A/N: Sa-wat dee ka!! Had a lovely holiday in Thailand (didn't get a tan, but spent lots of time relaxing, not writing, but thinking about this chapter, so here 'tis....

Chapter 17: One Down

BPOV

Monday was nerve racking. I knew Edward would want to talk about the kiss, and probably the flowers, but I wasn't entirely sure what to say. So when we ran into each other in the car park before school (I wasn't sure whether that was accidental or whether he'd waited, given his car was in one of the best car spots that you had to be early to get and the bell was just about to go I suspect he'd been loitering), I was glad that it mostly remained kind of light and flirty between us and I was saved by the bell when he started questioning me.

Every time I turned around I'd see Edward. First in the car park, then in the hallways between class on several occasions. It made me wonder whether he was always there like that and I'd never noticed before, whether he was stalking me, which, after what he'd confessed to me was very high on the list of possibilities, or whether my feelings had developed beyond anything I'd ever experienced and so my awareness of him was heightened. I just all of a sudden seemed to be super aware of him this week and I found myself searching him out too. I just couldn't help it. It was almost like the night of the first party all over again, only far worse. I knew what it was like to be with him now, there was no mystery, I wasn't leaving, I was staying. So what was with the sudden urge to be in his presence? And why did I suddenly find that every single thing I did was with him in mind. From what I put on in the morning, to how I did my hair, where I placed my hands in class, the way I batted my eyelids, was for his benefit. Farck!

I knew I was attracted to him. I mean who wouldn't be? The only reason I hadn't pursued anything with him in the first place was due to geography. And that was most certainly no longer a problem. Now there was just the little problem of James and Jess, well, maybe not so little. Although to be honest it sounded like Jess was possibly history, for reasons that I could not fathom...other than the fact that she was a bitch. But honestly what hot blooded eighteen year old guy wouldn't be able to just ignore that inconsequential little snippet. She was stunning and they looked freaking perfect together. Eghh, it depressed me in the extreme when I thought about her perfect legs wrapped around his beautifully defined legs and ass (if my memory serves me correctly). My legs, well.....let's just say, not so perfect any more.

My mind first started to slip in Biology. I'd sit there next to him completely ignoring Banner and imaging Edward sitting closer to me, his hand on my thigh. Or I'd think about what it would be like to go out on a date with him, little conversations streaming through my mind of dinner and then we'd end up at his place, his parents up in their room, the two of us laying down innocently together on the lounge, slowly kissing and caressing sweetly. And that was just the G rated stuff. At school I tried not to let my mind wander where it did when I was alone in my bed, thinking about what he did to me that night. I'd think about the way his fingers danced across my skin, the feel of his thighs against mine, pressing my body into the sun lounge, pressing into me, moving with such exquisite pleasure I thought I'd explode, and I did. I'd never felt anything like it. The racing of my heart, the intensity on his face when he pushed into me and the beauty when he let go, the only orgasm I'd ever had during sex, and at this stage the only one I'd be likely to have for a long time to come.

I just couldn't help it, my mind was filled with him. I hadn't experienced this before and started to question why that was. I had a boyfriend. I was in love with my boyfriend wasn't I? Well I thought I was the first time around, I wasn't so sure about the second time around now. How could I possibly be thinking like this about Edward if I was in love with someone else? The rage I had felt when James cheated on me was so intense. But to be honest, it was different to what I felt when I thought about Edward with Jessica. I was jealous of her, for many reasons. But most of all because I had spent time watching her fawn all over him, and watched him accept the affection. It made me want to vomit. I didn't feel that when it came to what James did to me at his graduation. I was just angry that he would betray me like that. It wasn't until now that I realised I wasn't actually jealous of the fact that he had been with another girl. Just hurt that he had done it when he was supposed to be committed to me. So what did that mean about how strong my feelings were for James?

Thursday night I went over to the Cullen's for dinner. Alice had me holed up in her room most of the time wanting to talk about Jasper. And while I was very excited for her, and usually had all of the time in the world to listen to her spew forth her ravenous feelings for the boy (I'm not entirely sure even Jasper had any idea how intensely Alice was into him), all I wanted to do was go and hang out with Edward. Was that bad? Given current circumstances, definitely. Alice mentioned she couldn't wait for them all to move to Seattle next Fall to go to UW. Then she started hounding me for info on my plans next year.

"So Bella, what are you doing next? We haven't really talked about it."

"Well, I always intended on going back to Phoenix for College."

"Oh, right.....of course you would." She looked around thoughtfully for a few moments, a slight look of panic on her face. "But what about now? You said 'intended' as if that's what you were thinking, but you're maybe thinking something different now?"

"I'm not sure." I know my eyebrow crinkled as I looked down into my lap trying to hide my uncertainty, this was something I think I needed to figure out on my own. But judging by the way Alice tilted her head and tried to look at my face from below I'm pretty sure she was onto me.

