A/N: I know...there are just no excuses. My head is bowed in shame at the length of time this one took. My humblest apologies to you all...if there is anyone left out there!
RECAP...
We left off during the camping trip. Sneaky Alice tricked Edward and Bella into sleeping in the same tent. We left off after some steamy dry humping between the pair (finally some progress!)
I felt his arms tighten around me and his lips graze mine as he spoke. "You have no fucking idea how long I've wanted this Bella. I've thought of nothing else since August."
"Since August? But..."
"Yeah, since August, that's what you did to me. It only took one night Bella. But in that one night you...you have no idea the impact you had on me."
"But...what about..." I didn't want to say her name. I didn't want to ruin the moment. Thank god he seemed to understand.
"I know Bella. Can we just...not talk about it for tonight? Maybe tomorrow we can talk about it. Right here...right now, I just want to hold you. I didn't get to do that before and I've always regretted that. I just want to hold you all night. Is that OK?"
I nodded slowly before placing my lips on his in a searing good night kiss. I knew that in the morning we would have to wake up to reality and deal with the situation. But right now, I could think of no place that I wanted to be more than finally going to sleep in Edward Cullen's arms.
CHAPTER 20: Morning Glory
APOV
Honestly, boys could be just the silliest creatures in the world. Edward was just such a fucktard when it came to communicating. I mean, seriously, if he just had have spoken to Bella at the start of the week he would have known that she and James had broken up. Instead, he put himself and all of those around him through hell just because he couldn't communicate. At least now we knew that James was off the scene, Jess was "apparently" in Portland with her "sick grandmother," and Edward would hopefully soon be spending the night in a tent with Bella.
I was sitting next to Jasper in Bella's and my tent. He was sitting on top of Bella's sleeping bag, I was sitting in my bag with it all pulled up around my sides, Jasper's hands were gently caressing either side of my face as he stared into my eyes. He was so dreamy...
"How long do you think it's going to take before they notice we're not going back?" I asked innocently.
"We're not?"
"No Jasper, you're staying here tonight," I smiled slyly, almost unable to contain the excitement I was feeling.
One side of Jasper's mouth curved up into his trademark wicked grin and I literally melted into a pile of wet...whatever that stuff was. I was so fucking turned on by that smile. I mean seriously, the boy had me changing my panties so often that I had to start doing my own laundry for fear of my mother wondering what type of problem I'd developed...down there. And he could read my mind.
"Not tonight Alice." I pouted. "I'm not going to take away your innocence in a tent in the middle of fucking nowhere with our best friends, and not to mention your very protective brother.."
"Step brother," I corrected.
"...step brother, metres away."
"But we never get the chance to be alone anywhere nice."
"Don't worry little angel," he replied, his lips on the skin just below my ear. "An opportunity will present itself and when it does it will be like nothing you've ever experienced."
This just had me perplexed. I mean with all of those girls he'd been with, where had he done it? I mean, I already knew I was different. But really, this was just getting ridiculous.
"I'm pretty sure it's already going to be like nothing I've ever experienced given that I've, you know...never done it before. So you could seriously do me on the hood of your car, and I'm pretty sure I'd enjoy it."
"Nice try butterfly, but seriously, there's nothing comfortable about having sex on the hood of a car." I really didn't need to know that. "Sorry to ruin your fantasy."
"Stop apologising to me about ruining my fantasies and just help me bring one to life already Jasper." I know I was sounding like a whiny little brat. But seriously, Jasper was an oversexed teenager. What gives?
"OK." Squeeeee! I was beaming at him. "But...keep in mind it's like 32 degrees, I don't want you to, you know, freeze any vitally important parts of your anatomy before I've even had a chance to appreciate them properly. And let's not forget the fact that your..."
"Step brother is only metres away," we both said in unison.
"Not to mention the fact that Bella could come over here at any moment wanting to sleep in her sleeping bag, because despite the fact that she and Edward appear to be getting on a little better, Bella still looked like she wanted to scratch his eyeballs out."
"Oh Jasper, you have no idea the powers of persuasion I possess. I already foresee that their night in the tent together is going to be one that neither of them will forget."
