He's Given Himself A Number – And Another Name

The thing Vash hated most was when he was fooled. It did not happen that often. Sure, some things happened under his radar, but that was not his fault. Not usually. That was not what he hated most.

No. It was when it happened right in front of him.

This was usually Maddox's fault. Not always, but usually. Usually was the key word for most of this.

Today it so happened to be his fault. Maddox's fault, that is. Well... Vash's too. Vash was just not certain how.

"What is this," he demanded, holding out the papers.

Maddox pushed his thick rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose. Where he had gotten the glasses was a mystery. Thankfully it was one Vash could care less about. He shoved the papers into Maddox's face.

I hope you get a paper cut.

Maddox did not get a paper cut. He did, however, take the papers.

"You found my insurance scheme," Maddox admitted, handing the papers back and returning to gluing mah-jong tiles to a chess board.

"Your insurance scheme," Vash repeated, as he usually did when Maddox actually said something that he wanted clarified. Since it was not too often that what Vash wanted clarified actually made any sense in the first place.

"I have excellent insurance," Maddox said.

Vash looked back down at the papers. "Because you are legally two people."

"Because I am legally two people."

Ten minutes later Maddox was in jail, gluing mah-jong tiles to the chess board in there.

Vash considered taking it away from him, but decided it might actually bother Maddox if he took it away after Maddox had actually finished working on it. And Vash was determined to win something out of this. After all... he had to figure out how this happened. At all.

"Officially two people."

He said it again, in a slightly different way, just in case doing so might fix the problem.

"You did not have a problem with it when you said it was okay."

Vash wondered exactly how Maddox thought he had cleared it with him. But here it was, a paper with his signature, which meant he had to have known about it. Unless Maddox had suddenly figured out how to forge someone's signature. Vash was certain that was a skill Maddox did not have yet. He hoped that was not a skill Maddox had yet.

Oh god, that was a terrible thought.

Alfred showed up at the kitchen table with a pop-tart.

"Maddox is in jail again."

"I don't know why you even mention it like it's a new development," Arthur scoffed, sipping at his tea. Arthur had given up on Maddox's record by this point. If he ever wanted to leave Hearth he might have trouble. Then again, Arthur did not know how many case files Vash actually reported. Sure he was not as relaxed as Brian or Roy... maybe he did not want anyone else to know how insane this place was even with him working here.

It seemed like something Vash might do. An illegal misdemeanour in Hearth was like a child putting their hand in a cookie jar. Though that suggested that Vash was the parent to a lot of unruly children.

Not a good thought.

"I'm just saying that because Vash is at the door," Alfred said.

"Eat something real for breakfast," Arthur ordered as he went to answer the door. "Morning Vash. I hope whatever Maddox has done is not too terrible this morning."

"He has created a false identity and made me approve of it," Vash said in a matter-of-fact tone. "I'm not sure when I did this. When he did this. Whatever. I came here to take his computer."

Arthur felt a headache coming on. "Go ahead, take what you need."

"Considering he sells himself his own insurance, he must be completely covered for everything," Alfred commented from the table. "Considering how he likes climbing over everything, and setting things on fire ants, and–"

Arthur felt a little faint.

"–so how illegal is it?"

Maybe Arthur had passed out, because Vash was already back with the computer and Alfred was done with his pop-tarts. Not that it took much time to eat a pop-tart. Just the ability to stomach it.

"How illegal is it to create a new identity?" Vash repeated. "And then use it to swindle the government? A lot, frankly."

"A lot illegal..." Alfred frowned.

Arthur could already tell where this was going. He did not want to believe it, but he recognized the look on Alfred's face. He whimpered.

Vash looked between Arthur and Alfred, his eyes stopping on the latter. "You did not."

"Hey! You guys get off lucky, you have a doctor in town! I don't!"

"You practice medicine on yourself?" Arthur screeched.

"I diagnose myself sometimes! Then I go get a second opinion. Geeze, you make it sound like a bad thing."

"Where did you learn these ethics?" Arthur continued.

Alfred gave him a serious look. "You."

This was how Vash ended up not arresting Alfred for the same thing he arrested Maddox for. Alfred remained at home to keep Arthur from having a heart attack. Vash preferred that everything was just undone. He would make them pay for the rest of their lives if he had to, but it would be done.

Or undone.

"Give me that," Vash said as he took the finished chess board and put it in the freezer.

The corner of Maddox's mouth only twitched.

Notes:

I like pop-tarts, but I still know they are terrible to eat.

And the Hearth series now has a TV Tropes page! Thank you ZQ! I never think in tropes when it comes to my work, so it is interesting to see what others have come up with!