"So, will you be going back for James?"

I shrugged my shoulders. Yes, that was always the intention, but I wasn't so sure anymore. I had trouble enough admitting all of this to myself, let alone verbalising it to someone else. "Yeah, I guess that was always the plan. But my grandmother is there as well, and Mom....." How much to tell? "My mom always wanted me to end up back in Phoenix. James meant so much to her, she freaking loved him, and I guess it would break her heart, not to mention his mom, who was my mom's best friend, it would break her heart too."

"But Bella......" Alice looked like she was trying to tread lightly. It was probably a very wise move. "firstly, when the....I mean....when your mom....you know.....you and James weren't together. So...."

"It's OK Alice. You can say when she died."

Alice's eyes widened a little in surprise at my statement.

"OK. So you weren't together then. And secondly, and more importantly wouldn't she.....I mean, I know Esme would want me to be happy, knowing that I made my life choices based around what I wanted. Not based on what she wanted. Particularly when it comes to the person I end up with for the rest of my life?"

I wasn't sure what to say to that. My first reaction was to be angry, thinking how in the hell did Alice know what my mom would want for me. But her quick re phrase probably stopped me from biting her head off. Or maybe it was my new found ability to think about my mother without becoming an emotional cripple.

Esme called us down to dinner and I sat opposite Edward wondering how I would feel knowing that some time during the Summer I would be moving to Phoenix and he would be moving to Seattle. Not to mention Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rose. Edward wasn't the only one making me doubt my decision to go back to Phoenix. My grandmother was well off and comfortable in the home she was in. I was really only moving back there for James. That just didn't seem like enough of a pull anymore.

At school on Friday I flipped the idea around in my head. I could easily add UW to my college apps. I could just see if I got in and then make my decision. Maybe I wouldn't get in so it wouldn't be an issue, maybe I would, who knew? I certainly wouldn't if I never tried.

I got home from school on Friday with my mind pretty made up. I knew Dad would be ecstatic about my decision so I thought we could celebrate over dinner. I pulled up in my truck, it back fired once loudly before cutting out scaring the shit out of me and everyone else within a one mile radius I'm sure. I got out of my truck and there leaning up against a sleek black looking sedan parked out the front of my house was James. Holy shit. I mustn't have noticed him as I pulled in, clearly wrapped up in my own world.

My heart started to pound in my chest at the sight of him. But I couldn't tell whether it was in a good way or a bad way. He stood there smirking at me waiting to see my reaction. He was like that. He'd often just wait and watch closely for someone's reaction, reading them like a book. Usually I found it fascinating, today I just found it completely unnerving.

"So this is the famous truck I've heard so much about? The way you talk about it I thought it would be in mint condition," James said as he walked towards me kicking the back tyre as he passed it stopping in front of me and grinning like an idiot. I suspect he was waiting for me to throw myself into his arms. But after a moment I suspect he probably realised I was still a little pissed after he didn't show up last weekend so he bent down and wrapped his arms around me, picking me up and spinning me around.

"What are you doing here?" I squealed as he spun me around.

"I missed you so much baby. I wanted to make up for last weekend. I'm so sorry I didn't come." He put me down and his lips were on mine before I had a chance to respond. They were warm and a little insistent as he tried to deepen the kiss. It took me straight back to Saturday night's kiss and to what I felt when Edward's lips were on mine. The two just didn't compare.

But was that the difference between the familiar and the unfamiliar? Would kisses with Edward become warm and familiar after a period of time, after the honeymoon was over, instead of electric and knee weakening. I backed away from James a little realising that his kisses never felt like Edward's. The realisation coming down like a ton of bricks making me push him away further as I didn't want him touching me. I saw the look on his face and quickly covered up my move.

"Come on, come inside. I've got nosy neighbours," I said as I looked up and down the street at my nonexistent nosy neighbours.

Shit.....shit, shit, shit, was all I could think as James walked behind me following me up the stairs into the house. My heart was racing in a panic as I figured out what the fuck I was going to do. I wasn't feeling this. I didn't want him here. At all. In a week I'd gone from wanting him here and meeting my friends, to wondering how the fuck I could get rid of him and what the fuck did that mean? I needed to calm down and have some time to think this through a little. But he was here with no warning so I wasn't going to get that.

We made a little small talk about how he got here and how long he intended on staying. By plane & then hire car, and the whole weekend were his answers.

I opened the door to the house and held it as he followed me in. I wiped my palms down the front of my jeans as I leaned against the door hoping he wouldn't notice my nervousness. I watched him as he walked through into the living room looking around as he went. I noticed his eyes fall on the furniture, the window and floor coverings as he looked a little disdainfully at his surroundings.