Jasper and I spent the night making out like fourteen year olds. It was seriously too cold to do anything else. But we made sure to make plenty of noises that would keep Bella the hell away from our tent and firmly ensconced in Edward's. Hopefully in his arms.
We woke late the next morning and could already hear movement outside the tents probably coming from around the fire. Hopefully someone already had it going and was doing something about getting breakfast ready. I took a sip from my water bottle to help deal with the camel in my mouth and rolled over to face the boy of my dreams. He was laying on his back mouth half open sounding like a rhino. Jesus Christ the guy could snore!
I pulled on my coat and boots and went to crawl out of the tent before I felt two strong arms take hold of my hips and drag me back, throwing me down on my back, before he hovered over me, his strong arms propping him up.
"Where do you think you're going butterfly?" He murmured before nuzzling his nose in my neck.
"Oh so you're awake? I thought you were trying call all the bears in the wild to breakfast with that noise coming from your nose."
"Pfft, like you didn't snore at all."
"I do not!" I gasped in complete shock.
"Oh my little love you have no idea. The noise coming from that cute little nose of yours last night was priceless, completely unexpected and completely adorable." God, I was mortified. Jasper had heard me snore.
And he was still here!
"Oh you are so in trouble if you tell anyone mister." I deadpanned, whilst pointing my finger into his (solid) chest.
"As if I'd tell anyone something so intimate about my beautiful girlfriend."
I went to say something but the words were caught in my throat. We hadn't actually talked about it, but I guess that's what we were.
"What's the matter?" He asked.
"I guess...I just hadn't heard you say it."
"Girlfriend?"
"Yeah, I mean..."
"Well, you are. You're my girlfriend Alice," Jasper replied decisively.
We made our way out of the tent and I looked out eagerly to see who was up. It was Bella and Edward. And all did not look good on the western front. Edward was rifling through a box looking for something while Bella sat on a log in front of the fire glaring at him.
Oh shit, things clearly did not go as planned. I cleared me throat and Bella's head turned abruptly in my direction. She was not happy. She stood quickly and walked towards me, glaring. She brushed past me on the way towards our tent and I think I heard her mumble "what the fuck Alice", but I wasn't one hundred percent sure.
Oooookay.
I tentatively walked towards Edward who looked up at me with a blank stare. He shook his head from side to side and then looked back down into the box.
"So...?" I asked tentatively.
He looked up at me, sad puppy dog eyes not quite meeting mine.
"I know what you were trying to do last night Alice."
"I take it it didn't go as planned?"
"So you planned it?"
"Hmmm, maybe just a little?"
"Well, I'll be lucky if she ever speaks to me again."
Shit, how could it have gone so wrong?
EPOV
Sleeping in a tent had never really been my idea of fun. It was more the getting out into the wilderness thing and hanging out with my friends that I enjoyed. But waking up with my beautiful Bella's body draped across mine was the highlight of this trip. In fact it was the highlight of my whole fucking year.
Her head was snuggled into the crook of my shoulder, her left arm and left leg draped across me, my left arm curved around her shoulders. I didn't move too much for fear of waking her, but I couldn't stop my hand from fingering her beautiful soft hair, coming across the occasional knot and untangling it as best I could.
It was almost enough to make me forget what this morning was about. Almost. But not quite. I thought a little about my mother in the moments before Bella awoke. She'd been gone so long now that I almost forgot what her voice sounded like. I had footage of her on video, but I wanted to remember the real sound, the real conversations. I wondered what she would have thought about Bella. I hoped she would have liked her, I think she would have.
One thing I am sure about was that Mom wouldn't have approved of my behaviour in the last few weeks. It had been pretty deplorable. My treatment of Jess and Bella had seen me stoop to all new lows. Before Bella I was pretty choosy about who I spent my time with, not using my looks or popularity to use girls the way I knew I could or the way my best friend did. After Bella I'd become so misguided that I'd bedded many girls, ruthlessly leaving them with no thought in the world. I'd started seeing Jess without realising she was more interested than I was and without any thought to how or when it would end, I always just knew that it would. But I'm not sure she was necessarily on the same wave length.
I felt Bella stir and I couldn't help but panic a little at how she was going to respond to waking in my arms. Our relationship had been so volatile, thanks entirely to me. I held my breath as she hesitantly raised her head from my shoulder, her eyes squinting as she appraised her surroundings in the half light. She quickly closed her eyes again before smirking and burying her head back in my shoulder and curling her body further into mine.
