A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews to the last chapter! So sorry this one took forever. It was a tough one to write, but it's super, super long (for me anyway) ...so here 'tis.
Also, thanks to the crazy reviewer who nominated this story for a 'Twilight All Human Fanfiction' award. LNIF has been nominated in the 'fan-fiction with the most well developed characters' category. I feel very honoured that someone would nominate me, but seriously...go have a look at who I'm nominated with...that's just nuts. Some of my favourite stories are on that list – and they're super incredible. So while I have absolutely no chance of coming close to winning, it still made me feel super good (unfortunately it didn't make me write quicker...oops). Go have a look at twilightallhumanawards(DOT)webs(DOT)com (remember to replace the (DOT) with proper dots!), to vote for your faves (and if that's me I'd be honoured (excuse the spelling – I'm an Aussie)). I think voting starts 1st June.
CHAPTER 19: Fidelity
BPOV
Waking early Saturday morning I lay in my bed contemplating the previous week and wondering why in the hell I was still going on this camping trip. And not just because tonight was going to be so goddamn freaking cold. Edward had been an asshole to me all week. Something was clearly up his ass but he had been entirely unwilling to share with me what it was.
The whole week I'd been so confused. Breaking up with James felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I had not realised until now just how much our relationship was based around my recovery. He'd come back into my life and made out like I needed him. And perhaps I did, I don't know. I just never really had the chance to find out. The recent time away from him had enabled me to start grieving for my mother properly. Instead of avoiding it all I embraced it, embraced her. The nightmares were still there, but not as frequent. I was starting to think they'd be there until the time I confronted the accident and what had happened. I still wasn't very good at that yet. But I have to admit the thought that my last long term connection to my mother was gone was the hardest thing to come to terms with. She'd wanted James and me to end up together, forever. After she died the thought that she had at least met the man I was going to be with for the rest of my life seemed so important. More important than perhaps my own opinion on the subject. I realised now that was a bit stupid.
Monday was such a letdown. Arriving at school I'd been so excited to see Edward. Despite his relationship with Jessica I was at least now available, and I just couldn't wait to tell him. But it didn't take long to realise there was something seriously off about him. His mood continued throughout the week and if I'd been any less interested I would have let it go as Edward being what I had now come to know as his typical 'emo' self. I was hoping that our relationship was at least at the point that he'd share with me what was bothering him. But apparently not.
The more he ignored me the more it hurt, making me realise just how deep my feelings for him had become. I mean, the guy just had to look at me and I seriously felt my heart palpitate and my hands begin to sweat. Instead of getting upset and running to Alice or Angela about his behaviour I just got angry. I'd seen this Edward before and I knew he was bottling something up and wasn't sharing it with me. But he needed to realise that he couldn't get away with treating me like this again, I knew him better now and wasn't going to put up with it. Despite all this every time he shifted in his seat next to me in Biology I could feel my heart shudder.
By Friday something in Edward's attitude towards me had shifted. Instead of ignoring me he would stare at me or glance at me beseechingly, as if inviting me to talk to him again. I think he almost went to say something once or twice but I would turn away and not give him the opportunity to even say so much as 'how are you?' I know I was being as immature as he was but I wasn't in the mood to pander to his shit anymore. But I had to admit, the scowl he'd had on his face was hot as hell, as was the rather pathetic apologetic look he'd begun to scout on Friday.
I had packed my bags late on Friday night so all I had to do Saturday morning was roll out of bed and have a long hot shower, the last for the next 36 hours or so. I had Charlie's sleeping bag, which looked more like a roll out tent, but he guaranteed that it would keep me very warm, and very dry in the event that Alice's tent leaked if it rained. There was a loud car beeping out the front at nine thirty and I looked out the window and saw two cars pulling up, Emmett's Jeep and Edward's Volvo. I planned on making a beeline straight for Emmett's Jeep. There was no way I was going to sit in a car with Edward for an hour.
I opened the front door to see Emmett, Jasper & Edward all standing on the front porch eager to pick up my gear and get going. Seriously, they could have passed for a posse of GQ models on some sort of outdoorsy photo shoot they were all so good looking.
"Well good morning sunshine," Emmett beamed down at me with that gorgeous dimpled smile of his. "Ready to go freeze your ass off in the woods?"
"Hi..." I replied looking at all three of them. Edward smiled at me awkwardly and I tried my hardest to ignore him, which was always difficult given the way my eyes just naturally found themselves drawn to his. "Um, sure," I mumbled in reply.
"Well, where's your stuff? Let us be all manly and carry it to the Jeep for you," Emmett offered as he puffed out his rather heavy set chest, squaring his shoulders.
"Well, it's just that stuff there," I replied, pointing in the direction of the sleeping bag and my small overnight bag that were in the hallway behind me. "Sorry to disappoint."
"What? Is that it?" Emmett looked at me puzzled.
"We're only going overnight?"
"Yeah, but you're a chick, shouldn't you have packed for like, every conceivable situation?"
"Do you think maybe I should run back upstairs and get a bikini on the off chance we take a detour via the Bahamas?"
"I hear it's nice this time of year!" Jasper chimed in. Edward just continued to stand there with his hands in his pockets looking useless and contrite.
"Come on smartasses," Emmett replied. I grabbed my purse and heavy coat and made my way to the cars trailing behind the boys who carried my stuff. Rosalie and Alice were standing next to the Volvo. Alice handed me a hot chocolate and I savoured the warm, sweet liquid as it went down my throat.
