A/N: The start of this chapter is set the Friday night Edward saw Bella with James (still)

CHAPTER 18: Relapse

APOV

"Where the hell have you been all night? Mom is worried sick about you." I called after Edward who didn't reply as he hauled ass up the stairs past me in a rush to get to his bedroom, or away from me, I wasn't sure which. Shit, things with Jasper mustn't have gone well. I knew Jasper was planning to say something to him about the two of us. I was just hoping Edward would respond a little better than this.

I had my head stuck in the hallway closet looking for the rest of our sleeping bags. I was hoping to air them out this weekend before our camping trip next week. I had found our summer weight bags in the garage, but not our warmer winter ones. Peering up high I spotted a couple of them right up the top. I precariously scaled up the shelves tugging at the two sleeping bags I could see. Mine and Mom & Carlisle's bags came tumbling down over my head toppling me over with them making me lose my grip and land unceremoniously on the floor on top of them.

As I looked up I noticed Edward looking down at me on my ass with a scowl on his face. Shit this must be bad, what could be funnier than seeing your sister fall from three feet up in the air on to her ass. Not even a smirk.

"Get it over with Edward," I huffed just waiting for him to let me have it.

"Get what over with?"

I cocked my head to the side not wanting to say any more and incriminate myself just in case Jasper had chickened out. But I thought that was unlikely given his excitement about telling Edward and ostensibly bringing our relationship out in the open so we could spend more time together. The prick was going to make me squirm.

"Whatever it is that's up your ass, just spill it Emoboy." He hated it when I called him that. Actually, I rarely called him that. It was usually Jasper or Emmett who gave him shit about that stuff.

"That'd be right. You start seeing my best friend and his smartass shit starts rubbing off on you. Well I hope that's the only thing rubbing off on you?"

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"It means......" Edward took a deep breath and when he started talking again he seemed to have calmed down considerably. "Ali, look Jasper is......well, I know I don't have to tell you what Jasper is like. I'll fucking kill him if he does anything to hurt you OK."

"He's not going to hurt me Edward, I can just feel it."

"Ali, you don't know that. Look, I really hope you're right. I mean," Edward fiddled with something in his hands, he looked contemplative and then resigned, "I can see that he's been different lately..."

"He has? You can tell?" I asked excitedly from my position still on the floor.

"Yeah, I mean, he's just been, I don't know, well, quiet, but in a good way. He's been happy, like a weight has lifted from his shoulders or something. He hasn't even mentioned any other girls in a few weeks and he seems like he's been kind of protective of you as well. I think that's a good thing." Edward nodded as if trying to convince himself or something.

"Yeah it is isn't it?"

"It's the way it should be. He's even ditched me to spend time with you. That's not normal for us, usually it's 'bro's before ho's' and all that bullshit with Jasper and I. But he kept you to himself for a while.....and Ali I don't think it was because I'm your brother and I'd beat his ass if I found out. I think maybe it's because he really likes you. So....."

I looked down shyly at the mess that was all over the floor from the closet. What Edward was saying meant a lot to me. It helped me trust my feelings for Jasper just that much more.

"Thanks Edward. We're just taking it slow though. I don't want to rush into things with him. I know what he's been like. I don't want to be another notch you know?"

"Ali, Jasper has never spent too much time pursuing a girl who didn't put out for him. If you're not putting out and he's still hanging around I'd say he's probably pretty serious."

"I hope so." I blushed at the thought, it made me all warm and gooey inside with the thought that Jasper was actually being genuine with me.

"What the fuck are you doing here anyway? Do you need some help or something short stuff?"

"I'm looking for all of our camping gear, but I can't find your winter sleeping bag."

"It got burned last time we went camping remember?"

"Oh shit that's right, with the burning marshmallow that Emmett threw and we couldn't put out. That was funny. You can just use Mom & Carlisle's double bag."

"So is that next weekend?"

"Yup," I replied standing up and putting a couple of boxes back in the closet that had fallen down with me.

"OK I guess I better pull out the tents." Edward went to walk away then turned suddenly. "So who's going this year? Just the usual?"

"Plus Bella of course," I replied. He grumbled and walked away. God these two were going to be the death of me. Now that Jasper and I were together, although still had a long way to go, I'd have to start spending some time working on these two.