Well that was a good sign.
I kissed the top of her head and pulled her in tighter to me, breathing out a sigh of relief as I did.
"Hi," I murmured softly as she lifted her head slowly to look at me again.
"Hi," she smiled in return and peered up at me still looking sleepy.
"How did you sleep?" I asked still hesitant about her reaction to waking up in my arms. She arched her body, stretching her arms up above her head. She was stunning.
"Hmmm, good I think. Once a certain someone let me sleep."
"Hey, you were the one who insisted on climbing into my sleeping bag. What did you expect?"
She giggled softly and lay back on the pillow so I propped myself up on my left elbow to peer down at her. "And you said you wouldn't bite?"
"If I remember correctly I didn't bite Bella. But I can if you want me too?" I said before moving my head down to take a playful nip out of the flesh on her neck.
"Ahhh ha ha..." she squealed.
"Shhhhhhh...do you want to wake everyone up?"
"What's the time? Aren't they up yet?"
"I haven't heard anything yet. It's only six fifteen and I think they were all up pretty late last night."
"Really? Did you stay up listening or something you dirty perv?"
I still had my head buried in Bella's neck and I wanted nothing more than to continue kissing it. So I did. I made my way up to her mouth, and despite the whole morning breath situation I reverently kissed her good morning, for the first time, and hopefully not the last. I went to pull away but Bella had snaked her hand up into the hair at the back of my head and held me there.
"No," she mumbled against my lips, "I'm not finished yet." I sighed contentedly as my lips continued their gentle morning exploration.
Coming up for air after a few minutes I felt light hearted and happier than I had any right to be. She grinned up at me, her eyes sparkling and I couldn't help feeling the joy of finally having her within my grasp.
"Thanks for the flowers by the way."
"Oh, my god!" I exclaimed, slapping my right hand across my eyes. "I'm so embarrassed about those flowers."
"I thought they were beautiful. And the note you left was lovely."
"I'm so sorry. I was devastated when I saw the roses arrive."
"You what?" Her eyes flashed at me with curiosity.
"After I delivered the flowers I waited a little while to see that you got them and then that delivery van arrived with that huge bunch of roses and I was so embarrassed at my puny bunch of flowers." She threw her head back and laughed as quietly as she could. "So you liked them?"
"They were perfect, really. James never had any clue about what I liked. He sent roses, the same colour as the roses on my mother's coffin."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"So, what happened? Between you and James...when you broke up?" What the fuck Cullen, do you really want to know about this?
"Well, it was pretty short really. He arrived unannounced, we talked for a bit, mostly about my plans for after school. He was just expecting that I'd be going back to Phoenix, because that's what we'd always discussed." I started to panic at this, she could still be planning to do this. "We got in an argument, he grabbed my arm.."
"He grabbed your arm?" I said, not hiding the alarm in my voice. The thought of that prick hurting her made my blood turn cold.
"Yeah, I don't know how you missed that bit!" She scoffed sarcastically. "He kind of lost it after we kissed."
Hmmm, interesting. "That's probably because he saw me."
"He saw you?"
"Yeah, he looked up and saw me when he was hugging you. He looked pretty...smug."
"Well that didn't last long when Dad came in and strong armed him up against the wall."
"Good 'ol Chief Swan. I wish I had have come in."
"That would have made it all worse. He knows about you." Shit, really? God was that good or bad? Good, I think.
"I'm sorry I didn't let you tell me about it." My hand had made its way just under her top and was gently caressing the warm, smooth skin of her stomach. It was such an intimate position to be in and I found myself savouring every moment of it. Despite the fact we were talking about her ex-boyfriend.
"Will you just...next time, just talk to me? I know we don't have any claim on each other Edward, but, I think we're close enough friends now that I at least deserve that."
"Friends?" I replied. Did friends caress each other's stomachs this way? I think not.
"Well, what else can you call us?" She shrugged, her eyes darting away quickly but not quick enough that I didn't see the look of disappointment in her eyes.
