AN: Sorry for the longer than anticipated wait, but this story is wrapping up so I had to spend time getting some stuff right.

There's a conversation I've added to this chapter between Jasper & Edward. Jasper calls Edward out on some stuff – this is very much MY view of Edward in this story. I know a lot of you didn't agree with the way I went in the last chapter. To be honest, it was a plot line I wrote one day about 12 months ago. The reason it took me so long to publish it was because I was never happy with it either, however I would never have finished the story at all if I was going to re write it. So there you have it. My mother is still in hospital, so thanks to those of you who were sensitive to that when you reviewed.

Jess POV: I've only just sent it out. If you have it read it first before reading this. It's not imperative, but preferable. It's in 2 PM's so make sure you've read both of them.

Chapter 26:

EPOV

I stepped onto the UW campus for the first time as a new student with a new outlook on life. I was glad to be away from Forks, where the memories of the last year weren't all that spectacular. I'd finished the year with grades that weren't as strong as I'd hoped. So when I looked at applying to Dartmouth I knew there was just no chance, I was never going to get in. I was only thinking about applying to escape anyway, and hadn't I learned that it's better to deal with your problems head on than to run away? I could have blamed a girl. But I only had myself to blame in the end. Karma can be a real bitch like that and I guess in the end I deserved it for what I did to Jess.

Bella never did come back. We stayed in touch, a lot at first and a lot became a little bit. But in the end it was pretty clear that she wasn't interested. She never said as much, it's just a feeling I had. I mean, she left me twice without so much as a word. There's only so many times a guy can handle that sort of rejection. Hopefully it would only make me wiser in the end. I just hoped that whatever she was doing in Phoenix she was happy.

I wasn't sure whether Alice stayed in touch with Bella or not. I suspect that she probably did, but for my sake she didn't push it or tell me about it. Just after graduation we had a big long talk one night about how I felt about it all. At that stage I'd still felt a bit numb. I guess that was probably better than pining after someone who didn't want me. Over the Summer I'd come to terms with it all. Jasper had been the one to point out if I hadn't treated Jessica so appallingly then maybe things would have worked out better for me. He was probably right. I guess I'd never know. The memories of that conversation were not great, it was one of the lower points of my relationship with Jasper. It had happened one night after I'd said something random to Ali and upset her. Clearly Jasper had been stewing on some stuff for a while because he sure did have a lot to say to me.

"Can I be honest with you man?" Jasper asked me.

"Sure."

"You've got one hell of a nerve for trying to keep Alice and I apart after the shit you've pulled." What the fuck, I began to protest but he stopped me. "Just let me finish alright. You spent one night with Bella right? What makes you think that after one night you had any right to treat her like shit the way you did when she then moved to Forks. What about all of those girls you fucked and forgot earlier this year? I know a few of them wanted more from you but you wouldn't give them the time of day. What makes you think they weren't hurting after one night with you the way you were after one night with Bella?"

"Fuck off Whitlock, what about all the girls you fucked?"

"We're not talking about me here. And ever since I made a commitment to a girl, I've done nothing but honor it, and her. Can you say the same thing? If you ask me Jess is the one we should be feeling sorry for here, not you. While I don't particularly like her, she's the one you cheated on. She's the one who got treated like shit. You've been an absolute pussy Cullen.

"Regardless of whether Bella was seeing James or not, if you had feelings for someone else you should have broken up with Jess straight away. None of this drawing it out and waiting until after her birthday or Valentine's day or whatthefuckever. You had plenty of time and plenty of opportunities. That shit only makes it worse for everyone. I know you think you were doing the right thing, but you weren't.

"And now you want us to feel sorry for you because Bella's gone. Well why the fuck should she have stuck around? What was it about your behavior over that 6 or 7 weeks that she was here that gave her the impression that you were actually a stand up guy. Sure there's clearly some sort of insane attraction between the two of you. But she gets back and you treat her like shit, then you spend the rest of her time here cheating on your girlfriend."