The weekend was slow and a little painful. Edward just moped around the house all weekend. Honestly, I couldn't work out his mood swings. The whole flower situation had seemed to cheer him up somewhat after I'd given him the news that Bella had responded well to his flowers and done nothing with James'. Then all week they seemed to dance around each other, silently flirting which was just too cute. So I didn't see what was with the bad mood. It was just weird. Maybe it was because he knew he probably wouldn't see Bella over the weekend, maybe the whole Jess situation was getting to him. Who knew?

Jasper came over on Saturday afternoon and stayed for dinner and watched a couple of DVD's. Edward went out thank god and left Jasper and I to ourselves, although Mom and Carlisle were hanging around, but they mostly kept themselves fairly inconspicuous.

I didn't speak to Bella over the weekend so I was excited to see her on Monday morning and give her what little I had to report on Jasper's and my progress. We'd gotten as far as second base with definite movement to third base but didn't quite get there. Definitely lots of groping above the belt, under clothes, and a very little below the belt before Jasper pulled away saying if we didn't stop soon he wasn't going to be able to. I was giddy with excitement.

Bella pulled up in her truck in the school car park on Monday just after Edward had parked his car. She got out looking bright and bubbly and I looked over at Edward expecting him to brighten on seeing her but the look on his face didn't change. If anything, it looked a little sad.

"Good morning Bella. How was your weekend?" I asked.

Bella jumped down from her truck. "Hey Alice," she replied, "hey Edward," she called over my head in Edward's direction looking a little shyly at him.

"Bella," was the only reply he gave her.

"So? What did you get up to?" I asked her as I surreptitiously looked over at Edward the Emo fucktard.

"Oh......um, not a lot actually.....just....um......mostly hung out at home," she replied sounding a little nervous or something. "Caught up on some study. Nothing big. How about you two?" Bella looked expectantly between Edward and I, her eyes lingering a little longer on Edward's face than mine. Edward was just looking down at his right foot that was swirling circles around in the gravel.

I looked between the two of them waiting for Edward to reply first, but he just rolled his eyes and looked off in the distance. Bella looked at him strangely and then looked down at her hands, looking a little hurt and a whole lot confused.

"Well," I jumped in, "Jasper and I hung out on Saturday night." Edward rolled his eyes again, and Bella looked at him and then back to me. "We told him."

"Correction, Jasper told me, you were too chicken shit to bother telling me," he dead panned.

"Whatever," I replied, it was my turn to roll my eyes.

"Other than that, I didn't get up to much." We started walking to class. "Actually, I did start getting our stuff ready for camping this weekend. You're still in right?"

"Ah, well...um, sure," she answered hesitantly, looking over at Edward before continuing, "that's if you've still got room for one more. I wouldn't want to cramp your style or anything."

"Oh, Bella, of course we have room. Rose and Em are taking their own tent this year and we have two tents of our own so there's plenty of room. I can't wait, we're going to toast marshmallows and hot dogs and Emmett has a couple of bottles of Tequila for shots." Bella blushed and Edward just shoved his hands in his pockets at the mention of Tequila shots. What the fuck was going on with these two? I had to get to the bottom of it, because I doubt either of these two were capable.

Bella and I were in English by the time I had a chance to really chat to her. It was weird, her eyes were sparkling and she looked better than I'd ever seen her look. She had on a pair of jeans I'd never seen that hugged her ass snugly, the top she wore seemed a little more snug fitting than usual, but still conservative enough, and she had on what I thought was probably a new pea coat and awesome brown leather boots over the top of her jeans that looked like they probably cost a bomb.

"Bella, have you been shopping without me?" I asked as I eyed her up and down as she sat next to me.

She blushed slightly, looking up and down at her new clothes. "Yeah, I went into Port Angeles on the weekend. How did I do?" She asked nervously. Bella and I had never really discussed her clothes before, she always seemed to avoid the subject.

"You did great, you look hot. Mike Newton was checking you out on the way into class. Couldn't get his eyes off your ass"

"Oh....eew, not what I was going for."

"Well what were you going for? I think you're wearing a little make up too?" She definitely had on a little eyeliner and mascara.

"Perhaps."

"What gives Bella? You finally making a play for that brother of mine?"

"What? Noooo..." Definitely too quick to answer that time.

"Whatever you say Bella." She just blushed again and turned and looked the other way as the teacher started rabbitting on about our assignments that were due at the end of the week.

