Disclaimer: I do not own Hollyoaks or it's charactors (except Alex, Kieran and Sam who I made up)

Hi! I'm really, really sorry about how long this took to post. I've been finding it so hard to write lately. I know this chapter isn't that long or that good but here you go! Please review and thanks a bunch to everyone who reviewed the previous chapters.

Ste (Two months after Ste left Hollyoaks)

I was woken up by Alex shaking my shoulders. "Go away." I mumered, wanting to go back to dreaming.

"Come on, Ste! Do ya wanna be sacked?"

"Alright, alright." I pulled myself up and rubbed my eyes.

"Took your time," smirked Alex, "I've been trying to wake you up for the past ten minutes!"

"What time's it, like?" I mumbled, stretching.

"Almost half nine." He told me and I froze.

"Oh fuck." I said, wanting to hide back under my covers.

"Here." He said, chucking some clothes at me and leaving the room.

I jumped out of bed and hurriedly pulled on the trousers and T-shirt. "Why didn't you wake me up earlier?" I called.

"I've only woken just up before you!" His voice carried from the other room, "We stayed out a bit late last night."

"You think?" I said sarcastically. Last night... I remember we went to a club. Actually we went to a lot of clubs. God, how much had I drunk? More than I should of, that's how much, a hell of a lot more than I should of. Well, at least that explained my banging head ache. Ouch.

I rushed into work, only just making it on time.

I had two jobs: one at a club where both me and Alex worked, the other at a resteraunt. I'd gotten the job at the resteraunt almost by accident. There had been a cooking competition and Alex had dared me to enter. Suprisingly, I'd won and, even more suprisingly, the chef running the competition had offered me a job. He'd said that I had talent and that he'd help train me to be a chef. I'd been gob-smacked, of course, but I'd accepted happily. It had felt like something in my life had finally gone right. And God only knows I'd needed cheering up since...since I'd left. Not that I was going to dwell on that.

I'd figuered out that if I didn't think about it then I could almost forget. Almost. But I would never get over it, not properly. The crusifix around my neck was an ever-present reminder of the past - of him. I knew I should have got rid of it or at least put it away somewhere out of sight but I couldn't. Everytime I thought of taking it of I just couldn't. It was almost like I wanted to remind myself that it had been real, that once-upon-a-time I'd been in love. Ste Hay in love. It almost seemed funny now, thinking of how much I'd cared. I doubted I'd ever feel that again and part of me never wanted to. It was a feeling I'd shared with him and it didn't seem right thinking about the possibility that I could feel the same with someone else. Not that I regreted leaving. Everything had gone too far and I'd needed to escape. Sometimes, though I tried not to, I remembered how it had been and came so close to picking up the phone. But then I'd snap out of it and calm down, reminding myself why I'd left. I focused on all the bad times: all the betrayal, all the lies, the secrets, the pain, the bruises, the dissapointment.

But sometimes I missed the good times so much that I was almost willing to accept the bad times again, just so I could get the good ones too. How pitiful's that? I was pathetic, mourning our realationship like some love-sick girl.

So I never called him and he never called me. I wasn't sure whether I was dissapointed when he didn't try and get in touch or relieved. I didn't know if I'd of been able to take it if he had gotten in touch. I'd of probably went back like I had so many times before. When it came to Brendan I could be so weak, as if I had no self restraint at all. Not that it mattered because he didn't get in touch and so life went on;. My life went on - my new life.

I soon got used to being around Alex after all those years and it was as if we'd never been apart. He was a good mate, my best mate other than Amy. He was dead supportive and helped me when I missed my kids. Amy brought them to visit often but it wasn't the same as living with them. I'd asked Amy to move up here but she wanted to save up some money first. She said that there was no rush and that they'd come eventually. I still missed them though. That's why I held down two jobs, I needed the money for them. I owed them so much and I swore I wouldn't let them down again. The future looked brighter that it had in months.

Kieran, the chef and my boss, greeted me at the door with a mock glare. Kieran was in his 30's with short blonde hair and average height. He was a canny bloke who had helped me more than he'd ever know. I was extreamly grateful to him though he hated people praising him.

"I know, I know!" I said holding up my hands, "I'm late. I'm really sorry."

"Come on, we've got work to do." Kieran told me, walking through the resteraunt.

"Where's Sam?" I asked. Sam's another cook who works there and he'd never been off before.

"He's sick apparently." Kieran said, washing his hands before gesturing at me to do the same.

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's a rare occasion but it does happen." He grinned, "That means it's just you and me today. You up for it?"

"'course." I said, although my head still felt like someone had jumped on it despite the asprin I'd took. Now that Sam was off I'd have even more work to do. Great. Oh well, might as well get on with it. "So, where do I start?"

Rachey Ayy xx