Pre-CoE.

That There Lamplight Gave Me False Hope

It was Maddox's third strike. Today. And Vash was going to catch him today if it was the last thing he ever did. Which it would not, of course, but Vash was getting a bit desperate by this point. He wanted to teach that man a lesson. Just because Brian and Roy seemed insistent that that kind of law breakage was okay did not mean Vash was ever going to agree with them.

And maybe after spending some time in a cell, the both of them would agree with him.

Not that putting Maddox in a jail cell ever seemed to help. Especially as he would put himself in it sometimes without Vash knowing, simply for the sake of being troublesome.

The definition of catching, today of all days, was not only being in the same vicinity as Maddox. Neither was it being right next to him. Vash did not consider having a fistful of his shirt in his hand even good enough.

No. He was going to cuff him. In some particularly tight cuffs that Maddox would not be able to slip out of. Prior attempts had all been in preparation for this. He was going to cuff Maddox and keep him in one place so there would be no chance of him getting the locked picked or the handcuffs broken. It was this latter part which had Vash confused. How was he to make it so that Maddox would not escape on him?

It was something he was going to have to improvise upon, because it all came down to the place where he would find Maddox. And it just so happened to be in the evening, out on the streets.

"Oh no," Maddox said tonelessly, not moving from where he was standing. "You found me."

Vash stood his ground, eyeing the other carefully. That was too obvious. He was not walking into whatever trap Maddox had laid out for him. "Yes I did. Will you come willingly?"

Maddox did not respond immediately, as if he were pretending to take a long time to think about it. Which was an answer in himself. "It depends on where we are going and what we are doing. Can we go to the trees? I like trees."

"We can get close to something as tall as a tree," Vash replied blankly, hating the fact it was so easy to fall into this type of banter.

"But we already are," Maddox said, gesturing at an old and useless telephone pole. "A rather short tree, but one cannot be picky when it comes to their foliage."

People could too be picky, but Vash was not about to start that conversation. The conversation he could start was how he had had enough of this and he was giving up, but that would be wrong on two accounts. One, he would never give up. Two, if he had enough of this now he would be in the wrong profession. Or, at least, the wrong town.

Then there was the fact Vash was not going to stoop into lying just to get Maddox. He would beat the man on his own terms.

"Are you not going to arrest me?"

"I am thinking," Vash retorted.

Maddox began to clap, slowly. Vash was beginning to hate him.

Then he really did think of something.

"I will give you one opportunity," he said, fully intending on giving him a so-called "opportunity" while making it feel like he was not. "To be honest, I have not been impressed with your latest stunts."

"You are as impressionable as a cast iron skillet," Maddox replied, but if Vash knew the other man as well as he thought he did, Maddox was offended. Maddox liked being the source of awe and irritation (at the same time, in separate occasions, just whatever). "An officer of the law that cannot appreciate the other side is a rather shallow character."

"Or capable," Vash replied vaguely. "Do you want to know what your opportunity is?"

"Is that what Yao said?"

Vash ignored that. "Escape right now. In front of me. I want to watch you do it, Maddox. I do not trust the words of others. For all I know, everything else you have done has been blown out of proportion."

"Dad tends to exaggerate," Maddox agreed, "but Tino?"

"I do not think you can get away from me in any way other than boring."

Maddox paused. He had taken the challenge.

He turned and ran, with Vash hot on his heels. Oh, he knew that Maddox would have something planned. Maddox was not about to leave him thinking he could not accomplish anything. Vash was certain he could at least understand that much of this strange, strange man.

It did not take long for Vash to realize what Maddox was going to do. At least, what he was going to show. He was heading for the space between Ramon and Angus' houses. Between both of the houses and the fence in the back. It was a dead end and Maddox was running past a lamppost and into an area Vash knew he could not escape.

Then he was not running. No, he had stopped at the lamppost. And was climbing. Climbing the smooth, round, metal lamppost. Somehow.

No you do not!

Vash caught him by the ankle and there was a slight tussle where it seemed Maddox thought it would be funny if Vash came away with his shoe. Vash did not think that would be funny and he was not going to keep his grip on his shoe. He would keep a grip on his ankle and pull.

Maddox slid down and that was the opportunity Vash had been waiting for. One handedly he tried to cuff Maddox. Maddox finally realized what he was doing and did some very acrobatic things, which came to no avail with as intent on his purpose as Vash was.

Maddox's hands were cuffed around the lamppost behind him. Maddox did not look amused, or anything. He basically looked the same as ever – as if he had planned it this way.

"This is rather uncomfortable," he said, but Vash ignored him. He simply turned his back to Maddox and pulled out his phone.

"Heidi? Oh, everything is fine. Could you let Roy and Brian out now, I think they will have learnt their lesson. I need their assistance. Tell them to come to Angus' house. Thank you." He paused for a moment, his sister's loving voice saying something more. "I... I love you too. I will be home soon."

"Aw."

"Shut up," Vash said after hanging up, turning around to glare at Maddox. Which was when he realized Maddox was not where he had left him. Maddox was still making his way up the pole, even with his arms trapped behind him. It was like the only thing Vash had done was impede his movement.

Vash reached up and grabbed him, yanking him back down.

Maddox refused to come and instead wrapped his legs around Vash's neck, making it a little difficult to reach up and yank him down by the waist. It made it difficult to do anything, as this was a rather awkward situation to be in.

For a moment, Vash thought Maddox had stopped breathing. "I will let go if you uncuff me."

Vash really wanted to be let go, but he would not give in. "No."

"I will let you go and not make fun of you if you uncuff me."

"No."

"I will stay here and make fun of you if you uncuff me."

"Are you done?"

"Wait. I have some more proposals to make."

"I have an idea," Vash said stiffly. "You let go of me and we wait here until my backup comes and takes you in."

Maddox cocked his head slightly. "I think I have an aversion to that plan. A medical aversion."

"Are you telling me you are allergic to the law?"

"I have a doctor's note."

"If you are expecting to beat me in a matter of patience, Maddox Kirkland, I can assure you for your arrest I can wait until eleven."

Vash almost thought he saw Maddox frown slightly, but it was hard to tell considering the fact he had Maddox's legs around his neck and moving his head in any direction just seemed wrong. Roy and Brian had better not make any jokes about this, because Vash's latest reminder about their pay checks was still an item in question if they did anything stupid during work hours (of which this would be considering during).

"Angus? Is that you? Is there something–"

Vash could not see Ramon, but he did not have to to know that the man had spotted the both of them.

"Hello," said Maddox, looking at the man at Vash's back.

"Never mind," Ramon said. It did not take long for Vash to hear a front door open and close.

Vash later on supposed he should have been grateful for that. It was likely only because of that Maddox let go, and slid down the lamppost, where they both waited for Brian and Roy to show up and help get Maddox to a cell.

Vash had won!

At least, he had until the morning, when the cell he had left Maddox in was empty except for a haiku and iMarcus was rather tight lipped about where the man had gone.

I took the cuffs with

Not because I wanted to

They hurt my wrists still

Well, at least he was still cuffed.

Notes:

You see, iMarcus was probably the only one who knew Vash and Maddox were not together. For reasons like this.

And am I the only one who suddenly began thinking of Wiley Coyote and the Roadrunner with that third sentence? Probably.

And it is amazing. I have established another part of where people live. Aka, Ramon and Xiu live near Angus. What do you know. Both of the houses have fencing. Angus has some sturdy fencing because of his job with animals. The other house has fencing so Ramon can try and keep everyone away. Well, not everyone. Just Xiu's friends. And Alfred.