The one thing I'd gotten to know about Bella since we'd met was that clothes just didn't seem too important. She wasn't a complete disaster, but it never came up in conversation and she didn't look like she put a huge amount of effort into it. But today was different, and if I think about it, she'd lifted her game a little last week. But today was different, she looked hot, like she was trying to attract some attention.

EPOV

She got out of the car looking just, gah, I don't fucking know, better than I'd ever seen her, if that was possible. She had a stupid twinkle in her eye that he had put there. I had to look away, I just couldn't look at her knowing what I couldn't have. She was looking achingly beautiful today. I could see she looked at me expectantly a few times which just confused me more. What did she expect of me now? What could she possibly expect from me after she'd spent the weekend with him? Jesus, I couldn't even say his name. We were getting so close, there were so many signs that something more was.....was....imminent. But then he has to come to town and in one moment ruin it all.

While it still didn't change where I stood with Jess.....her ass was still toast.....it put a dampener on everything I had going on in my life. Everyone around me was fucking happy. Alice and Jasper seemed to have become two fucking loved up love birds or some shit. Rose & Em were getting more and more serious every day. I had just made the biggest monumental judgement call with Jess that has ever been. I mean, what was I thinking? I knew what it felt like, I knew what....I don't know.....real lust, deep rooted attraction, dare I say love felt like. So why did I settle for anything less than that? Why did I think that being with someone who reminded me of the girl who had had a profound effect on me was a good idea? Probably because you were getting laid moron.

That one night with Bella opened up in me an aching need to have someone to be close to. Only I wasn't finding it where I was looking. All of those girls who threw themselves at me once they knew I was open for business were just too easy. Just try it, I'd tell myself. What have you got to lose, certainly not your reputation. That sort of shit only enhanced a guys reputation around here......in the eyes of those who didn't matter anyway. I didn't feel the regret at the time. I didn't feel anything at the time. After Bella I just couldn't feel anything for anyone else or anything else, try as I might. But Jess was nice, she felt nice, she looked nice, she made me feel....nice. But not like Bella, she didn't make me feel the way Bella did. The way she'd look at me and blush, the feel of her soft hair, her mischievous smile and that giggle that made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.

But now that Bella was back I felt the regret. The regret of being with the wrong girl. I felt everything now. The numbness, the rawness the pure agony of not having the girl I so desperately wanted. During my morning classes on Monday I decided to stop being such a fucking pussy about it all. Stories of unrequited love abounded everyday life, people lived, they survived. And then there were those who found love again. Fuck, I was only eighteen, we'd had one night together, surely a little heart break after that wasn't all that I was destined for. There would be someone else out there, one day. Just not here. Not in Forks.

And not in Seattle.

I had to get away from the happy people. Maybe east coast would be a better option next year than Seattle. What better way to get over your first love than to move to the other side of the country. I mean it was only one night....oh, and another kiss....surely the feelings I had for Bella couldn't run so deep that it would ruin me forever.

With a determined air about me I went into Biology, after avoiding everyone at lunch, took my seat and patiently waited for my lab partner to take her seat.

She walked in, biting her lip looking down shyly before looking up and smiling softly at me. Smiling at me as if she knew something, as if there was something going on between us. God, why did she have to do that? Why was she flirting with me? Her boyfriend was here over the weekend, yet she was doing this to me. Didn't she know this was going to tear me apart? Unless of course she didn't care for me at all and she was just playing games with both of us. After all, how well did I really know Bella? We had this ridiculously strong connection yes. But that didn't mean I could trust her, that I should trust her. That didn't mean that she was worthy.

What the fuck am I saying? Why the fuck am I judging her when I was in a relationship with someone else....if you could call the current state of what Jess and I had a relationship?

Didn't stop me from seething as Bella sat down next to me with that expectant look still on her face.

"Hey," she whispered almost inaudibly. I could tell she was still looking in my direction, her backpack on the desk, her arms resting over the top of it as she waited for my response.

"Hey," I replied politely but didn't look at her.

"Is something wrong Edward?" She asked with concern in her voice. I still couldn't see her face, but I froze as she reached out and touched my forearm.

I looked down at her delicate hand that was resting just above my wrist shooting tingles down my spine, Banner came into the room so I quickly considered my answer.

