going to let Berwald be used as intimidation against Kiku. It had taken long enough for people as it was to be less scared of him and that was not going to be undone by something stupid.

"Why don't you try asking him?" Tino asked. "Intimidate him with your own means."

"Berwald is my own means," Matthias shrugged.

"You've always said you're more intimidating than he is." Meanwhile, Berwald was trying to figure out what place he had in this conversation, because they obviously could not have been talking about him as he was not very intimidating.

"Well... in a certain way," Matthias shrugged again. "In my own way."

Either way, that way had failed.

"I'll follow him around! He's got to let it slip at some point!" Yong Soo suggested.

People were left to wonder whether they were more curious than they were against stalking. It did not take long for most people to realize they were more curious. It also did not take any time for them to simply know that if Yong Soo tried stalking Kiku they would not find out anything. So he was going to be a diversion.

"Don't dink of it as stalking," Gilbert explained. "Dink of it as tracking. For de greater good. Dings like dat."

Angus Walker swallowed. He was curious, but this seemed a little wrong.

"Ve're counting on you, new kid! So's Kat, I heard dat she's curious about Kiku's job too," Gilbert nudged his side with his elbow.

Angus swallowed again and steeled himself for tracking Kiku.

Yong Soo was an excellent distraction, though no one had told Yong Soo that was what he was. Yong Soo still thought he was the one trailing Kiku. Kiku had been walking to the store when he had stopped, looked over his shoulder, shook his head, and kept going.

Congratulating himself, Yong Soo continued after him. Only to be hit in the head with a rock.

"Uwah? I... Yong Soo? What were you... Are you all right?"

"Fine," Yong Soo responded, head spinning.

Angus almost thought of calling the doctor when he remembered that the closest doctor was in the City and that Yong Soo appeared to have a head made of steel. The Korean wandered off.

Angus continued after Kiku, but with even more caution than he had previously had. Treat him like a wild animal... yeah, I can do that.

Two days and then it was over.

"What are you doing, пан Walker?"

Angus stopped and stood up straight instantly, wheeling about to see Katyusha. How had she sneaked up on him? "Ah... 'ello miss," he tipped his hat.

"What are you doing?" she asked, innocently and full of curiosity.

"Takin' a walk."

"Oh!" she nodded, before thinking about it. "You... you walk very quietly."

"So as not to disturb the wildlife."

"Of course!" she exclaimed. "пан Walker, you are very considerate!"

"Please miss, call me Angus,"Angus smiled.

Kat was very happy to call him Angus. Just as happy as she was oblivious to the fact Angus had completely given up doing as Gilbert had bid of him.

"Damn," Gilbert sighed.

"Serfes you right," Ludwig retorted, who had been completely against the idea of someone following Kiku around. At least, only against it enough that he just did not want to know about it. He had not told Kiku, after all, and that gave everyone the impression that as long as Ludwig did not see it he did not mind too much.

"We should stop," Yong Soo said, much to everyone's surprise who was currently in the store. "He could be making responsive sex dolls! Best to leave that be."

"Aru!" Yao glared at Yong Soo with disgust. "Of course Kiku does not do disgusting things like that!"

"He is Japanese– ow!" Yong Soo exclaimed as Yao hit him with a loaf of bread. The 'ow' was because he was hit in the eye.

"Kiku's job is not about sex dolls!"

"You know what his job is?" Antonio asked, leaning over the counter from where he was situated next to Tino – their conversation having been interrupted for this.

"Of course, aru," Yao rolled his eyes. "Kiku weeds my yard."

Everyone stared. "I... never pegged him as the outdoors type," Elizaveta said, unbelieving of the truth of the statement.

"He couldn't afford dat car!" Gilbert exclaimed. Yao rolled his eyes again.

"Of course he couldn't!" Yao was in belief he was surrounded by more idiots than he usually was. "He doesn't weed my yard! That is Maddox's job, aru."

"Wait, wha'?" Roy waved a hand in front of himself, trying to keep everyone else from saying anything and interrupting him as he gathered his tongue. "Ye 'ad me arrest 'im fer bein' in yer yard last week!"

"Because he was not doing his job," Yao sniffed.

"Ai got 'im fer tresspassin'. None o' my business if 'e is na weedin' yer garden."

Everyone relaxed and went back to being curious, as Yao did not really know what Kiku did for a living. "Kiku couldn't have afforded to eat on what Yao pays," Muhammad laughed. Yao glared.

Maddox slowly put his hands to his stomache. "I... have not eaten... since last Wednesday."

"That's a lie," Arthur frowned. Maddox collapsed on the ground of the store. Everyone went back to what they were doing. When the isle he was in was empty, Maddox got to his feet and left the area. Then he climbed up a building and entered into someone's window.

No one saw him for three days.

