[Author's Note: I will warn you. This is SAD. So don't say I didn't warn you. Hang in there. This is kind of the side story, but we'll get back to the main story with the next chapter. Thanks for reading and please post reviews – they are so helpful and encouraging.]
(Point of View: Peeta)
The grocer's store was near the bakery. Unlike the bakery, it had already been rebuilt. When the grocer arrived to open his store, he saw me sitting quietly near the melted oven. The street had grown busier and the day had become brighter. I could still feel the chill of night though.
"Peeta?" The grocer said. He came over to see if it was really me. I looked up. "Peeta, come inside." He said emphatically.
I did as he said. The store was full of food. It was more food than I'd ever seen in a district store before the revolution. The grocer offered me tea and the use of the sink to wash my face and hands. Then he asked me if I was alright. He seemed genuinely concerned. I knew he'd been a friend to my father.
"I am now," I lied. I thanked him for the tea and the hospitality.
"Take care, Peeta. Don't be a stranger." He said.
When I walked out onto the street I almost ran into Sae and Haymitch.
"Where have you been? We've been looking all over for you!" Haymitch snapped.
Sae turned to Haymitch and said, "If the boy slept at his own house we wouldn't have this problem!"
"I actually slept at the bakery," I said as I glanced over to the melted oven.
Haymitch's eyes narrowed in confusion.
"So why are you looking for me. Is Katniss alright?" I asked.
"Yes, she's fine except she's looking for you too. We needed to tell you to go see Delly." Sae explained.
"Delly? I don't know, Sae. Delly and I had a few cross words, and I think we need to…" Sae didn't let me finish my statement.
"She lost the baby, Peeta. She had a hard time. Delly was actually pretty far along. I had to go and help the midwife with her. The baby was already dead, born last night, never took a breath. A little girl. Delly has to stay in bed for a while..."
I stood there dumbfounded as Sae continued to explain the situation so matter-of-factly. How could this happen? How could this happen to Delly? Without any further discussion, I nodded in Sae's direction and ran to Delly's house. I had no idea what I could do for her, but Sae was right in saying that I needed to go see her.
I knocked on the door as quietly as I could. The tiny vine wreath on the door bounced with each knock. The midwife had probably left the wreath so Delly didn't have to think about such trivial matters. Delly's husband answered the door and quickly directed me to the bedroom where Delly was. She was staring at the window beside the bed when I arrived. There was a bassinette beside the bed. I walked over slowly so as not to startle her.
"Hi, Delly. It's Peeta." I said as gently as I could. I reached for her hand and sat down in the chair beside her bed."
She turned towards me. I thought she looked like she'd been crying all night. Then I remembered that she'd given birth too. It was just as likely that she'd been screaming all night. It was probably a great deal of both. My stomach turned. I felt so sorry for her. Like so many people right now, she had been through tremendous pain and had nothing to show for it but more pain, death, and grief.
"I'm so, so sorry about the baby." I said.
She nodded as a new rush of tears rolled down her cheeks.
"I already loved her so much, Peeta. I felt like I already knew her." She said.
I nodded and had to look down at the floor. Looking at Delly was just too upsetting.
"I'm sure you did, Delly. You were a mother already."
I am sure that people in the Capitol would not understand this, but if a baby died in District 12 we kept it with its mother for a little while. It seemed to help the mother process that the baby was really dead since we didn't have machines to measure signs of life like they did in the Capitol. Either Delly asked to keep the baby a little longer or she'd given birth only hours before because when I looked over at the bassinette I could see a tiny motionless form lying there.
"I haven't been able to hold her yet. I just can't do it." She said. More tears fell.
I didn't know what to say. There was a long pause. Delly seemed to be waiting for something.
"Do you want to hold her?" I asked, hoping that was the right question to ask.
"Yes," she said. Her voice was cracking. She was trembling. I held her hand tighter. I could tell that Delly really did want to hold her baby.