"Fuck, just say what you think why don't you."

"Well someone has to because you've been an absolute prick to Alice, and she doesn't deserve it." I had to at least respect him for protecting my sister. Fuck.

Bella didn't care that technically I was still with Jess. "I just….I just couldn't stay away man. And she didn't want me to.."

"That's bullshit. I think I know a little something about staying away from the person you really want. I did it for years, because you asked me to, and because at the time I thought it would be best for Alice. I wasn't being a complete selfish prick about it. Trust me, I know my shit stinks too. But when it comes to the girl I love, I wasn't willing to take any chances with her until I knew I wasn't going to fuck it up.

"On top of all of this shit, did you ever stop to think about how all of this was impacting the way Bella was recovering from her mom's death? Fuck man, I know you were actually helping her with a lot of that shit. But seriously, the girl had issues."

It took me a while to digest all of what Jasper had to say to me that day, and to be honest, I still was. I guess after that I stopped blaming Bella so much and started looking at myself a bit more. Yeah, that wasn't easy.

Emmett & Rose were in California now. I suspected deep down Rose wanted to land some sort of modeling contract, but she'd never admit it to any of us.

Jasper, Alice & I all ended up at UW, as originally planned. We all decided to live on campus. Jasper and I were rooming together and Alice was taking her chances and would be assigned a random stranger. This actually worked out far worse for me than for anyone else, as the chances of Alice spending all of her time in our room were good. Which meant I'd be spending a lot of time in the library. I just didn't need to see my sister and my best friend being that intimate. And besides, it reminded me of what I didn't have. But I'd made a pact with myself this year. I'd move on. Not in the way I had at the start of the last school year – by becoming a manwhore and then settling for the wrong girl, albeit one that reminded me of the one I really wanted. No, this time I wanted to throw myself into my studies, but I also wanted to make sure I got out there and met loads of new people. And with any luck, I'd meet someone who I could give my heart to again.

Jasper and I finished unpacking our gear and setting up our room. We met a few of our neighbors who looked like they'd be a bit of fun and then we decided to make our way over to Alice's to see if she needed any help with getting rid of boxes or anything.

The lift servicing Alice's building looked ridiculously busy with people moving all of their gear in so we opted to take the stairs. Five flights later we reached her floor, trekking along the corridor until we found her room number. I had to admit I couldn't help checking out the ass of the girl who was pushing boxes into the room next door. She turned around and smirked at me. Jasper shot me a dirty look when he saw what I was looking at then knocked briefly before barging into Ali's room. Hope her roommate was dressed. Or maybe not. See, I was already feeling buoyant about my new life.

Walking into the room I could already see that Alice had decorated the entire space.

"Hey Al, you might want to leave some room for your….." But I stopped in my tracks. My mouth went dry. There sitting on the bed opposite Ali's was Bella. She had been sitting leaning against the wall but as she saw me she slid to the edge of the bed, her legs sliding to the floor as her palms ran down the thighs of her jeans.

"Hi." She said sheepishly, to no one in particular.

At that moment it felt like a fist was clenched around my heart. My knees went weak and I didn't know what to say. The adrenalin pumping around my body made my limbs feel ridiculously heavy as I stood there like some sort of dumb fuck just staring at…Bella.

"What…" I wanted to ask what she was doing here. But all I could do was look from her to Ali as if expecting that Ali would know what I was trying to ask and would answer the question for Bella.

Jasper nudged Alice. "Oh, right, I have to get rid of some boxes. Jasper, can you help me? I think we need to give these two some time….alone…..together."

I felt like I should run. But she was here. And it appeared that she was living with Alice, in her dorm room. Which meant she'd be staying here for the next four years. She'd chosen to come to UW. Not stay in Phoenix. And she was beautiful.

So beautiful.

She looked light. Weightless even.

Jasper gave Bella a quick hug hello and goodbye then he and Alice disappeared closing the door behind them. Bella stood, her hands went straight to her pockets as she shifted her weight awkwardly from one foot to the other.