"It's not any of our business."

"Why not?" Alfred asked.

"It's just not. Ant vhy are you both in my house?"

"Vhat if it vas illegal?" Gilbert pointed out to his brother. Ludwig could not believe the ludicrous words that were coming out of his brother's mouth. One would think he would be used to them by now, but no.

"I don't think Kiku does illegal things," Alfred said firmly. It would have to be pushed in his face before he believed it.

"He definitely does not," Ludwig agreed.

"Unless he got in financial trouble ant de mob is making him do stuff for dem ant if he doesn't dey'll kill him!"

"Ve don't have a mob in Hearth," Ludwig narrowed his eyes.

"He goes to de City in dat car of his, occasionally," Gilbert continued on his route of thinking.

Alfred frowned, not liking where this was going. "I'm not hiding in the trunk of his car. Kiku doesn't do illegal things."

"How do you know?" Gilbert pressed on, dropping the former sentence as he doubted anyone would want to be trapped for hours in the trunk of anything. "He's von't say! Dat means someding."

"Dat it is not our business," Ludwig restated. "Gilbert, you need to stop inviting Alfred to my house."

"Ve'll take de train ant rent a car to drife dere, den follow his car. He vas going dere dis next Monday, right Al?"

"...yeah..." Alfred responded, slightly uncertain. He was not certain whether his uncertainty was because he did not like the plan, or because he could not be involved with it because summer was over and he was returning to med school this weekend. "Tell me how that goes."

His uncertainty really was because of the latter.

"Dis is excellent!"

"Dis is stupid..."

"Shut up."

Ludwig was not sure how he got roped into this idea. Nevertheless, they were here and waiting for Kiku's car to arrive in the City, having a general idea as to when he had left from a call from Antonio, of whom had also been roped into the plot by Gilbert in someway.

He would have asked Kiku to forgive him, but he was rather hoping that Kiku would never know. Hopefully they would figure out what Kiku was doing here (whether having anything to do with his job or not) and people would finally stop asking.

"Here he is! Go after him!"

Ludwig sighed, pulling his hat further down on his head and trailing Kiku's car.

Kiku was almost amused by how obviously the driver of the car behind him did not want to be following him. He turned into a narrow one way street.

Ludwig turned the car into a narrow one way street to see nothing. "Fuck, vhere'd he go!" Gilbert exclaimed, glancing about for anything that could explain why Kiku's car was suddenly gone.

"Oh no, ve lost him."

"Vould it kill you not to sound sarcastic?"

"Probably."

Another failed attempt.

Eduard (while not telling anyone so that no one would think of him as condoning this) hooked himself in to be able to eavesdrop on Kiku's phone.

Immediately he lost power.

As soon as his power came back, he got an e-mail.

Nice try! Try and tell Kiku what iLudo and I have done and we'll have to say why we did it~! 3

Eduard was thoroughly weirded out.

Feliciano tried to peek inside of his house by first picking the lock of the front door, just to be able to see if he could see anything out while Kiku was not expecting company. It was the first lock he could not pick.

Maddox politely asked iLudovicus to let him in. iLudovicus declined.

Maddox frowned. After all, no one was around to really see it.

And the entire town finally seemed to settle into the fact that Kiku's mysterious job was normally mysterious.

Kiku breathed a sigh of relief.

iLudovicus was beginning to think the real reason he had been created was so that Kiku did not have to worry about anyone coming in (as Kiku seemed plenty able of defending himself against the questions outside of the house), more than for the fact Kiku had wanted to create a program like he and iMarcus and examine the usages they had.

Not that he cared.

Not like he could care. He was a computer program, after all.

If keeping Kiku's secrets was something to do, he would do it. Plus, it was amusing to watch the attempts of the other residents of Hearth try and figure it out.

Not like he could be amused...

Notes:

Alfred used to hate computers and television as things that would keep him inside and not running around. It is almost pointless to say that he quickly changed his mind before he got much older than he was in the beginning of this chapter.

Yong Soo actually has 'invented' what he says he has. But only of the things he actually owns. He did make his own computer. And his own television. And his own bathtub. But he makes them better. Or tries to. I would not get in that bathtub, if I were you. Or try and look at any mirror in his house.

I actually think Alfred could make a mullet look good. My two cents on the matter.

Angus moved in four years before the events of MAAE. So along with Roderich, Vash, Heidi, Toris, and Matthew, he is one of the new kids.

People actually stopped trying to figure out about Kiku's job only when Vash was in charge of the law. So for two years the poor man had to deal with it. Not all at once, of course. Not all in a row. But yikes. Proof that, even as humans, the characters of Hetalia are all terrible people.

I was either high or tired while writing this. As I do not take drugs, either I was drugged unknowingly or tired knowingly. Far be it that I leave out possibilities.