"I don't know Bella, you tell me?" I spat venomously at her before turning my attention back to Banner who had commenced talking to the class. It was a rhetorical question, I knew she wouldn't have time to answer and I didn't even wait to see the response on her face before I turned away. I didn't want to see the guilty look on her face, I'd seen enough of that and I was done. But I could tell she stiffened beside me as she quickly withdrew her hand from my arm. She shifted beside me as she took her notepad from her bag and then dumped her bag on the floor.

She scrawled something on her notepad and pushed it across the table towards me. It took all my strength not to look down at it. I don't think I've ever concentrated so hard in all my life on a biology class. But I honestly didn't hear a thing that Banner said. It just went in one ear and out the other as I debated looking down to see what she'd written there.

I was aware of Bella shifting uncomfortably in her seat every twenty seconds or so. Her head would also subtly shift in my direction each time she glanced up at me to see whether I was going to even read the note, let alone respond. Finally, I just couldn't help myself. I glanced down briefly.

I'm confused ???

What the fuck did she have to be confused about? Wasn't it obvious? How could she sit there so fucking innocently as if nothing had happened and tell me she was confused? So I responded. I told myself I wasn't going to, but I just couldn't help myself.

Well so the fuck am I !!!

It was all I could come up with. Enlightening I'm sure. But right at this point in time I felt no need to enlighten Bella as to what my problem was. If she couldn't fucking figure it out then clearly she didn't care at all about me and she was a too timing little bitch.

I know, I know. I can't talk. But at least she knew why Jess and I were still together and that as soon as I could see her in person it would be over. This was so fucked up.

****

I endeavoured to ignore Bella for the remainder of the week. A difficult task given I sat next to her in class every day and ate lunch at the same table and had a sister who appeared to be BFF's with her. But I was just so pissed off about the whole James thing. I mean, I wasn't misinterpreting what had happened was I? They were definitely kissing, and while it wasn't a full on passionate kiss it was definitely the type of kiss you'd share with a significant other.

As the week wore on I could see Bella's demeanour around me change. Monday she was all shy and flirty until Biology, after which time she just seemed to be kind of a bit confused. I guess she'd seen enough of my bad moods to know not to push me so she became very quiet and withdrawn from me, but still looking over in my direction probably just checking out the state of my mood.

Through this time I spoke to Jess every other day. Her grandmother was gradually going downhill, and every time I spoke to her it sounded like she had very little time left. I'd contemplated getting in my car and going to Portland to see for myself and then if she wasn't too bad breaking up with her. But there was always a reason not to go.

By the end of the week Bella just looked pissed off. She wouldn't even look at me. The hurt look had been wiped from her face and she looked angry, although she didn't seem to be taking it out on me, she just made it quite obvious that she wasn't going to give me the time of day anymore. Although given that she was angry probably meant that she still cared.....in some way.

On Thursday after school Alice kissed Jasper good bye before he opened the passenger door of the Volvo for her and she climbed in. Clearly they were out of the closet now, which I guess was a good thing. Although it probably wouldn't take long for Alice to start copping shit from Jasper's little fan club.

"What's up Ali? You look like you've got something on your mind," I asked as she buckled up her seat belt.

"Hmmm, I do." She went to open her mouth to say something else and then closed it before looking over at me.

"What's up?"

"I just...." long silent pause as she continued staring at me. "I'm just trying to piece a few things together in my head."

Strange. "Like what?"

"Well.......I think.....I'm not sure.......but," she stopped and looked out the car window and then back at me with a determined look on her face. "What's up with you and Bella this week?"

"What?"

"Well, last week the two of you could hardly keep your eyes off each other. This week you look like you can't stand each other. What's with that?"

"What's she said?" There's no way Alice wouldn't have asked this question of Bella already?

"She has no idea. But I think she's really hurt by it, I can see her retreating into herself again. She started out the week so well, now I'm not even sure if she's coming camping with us."

As we drove home I contemplated what I should tell Alice. I wasn't sure if she knew about James being here. I mean, she was Bella's closest friend so I found it strange Bella wouldn't have told her. But surely if Alice knew something she would have said something to me right?

I looked over at Alice briefly and just blurted it out, "James visited her on the weekend."

I've never seen Alice's head whip around and look at me so quickly. But she didn't look entirely surprised, just thoughtful again. "Hmmmm." Was her only response after a long, calculated pause.