I cupped her face in my hand and turned her to face me. "Bella, I don't know what to call us. I know what I want, and I want you. And as soon as I can see Jess in person I'm going to fix it. I just can't do it over the phone, not while her grandmother is on her death bed."
"I'm not asking you to Edward. I understand your reasoning for wanting to wait until you see her. I really do. And I also get why you don't do it while she's so upset."
I thought about that for a few moments. Sure, Jess was dealing with the imminent death of a relative, but Bella was still grieving for her mother, whom she was never really given the opportunity to grieve properly over until now. Didn't I owe something to her? I wasn't entirely sure I was supporting the right person, but I was in too deep now to back out.
Bella went quiet for awhile. I knew we were getting into uncomfortable territory and I didn't want to keep going, not yet. We had this time this morning and I wanted to use it. She was so open and playful when she woke up. I was kind of hoping we could get back to that. But all too soon it was completely disappeared as her brow furrowed and she looked away from me hesitantly. I ran my finger along the crease in a vain attempt to make it all disappear.
"What's the matter love?"
She shrugged hesitantly. I shouldn't leave this up to her, this was my problem and it was about time I manned up and took the bull by the horns.
"Bella, last night was...God, it was amazing, you know that right?" I pleaded.
She nodded her head, but looked at me expectantly. It was almost as if she expected me to say...'but it can't happen again.'
"You know the only reason I'm still with Jess is because she took off before I had a chance to break up with her. I've wanted you since the first time you walked back into my Biology classroom." She nodded her head again but I could see she was thinking about something. "What is it?"
"Why are you with her Edward?" She shook her head and then looked at me again. "Actually, why would you want to be with me when you're with her? I mean, she's beautiful and...all the guys drool over her and..."
"Bella," I cut her off quickly, "let me answer one question at a time. I'm with her, or still with her because I was a complete coward. You came back and I found out you were with James so I stayed with her, then it was her birthday and I didn't feel right about breaking up with her, and then it was Valentine's day and James was coming and I couldn't face you and him together." My hand continued its exploration of her stomach, occasionally brushing the divot where her belly button resided. "I know you don't like her, I know Alice can't stand her, but Jess isn't that bad." Bella stiffened below me, but I needed to let her know I wasn't a complete shallow asshole for being with her. "Yes she's good looking, but she can be as insecure as the next girl, which I found kind of cute. But beyond that, there's not a lot going on. We were never supposed to be very serious, but it just kind of got out of control. I was using her I guess."
"Can I ask you something?" She asked shyly.
"Sure."
"Did she remind you of me?" I hardly heard her ask the question she whispered it so quietly.
I stared down at her contemplating my answer. "Bella, I never thought I was going to see you again, despite the fact that I tried to find out who you were. Turns out all I had to do was ask Jasper." I scoffed, rolling my eyes at the fact that my best friend knew all along who she was and how I could contact her. "So when I thought you were lost to me I just kind of let go and I guess I tried to find what I'd felt with you with anyone else. At first it was with any girl, then I realised I couldn't find it I went looking for it with a girl who at least reminded me of you, so yes, I guess that's part of the reason I'm with her. That's probably really creepy isn't it?"
She didn't say anything to that, she just remained quiet as we stared into each other's eyes. I would have given anything in that moment to know what she was thinking. But I figured it would be rude to ask given what I'd just confessed to her, she needed the privacy.
She rolled over and faced me, placing her hand on my cheek in such a caring manner. The hand that was caressing her stomach was now running smooth circles across her lower back.
"So, how do you feel this morning? I mean, I know it's the anniversary of...and I guess I was just wondering how you felt...how do you deal with it?" She asked tentatively, changing the subject.
I shrugged, not entirely sure how to answer. "I guess I usually take some time to just kind of think about her you know. The other's usually give me some space and leave me to contemplate life you know?"
"Oh, sorry...do you want me to..."
"Oh, god no Bella. I couldn't think of a better way to wake up this morning. It's definitely helped." I smiled reassuringly at her, whilst pulling her to me firmly with the hand that was now on her back as she looked a little nervous, as if she was intruding.
"I, I'm not looking forward to it. I mean, I think I'm doing better, but I'm still not looking forward to that day." She closed her eyes briefly and shook her head lightly before opening her eyes and looking at me again.
