Breakdown

Chapter 6: Secrets

Logan pulled his vibrating phone from his pocket and opened his new text.

From Carlos: Something's wrong with James. Get back to the apartment NOW!

Logan felt his stomach drop and he dropped his smoothie as his eyes scanned over his screen, and he grabbed Kendall's arm, gripping tightly.

"Ow! Hand, arm, squeeze, why?"

Instead of answering, Logan dragged Kendall behind him as he rushed into the lobby and to the stairs. He had no patience to wait for the elevator.

"Logan, what is going on?"

Logan continued to ignore Kendall as they reached the second floor and blew down the hall to 2J. Logan shoved the door open and burst in. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped as he took in the scene before him.

Carlos was kneeling on the ground in the middle of the kitchen, tears streaming down his unsmiling face. In his lap he held James' head. James' face was drained of colour. His eyes weren't open. Logan could see that his breathing was ragged and uneven, and his normally flawless hair was matted to his forehead as Carlos stroked it softly.

Carlos glanced sharply over at the recently arrived boys, and he began to sob out an explanation.

"H-he looked so sick when we came back. All I did was ask him if he wanted to play some video games, and then I asked him if he was feeling okay, and then he just...collapsed! Help him, Logie!"

A rush of air escaped Logan's lips, and he quickly shook off the shock of seeing his friend in such a state as ke knelt next to Carlos. He pressed the back of his hand against James' forehead and frowned. He wasn't burning up, but his temperature was definitely higher than it should be.

"Kendall, go get the thermometer and an ice pack."

Logan half-expected Kendall not to comply due to his and James' conflict, so he was relieved when Kendall hurried to the bathroom to retrieve the requested item.

Logan turned to Carlos, who was shaking as sobs wracked his body. Logan rested a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Carlos, it's okay. This isn't your fault. James is going to be fine. He's just really tired, okay? He needs a lot of rest, but he should be better in no time. I promise."

Sad brown eyes peeped up at him, overflowing with tears and care. The owner of the eyes sniffled and nodded.

Logan realized he had on just a t-shirt, but Carlos was wearing a sweater over his own.

"Carlos, can I borrow your sweater please?"

Knowing that now was not a time to argue, Carlos peeled his sweater over his head and passed it into Logan's awaiting hand.

"Thank you." Logan rolled the sweater up into a makeshift pillow and very carefully lifted James' head and slipped it under just as Kendall came running back with the thermometer. He thrust it into Logan's palm and immediately twirled toward the freezer, digging for an ice pack.

Logan inserted the thermometer into James' mouth and began to feel around the back of James' head for a possible bump that he might have received from hitting it off the floor, if he had. He found a small, forming lump in the very middle. Logan winced when he realized James must've fallen straight back.

The thermometer beeped and Logan slid it out from under James' tongue and glanced at it. Kendall returned with the ice wrapped up in a dish towel.

"How high?" he asked as he knelt down beside them and held the ice against James' warm forehead.

"101.8," Logan stated. "That shouldn't be hard to bring down. I don't want to move him till he wakes, he hit his head pretty hard, it looks like and I don't want to hurt him worse. Carlos, can you grab that blanket from the couch?"

Carlos wasted no time, leaping up, flying across the room to the couch, snagging the blanket, and diving back to the floor by James, settling the blanket over him, all in less than five seconds.

"There's nothing we can do now until he wakes up," Logan informed the other two boys. He fixed his gaze on Carlos, who was still visibly shaken. "Carlos, please calm down. It's going to be alright. I promised, remember?"

He earned a meek nod as a reply.

"Okay. Now, I need you to tell me exactly what happened. Can you do that for me? For James?"

"Y-yeah." Carlos sucked in a deep breath and began talking. "When we got back up here, James got a water from the fridge and drank a lot of it. Then I asked him if he wanted to play video games with me. Then he got really pale and looked like he was going to answer me, but then he fainted. I was too far away to catch him but I ran right over and saw that he was still breathing and that's when I texted you." Carlos was brought closer and closer to the verge of tears with each word he spoke, but he held them back, this time.

