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Breakdown

Chapter 8: Stricken

"I understand you dogs have been going through a lot lately. So...go home and make up so there's no running around town when you're supposed to be here rehearsing tomorrow."

It had been an hour since Kendall found James having a breakdown in the dance studio. After about ten minutes of sitting with James in silence, Kendall had texted Logan, informing him of his and James' whereabouts. Logan, Carlos, Kelly and Gustavo had gone back to the Palm Woods to search for Kendall. It seemed they had all crossed paths at one point. Kendall remembered ducking at the sight of the limo, but he didn't mention it.

Now, after forty-five minutes of explanations and apologies, Gustavo was once again giving the boys the rest of the day off. He wasn't about to tell them, but he was seriously considering cancelling the tour. It wasn't because the boys were missing rehearsals and therefore weren't ready, although that was a small part of the reason. No, the main reason was because they were so visibly stressed as it was, and though Gustavo would never admit it, he did care about the boys and their well-beings.

The boys returned to the Palm Woods for the second in one hour that morning and immediately the room was tense with awkwardness and uncertainties of how to act. Casual? No, it was too early for that. And there was no way anyone was going to be raising their voice today.

The boys stood near the door they just came through and each looked like they wanted to bolt back through it and scram off in different directions.

Finally, after a lot of throat-clearing and avoided eye contact, Logan spoke. "I'm gonna go...sit, and...get my mind together, if you guys don't mind."

Now that the ice was broken, ridiculous as it was having ice to break between best friends, the other three jumped on the idea of having some alone time. They needed to talk things out, for sure, but Logan was right. They also needed some time to get their heads around, and within seconds Logan was in his room, Carlos was turning the oven on to make corndogs, Kendall was texting Jo asking her to meet up with him in the lobby, and James was heading down to the pool.

James let out a big, happy sigh as he exited the lobby and scanned the poolside area. It had been too long.

James reclined in his favourite chair and slipped on his black sunglasses, relishing the heat of the sun as it beat down on him. Oh, yes. It had been way too long.

James' mind started to wander to recent events, and he sat up quickly, not wanting to kepp thinking about it. A distraction, he mused. Music. Yes! Perfect.

James fished his ipod from the pile of items he'd arranged on his towel, including (duh) his lucky comb, and sunscreen in case sun block girl came by.

James inserted the headphones into his ears and leaned back, smiling to himself. He was so content. He felt like, with the sun's rays warming him, upbeat music sounding in his ears, lost in his own little world, nothing could trash his mood.

...Except for a song that reminded him.

This is Our Someday blared in James' ears, and he recalled the night of the dress rehearsal...

But Griffin, this is our someday.

Close. It's your last day.

Your last day.

And then James was flooded with every emotion he'd felt since that dreadful night. Anger, hurt, confusion, frustration, sorrow, depression, hopelessness...

It was too much. It didn't matter that it was over now. It didn't matter that the band was back together. It didn't matter that the fighting was over...for now, anyway. James couldn't handle what he was feeling inside. It made his mind spin.

Hastily, James abandoned his chair and belongings and left the pool. He took long, brisk steps through the lobby and out the front entrance of the Palm Woods. He'd been debating all night about whether or not this was the right decision. But he was convinced now, convinced that it was.

His mind set, James began the lengthy walk to Hawke Records.

"Where's Jamessssss?" Carlos whined for the sixth time that half hour.

Logan sighed. "He's probably still at the pool, Carlos. He hasn't worked on his tan for days, and you know him. He'll be down there the whole day."

Carlos pouted. "But why? His tan is fine. I just want him to play one round of COD with me. Is that too much to ask? Is it?"

Logan buried his head in his arms and groaned. "I don't know Carlos. I'm not James."

"Well, could you pretend to be, just for five minutes, so you can eat pie and play video games with me? Pleeeease?"

Logan gave Carlos a look that said 'no way, so just drop it.' Then he sighed again. "Fine."

"Yay! I'm the purple controller."

"I don't care."

Carlos set up the game excitedly and was instantly screaming at the TV screen.

"He didn't kill me, I shot him first! Logan, did you see that? I shot him first, right?"

Logan was really regretting his decision to play. "Honestly Carlos, it doesn't matter if I saw it or not. It's not going to change anything."

Carlos scowled. "James would have agreed with me."

Logan rolled his eyes and bit his tongue. He really just wanted to drop the controller and go back to taking online medical quizzes, but he may have found it slightly entertaining to watch Carlos' side of the screen get tinted red every ten seconds. Carlos only played good when he played with James, for some weird reason.

Kendall walked in then, laughing as he witnessed Carlos jumping around and freaking at the screen, while Logan calmly killed opponent after opponent.

Logan grinned at Kendall, amusement lighting up his face. He jumped when Carlos suddenly smacked his controller against the couch. "We lost! And you got more kills than me! And less deaths. And-holy headshots!..." Carlos switched the gaming console off, grumbling something about Logan cheating.

Shaking his head, Logan turned back to Kendall. "How was your morning?"

"It was lovely spending time with Jo again. Seems like you had some fun yourself."

Logan rolled his eyes again. "Loads."

Carlos told the other two boys he was going to the lobby to but Fruit Smackers. As soon as the door closed behind him, Kendall's expression turned serious. "James isn't back yet?"

"Nope. Don't tell me you're worried."

