Disclaimer: I do not own Hollyoaks or it's characters (apart from Alex)

Hiya! It's been a while. I'm terrible with these posts! Sorry! I included more of Ste's POV in this one; it shows his thoughts on Brendan and why he is who he is. Please comment / review and I hope 2 hear from you! Enjoy!

Brendan

I was heading home after speanding the day at Chez Chez. Cheryl had finally decided to start and pull her weight at the club and I'd took the night of, leaving her in charge. I heard voices and instantly recognised one of them as Stephen's. Him and Alex were making their way towards me. I looked Stephen up and down. He was wearing jeans and a shirt. A shirt. Since when did he have any sense of style at all? I'd never seen him wear a shirt before. Well, not a nice one anyway. But this one was maroon and he looked good in it. His hair was kind of stylishly messy and his skin was as flawless as always. I spared a glance at Alex. Up until this point I'd never really looked at him closely before. His hair was blonde and he was around Stephen's age and height. He wasn't anywhere near as good-looking as Stephen but he was alright. They were laughing and didn't notice me until I was right infront of them.

When Stephen saw me his face become a mask, revealing nothing. "Alright Brendan?" he asked coolly, as though we barely knew each other,

"Yeah, great. You?" I replied.

"Fine." he said, emotionless.

Alex must of noticed the tension between us. He was looking back and forth between us as though he feared one of us was going to explode any minute.

"So, where are you's going?" I asked, never taking my eyes of Ste's face. I wanted him to show me something, anything, that even hinted as to how he felt. But he revealed nothing. Nothing. I'd always thought of him as an open book, wearing his heart on his sleave, but he apparently had a pretty good poker face.

"We're going to town. Hitting some clubs and that." Said Alex when it was clear Stephen wasn't going to reply. "You can come if you want, I suppose."

What game was he playing? He didn't like me, at least I was pretty sure he didn't. So why invite me? I looked at Stephen but his face was still unreadable. He gave no acknowledgement of Alex's offer.

"Er, no. I'll leave it." I said. At my response, Stephen smiled. Now that pissed me of. I wasn't used to be ignored and if he didn't want me to go then I would definately be joining them. "Actually, forget that. I'll come."

"What?" Ste choked, staring at me.

"I said, I'll come." I smirked, "That's not a problem, is it?"

"No, I just didn't think it was your style." He replied, face once again the emotionless mask.

"Well, I always like to suprise people."

"We were gonna get a taxi there. Do you mind?" Alex asked

"Not at all,"

Ste

The ride to the club was awkward as hell. It seemed that me and Brendan were back to playing games. What did he want? Did he simply want to ruin my life, take away everything and everyone I cared about? Like Alex? Is that what this was about, didn't he like me hanging around with Alex? Was he jealous? I knew he was really possessive but we weren't even together anymore. Did he want to get back together? Is that why he was here or was he simply bored? Maybe he just wanted to be mates. No, Brendan didn't have mates; he had enemies and allies. God, what was I doing. I was trying to guess what was going on in Brendan's head. I should've known it was impossible. Something he had said echoed in my mind.

I always like to suprise people.

He'd got that right. Brendan Brady was full of suprises, most of 'em bad. How many times had Brendan suprised me?

One of the first times had been in the celler, when he'd kissed me. I'd been sure he was gonna smack me. He'd followed me down there and I'd been terrified. But instead of the hit I'd been expecting, he kissed me. At first I was too shocked to respond. Then, when I did, it was mind-blowing. I mean, Brendan was a good kisser but it was the first time I'd kissed a guy before and I was so confused. But that kiss had been all about Brendan - he'd been completely in control, almost leading me.

He'd suprised me when he'd hit me. I'd thought that I'd understood him, just for a second and that had been a mistake. A terrible mistake. Brendan was complicated but also, in some ways, simple. Them first times - the first time he'd kissed me and the first time he'd hit me - I hadn't understood him but now, after everything, I thought I understood him alot more.