I noticed Emmett putting my stuff on the back seat of the Jeep. Hmmm, I hope there was still room in there for me.
"Ok, kids, let's hit the road. Bella boo you're in the Volvo, Rose and I and all the luggage are in the Jeep."
"Huh?" I said as I made my way for the Jeep.
"There's no room in the Jeep for any passengers, except Rosie here. Unless of course you want to swap with Rose?" Emmett said, raising eyebrows suggestively.
"Honestly Bella, I'm happy to swap if you can put up with the farting?" Rose said.
"Eeew, Bella honey you're riding with us," Alice exclaimed. "Jazz and I are in the back and you're up front with Edward," she chimed in as if she was protecting me.
Well damn it. I looked at Edward who smiled at me a little apologetically. I simply rolled my eyes and made for the front passenger side of his car. Honestly I think I would have preferred to put up with Emmett's farting than put up with Edward's grovelling looks right about now, cute as they may be. And the overpowering smell of Edward that hit me as I got in his car wasn't helping my resolve.
The hour long trip up into the national park where we were camping was mostly filled with Alice and Jasper trying to engage Edward and me in conversation – together. While he seemed willing I was dismissive but polite. I wasn't giving in that easily. The only up side to being seated in the front with Edward was that I had control of his iPod. If I had to endure this torture, at least I had the ability to pick decent music. Lord knows what Alice would have chosen. And while I was still pissed at him I was still a bit of a stalker and flicked through his playlists. I came across one just titled 'B' which looked a little out of place next to the others that just read 'gym', 'sleep', 'faves', 'new faves' and 'mood shit'. The last one intrigued me a little too and flicking through it I noticed it was mostly angry loud music. I only had a brief opportunity to look at the songs on the 'B' list. Lots of Death Cab For Cutie, some things I wasn't at all familiar with – Ben Folds Five, British India, Lisa Mitchell then some Jeff Buckley, The Cure and a few other bands. Well, from what I could tell it all at least looked good, except for the Beyonce, what the fuck?
While I wasn't sure what the 'B' stood for, taking the chance that it was for 'Bella' I thought I'd take the opportunity to make Edward squirm. It wasn't until the start of the third song that it must have dawned on him that I was playing from the mysterious 'B' list. He looked over at me quirking his eyebrow confidently, I didn't respond, just turned and looked out the window, but couldn't help the little butterflies that churned in my stomach at the thought that he had made a playlist of songs for me, or about me, or that reminded him of me or whatever. Shit Bella, you're angry at him, remember.
We arrived at our destination deep in the lush green forest well before lunch time giving us plenty of time to get set up for the night. The boys pulled the cars into a clearing and strategically reversed them up to an already established fire pit, leaving a distance of about five metres between them. Getting out of the car and stretching I noted there was a tiny building about a hundred metres away that I hoped was a toilet. To be honest I hadn't checked what the 'facilities' were like when I agreed to come camping. Alice and Rosalie both appeared a lot more precious when it came to that sort of thing than me so I figured they'd have it covered.
Before I even had a chance to close the car door behind me the three boys each had a tent under one arm and were racing to various spots around the fire pit, presumably to find positions to set them up. I looked over to see Alice and Rosalie standing leaning lazily against the back of Emmett's Jeep watching on in delighted amusement. I wandered over to the girls to find out what was going on.
As I made it to Alice's side I realise the boys seemed to be racing to pitch their tents. It was actually quite a sight to behold. While there were no bare chests there was lots of bending over and muscles rippling under fitted long sleeved shirts. Despite everything he'd put me through this week I just couldn't help but watch Edward as he moved and bent and hammered.
"God they're a good looking bunch of boys," Alice sighed as she looked on, her eyes lingering on Jasper's ass as he bent over and hammered a peg into the ground, her little mouth popping open a little as she licked her lips. The poor girl really needed to get laid.
"Hmm, the first time I saw them all they were standing together and that's exactly what I thought." I said to the two girls leaning up against the back of Emmett's Jeep taking it all in.
"So Bella," Rose didn't even look at me as she said my name, she only had eyes for Emmett's muscled chest, "as someone completely unbiased which one would you say is the best looking? If they were single, and you were single which one would you pick?"
"Edward of course!" Alice blurted out before quickly sucking in a breath as she realised what she'd done. Backtracking she continued, "obviously you can't say Emmett or Jasper with Rose and me here."
"Why not? It's a hypothetical question. I won't be offended if you choose Emmett, I'm secure enough to know that you're not after him. I might actually be offended if you don't choose him."
I could feel my cheeks flush as I tried to figure out how to answer the question. Of course the answer was Edward. Despite his mood swings this week it had always been Edward, the other two just didn't stand the slightest chance.
"Oh come on Bella, forget about James for a minute and just pick one," Rose demanded.
I realised now was probably as good a time as any to fill them in.
"Well...actually, James and I broke up." I said quietly before looking down at my feet, I didn't know where else to look. I was scared that if I didn't look down I'd end up looking at Edward and giving away how I felt.
I looked up at the girls who were both just staring at me. Rose had a large smirk on her face, Alice's face seemed shocked, although I'm not one hundred percent sure she hadn't figured it out already.
"Bella, why didn't you say something? When did this happen? Is there anything we can do? Are you OK..."
"Jesus Alice. Give the girl a chance to answer a question why don't you." Rose said protectively. All eyes now on me rather than the boys whose competition was now forgotten.
