"When Will truly wants something," said Jem, quietly, "when he feels something — he can break your heart."
Tatiana looked up at him, her eyes still red rimmed from tears. Trying not to let his utter annoyance and frustration at this show on his face he brushed away what must be the 10,000th from her cheek.
"What's wrong, Tatiana?" he asked, hoping his voice erred more on the side of low romantic than incredibly done parent.
"I just. . . can't believe you got arrested," she said, biting her trembling lower lip and clutching herself closer to his chest. "What would I have done if they'd taken you away? I would've died!"
He looked up at the ceiling and tried to mentally prepare himself to answer the same outburst for the 100th time. "I didn't get put in jail so there isn't really a point in reliving it over and over again."
She shot him a watery glare, sitting up so she was no longer on him. "You don't even care about my feelings!" she accused.
He stared up at the ceiling once more in silence. He didn't quite know how to respond to that.
She seemed to take his silence as deep emotion for she pressed herself to his chest once more, leaning closer and ran her fingers across his shoulder. He shivered involuntarily. "I know I shouldn't pretend to understand. Because I don't. But, William, you know how much I love you, how could you not thought of how much this would hurt me?"
Will thought of several angry retorts before mentally reminding himself of the promise he'd made to himself in the car that day. Normal day. Normal life. And annoyingly Tatiana was a part of that.
"I wasn't thinking of anyone else but myself," he lied, looking down at his tear stained shirt. Not stained with his tears, obviously.
They had been in Tatiana's room for what must have been more than an hour. She'd burst into sobs the moment she'd seen him at school (he'd been suspended for the past week for the misconduct he'd caused) right in the middle of the hallway. To avoid a scene he'd dragged her into the nearest empty classroom and, to avoid further attention from her wailing, had really had to promise her anything just to get her to clam up. It had been a long day.
Now he was in her bedroom, huge, with several sofas, a queen sized bed, and almost entirely pink. It wouldn't have been half as disconcerting if she hadn't had dozens of posters of Theresa Gray all over her walls. But no. She had to have those, he thought wryly.
She seemed to have noticed his mind had wandered, because, suddenly gaining the immense willpower to finally stop her tears, she leaned up into his face. He let out a noise of surprise and looked down at her.
She stroked his chin with long thin, ring covered fingers. She stared into his eyes with her own narrow green ones, and he couldn't help noting how incredibly weird it was to have someone so close that they could quite literally breathe into your nose. He knew he ought to feel something, he'd been trying to make himself feel something all day. She was a pretty girl, there was no doubt about that. She had nice features, if not rather sharp and pointy, with green eyes, long lashes, and a nose stud she wore that vaguely appealed to him. It was just the way she looked at him that made her eyes. . . weird. She looked at him as though she were not only awed but possessive. Last week several girls had made attempts to have laughing conversations with him in classes. This week no one had approached him but Jem, brave soul he was, who was apparently willing to face the terror that was Tatiana.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked in a crooning tone, rubbing along his cheek with her long fake fingernails.
He bristled, resisting the urge to lean out of the way of her hands. "Just- er - school," he replied honestly.
Her adoring expression faded, to be replaced by an annoyed one. She let out a groan and climbed off the sofa. "Wiliam, why does this always happen?" she snapped.
He looked up at her, genuinely startled. "Why does what always happen?"
"You!" she burst out, standing up. "Whenever I think you want to kiss me it turns out you're just thinking about a book, or a stupid poem, or school, or that idiot James Carstairs-"
"Hey!" Will cut in at this, expression turning angry.
"Do you ever think about me at all?" she burst out. "I have journals from Year 7 of my name in front of yours you know!"
"Don't I know it," he muttered sardonically.
"I don't know if I can keep up with this. I don't know what's wrong with you." She was so busy ranting she didn't see his gaze shift to the poster of Tessa Gray behind her.
It was Tessa just as he'd dreamed her. She was wearing a sundress in the rain, her hair soaked, a brilliant smile on her face as she stood in the center of an unrealistically empty street. A guitar case sat next to her with the words "Gray Tour May 2017" 'stamped' upon it. His gaze hardened.
"-that's how you feel then maybe we should just break-"
He stood quickly, grabbing Tatiana by the shoulders and pulling her against him, kissing her hard. He pulled back to her shocked and vaguely awed expression staring up at him.
"Will?" she asked in a small voice.
He brushed a strand of hair back from her cheek. "I think about you all the time," he lied smoothly, ignoring the slight ping in his chest. "Just because I don't tell you about my feelings doesn't mean they aren't there, Tatiana" he said, resigned.
That was all it took. She melted under his words and, taking his face in her hands, tugged him down to kiss him once more, her own lips furious. He did his best to feign enthusiasm though he felt hollow. Because, after all, a promise was a promise. . .
James Carstairs sat in a diner alone, a giant plate of pancakes before him he knew he couldn't finish. He looked at his watch. Will had promised to be here an hour ago. The day outside was a rainy one, and the forecast foretold that the parts of the day that weren't rainy would certainly be overcast. This was to be expected for London, but he couldn't help the slight damper on his mood even after all these years of living here. Jem had just gotten back from therapy, and, though he really did hate admitting it, felt nauseus and awful. He knew he should be in bed but he couldn't stand missing any event- another event- because he was, as always, sick, he thought bitterly. He looked at the clock.