"Did she tell you?" I asked her.

"No, she didn't breath a word to me. How do you know he was here?"

"I saw them together on Friday night. I went to her house to see her to.......I just needed to see her and when I walked up the front path I could see her inside with a guy I'd never seen before. He kissed her and then hugged her, so I left."

"What sort of kiss and hug? Did she look happy or sad? What did he look like? Are you sure it was him?"

"Slow down a bit Alice. One question at a time."

"What sort of kiss and hug?"

"I don't know, it was....." I didn't want to think about this again. "It was sort of tender. Not like, I'm really fucking excited you're here, it was just kind of a peck on the lips, but it was slow and lingering. And then he tucked her under his chin and hugged her tight. That's when he saw me."

"Wait what. He saw you?" Alice looked at me with a shocked expression on her face.

"Yeah, he looked up and scowled at me. Then it was weird, he smirked at me. It was kind of like a victory sign or something. As if I was the loser and he'd just won this epic battle." It made me want to vomit.

Alice was still looking incredibly thoughtful, as if piecing a whole heap of things together in her head.

"Didn't Bella tell you he came to visit?" I asked her.

"No, not a word. But it explains why you've been in such a filthy mood since Friday night. Have you talked to her about it?"

"No, clearly there isn't any point. She obviously still has something going on with him."

"Oh and you're shit doesn't stink any?" She accused....quite rightly.

"It's over between Jess and I. We all know it."

"Yeah, all except for her," she scoffed.

"Yeah, well. As soon as I get the chance I'm going to break up with her. I just think it's a real asshole move to do it while her grandmother's just about to die."

"She's been just about to die for over two weeks now. While I don't mean to be insensitive, how long are you going to wait for that to happen?"

"Fuck Alice, I don't know?"

"Anyway, we're a bit off topic here. So this new development is very interesting," she said.

"Interesting isn't the word I was thinking."

"Shut it, I'm thinking." She was silent for a couple of minutes before taking a deep breath and looking over at me with a grin on her face.

"What?" I asked.

"I think Bella broke up with James on the weekend." She was looking at me with this fucking expectant look on her face.

"While I really want that to be true," more than you have any fucking idea in the world, "don't you think she would have said something to someone. I mean to you at the very least."

"Well, she probably would have told you. But did you give her a chance? I mean you were pretty much an asshole to her as soon as you got out of the car Monday morning, and I'm assuming by her mood this week it didn't improve."

"That's not enough to say that they broke up. I mean, did you see how happy she looked on Monday morning?" Did you see how beautiful she looked?

"Of course I did. And did you see the way she was looking at you?"

"She may have just been looking like that because she had a great weekend with her boyfriend she hasn't seen in a couple of months. Perhaps she got laid?"

Alice scoffed. "You and I both know that she hasn't slept with anyone since you and her were together in August. Anyway, I have more....."

"OK, out with it then."

"Well, Bella looked incredible on Monday, she'd been shopping, by herself. She had a little make up on. Why would she do that if she wasn't trying to impress someone? James was probably gone so it wasn't him, she would have been trying to impress someone she was seeing at school. And I just happen to know it was you."

I rolled my eyes at her. This still didn't prove anything.

"She also happened to make a comment on Wednesday in English. I didn't quite pick up on it at the time, but I've been rolling it around in my head ever since and now with what you told me I'm convinced that I'm right." She sat there thoughtfully for a few moments not elaborating.

"Welllll....?"

"Oh, right. She said something along the lines of 'well I don't have to worry about that anymore' when I was talking about my nightly phone conversations with Jasper and how much my phone bill was going to be. And I know she used to speak to James most nights, and I've heard her complain before that eighty percent of the time it was her having to make the call."

"Why don't you use the home phone instead of your cell?"

"Because someone could pick up down in the kitchen or in Mom & Carlisle's room and listen." Oh I did not want to know what they talked about....or shit, what they did. "But what do you think now?"

"I don't know Alice," I replied. I was the one deep in thought now. I started thinking about everything she'd said trying to figure out what it meant. Could she have broken up with him? I mean, she'd said last week that we couldn't be together yet, implying that we needed to get rid of our other halves. But that was before he came to visit. That might have changed everything. And they kissed. Why would she kiss him if she was going to break up with him?

A/N: Thanks for the reviews......let me know what you think!!