Alice had moved to my side and was rubbing my arm in a gesture of support.
I shrugged. "I'm fine Alice. He came to see me on the weekend, we broke up not long after he arrived and that's about it."
"Is that why you've been in such a foul mood all week?" Rose asked just as Emmett walked towards Rose looking victorious.
He picked Rose up and spun her around. "Why who's been in such a foul mood all week Rosie?" he asked as he plopped her back down on the ground before us.
"Bella." Rose replied, "she and James broke up." Just as she made the announcement Jasper and Edward arrived in front of us. Edward, obviously hearing what she said, looked over at me and I just caught the expression on his face before I hurriedly looked away. He looked hurt. Fuck, I didn't get him, at all.
"Well, hallelujah," exclaimed Emmett. "Finally you can put Newton out of his misery. I'll let him know he can ask you out on a date!"
"Emmett McCarty, don't you dare. Bella wouldn't touch Mike Newton with a forty foot pole," Alice announced.
"Well, I must say Miss Bella, I'm not surprised," Jasper commented. "You never seemed to have anything much to say about him. So did you do the breaking or did he?"
Oh god, did we have to get into all of this? I couldn't help but look briefly at Edward's face again before I answered Jasper. "I did. Last weekend," I replied somewhat awkwardly. All eyes were on me making me feel incredibly uncomfortable about my admission. I knew they'd be wondering why it took me a week to tell them, especially Alice, but she didn't seem to be bugging me about it, which is part of the reason I adored her so much. She just didn't pry into my business.
I noticed Edward scowl before he turned and walked to the Volvo presumably to finish with the unpacking.
Ughh, I just couldn't figure him out. I wasn't even sure what I wanted him to think. Of course I wanted him to be happy. While I broke up with James for my own reasons Edward very definitely played a part. But now that I was single he still couldn't bring himself to speak to me about it.
We spent some time setting up each of our tents so that we didn't have to do it in the dark later on. Alice and I practically re pitched our tent once we realised Jasper hadn't cleared the ground underneath it of rocks and sticks. Our tent was in the middle, with Emmett's Jeep to its right and Emmett's and Rose's tent on the other side of the Jeep. And Edward's Volvo to the left, and the boy's tent a little further off.
Once we were finished with our tents Emmett announced that it was time to get the rest of the camp set up. Drawing straws we were each given jobs. Poor Jasper had to clean out the toilet so we knew it was free of spiders as well as clean enough for his princess to use. Alice had to get lunch ready for us and Emmett and Rose had to go and mark out the baseball field. Which left Edward and I to go and collect firewood?
Great, alone time with Edward whose mood swings were really starting to shit me to tears. We walked silently towards a wooded area which Edward seemed to think would be good for fire wood. Never having been here before I wasn't in a position to argue, despite the fact that I couldn't think of anything better than ripping him a new one right now.
The tension between us was palpable as we walked deeper and deeper into the woods. We seemed to be walking an unnecessarily long way.
"Edward, it seems to me that we've passed plenty of good wood." I called out to him as he stomped his way deeper into the forest in front of me. "Why are we walking so far?" He stopped walking and turned his verdant green eyes on me, taking a slightly menacing step towards me before replying.
"I just don't get it Bella?" He growled at me. I couldn't tell whether his tone was hurt or angry. Perhaps it was both.
"Don't get what?" I replied defensively, taking a small step back.
"Why you didn't tell me. Or at least tell Alice about James. I don't..." He just shook his head in confusion as he looked away from me. Definitely a hurt look. Well after the way he treated me I was hurt too so I wasn't going to take a back step here to his misguided anger.
"Well if you had have given me a chance I would have told you Edward. But you were a complete asshole to me from the minute I got out of my car on Monday morning. So what makes you think I had the opportunity?" My hands were on my hips now.
"But you didn't even say anything to Alice?" His voice softened a little as he looked confused, a lot like a little boy.
"That's because...God Edward, it's because I wanted to tell you myself. I kinda thought that..." That I was important enough to you that you'd want to hear it from me. "I didn't want it coming from someone else."
"Really?" His eyes lit up a little as he looked at me through a lock of hair that had fallen into his eyes.
"Why does that surprise you?" I asked.
"I don't know. I..."
"It doesn't matter anyway," I said shaking my head from side to side and looking down at my feet.
"What do you mean it doesn't matter Bella?" He asked taking a step towards me.
"Because I can't take your fucking dramatics anymore Edward. I thought we were...I don't know, maybe getting somewhere. But after the way you just brushed me off this week clearly I was mistaken. And you still haven't told me what it was about."
"Fuck Bella, I just...look I...I came to see you on Friday night."
"You came to see me? Why?"
"What? It doesn't matter why," he said defensively, but his voice was still laced with hurt.
"Why not, you never just come to see me."
"Fuck Bella, don't make this harder. I came to see you on Friday night and he was there."
"Oh." OH!
"Yeah." As if that explained everything.
"So, what...I mean...but I never saw you."
"No, I just saw the two of you through the window."
"We were just talking Edward. Actually, we were probably breaking up. He didn't stay long."
"Didn't look like that's what was happening to me. He was kissing you, you were kissing him back and then he...God, you were in each other's arms."
"So?"
"So?" He asked incredulously. "I don't know. I just thought...like you said, after last week, the last few weeks... I just felt like..."