"I'm worried. You didn't see him in the state I did yesterday. He looked so...broken. What if something's wrong? I mean, really wrong, more than just what we know?"

Of course Logan had thought about that possibility, but he hadn't been able to come up with anything. He just figured it was still the whole new James thing. That wasn't something James would sleep on, wake up, and think, Hey, I'm good with my friends trying to replace me. Logan got that.

But now...now it was different, because he knew something about someone else who had gone through some serious stuff...

"Kendall? When you, you know...is James showing the signs?"

And there it was. The question whose answer could change everything in a second. That was exactly what Kendall had been getting at. He just hadn't wanted to say it directly.

Slowly Kendall nodded. "He's distant, he isn't into singing when we record like he used to be... Loss of interest in hobbies is a huge warning sign. He's just not as happy anymore... I mean, sometimes he seems okay, but then all of a sudden he's just upset again."

And then it hit Logan. He took it as a blow to the gut. His knees went weak and his breathing hitched. If it was what he thought it was...

Slowly he managed to croak out, "Kendall, I don't think it's depression, exactly. But I do think I know what's wrong with him."

"What's wrong with who?" a female voice suddenly rang out from behind them.

Kendall and Logan jumped at the unexpected sound and spun to see Mrs. Knight and Katie standing in the doorway, feet surrounded by shopping bags.

Logan and Kendall shared a nervous look. Before either could get a word out, another voice, this one male, called out from down the hall.

"Hey, Mama K! Katie! How was-" Carlos cut off mid-sentence when he noticed how solemn the atmosphere in the room was.

Mrs. Knight motioned to Logan and Kendall, urging them to speak. "Well?"

Logan cleared his throat and swallowed. "We know how much James has been bothered by the whole losing the band thing. It's really been affecting him in a bad way. It's like he's...fading, I guess you could say. But there definitely something else. We can all see it. I think we need to stage an intervention to find out what's really getting to him. I already have an idea of what it might be, though."

Mrs. Knight held her hand over her heart as Logan spoke. She knew James had been more than upset when BTR broke up, but she'd had no idea it was this bad...however bad it was. What kind of a guardian and second mother am I?

Beside her, Carlos stared at the ground. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear this. Whatever it was, it already had him worried.

Katie broke the silence the almost seemed to echo after Logan had ceased talking.

"What do you think it is?" she sounded as nervous as Carlos and Kendall felt.

Logan inhaled deeply before replying. "I-I think James has-"

"You think I have what?" Once again, an unexpected voice interrupting from the doorway startled everyone, and they all looked at James, abashed for having been caught talking about him behind his back-by him.

"You think I have something? What kind of-wait, what am I saying, I don't have anything! And even if I did, it wouldn't be any of your business! Now stop trying to decode me. I'm fine!" With that, James whirled around and tried to make a run for it down the hall, but a force grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him back.

Carlos' voice pleaded in James' ear. "Please, James, let us help you."

"No-let go-I don't need help!"

"Logan says you do!"

"Logan doesn't know everything!"

There was now commotion in the hall. Carlos and Logan were holding James, preventing him from running, and Kendall stood close, one arm wrapped around his mother, the other securing his little sister close to him.

"You're lucky he wasn't there!" James screamed suddenly, confusing everyone. What did that have to do with anything?

Logan blew it off. He'd find out what that meant later.

"So, so lucky... Stop...there's nothing wrong with me...guys, please..." James was the one pleading now, begging to be let off the hook. As far as his friends were concerned, there was no way that was happening.

"James, it's gonna be okay, I promise. Alright? We're gonna take you somewhere where the people are nice and they'll make you feel better. Okay? Don' t you want to be happy again?"

Tears were now once again slipping down James' delicate cheeks. He nodded.

"Will you come with us, buddy?"

Another nod.

"Okay, great. Lets go to the car." Logan laid a gentle hand on James' arm. He quickly turned to the others, their faces masks of confusion and pain.

Trust me, Logan mouthed.

And they did.

Kendall paced around the small waiting area of the hospital's psychiatric department anxiously. He had his hands jammed firmly into his pockets.

Logan and Carlos were sitting in chairs, both tapping their feet in a nervous gesture.

Katie sat with her mother, eyes trained in the floor, motionless beside the rise and fall of her chest and back. Mrs. Knight was running her hands through her hair endlessly, wishing she could think of something to say. She was the adult here, for crap's sake!

But none of them could speak. Instead, they all went over and over in their heads what Logan had told them, and what that meant, for all of them, but specifically for James. That was, if Logan was right. If he was wrong, it could be nothing, just a little breakdown. Of course, it could also be something different, maybe something worse...

Before anyone could get too deep into that dreary thought, a young female doctor entered the waiting room and smiled at the weary fivesome.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Roberts. I examined James. We ran some tests, asked him a few questions, and, based on what you've all told me from the past couple of weeks, we have the diagnosis." Doctor Roberts paused to look at Logan. "Looks like you were right," she said. "James has bipolar disorder."

Ah! Yes, I did it.

Did you expect that? Be honest, how many people saw it coming? I doubt a lot of you figured it out last chapter, but I'm sure a bunch of you guessed it right near the middle of this one.

So it's not the exact same thing as Kendall, but it's kinda sorta similarish...ish.

If any of you readers have a doctor named Doctor Roberts, it's not a reference. I don't even know you.

Review? :D