Chapter 1

Mark was out with his friends when he got a message. He looked at it fast just to see if it was anything important then put it back on the table after he blocked it. Suddenly he took it back in his hand looking in disbelief at the name. Séan. Is this for real? Amy watched him with a worried face.

„Is everything okay?"

He just watched his phone without even unlocking it.

„Y-yeah. Everything's cool."

But Amy didn't believe him. She was his girlfriend after all. Even if things weren't as good between them as in the beginning. She knew him. So she hugged him and looked at the phone. Her face lit up when she saw the name.

„Oh, Jack texted you? That's so cool. Let's see what he said, I really miss him and Signe."

He unlocked his phone and saw the message. „Hey, dude. You okay? How's it going? We didn't talk for so long. I miss my goofy friend. Hit me up when you can."

Ethan was way too happy about it. And Tyler smiled kind of sadly to Mark. What is that face supposed to mean? Mark thought, but right now he didn't want to think about it. He'll just make sure to ask later.

Amy looked at her boyfriend and was kind of disappointed to see no trace of happiness after one of his best friends texted him after so long.

„Mark, please don't tell me you're still thinking about that shit.."

He didn't say anything. He just locked his phone and kept on eating. Tyler said he's going to get another soda and Ethan looked rather sad now.

„Oh my God, Mark. Are you for real now? He is one of your best friends and he's obviously worried about you and you choose to ignore him just because of a ship? I mean I can kind of understand about not acting the same on camera but in your free time, when you're off camera? That's way too far. It's not okay to just ignore him. We know that you're friends you don't have to cut all ties with him."

Mark looked down at his meal but he couldn't eat anything anymore. The feeling of guilt making his stomach twist. He knew she was right. But he just couldn't do it. He was afraid. He knew he was a coward. Like, the biggest coward. Ignoring your friend just because of fanfiction was a bit too extreme. But he was so afraid.

Tyler came back and smiled at Mark.

„You know you miss him. And he misses you too. You had a great friendship. Why ruin it because of something you know it's not true. But I don't think you're right either Amy. You shouldn't act like this. He is thinking now. I know he will do the right thing. But the right thing isn't about what you want. It's what's best for him. Just let him think this through."

Everyone watched Tyler. That's why we say Tyler is the wisest. Thanks man.

After they finished their meals they went for a long walk, then to meet some friends and after like 4 hours they finally got home. Mark said that he needed some alone time. Tyler told everyone to leave him alone and made sure that they all had fun and leave Mark have his alone time.

Mark was confused. He thought about how he felt about people imagining him gay, or even worse, trying to convince others that he really is homosexual. And there is nothing wrong with that, he knew it. He had nothing against it. But he just wasn't one. He didn't really understood completely why he was afraid of people thinking that way about him or why it bothered him so much in the first place. But then he thought about his friendship with Jack. He was the only one who understood him completely and one of the few people that he could talk to about anything that crossed his mind. While he was thinking he glanced at the hour. It was 9 pm. He took a deep breath and unlocked his phone. The conversation with Sean was still there. Uhm, I'm sorry. I was kind of busy. I'm doing well. I hope you're okay. Maybe text me back when you wake up. It took him like 2 minutes to gather the courage to press send, but he did it. He threw his phone on the bed and he got up to go to the bathroom but the sound of a text message stopped him. He took his phone and saw that it was from Sean. What? It's like 5 am over there. Why is he awake?

S: Oh, I'm happy to hear that. I'm alright.

M: Why aren't you sleeping at this hour?

Mark just looked at his phone for almost 10 minutes straight waiting for an answer.

S: I just couldn't sleep. You know, sleep is for the WEAK.

M: I still don't know how you manage to pull it off. Working your ass off all day and not sleeping at night at all.

S: Well, you know me. I'm amazing.

Tyler knocked on the door and entered relieved to see a much less stressed Mark on his phone. He locked the door behind him for privacy reasons and sat on the bed next to Mark.

„I see you made your choice."

Mark sat there in silence for a moment before smiling a little and looking at his friend.

„Yeah. I mean, I can at least text him back, right? I'm really sorry though. I am not that asshole. And I'm so thankful that you know it even when I don't."

„No problem. I'm here for you dude. But just be careful with him now, you know.."

„W-what?" Mark looked totally confused. But then started laughing a little. „You tell me to be careful with Sean, man?" He kept on laughing but when he saw his friend's sad and disappointed face he knew he did something wrong. „W.. what happened?"