"Like you had some rights or something!" I interrupted sharply. "God Edward, there's nothing going on between you and I. Up until Friday you and I had significant others. Now, unless something has changed you still do. So don't treat me like you have some sort of claim on me, like I've cheated on you WITH MY BOYFRIEND! Because I don't need this emo shit from you OK? If you've got a problem just spit it out next time instead of causing both of us all this grief."
I turned and stormed off not waiting for his reply. He was so infuriating the way he just bottled everything inside and made me feel like I'd done something wrong. This wasn't my fault. If he'd have just spoken to me in the first place like the adult he was he would have found out what had actually happened between James and me.
"Bella. Bella please wait." Edward came crashing up the path behind me, gently tugging on the hood of my jacket slowing me down in my tracks. I didn't turn to face him; I don't think I wanted him to see the murderous look on my face. "Bella look at me." I didn't budge. "Please."
I turned slowly to face him but didn't meet his eyes. I knew that if I did I'd probably crumble and I wasn't done being angry at him yet. I just looked at his hands that were balled up into fierce fists at his sides.
"I'm sorry. I should have talked to you. I should have...I don't know, said something, but I didn't and I'm sorry. So, so sorry for that Bella."
"Yeah, well..." I shrugged my shoulders not sure what else there was to say at this point.
I stormed back to camp picking up a few logs and twigs along the way, not turning back to see the look on his face. I couldn't help but think about what he'd said though. He'd seen James and me together. I'd only kissed him twice. Why couldn't Edward have arrived when James grabbed me, why couldn't he have seen what happened when Charlie had to intervene? Why couldn't he have been there to see James angrily storm off? I could vaguely understand why he responded the way he did. I never liked seeing Edward and Jessica together. It made my skin crawl; I guess I had only really begun to understand why since she had gone, since I had let my feelings for Edward spiral out of control.
Despite the tension between Edward and I the afternoon turned out to be a lot of fun. After lunch we played baseball, again it was fun to watch the competitive nature of the boys. Alice cornered me and we had a short chat about James, but to be honest she wasn't the one I wanted to talk to about it. For some morbid reason I wanted to talk to Edward. I guess he'd kind of become my rock since coming to Forks. Maybe that was why I was feeling so hurt about his reaction this week, I knew I needed to talk to someone about it, he'd taught me that much, and when I wanted to talk to him he wasn't there.
We made our way back to the campsite late in the afternoon and the boys all set to building the fire. As Edward and I had done such a shithouse job at collecting firewood we all had to go out and collect more to keep us going for the night.
Alice and Rosalie started preparing dinner and I couldn't help but notice two things. One was the traditional gender roles that naturally seemed to come about in this group. The other was the way in which they all seemed to know their place and what had to be done and who had to do it. It was kind of unusual and made me think these guys must go camping with each other pretty regularly.
"What are you thinking Bella?" Alice startled me out of my thoughts.
"Oh, I was actually just thinking how naturally you all seem to just pick up jobs and do them. Like they were pre assigned or something. Do you guys camp together very often?"
"Well, yeah. We camp at this time every year."
"Why's that? I mean, it's going to be freezing tonight, why not go camping in a few months when it's much warmer?"
"Well," Alice quirked her head to the side, "you see, it's um," she shook her head a little nervously. "I thought he would have told you?"
"Sorry?" I asked, having no idea what she was talking about.
"I thought Edward would have told you why we come camping at this time each year?"
"Perhaps if he had spoken to me this week he would have. But given that he's been a complete asshole all week maybe he didn't think I was worthy."
"Oh, he thinks you're worthy Bella, don't worry about that," she exclaimed. "No, this is...well...it's the anniversary of his mother's death tomorrow. Edward and his Dad used to go camping every year around the time of the anniversary. Then eventually Jasper and Emmett started coming along, and Esme and I, which I guess was a bit weird for Carlisle having his new wife there but Edward never seemed to mind. Now that we're older Esme & Carlisle leave us to it. It's just what we've always done."
"Wow," was all I could respond with. I looked over to Edward who was crouched over the fire pit blowing air into it to help the fire he and the boys were building come roaring to life.
Alice continued on with her work buttering bread rolls knowing that I probably needed time in my head to process what she'd just told me. I could only imagine this time of year must be really hard for him. Did that excuse his behaviour this week and more recently today? I wasn't sure.
The boys had the campfire roaring to life and Rose and Alice cooked awesome burgers. Emmett pulled some beers out with dinner and when we'd finished eating we all went and changed into our pyjamas or an odd arrangement of sweats and jumpers so that we didn't have to fumble around in the dark later. I put on a pair of thick flannel pijama pants that I very un-coolly tucked into my think socks, paired with a long sleeved thermal t-shirt, a hoodie and my thick winter coat that went down to mid calf. There was no way I was going to freeze, if anything I'd probably die of heat exhaustion sitting in front of the roaring fire and under Edward's ever present watch.
When we returned to the camp fire Rosalie and Alice each snuggled into their partners which left Edward and I awkwardly stuck sitting next to each other on a log. It was odd, but all I wanted was to snuggle into his side and have his arm around me.
Emmett pulled his bottle of Tequila out and poured a little into each of our mugs. He placed the cap back on it and looked across at Edward who was holding his mug out in front of him looking at it solemnly. He opened his mouth once or twice as if he was going to say something before closing it again. Everyone watched on expectantly. I was a little uncomfortable knowing I wasn't part of this ritual; I wondered whether I was making him feel uncomfortable.