Delly pulled on my hand a little and I leaned slightly closer to her. "Peeta, will you stay with me while I hold her?" She whispered. This idea was rather terrifying to me.
Shouldn't one of the women do this? I thought.
I knew that Delly wouldn't ask me for help unless she needed me though.
"Sure. Sure, I will. Do you want me to get your husband too?"
"No." She said quickly. She paused again. "He doesn't understand our ways."
The piercing look in Delly's blue eyes told me that there was more to the story than her husband not understanding the customs of our home.
I turned my attention to the bassinette. "What exactly do you want me to do?" I asked gently.
"I can't get up." She said. "Just pick the baby up and put her in my arms."
I lifted the baby out of the bassinette. She was very small, but she had perfect features and blonde hair. The blankets kept me from feeling the baby's skin directly, but when my arm brushed her hand I could feel how cold she was. Memories of the war swirled in my head for a moment. So many dead, cold bodies. I hung on to the moment with Delly and the baby though. I had to be there for Delly. I picked up another blanket from the bassinette and put it under the baby hoping to minimize the jarring coldness Delly would feel when I put the baby in her arms.
"She's so beautiful – tiny, but beautiful." I said. The statement was true, and I hoped it would distract Delly a little as I lowered the dead baby to her. Delly's face broke into a pained little smile.
"I think she is too, but I'm her mother. It's nice to hear you say it."
Delly stared at the baby for a few minutes once she was holding it. I got the impression that she might be watching for the baby to move or take a breath. Then Delly brought her free hand up to her forehead and started to sob.
"Peeta, do you know why I came back to district 12?" She said.
"No, you haven't told me." I said.
"I haven't told anyone!" She said rather loudly.
I was taken aback. Where was she going with this? Who could know? She was a grieving mother.
She returned her voice to a whisper. "I was already pregnant…when I got married"
I took a deep breath. These were not words usually uttered between friends in District 12, even friends of the same gender.
"Please don't tell anyone." She begged.
"Never, never." I whispered reassuringly.
"I was the one who wanted to come here. Nobody who's a native of 13 would have thought anything of me being pregnant before…you know…because they need children so badly there. My family and friends were still in 13 though. They would have known what I'd done. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I knew that with all there was to do here in 12, nobody would pay any attention to gossip about wedding dates and birthdates. So I insisted that we come here. I feel so guilty now. If we'd stayed in 13 then maybe they could have saved the baby. She could have been born in a hospital."
I had to suppress an urge to go out of the bedroom and punch Delly's husband. I wondered if that's how Mr. Everdeen might feel if he was alive and knew I was sharing a bed with his daughter, innocently or not.
Delly continued, "I never even meant for this to happen. I was just so lonely in 13. He was my friend. We just. We just got lost in the moment."
I sighed. "Yeah, I know."
Delly darted her eyes over at me. It looked like a warning. It looked like she wondered how much I could relate to getting lost in the moment.
She went back to telling her own story though, "He'll leave me now, Peeta. Now that the baby is gone, I'll be alone." She said.
I sat back down and touched the arm Delly was using to hold the baby. "You're home now. You're not alone."
She was quiet for a few minutes. She touched the baby. She didn't cry as much. She seemed to be committing everything about the baby to memory. She unwrapped and rewrapped the blankets. She tried to move the baby's arms and legs even though that really didn't work very well. She stroked the baby's hands and feet. She curled the baby's hair with her fingers. She wrapped the baby up in the blanket and rocked it in her arms. I didn't know what to do so I just watched her. Then Delly told me I could put the baby back in the bassinette, and I did.
I went to the market to see Sae after I left Delly's house. I couldn't put into words how I'd watched Delly spend time with her dead baby. I just told Sae that I wasn't feeling well and to please tell Katniss that I'd see her tomorrow.
That night I had a terrible dream about Katniss dying in my arms while trying unsuccessfully to give birth to our baby. I couldn't do anything to help her or the baby. It was more terrible than any tracker jacker torture.