"So, this is it. Home sweet home." I said, breaking the silence.

James scoffed a little then laughed at my comment pulling me in towards him. "I'd hardly call it sweet Bella. But I guess it's only been your Dad living here so....."

"So what?" Why was everything about him pissing me off?

"Well clearly he's not into...you know, modern living."

I looked around us at what I called home. "It's my home James, I grew up here. I live here now."

"I know babe, I'm sorry I'm just tired. But it won't be your home for too much longer, I've fixed up the spare room at Mom & Dad's for you for when you move back and start college."

I pulled out of James' embrace and sat heavily on the lounge.

"James.....? What do you mean you've fixed up the spare room, I'll be living on campus when I go to college."

Why in the hell should he live in a frat house while I live with his mother and father?

"Well, we'll have all of summer before you start college so you'll need somewhere to stay come June. And honestly Bella, you don't want to live on campus. It's so noisy in the dorms, you won't get enough sleep, and I know how much you love your sleep right?" James was now sitting on the lounge next to me and was holding my left hand in his, rubbing circles around the palm of my hand. "There are just constant parties and drinking and people are loud and obnoxious and I know how much you hate all of that stuff. Honestly you'll be so much happier at their place. Mom can cook you meals and help you with our washing and stuff. And it would be so much cheaper as well. Just think of how much money we'll save if you stay there."

"James, money isn't an issue," I snapped.

"Yeah, but wouldn't it be better not to spend it so we can buy a place as soon as we leave college."

"James, there's plenty there for all of it. But what makes you think I don't want to party a little?"

"Oh Belle, I know you. You hate that scene. And trust me it's full on."

"Well....." I said standing up and walking towards the window turning back towards him before continuing. "If it's OK for you then how come it isn't OK for me?"

"Oh, silly Bella. I'm a guy, I can handle myself, but I know you don't like drinking, that scene just isn't your thing, it's one of the things I love about you. You're so sweet and innocent, I don't want any of that corrupting you." James stood and walked towards me, his arms snaking around my waist. He looked down into my eyes before pressing his lips to mine. I had to let him do it again, I had to find out if what used to be there was gone, but all I could think about was Edward and how this just didn't compare to him. I let James hold me for a few moments before wriggling free and stepping away so I could gather my thoughts before facing him.

"James, I'm thinking of going to college in Seattle." There. That was easy, just straight out with it.

James' face was blank as he studied mine looking for more information. He stormed toward the window suddenly before banging his fist against the window sill. I'd never seen him react so angrily towards something before. He was usually much more cool calm and collected when faced with something that didn't go his way. I watched him take a deep breath before turning around to face me.

"Well, that changes things a bit doesn't it?" Not the response I was expecting. But I probably should have. "What bought this on?"

"My friends here are all going to Seattle. I want to go with them."

"So have you decided? Were you going to make this decision without discussing it with me at all?" His tone was accusing, it unnerved me further.

"I haven't decided no. I've only been thinking about it over the last couple of days."

"What about your grandmother? Do you think you can just leave her there in that home. She gets pretty lovely you know."

"Grandma's fine. She's got loads of friends in that place. She's even got a new man friend, and I'll still see her from time to time. This will mean I can see more of my Dad."

James placed his hands in his pockets and looked down at his feet. "What about me? What about us Bella?"

I wasn't sure what I could say to that. This is what I had needed time to think about, how to phrase it. I wasn't sure. But I just knew, with that last kiss, there was nothing there. This would break my mother's heart. It would break mine knowing I was cutting my last connection to Phoenix. But I couldn't follow that dream anymore, it wasn't mine and it wouldn't make me happy. Alice was right.

I shook my head slowly from side to side. "I don't know what it means for us James."

"But what about your mother? She'd be so upset. She wanted you in Phoenix."

"My mother would have wanted me to be happy James."

"But she wanted us together. She would have been so happy knowing you chose to come back to me after what happened."

"James......I....I didn't choose to come back to you. You were just there."

"I fixed you. I spent all of that time helping you get better Bella." I knew James well enough to know that he was going to use every trick in the book to get me to change my mind.

"I know James, and I couldn't have done it without you."

"I helped you walk again. I kept all of those horrible people away from you when they just wanted to talk to you about your mom. I failed two subjects last semester because I spent so much time in the hospital helping you get better."

And there's the guilt trip. Normally I would have given in to this argument, but I was stronger now.

"James, I didn't ask you to do any of that for me. I didn't ask you to come to the hospital after the accident, I didn't ask you to stay. There were therapists who were hired to help me but you insisted you could do it. And I need to talk about my mother. If I don't talk about her I'll forget, I need to talk about her, there are people here who talk to me about her and it makes me feel so much better."

James just stared at me in disbelief. I think he was in shock at my ability to argue with him. Or maybe he was thinking about his next move, it was hard to tell.