"To Elizabeth," he finally said, keeping it short and sweet, before knocking back the Tequila in his mug. The others followed suit, however I didn't feel right about participating, so instead of saying anything I simply drank a little of the Tequila in my mug, instantly enjoying the warm sensation as it hit the back of my throat and flowed deeply throughout my body.
As Emmett began re filling mugs Edward turned to me. "Elizabeth, is my mom."
I nodded my head in understanding. "I gathered that."
"I guess if I hadn't have been such an ass all week I would have had the chance to explain to you why we're here."
"It's alright, Alice explained before. It's kinda nice...that you do this, that you have this time, and that you share it with people."
"Yeah, I find it easier being around people at this time these days, not at first though."
"Yeah, I'm not looking forward to the first one."
"No, that's definitely the hardest."
I nodded my head as if I had some understanding. But how could I possibly know, I hadn't been there yet.
I stood abruptly and everyone looked up at me in surprise.
"I need to pee," I said quickly by way of explanation. It wasn't the only reason I stood, I needed to put an end to this conversation before I lost it.
"Oh, I have to go too. I'll come with you Bella," Alice added, standing as she did.
"You girls know the rules, no going without one of us." Emmett demanded, but he seemed too entangled with Rose to look like he was getting up to go with us.
"I'll go," Edward said, standing up, just before Jasper looked like he was about to.
Edward grabbed a lantern and the three of us made our way towards the tiny little building that housed the toilet. I went in first taking the lantern with me, leaving Edward and Alice in the dark outside. The whole experience was rather mortifying really. Not only were the facilities pretty basic, not to mention smelly, Edward and Alice were right outside listening on. I only wished they'd start talking or something.
I finished up and came out noticing that Alice was standing alone shivering and Edward was walking back towards her from behind the little building. I guessed he must have done his business in the wilderness like every good outdoorsman. Alice went in after me and Edward and I stood awkwardly knowing we couldn't talk about anything significant because Alice was in there listening, but also knowing that we should because we were listening to Alice. Dancing from one foot to the other I tried to keep warm and ignore any noises coming from the toilet. Edward noticed and took a step towards me as if standing in closer proximity would help with the cold.
"Are you cold Bella?"
"Yes, I'm freezing, I took my coat off before because I was so hot near the fire and I forgot to put it back on."
"Come here," he said quietly before stepping towards me and pulling me into his body. His arms wrapped around me and his hands rubbed up and down my back and arms in an effort to warm me up.
I shivered again, but not from the cold. The feeling of his arms wrapped around me and his breath on the side of my face made my body shudder and a jolt of electricity shot down my spine right to my core. Jesus, that was unexpected. Why was it that Edward had this effect on me? I'd never felt that with James.
I revelled in the feeling of Edward's body. I just couldn't help it. No matter how ticked off I was with him I just couldn't control how his body made me feel. I pulled my hands out of my sleeves and put them flush against his chest for just a moment noticing the definition under his coat before Alice abruptly opened the door, beaming at us before stepping out of the little building.
"Well, that's always an experience. I'm always scared shitless I'm going to fall into that damn hole. Thank the Lord I didn't."
Edward dropped both of his arms from around me on seeing Alice. Just as I think we're making some sort of progress he regresses back into himself. But then again, I guess I'd made it pretty clear I was still pissed with him. But I've got to say my anger was diminishing.
We made our way back to camp and spent the next hour or so sitting around talking and gossiping. I heard more stories about camping trips passed, including how last year Edward's sleeping bag went up in flames thanks to a flying marshmallow that had just been pulled out of the fire. As a result they no longer sat around the campfire in their sleeping bags. And the amount of alcohol consumed was reined in considerably. Apparently Emmett had been known to bring a lot more Tequila. However the increased chance of falling in the fire when drunk just didn't seem worth the risk. I must admit I had to agree and hadn't had too much beer or Tequila as a result.
At one point Alice stood up and looked down beseechingly at Jasper.
"What's wrong darlin'" he smirked up at her.
"Oh. I have to go."
"Go where?" He asked in confusion.
"You know, I have to go, again. Sorry, beer does that to me," Alice said motioning her head towards the woods. "Will you come with and protect me?" Alice pouted and batted her pretty eyelids at Jasper. Honestly, did she really think he would leave her to go alone? They disappeared towards the outhouse and after a while I realized they'd been gone for a ridiculously long time. I turned and looked towards our tent and realised there was a flickering light coming from it, and then I heard the faint sounds of Alice's laughter. Oh, god they were going at it in my tent! How long was this going to take? And now I have to sleep in there knowing that they've just been getting down and dirty. I was tired and really just wanted to go to bed now.
Rose and Emmett abruptly stood, looked over at Edward and me and announced they were going to go to bed too.
Shit.
"So do we wait? Or do you want to take Jasper's sleeping bag?"
I looked abruptly at Edward. "What? Of course I'll wait."
"Bella, they've been gone awhile. And unless you want to go over there and interrupt them, I'm guessing you're not sleeping in that tent tonight?"
Crap. I knew he was right. I narrowed my eyes and looked at him warily.
"I promise I won't bite," he responded to my glare.
I stood up reluctantly, smoothing my hands down the front of my flannel pajama pants. "OK, I guess I don't have a fucking choice then do I?"
Edward doused the flames in the fire pit, picked up a lantern and made his way to the boy's tent that was a little further off than the other two. I trailed behind him, huffing and stamping my feet as loudly as I could, letting my indignation at the situation be known to anyone who could hear me.