He was gay, obviously, but didn't want people to think it made him weak. He was all about control; it probably had something to do with his dad - I knew from personal experience how much that could mess you up. The psycho, hard guy face he showed the world was meant to stop people from getting close to him. I knew the feeling; the feeling of fearing people who were close to you. If you let people close, you'd get used to them being there, you'd start trusting them, relying on them. And that, well that would only get you hurt. Because the closer you were to somebody, the more they could hurt you.

I knew he loved me. In a sick twisted way, he loved me. It hadn't been part of his plan, I knew that too. He never would have got involved with me if he'd known how messy it would become. I probably would of stayed the hell away as well. But it was too late now. Alot of what he'd done has been to keep me, I suppose. He'd killed Danny to keep me. God, how mental was that? He was a murderer, for fucks sake.

Brendan Brady was a God damn murderer. And he'd done it for me. Me. I should of went to the police and let them lock him up for life. But, of course, I didn't and I never would. Because he was Brendan Brady and he'd done it for me. How could I hate him when I knew, deep down, that I would of done the same thing if it meant Brendan living instead of dying? I'd never had someone care for me that much. Noah wouldn't even leave his job for me and Brendan killed for me. He was so fucking possessive. He'd tried to get Noah to cheat on me to get rid of him. Now that had suprised me. I'd been angry and hurt and confused. I hadn't loved Noah, not really and deep down I knew that but I hated Brendan for, yet again, taking my choices away from me and leaving me as his and his alone. I wasn't his. Well, that was a lie. He would always have a piece of me. But he didn't own me or anything.

But what he'd done to get me back had suprised me more than anything else he'd ever done or said. He told me that he loved me. I'd come around his - I'm not really sure why. I think that it was to say goodbye, sort of. I'd thought it was finally over for good and I wanted to talk to him to make it final: no more me and Brendan. How wrong was I?

I love ya Stephen. That's what I didn't tell ya. I love ya. God, if he'd said anything else it wouldn't have made a difference. It was over and I was going to leave. But he hadn't said anything else, he'd said that. It had broken my heart into a million pieces. For so long I'd wanted to hear it and then, when I'm finally ready to let him go, he tells me. We'd made love right then and there. I was so fucking happy, nothing could have brought me down. Well, nothing except Eilleen. She decided to show up and then my pretty little lie shattered and I saw the truth. Brendan wasn't going to change. What a suprise! Yes Brendan was full of them and I was sick of guessing what they were. So, instead of arguing with him, confronting him, trying to second guess him - I just dropped it. Let it go. I sat in the cab, Brendan in the front and Alex beside me, and finally let it go. I wasn't going to let Brendan play with me again. If he wanted to come with us, fine. If he wanted to screw up my life then let the bastard try.

When we arrived at the club (it was a straight club because Alex was straight and it was his celebration after all) Brendan insisted on paying the driver.

Before we went in I walked over to Brendan, "You sure you wanna come?" I asked.

"Why not?" He smirked. He thought he was getting under my skin or something, he thought he was bothering me by being here. How wrong he was.

"I just don't think it's your kinda place. But if you're sure..." I held up my hands in a gesture of surender before going back to Alex and lining up for the club.

Brendan (an hour later)

Stephen had been right. This was not my kind of place. The florecent lights were annoying my eyes and the music was killing my ears. The whole club was packed full of people from 18 - late twenties. Ste fitted right in. Him and Alex had been dancing aroud with the majority of people here. He looked like he was enjoying himself. I'm suprised he could still walk - earlier, a load of lads, including Stephen and Alex, had been drinking shots. I'd never seen him like this, he looked younger than usual - for once he actually looked his age. He wasn't the guy who'd had a crappy upbringing and had to learn to take care of himself. He wasn't the father of two kids who he had to support. Right now he was just another guy in his early twenties, out drinking and having fun with his mate. I stared at him whilst I sipped my drink. He had a stupid grin on his face whilst he jumped (does that class as dancing?) to the music like everyone else. Alex pulled him towards the bar to grab another drink. I noticed that I needed a refill and went to join them.

