Breakdown

Chapter 3: Snapped

The four exhausted boys shuffled wearily into the studio and came to a stop in front of Gustavo. Carlos let out a huge yawn without covering his mouth. James could hardly keep his eyes open. Kendall was swaying back and forth, and Logan was alternating between humming and chewing his lip to the point where it hurt in a desperate attempt to keep himself awake.

"DOGS! WAKE UP!"

At the sound of Gustavo's booming voice, the boys were all instantly snapped out of their dazed trances. They opened their eyes wide and waited for the news that would qualify as much anticipated if they weren't practically falling asleep standing up.

"I have some GREAT news for you." Gustavo paused to make sure they were paying attention. They were. Their eyes opened a little wider, and they leaned forward, now half awake and dying to hear what the producer had to say. "Since you dogs did a pretty decent job at the concert-" Kelly elbowed him in the side none-too-gently. "-Since you dogs did such an...amazing...job at the concert, Griffin has decided he wants you to go on tour in two extra cities."

The reaction was instantaneous. All fours boys shouted out variations of excited cries while grabbing each others arms and jumping up and down as if they had just won in the last second of overtime in the most important hockey match of their lives.

Even James was genuinely elated, until all the jumping reminded him that he still had a splitting headache despite the aspirin he'd taken, which in turn brought his thoughts back once again to the fact that he didn't really feel like part of this band anymore.

"Griffin now has you guys down for Chicago and Missouri as well," Kelly told them once they'd composed themselves somewhat. Gustavo gave them the dates and times and other relevant information and was about to yell at them to get into the recording booth when Kelly gave him another elbow jab and cleared her throat.

"Right... Dogs, you may...leave," Gustavo allowed reluctantly.

"Whoo!" Kendall, Logan, and Carlos let out joyous cheers and bolted from the studio. James wandered a bit behind them, not in the mood for running, physically or emotionally.

Carlos hustled up to him when he finally emerged from Rocque Records about a minute after them. "James, come on man, aren't you happy now? You can't still be tired after hearing that we owned the stage so well we're touring in two more cities!"

James winced. He'd have to do a much better job with acting normal if he was ever going to convince his friends that nothing was bothering him. You're James Diamond. You're The Face, he told himself. You can do this, no problem. You're an act- ah... aspiring actor. Nobody sees through you that easily.

James put on his girl-melting, room-brightening smile and forced a laugh that sounded more like he was choking. "Of course I'm not tired now, Carlos. This is the best thing that's happened to me since I came to LA!"

His three friends stopped their giddy cheering and stared at him, suddenly serious. "What do you mean since you came to LA?" Kendall demanded.

James felt his face go hot, and he stuttered to get out a reply. "Oh, uh, n-no, I meant we. Since we came to LA. Duh." And this is why if singing fails, you should go into modeling. Not. Acting.

Kendall raised his eyebrows and didn't say anything else about it. A slip of the tongue? Not likely.

Carlos thought nothing of it. Logan had the same suspicions as Kendall. Now he was sure something was going on with James, and he knew it was due to recent events, too. But what exactly?

James pretended to laugh off his 'mistake', but in all reality, he'd actually almost gagged on the words. He'd meant what he said the first time. It just didn't feel right saying 'we', and James knew why. Because it doesn't feel like there's a 'we' anymore.

James couldn't believe the guys hadn't noticed the changes. Sure, they'd caught his silly little slip-up earlier, but were they really taking no notice whatsoever of the fact that he wasn't as happy as he'd been before all this had gone down? Granted, it'd only been a day since the concert, but already he could feel himself drifting away from them. Couldn't they see that?

James also wondered how they could possibly believe that he would take this all in stride and pretend like the whole band breaking up thing hadn't happened. Just because he was back didn't mean he was enjoying it. It didn't mean he forgave his friends for continuing on without him. What if he hadn't gone back to them and the record deal with Hawke never fell through? His friends certainly wouldn't take him back after they'd found a 'new James'- not that anyone could ever replace me- James thought cockily. Then it'd be like they were living his dream- without him.

A slow rage slowly began to settle over James. That was exactly what his 'friends' had been doing. They were going to go on living his dream when none of them cared about being famous in the first place.

Friends. What a stupid word. Friends are supposed to be there for you no matter what. Kendall, Carlos, and Logan hadn't been there for James. When BTR was forced to call it quits and James had insisted that they do everything in their power to keep the band going, the others had told him it was a stupid idea and had left him out to dry. What was he supposed to do if he wasn't singing? The Minnesota Wilds weren't inviting him to skate with them. He wasn't smart enough to be a doctor. So, the other three band members could have went happily about with their lives without being affected, but what about him? What about me?

James was shaking now, as pure anger rifled through his body. He gritted his teeth so hard his jaw ached. He didn't care. He was mad, and, gorgeous as he was, when Diamonds get mad, it's never pretty.

Just as suddenly as the anger came, it was gone, replaced by numbness as James considered something else. Kendall had been the one Gustavo had wanted. Not him. Kendall was the one Gustavo always praised. Not him. If Kendall's short temper cause any havoc, it was okay, because he was the bad boy. Kendall, Kendall, Kendall.

Then there was Logan. He was kind, a genius, totally lovable. Gustavo hadn't been too keen on Logan at the start, but he had taken the smallest bit of a liking to him, which was more than James could say for himself.

Carlos. Who wouldn't love Carlos? He was never in a sour mood, he never got tired while recording songs or perfecting dance moves...Gustavo didn't have favourites, but Carlos was definitely Kelly's favourite. Maybe even Griffin's. Mr. X's for sure. Nobody could resist innocent little Carlos.