Where Alice's and my tent was beautifully laid out and organised, the boy's small two man tent had shit everywhere. Edward made his way in behind me and it was weird to be in such close quarters with him. The sound of the zipper being pulled down was almost deafening, as if locking us in. Edward turned to look at me and I could see the look of hope hidden behind his gaze. He pushed the two bags with their clothes towards the door of the tent and indicated that his sleeping bag was the one laid out on the right and Jasper's was the one laid out haphazardly on the left.
I peeled my big coat off and flipped my shoes off before snuggling down into Jasper's sleeping bag hoping to warm up quickly. His pillow was a bit flat, but I'd live. Edward crawled into his sleeping bag not two feet away from me.
"Good night Bella," he breathed as he looked across at me, his hand on the lamp ready to extinguish the light. I really didn't want to look in his direction as he did it. The thought of having Edward's face etched so clearly on my brain as I went to sleep was just about enough to make me give in. But I couldn't help it, I had to turn my head and look.
"Night." We stared at each other as he turned the light out and we were plunged into darkness. It felt more awkward now than it had all day. All of a sudden we were thrust into a tiny cramped tent together, the darkness only serving to heighten every minute noise, his shifting body, my shifting body, the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest which didn't seem to be slowing down any.
The only sensation overpowering the awkwardness was the cold. I was freezing. The temperature had either dropped ridiculously, or Jasper's sleeping bag was not built for these conditions. The cold rising up from the hard ground was chilling me to the core. I put up with it for a few more minutes hoping that it would improve as my body warmed up with the sleeping bag, but it didn't. Edward didn't seem to be shifting with discomfort like I was. Sitting up I reached forward towards my feet to find my coat so I could pull it over me.
"Bella, what are you doing?" Edward asked, breaking the silence.
"I'm freezing, I'm just pulling my coat up over me." But I knew my coat wasn't long enough to cover my feet as well as my entire body. It wasn't really going to warm me through completely, perhaps if I lay on top of it?
"Shit." Edward sounded pissed off with himself.
"What's wrong?"
"It's Jasper's sleeping bag. It's probably not heavy enough for these temperatures. The guy doesn't feel the cold...at all. I could kill him for leaving you in this position."
"Well, I'll just have to go and interrupt them then won't I?"
We were both silent for a moment in the darkness listening intently to see whether it was a good idea to go and interrupt. It wasn't clear whether the noises we could hear were coming from Alice and Jasper or Rosalie and Emmett, or both, but someone was very definitely going at it.
"I can't," I whimpered in frustration shaking my head from side to side. I was going to have to freeze to death.
"We'll just swap bags," Edward said and I could hear the zipper being pulled down on his sleeping bag.
I reached out to stop him from pulling the zipper down further, my hand finding purchase on his.
"Edward we can't, then you'll be too cold. Maybe I could go sleep in the car?"
"Jesus Bella, your hand is freezing," he exclaimed as he fumbled around pulling my hand in between both of his warm (well, warmer than mine), hands and rubbing it vigorously. I had to admit, it felt good, for all the wrong reasons.
"It'll be OK I'll just pull my coat on. It was OK when I was outside before, I'm sure it will do." Stop being a martyr Bella! But I couldn't help it, I was still a bit angry at Edward.
"It was OK when we were sitting in front of a raging fire, but it won't be OK for eight hours. Your body temperature will drop when you're asleep."
"Well, we don't really have a choice here Edward," I snapped. "At least let me try."
"No, this is a double sleeping bag, just sleep in mine with me."
"I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"...because." Because I'm too scared of being that close to you.
"Jesus Bella, you'll freeze your ass off, or I'll freeze my ass off if you don't." He had a point. I was getting colder the longer I sat here, and I could hardly expect him to swap because then he'd just freeze his ass off. And I didn't actually hate him.
"Okay." I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to see the look on Edward's face as I acquiesced. The dark tent had him hidden from view, but I was pretty sure he was probably smirking from ear to ear.
I climbed out of Jasper's sleeping bag and fumbled my way in the dark towards Edward. There was a whoosh as Edward flipped back the cover of his thick sleeping bag. I climbed over and lay down next to him trying desperately not to touch him.
"Are you able to zip the bag back up?"
I fumbled down around my legs and felt for the zipper before yanking it back up. "Um, yeah. Got it." I was still freezing though, my teeth were chattering, but I could feel that this was a much warmer sleeping bag already.
"This is way more comfortable. Is there some sort of mattress under here or something?"
"Yeah, there's one of those foam roll up things, like a yoga mat. But it helps protect from the cold ground as well, that's the other reason it's so warm over here."
"Oh." I was going to fucking kill Jasper for this. And I wouldn't have put the whole thing past Alice. It just seemed too convenient. I pulled my arms around myself and rubbed the sides of my arms trying to warm up and stop my teeth from chattering and my knees from shaking.
"Bella? You're still freezing."
"I'll warm up in a minute." I wanted to flip onto my side and curl into the foetal position, but the confines of the sleeping bag and the fact that there was someone else in it wouldn't allow it.
Edward must have sensed my dilemma. "Turn onto your side," he whispered as he nudged me onto my side with his hand on my hip. The sound of his delectable voice in the dark reminded me of that first time I'd heard it. Despite my current discomfort my brain was still able to channel the moment I first heard his voice.
