"It is as great a thing to love as to be loved. Love is not something that can be wasted."

Tessa didn't question it when, after having dropped a fuming Gabriel at his home, ignoring his protests that he wouldn't let a Herondale touch his car, not even to drive Tessa home, Will dropped her at her front doorstep. She couldn't think anything but that she was glad to be out of the hot, awkward car, and not feel the press of the words no one was saying hurt her head. So, it wasn't until he drove away that she realized she wasn't supposed to be there. She had completely forgotten she'd run away not eight hours earlier.

She had took the plans to be immediate; she'd assumed, and now she felt like an idiot staring up at her townhouse and thinking it, they would all be as desperate as she to leave, to find the answers, to escape- It hadn't occurred to her that Will wouldn't want to go. That she had no idea if Charlotte and Jem or anyone had any intention of following through on the quest which she thought had driven an intense desire to find the truth into all of their heads, not just hers.

It appeared she was wrong.

So, now she was an idiot, standing in front of a house she couldn't return to. They must have realized she was gone. She could only hope and pray that they wouldn't call the police and report her missing. But while she could run, could disguise herself and hide, she couldn't crawl back into her room like a coward- She felt her pride stung just at the thought. She couldn't go back and now it was twilight, in an empty London street, and she had nowhere to go.

And her suitcase was still in the back of Gabriel's car.

She fought against the flutter of panic that rose in her chest. She had been an idiot, more than anyone else she'd actually thought- And now where would she go? She'd have to go back, at least to get some clothes, at least to- Where would she eat? She was suddenly painfully conscious of the ache in her stomach, remembering that she hadn't eaten almost anything that day, except a meager breakfast before she had showered. Why did that feel like a lifetime ago?

She sat down on the curb, feeling numb. She suddenly felt lower than low, like she was five years old again and all she wanted was to throw herself into Aunt Harriet's arms and know it would be alright. But it wouldn't. She remembered Will's swift agreement to her accusation that she was the last woman he'd want in the world. She tried to tell herself she didn't care. She didn't know him. She wasn't special, or from anywhere different, or a person from a different time stuck in her own twenty-first century body, she was just Tessa, she was an idiot, and she was stuck on a curb for what would probably be forever.

She actually laughed at loud, a little deranged laugh but still a laugh, at the realization she was on a curb again. Just like she had been before any of this had really started. Crying on a curb. Maybe curbs could be her always.

"What's so funny?" a voice asked good naturedly from behind her.

She nearly screamed, leaping to her feet and spinning around to face the smiling, angelic face of James Carstairs, looking pale and sickly, but in what could only be defined as a good mood.

She clutched at her chest, trying to regain her sanity. "You- holy crap- You terrified me!"

He laughed at her, his eyes crinkling at the corners, looking vaguely apologetic. "I'm sorry. I wouldn't have said something if I'd thought you were so deep in thought."

"I- I was sort of," she admitted, staring at him in the remnants of her shock.

He wore yet another pull over cardigan, no dress shirt underneath, the edge of his pale collarbone visible at the neck. He held a cane loosely in his right hand, a gnarled wooden thing that felt wrong with the picture of him. She glanced back up at him and saw that his mouth had tightened into a line, the crinkles on his eyes gone.

"The hospital gave me one," he explained a bit roughly. "But it was plastic and-" He sighed. "I went out and bought a new one. Just in case."

"Oh," she said dazedly. "I completely forgot. Are you feeling better? I still don't know what they decided was wrong to make you faint like that."

He didn't seem to much appreciate this comment and looked up at the lamp post beside them firmly. "Oh, just bad health. Always had it." He said this briskly, his tone fairly begging no further conversation on it.

She didn't press it. "So, what exactly are you doing here?" she asked, rubbing her arms as a rare icy wind blew past them.

His eyes widened for a second before he flushed slightly. "Oh, I was just looking for you," he admitted, somewhat cautiously. He glanced around her face as if to try and sense any possible awkwardness or unwelcomeness to this news. "I came by taxi," he added as awkward way of explanation.

Her mind flew back to the last time they'd spoken: how she'd sat by his bed as everyone filed from the hospital room, how she'd tripped over her words in asking for his number. He'd simply smiled. The digits were still plugged into her phone.