"Hiya Brendan." Stephen grinned when I arrived.

"You having fun?" Asked Alex.

"Yeah it's...great." I replied, drily.

"You should come dance." Ste said, still grinning.

"Your alright." I told him.

"Hey! Your Alex, right?" Two girls had come over. The one who'd spoken was blonde whilst the other was a brunette and slightly taller. They were both around 22/23 and quite pretty in a covered-in-make-up kind of way.

"Yeah, you're Cathy, right?" Alex replied, clearly eyeing them up.

"That's me! And this is Laura."

The brunette, Laura, looked at Steven, "And who is this?" She said flirtatiously.

"I'm Ste." He smiled.

"D'ya want to dance, Ste?"

"Love too." He looked at me, "See ya, Brendan."

Alex and the other girl, Cathy, followed them. What was he doing? I watched them for a few seconds; Laura was practically drooling over him. It was disgusting. Why the hell was he dancing with her? He couldn't fancy her, could he? No, he was gay. Definately. But what was he doing then? We were playing games again. Well I didn't mind playing games but I didn't like losing. I walked over to Stephen

"Come with me a second, won't ya Stephen?" I purred, pulling him by the arm.

"What are ya doing? Get of!" He pulled his arm back.

"I want a word wi' ya." I told him.

"Why?" He glared at me.

"Just come outside a sec."

"Fine!" He stormed out and, once we were outside, he spun around to face me.

"What do ya want?" He practically shouted.

"What d'ya think ya playing at?" I growled.

"What are you on about?"

"In there with that girl, what were ya doing?"

"What?" He frowned, "We were dancing."

"You were trying to make me jealous!" I accused, "Why?"

"Oh, I get it now! You didn't like me talking to someone else." He shook his head, "You possessive Bastard!"

"No, I don't like you trying to mess with me. You shouldn't try to play games: you'll lose." I hissed.

"Oh, will I?" He laughed without humor. "I wasn't even trying to play games - that was you. But if you want me to, then bring it on!"

"What you on about, it was me playing games!" I shouted, "It was you flirting with some tart."

"She wasn't 'some tart'! And what d'ya care anyway? It's none of your buisness! You came here because you didn't like me hanging around with Alex cause he doesn't have anything to do with you!"

"No, that's not w-"

"Shut up!" He interupted, "You don't want me to move on! Admit it! You don't want me but you want me to want you anyway. Well, wake up Brendan! I hate you! I don't want anything to do with you. You're nothing, no one!"

"Leave it." I warned. My temper was rising and I knew I would snap. He just wouldn't leave it. Why wouldn't he leave it?

"No! Why can't you just leave me alone! It's pathetic!" He shouted. He was right in my face, pushing all my buttons. I couldn't help it. I punched him. He sunk down next the wall, clutching his stomach.

"What the hell?" yelled Alex. Where'd he come from? He grabbed me and pushed me against the wall. "You're gonna regret that!" he snarled. Before I could react, Steven was up on his feat and pulling Alex away.

"Leave it, Alex." He said. I looked at him. He was still clutching his stomach but he wasn't crying. He was looking me in the eyes and I knew in that moment I'd went too far. All my anger drained out of me, leaving me strangely empty.

"Stephen - " I tried to say something, anything, to make this better but I didn't get the chance.

"No Brendan. Just stop, will ya? Just stop." He told me before looking at Alex. "Come on, Alex, let's go."

"What!" He said, confused, "You're gonna let the bastard go after he hit you?"

"Yes, now come on."

Alex glared at me. He really cared about Stephen. Now he hated me. "Fine." They walked away. Alex tried to support Stephen but he pushed him away.

What had I done?

Dun Dun Dunn! What'll happen next! You can send me ideas, comments, reviews or critisism if you have a moment. Thanks!

Rachey Ayy xx