Logan nodded. "Okay. Okay, thanks Carlos. You did a good job, buddy."

"So now what?" Kendall piped up. "We just sit here and wait for him to wake up?"

"Yes, Kendall," Logan snapped. "That's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm not going to leave him. But you can go do whatever your heart desires."

Kendall closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Stay calm. Don't freak out. Just do what's best for all of you.

Kendall opened his eyes and smiled false-sweetly at Logan. "Of course not, Logan. I'm staying right here, as long as it takes."

Logan ignored Kendall's snooty response and latched his eyes onto James. Logan was sure he knew why James had passed out, and why he'd been so out of it at the studio today. He was under an undeniably enormous amount of stress. Of course he was weak and tired. With all the thoughts that Logan was positive were running through James' mind day and night, there was no way he'd been sleeping properly, and Logan hadn't seen him eat anything all day. The past two days, in fact. And it was all because they had made a huge, stupid mistake that no doubt had James questioning his place in this band.

If James got sick, it was all on them.

God, Logan thought woefully. What have we done?

Familiar voices forced their way into James' ears and transported him back to awareness. The darkness lifted, as did the eerie silence and the heavy fog that clouded his disoriented mind.

James could feel the hard, cold ground beneath him. Something was under his head, which was pounding mercilessly. His eyes popped open and he found himself staring up at the back of Kendall's head.

"Got any three's?" he heard someone ask.

"Go fish."

"You go fish! You asked Logan for a three on your last turn!"

"I thought my seven was a three!"

"How does a three look like a seven?"

"I was holding it upside down!"

"They're cards! They can't be upside down!"

"Whatever, Kendall. You just don't wanna go fish!"

"Because you're cheating!"

Logan's voice broke in. "I'm done."

James couldn't help but snicker at how childish they were being, and instantly all three heads swiveled to look at him.

A huge smile broke out on Carlos' face. "James! You're awake!"

Logan crawled over to him. "Hey, how you feeling? Do you remember what happened?"

James blinked at the question. It took him a moment, but he was able to recall coming back to the apartment, Carlos asking him if he wanted to play video games or something like that, and then...nothing. That must be why he was now waking up flat on the floor with yet another raging headache. It just wasn't his month.

He cleared his throat awkwardly as the other three leaned in close, staring at him expecntanly.

"Yeah, I remember. I, uh, I'm sorry if I scared you guys. Especially you, Carlos. I don't know what happened."

"It's okay, you're alright now, that's all that matters." Logan's words didn't match his thoughts, but he went on anyway. "We know you're really tired and stuff. Don't worry about it. Just take it easy for a few days, alright?"

"Got it."

Logan nodded, satisfied. "Good. So, how do you feel? Let me guess, head hurts?"

"Uh huh."

"I'll get you some aspirin." Logan chuckled as he climbed to his feet and made his way to the cupboards. "You know, James, if I didn't know what was going on, I'd think you were starting to get addicted to it."

James rolled his eyes. "Very funny, Logan."

Logan brought back the medicine and a glass of water and helped James sit up. James gulped down the pill and water and Logan set the glass in the sink.

"You feel okay to stand up?" he inquired. "I'm sure you're dizzy enough sitting."

"I'll give it a try. This sweater-pillow isn't really my definition of luxury."

Logan smiled, glad James was feeling decent enough to be joking around.

"Okay, ready?" The three healthy boys slowly aided the other into an upright position, and he immediately began swaying as he was overcome by a wave of vertigo. James bit back a moan.

"Easy, easy, buddy." Logan and Carlos guided James to the couch while Kendall picked up the blanket and Carlos' sweater and brought both items over.

Logan smiled his thanks and sat James down on the vibrant sofa.

"Better?"

James nodded gratefully.

Without warning, Logan reached over and felt James' forehead. James flinched away.

"Uh, what are you doing?"

"Sorry. You had a slight fever earlier. You're not as hot now."

"Oh. Wait, did you just call me not hot?"