She hadn't called though. In this crazy day, she'd almost forgotten they'd met, almost forgotten the feeling she'd had that he was something-

Hope was born in her chest. She wasn't the only one who had put stock into Magnus Bane's words. She remembered the look on Jem's face when he woke up, the words he'd spoken to her.

"For me?" she heard herself saying, her tone displaying the abundance of feeling she'd gathered in the last minute.

He nodded, smiling slightly. "I was hoping to ask you if you'd like to get some tea," he said slowly, eyeing her.

The request was so simple so normal that when her eyes caught on her, short term but still loving, home, she had to fight against the shaking in her voice. "I would but I think I need to find a place to stay for the night before it get's too late," she explained.

His brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

She sucked in a shaking breath before the whole story poured out. She told much more than she meant to. About Nate's reaction when she first said she wanted to take a break, about how her dreams of how school might be were so far from accurate it was laughable, how Nate had locked her in her room on finding her suitcase. Jem simply listened, a finger to his lips, his cane in the crook of his arm, brow furrowed in an understanding look.

"Well," he finally said at the end of her speech, looking resigned. "There's only one thing to it. You'll have to come home with me."

She stared at him, dazed. She hadn't been expecting that. "Excuse me?"

He flushed darkly. "I mean if you want to," he said quickly. "I know it would be improper what with us being-" He blinked, turned his gaze back to her, looking startled as if just remembering something. "I mean. . . If you want to," he repeated awkwardly.

Tessa stared at him.

"Charlotte would be there of course," he added, looking mortified.

"You can't imagine how good that sounds," Tessa cut in with a grateful smile before he could ramble out any more additions. "And here I was planning to sleep on the street." She paused. "But are you sure you have room for me?"

He blinked at her, looking fairly dazed. "Erm- Yes! Yes, we do. There's a sofa bed in the front hall. If you don't mind that. Or you can have my bed-" He didn't look at her, and appeared to be in actual pain. ". . .and I'll sleep on that." He stared at his cane as if to ask it the answer to these questions.

Tessa almost laughed. "Anything is fine. Thank you so much."

"It's no trouble at all," he said, sounding relieved, and offering her a slight smile. "Shall I catch us a taxi?"

She thought of the note she had given Will, realizing Jem, too, spoke as if he was 87, but swallowed it. "Yes, that sounds perfect."

Jem's neighborhood housed just the sort of homes Tessa had always dreamed of living in. Sweet little cottages and townhomes, people who clearly loved their gardens; it was just the sort of place any child would be lucky to grow up in and just the sort of place Tessa had always wanted to. The lamp posts held hanging garden pots packed with brightly colored flowers, the homes made up for their shabbiness with their lovable character. She could just imagine watching small children bike up and down the streets, families having block parties, young couples, just married, moving in, excited to start their lives and their families. She thought of a young Jem experiencing that kind of childhood and felt immensely pleased.

So it was, as they climbed out of the musty taxi and onto the sidewalk, that she turned to him with a smile and said, "You must've been a happy boy."

He turned away from paying the cabbie, sliding his wallet back into his pocket, looking surprised. "Excuse me?"

"You must've been so happy," she repeated, gesturing around her. "Growing up here. It's so homey."

"Oh," he said simply, looking around with a blank stare. "It definitely is, but, unfortunately, I didn't grow up here."

She frowned. "Oh, then where did you grow up?"

He laughed, but the sound came out bitter. "That would be a long list."

"You moved around a lot?"

"Yes," he said quietly, looking up at the townhouse in front of them. "That's it."

Tessa sensed there was more than he was letting on but didn't question it. Jem seemed grateful as he led her up to the house in peaceful silence.

It was night now, the sun completely gone, and it was in the dark that Jem fumbled in his pocket for his key.

The door slid open and he reached over to flick on a light, illuminating the hallway. It was a cozy narrow space. mid-century style, with a distinctly antique smell that Tessa enjoyed inhaling. A small worn out rug was all that adorned it, but it was classic.

"Charlotte?" Jem called loudly, frowning at the silence that was his response. "Charlotte?"

Tessa followed him, as he turned on lights as they went, into a tiny nook of a kitchen, where he flicked on the lights. He pulled out a chair for Tessa with a slight smile. She sat down, glancing up at him. It was strangely quiet, Tessa couldn't help thinking as she rubbed her arms self-consciously, and the quiet was incredibly loud

"Charlotte will be down in a second I'm sure," he explained needlessly, twisting his cane in his hands. "Would you like something to drink while we wait? Tea, coffee, water. . " He trailed off as his eyes roamed the kitchen. They seemed to catch on something as he strode across the small room and grabbed a piece of paper off the fridge that was stuck to it. Tessa watched him as he read it.