He guessed Will to still be with Tatiana. He had seen them leave school together, Will's expression rather dead. He took a long sip of coffee. They'd been dating since sophomore year and while Tatiana seemed to be ecstatic with the fact of whom she was dating Will always seemed. . . apathetic. Jem hadn't ever dated anyone- though this was not a source of angst for him. He knew- Well, he felt he knew, what the world had planned for him, and even if it had a romance planned for him, if it was centered around a girl like Tatiana, he didn't want it. But it wasn't to Jem to judge Will's actions, he could only sit by and watch as chaos ensued, but he thought he could tell where this particular strain of strangeness was coming from because. . . Well, in truth, he felt it himself.
He wasn't having strange dreams or demanding to go to pop concerts, but he felt strange. Had felt strange. Since the same day he'd noticed Will wasn't normal.
He opened his snapchat. Nothing from Will. He'd noticed some sort of riot about Tessa Gray today and, not sure why on earth that had to happen on the first day Will was back from his, really, well deserved detention, detoured Will around it at all costs. He didn't know why his friend was acting insane over a girl he'd never- Well, actually now met once, but he decided the best thing to do was to help him forget about it.
He checked his watch again.
An hour and a half and still no Will.
The door opened with a jingle of the bell strung to it. Jem looked up.
To his disappointment a girl stepped inside. She was wearing a baggy grey sweatshirt, the hood tight over her head so that he was not able to see any of her hair, except a single brown strand escaping across her face in the front. Her eyes were grey, her cheekbones defined, her face heartshaped.
She wasn't a magazine cover beauty, but she was the most beautiful girl Jem had ever seen in his life.
She looked around the diner, her eyes wide and searching before they landed on him. She slowly made her way towards him, looking apologetic even before she spoke. Something struck him in the back of his head. She looked incredibly familiar but where-
"Excuse me, sorry to bother you, but have you by any chance seen a boy about your age in here? Brown hair, a bit of a sarcastic idiot?" She pulled the sleeves of the olive sweater she was wearing down over her hands nervously as she spoke.
Jem stared at her and then cleared his throat. "I can't say I have, but. . . " He trailed off and cleared his throat again. "Do I know you from somewhere?"
She looked so exhausted and forlorn the moment the words came out of his mouth that he immediately regretted them. "Would you mind a lot if I didn't tell you who I am? I can't really explain but it would make my life a lot easier for the moment."
He stared at her, keeping his expression neutral, though on the inside he couldn't help wondering who would want to hide their identity. "Alright, I won't ask," he said with a slight smile.
She immediately looked relieved, a smile touching her face before she caught sight of his large, very full plate. He felt himself flush. "I was expecting a friend," he said, hoping his embarrassed tone did not shine through. "I'm not a glutton, I promise."
She laughed once, smiling more naturally now. "I can understand that. Though, even if they were all for you, I couldn't really judge. I'd eat that many in one sitting."
He gestured to the plate. "Would you like some?"
She looked at him, her own face darkening with a bright blush. "Agh, no, sorry, I wasn't trying to goad you into giving me food. I don't even know you!"
It was his turn to laugh now. "You aren't goading me. I'm certainly not going to eat them so they're yours for the taking."
She smiled shyly before sitting down. "If you don't mind. . . I am kind of starving."
He pushed the plate towards her, a smile tugging at his lips.
She bit into them with gusto, eating with great appreciation.
He coughed awkwardly, ignoring the churning of his stomach and his head. "I don't mean to worry you or anything but I am expecting a friend at some point. Though," he glanced at his watch, twisting his lips. "He was supposed to be here an hour ago."
She stopped midbite, swallowed, and smiled at him. She had syrup on the edge of her chin, he thought absentmindedly. He couldn't help thinking, shocked at himself for thinking it, that she looked rather. . . adorable. "Well, I am too. So, if they both arrive, they can sit together. I'm sure they'll be fast friends."
Jem laughed simply at the thought of Will being forced to sit with a 'brown haired sarcastic idiot'. Will already knew Gabriel Lightwood, who fit that description, and who he absolutely loathed.
"I'm sure that'd work out amazingly," he said instead of these thoughts, watching her with a bemused smile.
She began to say something else, rather eagerly, but it was drowned out by a loud amount of white noise. A strange. . . buzzing; earsplitting, filling the entire diner. Her lips were moving fast. He couldn't hear a word.
"Excuse me but-" he tried to say, but he couldn't hear himself. He couldn't hear anything.
She looked up with startled eyes, saying something that looked panicked, reaching for him, before he felt himself going slack, and the world itself turning black.
Hey guys! Thanks for reading this chapter of LIT where Jem falls hard; literally AND figuratively (hardy har har). I'm sorry I've sort of been on off (I broke my streak of daily updates *sob*) but I have had. . . intense writer's block. SO MUCH so that I will beg anyone who has a modern AU dream for the TID crew to please comment it and I will literally love you forever. Oh, and about Jem- I might be getting a little sadist fic writer on y'all but don't freak out- just keep reading!