Logan rolled his eyes. Only James. "Shut up, James. You know what I meant."

James just sighed and sunk back into the couch.

"You hit your head, too," Logan told him. "I'm pretty sure you don't have a concussion, but you still might feel sick, so just tell me if you do, okay? Or if you feel weird at all."

"Okay, Logan."

Logan knew James was growing a tad irritated, but he was just making sure his friend was well.

Logan turned his attention to the time. "It's getting kinda late," he noted, reading his watch, which displayed the numbers 11:07 pm. He glanced at Kendall. "When are your mom and Katie gonna be back?"

Katie and Mrs. Knight had gone on an all-day shopping spree/spa day and weren't expected home till late.

"Right, my mom called earlier. She said they decided to spend the night at a hotel."

"Sweet. Do you guys want to watch a movie then?"

"Yeah! There's a movie on TV called Read My Mind," Carlos suggested. "I've heard of it, but I never got to see it. It looks so cool though! Let's watch that!" Without waiting for the input of his friends, Carlos switched on the television and turned it to the right channel. "I think it started at eleven," he said.

Kendall, Logan, and James shared amused looks and laughed, settling down and getting themselves comfortable. Suddenly Logan remembered something and jumped up. "I'll make some popcorn." James definitely needed to eat something, and Logan was determined to get even the smallest thing into James, if it meant he was eating something. Maybe popcorn wasn't the best choice, but he knew James would be able to tell that something was up if Logan insisted that he eat something more wholesome. Popcorn was all they ate when they watched movies together.

So Logan popped the popcorn and brought it back to the couch and they all dug in. Logan was glad to see James eat a bunch of it.

The boys discovered that Read My Mind was about a small group of teenagers who were best friends but had secrets that none of the others knew about. Their shocking secrets were revealed throughout the movie by someone who was blackmailing them, and the strength of their bond was put to the ultimate test. It was actually quite interesting, and Kendall found himself so lost in the plot that he forgot all about any hostility he still held against James.

The movie really got James thinking. Maybe he didn't know everything there was to know about Kendall, Logan, and Carlos. There very well could have been more to them than he realized. It wasn't like they knew everything about him. They had no idea he was discreetly gathering information to destroy them, and this was the perfect opportunity to get his hands on some deep, personal stuff that they might not have shared with him.

James put his plan into action the instant the credits started rolling.

"Hey, guys? You know, that could be totally possible."

"What, the movie?" Logan considered. "I suppose. You're not saying..."

"You never know. Are you guys hiding anything? You know, just in case we get blackmailed, there won't be any surprises."

Logan rolled his eyes, than started intently at James. "Why? Do you?"

James shrugged nonchalantly. "Who doesn't?"

Logan and Carlos began to look uncomfortable. Kendall just looked peeved.

A slow, mysterious grin appeared on James' face. "I'll tell you my secret if you tell me yours."

Logan turned red and cleared his throat. "I don't know, James..."

"Come on, Logan. We're all best friends here. Brothers. Shouldn't we already know everything about each other? What's friendship without trust?" James was impressed with the way his stomach didn't twist when he spoke those words. Academy Award, meet James Diamond.

"Well..."

"I threw up a corndog and then ate it again!"

Three disgusted pairs of eyes slowly travelled in Carlos' direction. "Carlos...that's just...gross."

"It was a long time ago!" he whined in defense. "And it was barely chewed! No one would have known the difference."

"Okay, moving on...Logan?"

Logan hesitated. "I...you see..." He sighed in defeat. "Alright, I'll tell you. When we first came to LA, Gustavo made it obvious that he didn't like me, as you're all aware of." Three heads nodded. Wow. Thanks for the support, guys. "That day he had me stay longer, and I told you it was because he thought I needed more dance practice? Well, that's a lie. He...threatened to kick me out the band. He basically did. And then I...I did something, something that I'm totally against, it goes against all my morals, but I was desperate and this was a year ago and I was new to this business and I just-"

"Logan! The point?"

Logan swallowed hard. "Right, right, the point. Okay, um. Wow. I...bribed...Gustavo into keeping me."

