Disclaimer: I don't own Hollyoaks - if I did, Stug would not exist and the show would just be 30 minutes of Stendan but, alas, it wasn't mean to be. ;)

Please, please, please review. Pretty please? Thanks to everyone who has in the past! Really sorry for the wait. I have no excuses but I am really sorry. :(

Enjoy

Ste

We left the hotel the next morning. It didn't take long for the real world to catch up with us. I knew it was never going to be easy - I wasn't that thick. We both had a lot of issues, neither of us was perfect and we still had a past that would take time to work through. But, it was still a shock. When we were in the hotel, just the two of us, it had been so easy to believe it when he said 'I love you' and it hadn't been hard to say it back. But, then again, it had always been so simple when we were together, when we were alone in a room somewhere - just the two of us. But the rest of the world always got in the way - people got in the way. And there was always something, wasn't there? Always something new to face, always some new problem to deal with. Almost as soon as we stepped out of the hotel we had problems, problems that made me want to go back to the hotel room and hide under the bed-covers with Brendan till the end of time. However, we couldn't hide forever. If I learnt anything in the months apart from Brendan, it's that you can't hide from the truth. At the time, I'd been trying to hide from my feelings. Now I wanted to hide from everything except my feelings. But we had to face our problems, sooner rather than later.

Problem number 1: where to go. Alex knew we were going to talk but I wasn't sure if we should go back to the flat yet. It was no secret that Alex didn't like Brendan. However, the only other place we could go was to Amy's.

That brought me nicely to problem 2: How to tell Amy and everyone else that me and Brendan were back together.

Then there was problem 3; working out how we were going to do...this. All of it - being in a relationship. We were hardly experts after all. There was also the issue of the living arrangements (me being in Manchester and Brendan living in Hollyoaks)

I decided to tackle both problem one and part of problem two by heading to Amy's. I figured that problem 3 would sort itself out, in time. Eventually we'd work out how to deal with all the domestic stuff but, for now, I was happy to just sort out everything else.

I told Brendan about my idea to visit Amy and he seemed less than thrilled. Not that I could blame him, I wasn't exactly looking forward to it. We both knew exactly how it would go. Despite his objections and only half-joking offers to go back to the hotel and never leave, Brendan drove to Amy's following my directions.

Amy was living in a small house with Leah and Lucas. It may have been small, but it was alot better than the flat we used to live in. It had been weird at first, not living with them. We'd spent so much time together - they were like my safety blanket. However, I''d gotten used to it and it for the best in the long run. It gave us both space. Amy had a new boyfriend, a guy called Damien, and it wouldn't have been great if she was still living with her ex, even if I was gay. She even had a new job as a teaching assistant. Our lives had taken a suprising turn for the better and Amy was happier than I'd seen her in a long time. It really was too bad that I was about to wreck that.

I was bricking myself. She was going to hate me - I just knew it. I could picture it now: she'd look at me like she was so dissipointed and my heart would break because she's one of the few people who's opinion I actually care about. Then she'd tell me something about not going anywhere near me while Brendan was around and everything I'd worked so hard would all go to shit because I couldn't give Brendan up. I'd already tried.

We were standing at her door and I was trying to sum up the courage to knock. Brendan must have sensed my unease and, a second later, his hand slipped into mine. Previously, I would have marveled at this - Brendan holding my hand in public. I would have savoured the moment and filed it away to memory so, when everything got messed up again, I'd be able to remember this moment and know that he loved me. I knew that I was the first guy he'd ever been so open with. The knowledge sent a little thrill through me but this wasn't the time to think about it. So I just gave Brendan's hand a reassuring squeeze before letting him go and knocking on the door. I wanted to do this myself. If I couldn't even face Amy without holding onto Brendan for support then how were we ever going to make it work? I wasn't going to be ashamed of my decision. A lot of things had changed between me and Brendan and it wasn't the same as last time. This was a new start and, like everything else worth a damn in life, I was going to fight for it.

"Coming!" Came a shout from inside and the door was opened a second later to reveal Damien. I liked Damien - he was good for Amy. He was more mature than Lee but still up for a laugh and he was willing to spend time with the kids. He wasn't bad looking either, with his long-ish dark hair and warm brown eyes. Amy deserved someone like him and I was more than happy for them.

"Ste!" He smiled, "What are you doing here? We weren't expecting you." He looked at Brendan and frowned slightly. I suppose he wasn't used to me bring random strangers around - especially tall, dark strangers in suits who looked ready to bolt. "Who's this?"

"Er... Damien, this is Brendan. Brendan, this is Damien - Amy's boyfriend." I said, gesturing.

"Nice to meet you." Said Damien.

"You too." replied Brendan gruffly.

"So, do you two want to come in. I suppose you want to talk to Amy?" He asked.

"Yeah." I said, before entering the house after Damien moved out of the doorway. Brendan followed after.

Amy walked down the stairs and smiled when she saw me. The smile dissapeared when she saw Brendan. "What is he doing here?"

"It's good to see you too." Muttered Brendan.

"Amy, I know that you don't want to but we have to talk." I told her but she just glared.

"I don't care! Get him out of my house Ste!" She yelled.

"Amy, please!" I begged. She could at least hear me out.