"You do seem to be doing so much better than you were Bella. Is it helping to talk about her?"
"Yeah...I mean...yeah, I think, definitely," she nodded before shifting and pulling some of her long strands of hair out from underneath her arm where they had been trapped.
"No more nightmares?" I asked
"Huh?"
"You didn't seem to have any nightmares last night." She had seemed to sleep so peacefully in my arms. I wasn't sure how often she had nightmares, but if she had them at all, and they were to do with the accident and she hadn't dealt with it, she was probably having them pretty regularly. That, and there were some days she just looked so tired.
"How do you know I have nightmares?" Oops. I guess there's no better time than the present to fess up. She'd probably already seen the chapter I'd earmarked in the book I'd given her anyway.
"That night you stayed at our place I heard you," I replied sheepishly.
"You heard me?"
"Yeah, I could hear you in the spare room, I could hear you having a nightmare and I couldn't stand by and listen to you go through that, so I calmed you down each time you had one."
"Really? So...so you came into the room, and you...you stayed for a while then, if there was more than one?"
I nodded. "I'm so sorry Bella, are you mad?"
She looked away from me and I noticed my heart rate pick up, completely strung out waiting for the response that could make or break...this. Whatever this was, or could be.
"I don't think so." She still looked like she was contemplating her answer though.
I decided to lighten the mood. "I promise I blocked my ears when you were clearly having an erotic dream."
"Edward!" she squealed quietly. "I did not!"
I pulled her into me playfully and quickly kissed her plump red lips. "No, don't worry there were no erotic dreams...that I'm aware of. I'm pretty sure you'd have known I was in the room with you if there were. I would have been naked and in that bed with you faster than you can imagine."
She blushed the most beautiful shade of crimson at my comment and I felt my dick grow crazy hard at the thought of being naked in a bed with Bella. Christ. I rolled over onto my back and groaned as I re adjusted myself.
"I think someone is getting a little carried away with themselves there," she arched her eyebrow at me and looked down towards my crotch.
I rolled back towards her, obnoxiously grinding my hard on between her thighs as best I could considering the clothing that was still coming between us. Her eyes rolled back as I held her to me.
"You have no idea how much I want to do something about this right now. God Bella, last night when you responded to me...I had no idea if you were going to turn around and tell me to fuck off or do what you did. I'm so glad it went the way it did," I said before grinding against her just a little bit.
"Oh, god, Edward, you so don't play fair," she sighed before pulling away with a slightly anguished look on her face. "This can't happen again." Wait, what?
"Bella?" I asked, panic stricken at her words and the tone of her voice. My erection deflating faster than the Hindneburg.
"I may not like the girl, but you've got a girlfriend Edward. I know what it's like to have someone cheat on you, and it's just...mean." All I could do was nod my head in agreement. I mean, what sort of asshole would I be if I tried to argue with her on this?
She rolled back towards me, her hand gently cupping my cheek as she looked deeply into my eyes.
"I understand...I guess," I sighed, before squeezing my eyes shut in frustration. "I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to stay away from you."
She smiled weakly before reluctantly removing her hand from my face and tucking it under her chin. Effectively breaking all contact between our two bodies as we lay side by side but without touching. "You just need to sort your shit out okay." I nodded, knowing I was going to find it almost impossible. "And, maybe we need to just keep last night to ourselves you know? The last thing I need is Alice thinking something happened between us. It's bad enough that we did this, but if it gets out...I don't know, it would just ruin it you know?"
"You're right. This was just between you and me. Although I have a sneaking suspicion Alice is going to want a full report when we get up. She's not going to believe that nothing happened."
"I don't think it should be too hard for us to convince her that last night was a complete disaster. We've spent more time at each other's throats than not, so I think we can convincingly ignore each other."
I agreed reluctantly, knowing that there was no way in hell I'd be able to ignore Bella. Not now.
A/N: OK, so I had a little excuse for the wait – my mother has been in hospital with pneumonia. Which is normally not nice, but she already has a lung condition so it was extra worrying. She's all good now. The weird thing was though, the hospital room she was in, was the same one my father passed away in. How weird is that? Let me tell you, it was very very weird and completely fucked up. My mother saw the humorous side though, God love her.
Please review! Pretty please!