"Maybe I could transfer?"

"What?"

"Maybe I could transfer to Seattle in the Fall."

My mind was blank for a few moments.

"James you can't do that?"

"Why?"

Why? Because the thought of James and Edward in the same room was just too........I just couldn't think about it. It wasn't going to happen.

I suddenly realised that my need to go to college in Seattle was only half about going with my friends, going with Edward. It was also about getting away from James. And that put a completely different light on this situation.

"Because this...." I motioned between him and I. "I don't think.......I don't think there is an 'us' anymore James."

He stepped towards me taking my hand in his holding it tightly. "Bella, I can't believe you're doing this. I mean after everything. All of the operations, the scars. You wouldn't even let me touch you, what are you going to do when someone else tries to.......tries to touch you? I know about the scars, how are you going to explain the....the ugliness to someone who doesn't understand, who wasn't there, who didn't love you before hand?" James' hand had slipped to me wrist and he squeezed it more tightly as I tried to rip it from his iron grasp but he was stronger than me. "No one is ever going to want you when they see those scars Bella," James spat at me.

"What the hell is going on in here?" I hadn't heard my father come in. In two strides he was at my side taking hold of James' arm wrapping it behind his back and pinning him roughly up against the wall. My dad was considerably taller than James and didn't have any problems detaining him. "Who the hell are you?" His voice was menacing, it was his cop voice.

James didn't answer him right away, I could see the annoyance on his face as he figured out the best way to deal with the current situation.

"Dad, it's OK. This is James."

Charlie forced James' arm a little further up his back before loosening his grip. "Why were you talking to my daughter that way?"

"Charlie, just let him go. We need a little more time and then James will be leaving." Dad looked at me with a worried expression on his face and then let go of James warily. He stared him down for a few moments and then backed away with his hand on the gun that was perched menacingly on his hip.

"I'll be in the kitchen."

"OK, I'll just be a moment," I said in reply. To be honest, Charlie had just scared the fuck out of me with that move. But it made me feel safe knowing he was there.

James and I stared at each other as Charlie made himself scarce. Well, as scarce as a cop could when he'd just seen his daughter being threatened.

"Look James...."

"I don't want to hear it Bella. I know what this has to do with." His reply startled me given what had just happened with my father.

"What?"

"I know this has to do with that guy you were with." James voice raised towards the end of his statement, I can only assume so Charlie would hear him.

"James it has nothing to do with that. It has to do with me and you. We live thousands of miles away from each other. We got back together because of the accident. We broke up because......." Because of something I was now guilty of as well, probably best not to bring that up. "Look....it's just, I don't feel the way I used to James." I don't feel with you what I feel with him.

James looked a little shocked. He could see I meant business. I'm not the girl I was when I left Phoenix, I'm more like the girl I was before the accident, when I told him to go to hell after he cheated on me. He looked down at his feet before looking up at me. Hi eyes were glistening. Oh, god, I started feeling awful.

"Can I.......can I call you maybe, maybe when I get back? I don't want this to be over Bella."

"James, do you really think that's the best way?"

"I just want to know that you're OK and that you're safe. I just......I've just really missed you and I can't believe.....I just....." he shook his head as if trying to take in what had just happened.

"I think it's time you left son." Charlie said from just behind me in a cold menacing tone.

James looked up at him and then back at me. He took a step towards me leaning and placing one last kiss on my cheek. It was wet and it sent a chill down my spine.

"Bella......see you later."

"Good bye James." I called as I watched him walk out the door, my father's hand on my shoulder gently holding me in place, stopping me from following him out the door. We stood there in silence for a few minutes as I took in what had just happened.

I think I just broke up with James. I wasn't one hundred percent sure what to think about that. My mind drifted straight to Edward. One of the barriers was now gone. I kind of felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, despite the feeling of Charlie's hand that was still resting there. I felt his lips press against my hair as he dropped his hand.

"So, that was James."

"Hmmmm, that was James."

"Listen Bells, what he said about your scars..."

"You heard that bit?"

"Yeah. What he said, I mean......I haven't seen all of your scars, but.......what he said....it wasn't right. No one will think that they're ugly Bella. When someone loves you, you know that stuff doesn't matter right?"

I shrugged my shoulders. It wasn't something that I'd tested yet. James never touched me after the accident. I hadn't wanted him to and I was pretty sure he didn't want to. He'd seen the scars, and his usually stoic face had faltered at the sight of them. And while they were very slowly fading, getting ever so slightly lighter every day, they would never disappear. The Bella that Edward claimed he couldn't get out of his head was no longer what she used to be. The accident changed so many things in such a short time.

A/N: So based on all of the reviews I'm thinking there should be a few happy little campers out there now that Bella has finally seen the light!!

Please review and let me know what you think!