"No!" She shook her head and looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was. "I can't believe you! You would take him back after everything. We moved to get a fresh start. Not for you to get back with him!"

"Amy, ju-" Brendan began but she cut him off.

"No! You don't get to speak. You have no right to come here!" She stopped shouting and her voce became dangerously quiet. "Ste could've had a new life, he could've been happy. But no - you had to find him and wreck everything. And it's not out of love so don't bother. It's because you want to control him, want him to need you just like you need him. You couldn't stand the thought of Ste having any sort of life that you weren't part of because, in the end, without Ste, you're nothing. Nothing. Just a sad, pathetic man who is so terrified of who he is that he hurts everyone around him. You care so much about controling people that that's all you have left and then, when people wake up and see the bastard you really are, they'll take back the control and you'll have nothing. You thought you had everything. Well, Ste took his life back, took back control and you can't deal with it. He want's to move on Brendan - just let him go!"

I stood their, shocked, gaping at Amy. I couldn't believe how much she'd gotten wrong. She thinks I could've been happy? She think's I want to move on? She doesn't have a clue.

"Amy! You're completely out of order. I can't believe you!" I yelled. She didn't even want to hear what me and Brendan had to say. No, she thought she knew what was best, like always. Well, she was wrong this time. Really wrong.

I turned to Brendan but found that he'd gone. I rushed outside and found him in the car, his head resting on the steering wheel.

I walked to the car and opened the door.

"Brendan." I said, softly.

"Brendan." I repeated, more forcefully when he didn't answer.

"She's right." He mumbled.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, getting in the car fully.

"Amy - she's right. You could've been happy."

"I am happy. You make me happy." I assured him but he looked at me skeptically.

"Okay. So we've had some ups and downs." I admitted and he snorted, "but there is a reason we always ended up back together."

"Because I made it happen. I manipulated you into getting back with me." He told me.

"You might be a controling, possessive, manipulative bastard when you want to be Brendan, but even you aren't that good. You can't make someone fall in or out of love. Believe me - I've tried. I got back with you because you make me feel alive, more alive than I've ever felt before. I got back with you because you understand me, all of me. And, to be honest, you're the only one who's ever managed that."

"Are they the only reasons?" He asked. He wouldn't look at me, he was staring out of the window. It had started to rain, drops slideing down the glass. It reminded me of the day I'd left Hollyoaks, it had been raining then too.

"No. You are the most complex and simple person I've ever met. You don't trust people, you don't rely on people but when you care about someone - you would do anything for them. You are the most amazing person I've ever met."

Brendan didn't look convinced. I knew I wasn't good with words - never had been really. I decided to keep it simple and honest.

"Look at me." I said. "Brendan, look at me." When he finally drew his gaze away from the window to look me in the eye, I spoke.

"There is so many things that I like about you and so many things that hate about you. Yeah, you aren't perfect but neither am I. I've made loads of mistakes, me. You say you manipulated my feelings and that but it doesn't matter. After everything we've been through through, Brendan, only one thing matters, right: I'm in love with you and it isn't going to go away any time soon. So, we can either get out of the car together, go and face the rest of the world and try to make a real go of it or I can stay behind whilst you drive back to Hollyoaks alone, we can go our seperate ways and someday, we might even forget about everything. I know which I'd rather do, but it's up to you, Brendan. Do you want me?"

He was silent and I could see the battle raging within. He wouldn't meet my eyes and I knew what he'd decided. I closed my eyes tightly and clenched my jaw to stop any tears that were coming. Now wasn't the time for tears. I took a deep breath and got out of the car. It was raining heavily now, the water soaking through my clothes to my shivering skin. I stood outside the car for a few seconds, pulling myself together. I forced myself to walk towards Amy's and away from Brendan.

I'd only gotten a few metres before I felt someone pulling my arm, spinning me around. I looked up and met the blue eyes of Brendan Brady. He was frowning at me slightly, as if I was a puzzle he hadn't quite worked out yet. He hadn't escaped the rain either: it was running down his face, clinging to him hair and dripping off his nose, soaking through his suit. His mouth was slightly open and I swallowed. It wasn't fair that he was so fucking gorgeous, even if I wasn't in love with him, I knew I'd still fancy him. He grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me towards him, his lips crushing against mine desperately. Drops of rain slid down the back of my neck and down my back, making me shiver. He plunged his tounge into my mouth, eager to taste. I reacted easily, my body fitting against his effortlessly, my hands behind his back, pulling him towards me with equal urgency. The rain mingled with our kiss, the heat of Brendan and the chill of the water contrasting drastically. His tounge roamed around my mouth with skill and familiararity. The friction of his moustache most likely left me red but I didn't care. We only pulled away when we needed air and even then we stayed close, our shared body heat the only thing stopping us from shivering. I looked up at him, soaking wet and lips swollen, his suit all messed up. He'd never looked more beautiful. I fucking loved him in that moment, more than ever before. I was in love with Brendan Brady and I didn't mind. In fact, I loved being in love with him! Being with him made me feel something I never thought I'd ever experience.

"So we're definately gonna do this?" I asked, slighly breathless.

"We'll do it together."

"Always." I said, grinning, before pulling his lips back down to meet mine again.

Rachey Ayy xx