„You actually don't know..?" There was a big pause but then Tyler took Mark's phone and showed him a video called 2017 – My Toughest Year On Youtube. „I'm gonna leave you watch that video. If you need to talk after text me. But please just watch it.." Tyler left the room and Mark didn't know what just happened. Well, there's only one way to find out.

M: Be right back, if you don't fall asleep in like 20 minutes we can still chat for a little.

S: Text me when you're done.

Mark started the video.

Mark was tearing, he was sad, he was confused, but most importantly he was angry. He stormed out of his room and took Tyler by the arm and dragged him back in to the room.

„What the fuck is this? What the actual fuck is this? Is this a joke? Why didn't I know about this? Why didn't he tell me anything about this? I thought we were friends for fucks sake.."

„Mark, can you calm down? Clear your mind and think. Why didn't you know? Maybe because you were totally ignoring his existence. And I can guarantee that he also thought that you were friends. You know I don't want to blame you or anything, but he actually did nothing wrong. Just look at how many text messages he sent you before that you didn't even read. You know you are one of my best friends and I love you to death, but you were wrong. I'm pretty sure you hurt him. The only thing I want to say now is that if you talk to him now, don't bring this up cause you'll just hurt him more that you just now watched the video after you avoided him for months. I'm gonna go now. Text him though." He left the room again.

M: You awake?

S: Yeah. Still can't sleep.

M: Hey, how about we talk on Skype?

S: Uh, well, as long as we don't webcam I'm cool.

M: Why?

S: I didn't sleep. I look like shite. I don't wanna ruin your night.

M: Please, we didn't see each other in so long.

Mark really wanted to see his face now. Even if he knew it will probably be bad. He felt the need to make up for all this time.

S: Ok, but it's not my fault if you're having nightmares tonight.

After 10 minutes Mark locked the door, got his „set up" ready and called Jack and he felt so sad when he saw his friend's face. He looked so tired and and he clearly faked that happiness. Mark knew him way too well to be fooled by this facade.

„Uh, are you okay?" Mark already regretted asking this.

„Yeah, of course dude, why wouldn't I be?" he faked a laugh and Mark immediately knew that he shouldn't ask anything anymore.

They talked about their channels and games and music and future projects and about almost everything for like 2 hours. Signe entered the room wanting to see why Jack wasn't in the bed and she saw that he was talking to Mark. She was so happy and approached her boyfriend.

„Oh my God Mark, hey. I'm so happy to see that you're talking to my little not-green-anymore bean again. He was so worried that you won't answer his text that he didn't sleep all night. He might not say it but he missed you so much, he was talking about you so often. I'm really happy tho'"

Jack looked totally embarrassed now and he couldn't look Mark in the eyes.

„Well, I'm gonna go call Amy now. Mark, please take care of him." She kissed the irishman and left the room smiling.

„I'm sorry for what she sai.." But he was abruptly interrupted by the man on the other side of the screen.

„I missed you too. I missed you so much, you have no idea. I remembered everything tonight and I really miss my irish loud-as-fuck dumbass friend. You made everything funnier." Mark stopped to look at his friend for a second. He could see tears falling down his cheeks. „Sean" he said in his deep voice „Look at me. I didn't mean to make you cry, I'm really sorry, I just said what was on my mind. Please look at me."

„I'm sorry Mark, I know I'm acting like a lil' bitch.."

„What happened? Are you okay?" Of course he's not, idiot. He's most probably facing depression right now and he stood up all night just to talk to you. And now he's crying. Uhhh..

„I.. I'm ok. I'm just tired. That's all. I'll be all good after a good sleep."

Mark looked concerned but he decided to just let it go for the day.

„Okay then. I'm gonna go to sleep now cause I'm really tired. Ethan and Amy dragged me literally everywhere today. I feel like my legs are just gonna fall off."

Jack started laughing for the first time this night. Mark simply smiled.

„Talk to you tomorrow. „

„Uh.." the younger man tried to say something but he stopped himself.

„I promise. Now just go to sleep. You need it more than me."

„Goodnight Mark"

Mark was tired but it wasn't just because of his friends. Seeing his friend like this and talking to him again was too much for his brain right now. He went to bed but before going to sleep he sent one more message.

Please try to got o sleep. And if anything happens I want you to know I'm here. And I mean it. Sleep tight Sean.