Logan stopped talking abruptly, and was met by dead silence. He squirmed, literally feeling the intensity of the stares he was getting. Then the questions started.

"How did you bribe him?"

"What did you do?"

"How long has this been going on?"

"How dare he try to kick you out of the band! I'll kill him!"

"Guys, GUYS!" The voices halted.

Logan sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "Look, it isn't going on anymore, okay? It only lasted the first three weeks we were here. Then Gustavo told me I didn't have to do it anymore. It's way behind me now."

"But-what did you do?" Carlos looked sick when he asked.

"I added up costs for various things, I helped organize the rehearsal schedule, I pretty much took care of all of Gustavo's little side projects and stuff like that. Basically he was using me for my brain. But it's done with, forever!" he added hastily at Kendall's baleful glare.

"I'm still gonna kill him," the blonde muttered.

"Oh." James lowered his eyes for a moment, processing this. Could this be useful? Then another thought entered his mind, and he snapped his head up to glower at Logan. "So you're the reason we rehearse ten hours a day?"

Logan groaned and rolled his eyes. "Who's next? James? You're the one who's making us do this, why don't you go?"

"Fine. Carlos, remember when someone threw up in your helmet last month and nobody would admit to it? I told you it was probably Lightning?"

A menacing glint came to Carlos' eyes, and he nodded.

"Right, well, that was me."

Carlos' dark eyes widened furiously, and he lunged at James, who cried out and bounded off the couch. He got an instant head rush and quickly sat down on the carpet. Logan held Carlos back.

"I'm sorry," James laughed when he got his bearings back. "It was after that rehearsal where I had to do like fifty backflips. I cleaned it out after you declined my offer to but you a new one though, remember that?"

Carlos did remember. He sighed. "Fine, I forgive you." He turned to Kendall. "You're last," he said. "And don't worry, nothing you say will make me as mad as I am at James."

"You said you forgave me!"

"...I'll think about it. Kendall?"

Throughout the whole 'confessional', Kendall had remained silent, save for his threat to kill their producer. Now he fixed all three of his bandmates with an icy glare as if he was repulsed by this whole thing.

"I'm not telling you anything." He looked straight at James when he said that. Then he spun on his heel and walked away.

"Kendall!" Logan ran after the angry teen. Kendall ignored him until he got to their room. Then he unexpectedly yanked Logan in by his collar and slammed the door.

"K-Kendall, what-"

"Logan, just shut up and listen to me." Kendall tugged at his hair with both hands. It was as if he hadn't been angry at all just one second ago. Now he seemed distressed. "There is something, something that none of you know, but I need to tell somebody." He suddenly grabbed Logan's shoulders in a painful, vice-like grip. "You can't tell anyone."

"Kendall, if you don't want me to know-"

"I do. I think you should know. But just you."

"Okay-"

"I'm on anti-depressants."

Silence followed. Logan couldn't comprehend what Kendall had just said. It wasn't possible. Not Kendall. Not fearless, opinionated Kendall.

"Kendall, I... I don't..."

"Four years ago my mom found me with a razor and a bottle of pills. After my dad...I couldn't bear it. He was my idol, Logan. I never thought about losing him, and then one day my whole world fell apart around me, and I just needed an escape, so I... Logan, I'm so sorry. They work, I haven't done anything since then, but...you just never know..."

Logan's response was too quiet for James to hear from the other side of the door, but he'd heard enough, and he smiled. Maybe Logan's secret was nothing more than useless, but this...this was gold.

Ah! I'm a horrible person! Look what I did to Kendall and James! If you hate me, feel free to let me know, I'd totally understand!

Whew, that took a long time to write! It's my longest chapter yet, and my personal fave so far.

Quick FYI, Read My Mind isn't a real movie. I couldn't think off the top of my head a movie about deep secrets among close friends, thought I'm sure there are tons out there, I just didn't feel like researching, and I needed something with that type of plot to spark James' evil plan.

So, how was it? I'm dying to know what you think!