What about me? There was the question again, pleading to be answered, though James really didn't want to think about it. What about him? He couldn't get mad without consequences like Kendall. He wasn't smart enough to geek his way out of any situation like Logan. He wasn't a careless ball of fun and endless excitment like Carlos. He was just...pretty. Other than that, he had nothing going for him. Yes, he had his voice, but what good was that when he was surrounded by three that were nearly as good as his and belonged to more...likeable people?

Just like the anger, the numbness that had spread throughout James' body evaporated as a different emotion rammed into James like a semi. Pathetic as it seemed, with all these realizations coming to light, James was...sad.

Logan sat on his bed and lost himself in his thoughts for what seemed like hours.

Something was really bothering James. He hadn't been himself since the concert. He seemed...distant. Like he wasn't as comfortable around him and Kendall and Carlos for some unknown reason. They'd known each other forever, since pre- K, so why was he acting so strangely around them?

Logan couldn't even explain how it was that James was acting differently. He just was. He was uncharacteristically quiet and withdrawn, and it had only just started last night.

It couldn't possibly be because they were looking for a replacement for him? Logan shook his head at the thought. James knew there was no way anyone could ever replace him. He was far too special. There was only one James Diamond in the world, and that was the James Diamond that Logan and Kendall and Carlos wanted to sing with for the rest of their careers, and even after that. If only James knew that.

Logan jumped up. Maybe James was feeling betrayed and wasn't quite ready to trust his friends yet- the thought sent a pang of guilt careening through Logan's heart- but if they could show him, right now, how they really felt about him, then maybe he'd go back to the way he'd been before. Happy.

Logan sprung off his bed and blew out of the room. He found Kendall and Carlos playing dome hockey, being aggressive as usual and smacking their hands against the plastic and screaming at each other and the players-which they were controlling. Typical.

"Hey, guys, stop, I have something more important for us to do."

The two shouting boys piped down and glanced up at Logan before laughing. "Yeah. Right. More important," Carlos scoffed, turning back to the game.

Logan stalked over to them and pulled Carlos away from the table. He wasn't going near Kendall. "Seriously guys, something's up with James and I think I know how to make him feel better."

"James is sick?" Carlos asked, forgetting about the game.

Kendall snapped his head toward Logan, awaiting the answer.

"No, no. He's fine in that sense, but he's really upset. Just come to his room with me for a minute, okay?"

The blonde and the raven-haired boy followed the smart one without hesitation. Their friend's mental state was way more important than the game.

Logan knocked on the door. "James? Can we come in?"

No answer. "James, we just want to talk. Please? Come on, it's us."

Inside the room, James sighed. He really wasn't up for seeing any of them right now, but he knew they weren't going to leave him alone until they got what they wanted out of him, so James slid off his bed and crossed the room. He opened the door and stood in the doorway, hoping his friends would get the hint and not try to come in.

"What?" he demanded in a bored tone. He did his best not to show any emotion.

"James, look, I know what's going on with you. Your upset because of everything that went down this week with the band and almost losing it-"

"Not almost, Logan. We did lose the band."

"Yeah, and now we're back," Kendall broke in. "So stop moping around and be glad that we had a great concert and now we're going on tour for six weeks. Everything worked out the way you wanted it to, so why are you so depressed?"

Was he serious? Did he really not get it? James could feel the pressure that had been building up inside of him threaten to explode. This was not going to be good.

"You want to know why I'm not thrilled that the band is back together after being torn apart? Why I'm not screaming with joy at the fact that even though you tried to replace me, I'm still standing here instead of some poser with good hair and a bad voice? Honestly, don't you think it's a little self-explanatory?"

"I want to know why you can never be happy unless things are perfect! Why you can't just put the past behind you and be grateful that even though there were a few bumps along the way, things ended up working out for the best! You're so absorbed in making sure everything about you is just right that you can't even open your eyes and see what's going on around you! This past week has had a huge effect on us, too! We weren't pleased with having to make the decision to find a new you! We came back for you! Remember that? That was when you told us you'd moved on. So we did the same! And now you're whining and crying about us being so mean and leaving you behind while we went ahead and tried to keep the band going for our sake because we thought you weren't coming back! Do you see where I'm going with this? This stupid funk you're in, it isn't our fault. It's yours. You did this to us!"

James stared at Kendall in shock and utter disbelief. The reactions of Logan and Carlos were identical.

Hundreds of thoughts raced through James' mind, and he couldn't focus on one thing. Part of him wanted to sit down and calmy think this through. Another part of him wanted to nail Kendall's face into the wall. But the biggest part of James was telling him something he didn't want to listen to, but he couldn't help but think that it was true.

Kendall was right. James had turned his back on his friends after receiving the deal with Hawke. But then that meant...that meant that James didn't care about his friends and their future at all. The only thing he ever thought and worried about was himself.

But I do care. I care more than they'll ever know.

But James knew, deep down, that Kendall had spoken the truth. James had done this to them. They were falling apart, and it was all his fault. He didn't deserve to be in the band. His friends didn't need him when all he did was neglect them.

James Diamond, you're the worst friend anyone could ever be stuck with. The other guys would be lucky not to have you in the band.

And with that final soul-crushing thought, James Diamond snapped.

Yep, I made them fight. I feel bad, but it had to be done! I don't know why everyone displays Kendall as such a meaner, but it's easy to write him that way!

Well, there it is. Chappie trois. Not too great, in my opinion, but yours is the one that matters, so make it matter by clicking away under this sentence please! :)