With my back to him I felt his body move, his left arm wrapping around my stomach dragging me back into his chest, his legs pressed firmly into mine and I naturally responded by curling them up, his following suit. The warmth from his body took a few moments to seep through the fabric of our sleeping attire. But the warmth of his breath on my neck warmed me to the core immediately.
My body eventually stopped shivering from the cold, and then started shivering for an entirely different reason. The feel of Edward's body pressed into mine from top to toe was magnetic, we fit together so perfectly. I'd never experienced this level of comfort before in my life and I was straight back to that night.
After some time it became apparent that Edward's body heat was no longer necessary to keep me warm, but I didn't want him to move away. His infuriating behaviour of the previous week began to melt away as every inch of my skin became aware of something other than the warmth he was giving me. I became aware of the other things, the hardness of the muscles on his chest and in his legs, the breathing that ever so slowly seemed to increase in pace instead of decrease, the way his left hand barely moved on my hip, but moved enough to make me realise he was doing it on purpose. The way his breath continued to warm my neck and face, but it seemed to be getting closer. His scent.
Oh god, all I wanted to do was turn my head towards him so my lips were closer. All I knew is I didn't want him to stop doing whatever he was doing, which was barely anything, but at the same time it was filled with minute signals. But I didn't know what to do to make him understand I knew he was ever so subtly seducing me. Or was I going mad and imagining this?
I took a deep breath and as I let it out I relaxed my body into his a little more, taking the opportunity to move my upper body away from him slightly so I would have a little more room to rest on my back instead of my side, allowing him better access to kiss me should he so desire. I also took the chance and moved my left hand so it rested on his hand that was on my hip, and I moved my feet so that one foot was now wedged between his. It was unmistakable what I was doing. Unless of course he was asleep, which I was pretty damn sure he wasn't.
His hand twitched under mine, moving so our fingers were linked. He clawed my hip a little as his breathing picked up. Not asleep then.
I felt his head move ever so slightly closer, his breath hitting my ear, his lips grazing it softly as he murmured.
"God Bella, I'm so sorry. You turned up to school on Monday and you looked so fucking beautiful and so fucking happy. And I thought he'd done that to you and I was just so...cut up about it. I thought I'd lost my chance with you."
I wasn't quite sure how to respond so I turned my head further in search of the one thing I desired most in the world. His lips. I had no trouble finding them in the dark. They were there and they were warm and firm as they opened for me. His tongue was in my mouth before I could turn my body and wrap my arm around him to bring him into me. His left hand travelled down my side and hitched my right leg over his hip as he manoeuvred me to lie so I was now facing him. Opening me up completely to the feel of him. As our hips moved forward towards each other in some desperate need to bring to life again that undeniable sexual connection that we had experienced just once before. It was still there. I immediately felt his erection through the soft material of our pyjamas and I couldn't help but moan at the sensation. God I'd missed this. I'd missed him.
I pulled away a little, things were moving rapidly in a direction that was impossible for me to go to, like I was being sucked into a vortex. "It was all about you Edward. Monday, I just...I wanted to tell you. I needed to let you know."
"Jesus I want you so fucking badly Bella."
Our bodies meshed together in an intimate dance. We both knew we could only go so far tonight. The sheer amount of clothing we were each wearing made this a little impossible. I wasn't going to sleep with him, and I suspect somewhere in the back of his mind was the memory that officially he had a girlfriend, but it wasn't stopping us from letting our hands feel their way around each other's clothed bodies.
The experience was so different from our previous encounter. We didn't have to rush this time. For one, we had all night to rediscover each other, and two, I wasn't disappearing back to Phoenix tomorrow, never to be seen again. No, tomorrow would be very different.
Our lips continued to move against each other, my hand on his face reverently feeling the line of his jaw, the sweep of his cheek bone, the set of his brow as his tongue swept into my mouth, tasting, sucking, nibbling, and taking possession of me. And while I so badly wanted to take him and make him mine in any way I could I knew that he wasn't strictly mine to take. Yes, he was giving himself to me, but I wasn't in a position to take, I couldn't do that to her. But it wasn't enough to stop from enjoying the sheer exhilaration I felt from having Edward's arms wrapped around me, our legs entwined and his very hard erection causing a sinful amount of friction on my girly bits.
The darkness only heightened the entire experience, the lack of sight only enhancing the feel of his tongue on my neck, the breathy moans emanating from both of us and the sheer pleasure of our bodies, the smell, and his taste as it came flooding back to me.
Edward eventually shifted his weight and was now above me, on me, pressing his erection between my legs, his chest laying heavily on mine causing the sweetest sensations.
"I wish I could see your face Edward. I want to see your eyes."
All too quickly Edward moved, reaching above me fumbling around for something to give us some light, my head now burrowed into his beautiful hard chest, inhaling deeply. There was a click, and a soft, faint light illuminated one corner of the tent, casting strange shadows, but giving us just enough light to see each other once our eyes had adjusted.
Edward moved back above me, once again resting the weight of his body on mine propping his upper body up on his elbows resting on either side of my head.
"Is that better?" He asked, a crooked grin creeping onto his face.
"Much," I returned the smile as I couldn't help the happiness that radiated from me at this moment.
The movement between our two bodies had stopped as we just lay there taking in the sight of each other for the first time since saying good night.
"My god Bella, you're...you're so amazingly beautiful."
Compliments never sat well, I never knew quite how to respond so I reached up and kissed him chastely. "Thank you," I whispered, before resting my head back on the pillow and starting to giggle as I realised something.