He glanced up at her, looking rather awkward, and swallowed. "It. . . seems like Charlotte is out for the evening. She and Henry- He's her husband- took a night out, it says. . . They won't be back till Sunday."

Tessa simply nodded, wishing the sense of awkwardness that had bloomed since they walked in the door together would die out. She shivered, goosebumps running up her arms and back.

Jem stared at her, looking rather like a deer caught in the headlights. "May I get you something? Or would you like to see where you'll stay?"

Tessa glanced at him, wondering why he kept looking at her with that expression. Had she done something? "You said you have a sofa bed?" she said good naturedly.

"Oh, no, I couldn't let you sleep on that," he said quickly. "You can have my room."

"Oh, no," she said quickly. "Don't let me mess up your evening-"

"No! It isn't any trouble!" he said quickly, offering her a smile. "Just let me do it for you," he said more gently.

"Alright," she heard herself say softly, watching him with wide eyes.

They stood in silence for a moment.

Tessa moved to stand up at the same time Jem moved quickly to pull out her chair for her which resulted in a quick tumult, during which her foot slipped. Jem, with lightning quick reflexes, stuck an arm around her waist, stopping her fall and pulling her close to him.

Their eyes met. Tessa stopped breathing.

Jem's eyes were so close to hers, his lips so close she could taste his breath. Her heart went pounding like a sledgehammer, shaking her whole body.

"Tessa," Jem whispered suddenly, his eyes burning dark through the silver. "I've- You can't even imagine how much I've-"

He cut himself off, going pale, quickly setting her back on her feet.

How much I've what, her brain screamed. How much I've what?

"I am so sorry- Let me- I didn't-" He looked at her in horror.

She stared at him, feeling the pumping in her wrists, her neck, gradually die out.

He swallowed. "Your door is the first on the left. I'll-" He stared at her, cheeks flushed now. "I'll be down here."

"Alright," she said weakly. "I- I also- You don't happen to have any spare toothbrushes or anything do you?"

He looked at her in surprise, appearing to have mostly recovered from the moment of earlier. "Oh, that's right. You don't have anything with you do you? You need something to wear to bed." He looked like he was calculating something painful. "I'll get you one of my shirts. I think, it- It will probably be long enough on you to work."

"No, no, I can sleep in jeans-"

"I'll bring it up in a few minutes," he insisted giving her a slight reassuring smile, seeming to have regained a bit of himself. "Don't even worry about it."

She just smiled weakly at him before starting for the stairs, a hand on her pounding heart with shocked eyes as soon as he was out of sight.

Tessa found the room with ease, opening the door to darkness and flipping on a lightswitch. It was almost completely bare, neat and tidy. A bed, a dresser, a closet, some sort of instrument case. Papers stacked on a neat and tidy desk. She was almost relieved. Staying in an incredibly personal room almost felt like staying in a piece of that person, she thought miserably as she sat herself down on the bed, beginning to untie her hair from the ponytail that was now causing her pain. It was for the best that Jem's had nothing in it. She had been almost afraid at what she might've seen- From the few times she'd been in Nate's room she knew that teenage boy's rooms could be disgusting. She hadn't realized how afraid she had been of finding something to corrupt the gentle image of Jem that she'd subconsciously created. She was relieved now that she needn't have worried.

She let herself fall backwards against the mattress and was shocked by the sudden world of smell that engulfed her. Her face was surrounded with the smell that had caused her heart to race moments before. She pushed the pillow to her face and let out a half enraged scream. Her mind was driving her insane. The day had been long. It was almost impossible to believe she had been at home, having her own room, not a missing person, only this morning. Could it really have been such a short amount of time?

She looked around the room once more and was immediately disappointed by the lack of books. There would be nothing to do to draw her mind off of how mortifying she had just been. Nothing to do but- She took out her phone and flipped it open, extremely relieved at remembering it's presence in her back pocket. She opened iMessage and stared at the screen. A dark cloud of realization hit her as she went through her three contacts, scanning them over and over again with her eyes, as if she might've missed one. Nate, Aunt Harriet, and now Jem. She was an international pop-star. There had to be more than this.