"What are you laughing at?" Edward asked with an inquisitive look on his face, his green eyes burning into mine with curiosity.
"Just a thought that's all."
"Are you going to share?" Edward adjusted his hips slightly, his cock gliding back and forth across my clit, teasing. Fuck me.
"Ughhh," I moaned quietly in response before recovering my senses. "It seems that you and I seem to have a thing for the outdoors." Edward cocked his head to the side. "Well, this is the second time we've been intimate..."
"Third."
"OK, not counting the kiss at your piano...sexually intimate...and we're outside...again."
Edward looked down at me seriously before crashing his lips to mine briefly, his tongue flicking out and diving into my mouth briefly. His hips thrust just fractionally. He pulled his head away and burned his gaze into mine. "Just name the time and I'll have you in my bed any day Swan."
Fuck me.
I reached up to the back of his neck and pulled his head down towards me, his lips crashing into mine once more, my arms wrapping around his strong shoulders and my legs slipping to the sides so his lower body fell shamelessly harder against my ever growing need. I wanted him, badly, but between the thermals, the pyjamas, the double sleeping bag and the cold, tonight was not the night for it. But Edward clearly had no intentions of letting me get away without at least knowing that he wanted me.
Our hips moved against each other and I wanted nothing more than to remove the layers, but this was pretty damn good. My back arched up into Edward as we continued to give into the feeling of each other.
"Fuck, Bella, if we don't stop this I think I'm going to cum." Holy crap! Really?
"Then don't stop Edward, God, please don't stop," I whispered breathlessly into his ear. "It feels amazing, I never...uh...I never knew...this?"
He smirked down at me before taking my bottom lip between his lips and tugging softly.
I'd never done this before, didn't realise you could get so much pleasure from dry humping, but as my breathing picked up and Edward's breathing picked up I realised I was incredibly close to climaxing as well. And now that I knew what his intentions were I let the intensity of the throbbing between my legs carry me away. His mouth nibbled at my ear and he whispered occasionally.
"God Bella, fuck, I've missed you."
"I've never felt like this about anyone."
"I wish I was inside you right now."
"Please forgive me."
All I could do was moan softly in response as all my senses left me and I was left with the most intense uncoiling between my legs.
"God, Edward, keep going, I'm..." But I couldn't finish my sentence, I was too overwhelmed as my orgasm hit me and I moaned loudly into his mouth as it covered mine. Edward thrust a couple more times and then fell over the edge, growling as he buried his head into the pillow beside me.
We lay there slowly catching our breath, Edward still resting above me, his head still on the pillow to the right of my head but now facing me, gently placing kisses on the side of my face, nibbling on my ear.
"I'm so glad we don't have a party to go back to this time," I murmured as I turned my head to face him. He smiled wistfully at me as his hand came up to smooth some hair from my face. He shifted his body so it was no longer putting so much pressure on me and he groaned slightly at something as he did.
"Jesus, I need to clean up," he groaned with an uncomfortable look on his face. Of course. Poor guy. He sat up, pulling one of the zips on the sleeping bag down and reached into his bag pulling something out. "Excuse me for a second."
All I could do was giggle at the awkward predicament he was in. Instead of watching I threw my arm over my face as he moved about cleaning up whatever he had to clean up. Poor guy. I was a little wet, but at least I didn't have the problem he had. It kind of made me wonder how the others were fairing which made me giggle even more. After a few moments Edward laid back down next to me pulling up the zipper and then pulling me into his arms.
"What are you laughing at gorgeous?"
"Oh, god. I was just thinking about your predicament, and then I started wondering if any of the others had the same problem, because honestly, who would be willing to...you know...have sex out here in this temperature. It's just too freaking cold to get your privates out. And they're all in single sleeping bags!" I was still giggling at the thought as I lay next to Edward, his arms wrapped around me and our legs entwined.
Edward's smile was so sexy as he watched me slowly stop laughing like a six year old.
"What?" I asked, seeing the intensity in his gaze deepen with every passing moment.
"I fucking love it when you laugh like that. It's like this really carefree giggle that I noticed the first time we met. I remember it so vividly. But I haven't heard it that much since you've been back. It's just so nice to hear it, that's all."
"Oh, and here I was thinking that super intense sexy gaze was because I'm lying here in your arms!" I teased sarcastically.
I felt his arms tighten around me and his lips graze mine as he spoke. "You have no fucking idea how long I've wanted this Bella. I've thought of nothing else since August."
"Since August? But..."
"Yeah, since August, that's what you did to me. It only took one night Bella. But in that one night you...you have no idea the impact you had on me."
"But...what about..." I didn't want to say her name. I didn't want to ruin the moment. Thank god he seemed to understand.
"I know Bella. Can we just...not talk about it for tonight? Maybe tomorrow we can talk about it. Right here...right now, I just want to hold you. I didn't get to do that before and I've always regretted that. I just want to hold you all night. Is that OK?"
I nodded slowly before placing my lips on his in a searing good night kiss. I knew that in the morning we would have to wake up to reality and deal with the situation. But right now, I could think of no place that I wanted to be more than finally going to sleep in Edward Cullen's arms.
A/N: Finally!
Sorry it took so long, I've had this camping trip in my head from the very beginning, so I found it super hard to get it right.
LNIF has loads of people who have it on Alert & Favourite who never review (there are more people who have me on Alert than I have reviews!). So, as a special treat for me (yes I'm asking for something!), please, please, pretty please leave me a review in thanks for finally getting these two kids together and talking!