But there wasn't.

Her eyes stung as she halfheartedly drafted a text to Aunt Harriet, telling her about her day, that she was alright, that she was staying with a friend. She stared at the finished product for quite a few minutes before deleting it. She barely noticed the splatter of water that hit the screen as she watched.

She had no one.

There was a soft knock at the door that sent her furiously scrubbing at her eyes. She had slightest suspicions that, as Jem opened her door and stepped in, she looked like a girl who had just been crying, which was the last thing she wanted to look like.

Jem looked incredibly out of place in his own room as he stuck his head in. He peered at her, and if he noticed the tears he didn't let it on, instead walking over to the bed and holding out a shirt to her.

"This one was just cleaned," he said as way of explanation with a smile. "I think it'll probably do."

"Thank you so much," she said, voice shaking regrettably as she took it. She didn't meet his eyes. "You're being way too nice to me."

"Not at all," she heard him say, his voice gentle, a different tone.

She glanced up at him to see his brow was furrowed. He knelt down beside the bed slowly, not meeting her eyes.

"Tessa-" he began, looking mournful. "I need to apologize."

"Apologize?" she asked in bewilderment. "For what?"

"For- for what it seems I must have done," he said, meeting her eyes, his apologetic and pained. "Inviting you here, Charlotte conveniently being gone. I know- I know what it must have looked like and all I can do is promise you that to- to compromise you-" He grimaced. "Was not at all my intentions, I promise."

It took her a second to understand the meaning of 'compromise' he was intending. She blushed what she was sure was a bright red. "Oh no! I didn't think that for a second!"

"You didn't?" he asked, looking at her, startled and yet, relieved. "I was so sure, especially when I saw your face just now. . . And when I caught you in the kitchen-"

"No!" she interrupted, folding his shirt up in her hands. "Not at all," she said firmly.

He let out a long relieved breath. "Thank goodness. I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable here."

They sat in silence for a moment, though it wasn't awkward this time.

"Jem?" she finally asked quietly, looking down at him.

"Yes?"

She faltered for a moment. "What did you mean when you said that I couldn't imagine. . . How much you. . . And then you stopped?"

Jem froze, hand in his silver hair. He looked as though he fought internally. He had, Tessa noticed, extremely dark circles under his eyes, as though he hadn't slept in days. She longed to reach out and cup his cheek, ask him why he was so tired. Ask what she could do to help.

Jem finally looked up at her, resigned. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"I would believe anything you told me."

He glanced at her cautiously. "It's a bit about. . . what Magnus said," he said slowly, eyeing her to gauge her reaction.

She felt her heart leap. "You talk as if you knew him."

"Well," he paused, eyeing her. ". . . I do. And you too, I'm afraid."

She stared at him. "What do you mean?" she said, not hearing that her voice was barely above a whisper.

"I knew you," he said slowly, his eyes looking all around her face. "In a different place. A different. . . life, almost."

Tessa sat back. She pursed her lips and glanced at him. His expression was dead serious if not a little anxious. She let her mind wrap around what he had said.

"But- How-"

He held up a hand, gently cutting her off. "I think," he said quietly. "It's best if I don't tell you more than that." She met his eyes to see a streak of pain. "At least for now."

"But why?" she whispered, barely daring to breathe.

"Because you don't have a necklace," he said with a sad knowing smile. "And here it isn't the same."

She simply stared, not understanding him at all.

His hand went out and covered hers gently, and he leaned closer. "But you don't need to cry," he whispered gently. "Because even if I won't tell you, you can know," he took a breath. "That there's nothing I wouldn't do for you," he said fervently, reaching up his other hand to gently wipe away a stray tear. "Okay?"

Tessa took a breath before meeting his eyes once more. She gently placed her own small hand over his gently once, holding her face delicately.

"Okay."

Hey guys! I've decided on a schedule for uploading so I don't forget: basically it'll be a new update every Saturday and Sunday but not during the weekdays (which is inevitable when you have an insane amount of school).

ALSO let's celebrate because this is OFFICIALLY the longest chapter of this fic (*yay*)

Anyway, AS ALWAYS I love it when you guys comment, favorite, follow anything (especially comment though because I love to hear feedback from people who actually read my fic!) Anyyyywaaaayyyyy, Wessa or Jessa? ;) You pick.

~Max