I inhaled deeply rubbing the back of my head with my right hand before exhaling. Nervousness taking over the shock of her sudden reappearance in my life.

"I'm not quite sure what to say right now Bella."

"You don't have to say anything Edward," she replied softly. God, I'd missed her voice.

"What are you doing here? When did….." But I couldn't finish my sentence. This was just too much.

"If I was accepted I was always coming Edward. I just," she was wringing her hands now, looking down at them as they twisted and turned, "I just wasn't sure what your reaction would be if you knew I was coming."

"But Alice knew? Actually, don't answer that question." I said looking at the evidence surrounding the two of us as we stood there like two strangers in the middle of their dorm room not knowing what to say to each other.

At that moment she looked up at me, her doe eyes watery, biting down on her bottom lip. I stood there resolutely trying my hardest to not let her have any affect on me. I tried my damndest not to let any emotion show on my face, not to give anything away. But she was making it incredibly difficult.

"It's so good to see you Edward."

I didn't want her saying things like that to me, not when I knew she didn't want me anymore. I closed my eyes tightly, not wanting her to see the fight that was raging within my soul, within my heart. She had my heart once and I wasn't sure I wanted her to have it again. I wasn't sure what would happen to me if I let her back in.

BPOV

God, he was even more beautiful. Standing there awkwardly I felt the draw that I'd always felt, we stood inches from each other but I could see that we were worlds apart in that moment. And I wasn't even sure that he could forgive me for leaving Forks. But I was going to try. I had to show him.

"Look, I…" I paused, not knowing what I was actually trying to say. "I know you'll probably never let me explain all of it. But I'd like it if you gave me the chance to….to….to make you understand why I left like I did, when I did."

"Bella, I always understood why you left. I get what happened and why you left so suddenly. What I've never really understood is why you never came back. You just….it was like you just disappeared." Edward sat heavily over on Alice's bed and I sat on mine, directly opposite as I prepared to answer the questions I knew would be coming my way when I decided to come to UW and room with Alice.

"It wasn't as easy to get the money back from James as you would imagine. We never let on to him that I knew he had it…"

"I know all of this Bella. After you got it back, you just stayed there," the frustration was still evident in his voice.

"I knew I couldn't miss out on too much school so I'd re-enrolled at my old school in Phoenix while we were working on James, it also made it more authentic to him that I was back for good. By the time we got it back coming back to Forks would have impacted my grades too much, this is all stuff you know. But to be honest that's not even the real reason. Moving to Forks…..you helped me so much Edward." His brows furrowed as he tried to figure out where I was going with this, it was always something I had trouble articulating to him, "with getting over my mom. You helped me start to deal with all of the shit that was going on in my head. But I didn't really start to deal with it properly until I went back to Phoenix and met it all….head on…so to speak."

"But you were there with James." He looked so sad, but once again it was like he couldn't hear what I was trying to tell him. He was just hung up on James.

"Nothing ever happened with James again Edward. He was livid when he found out his mother and I were scheming to get all of the money back. Then the police were involved."

"But you let him think….?" Edward suddenly stood up and started pacing the small space between us. "Did you let him think you were going to get back together? Did he..?"

"Edward he never touched me. I let him think that we were getting close again, that I was thinking about it and that I planned on staying in Phoenix for college. I had to to get my gran's money back."

Edward paced for a few more moments before he turned towards the door. Without turning back to look at me he continued, "look Bella, I have to go. This is all…well. I just have to go for a bit."

"OK, I understand. I guess, I'll see you around?"

He nodded and then left. We still had so much to talk about. He still wasn't really letting me explain it all.

The door closed gently and I couldn't help but wonder if this was Edward being his usual self and running away from me before he knew the full story. Would he be his typical immature self and just bottle it all up inside until it all just blew way out of proportion? Alice had told me she thought he was ready, but I wasn't so sure.

She returned to our dorm room an hour or so later. She'd been hanging out with Jasper in his and Edward's dorm room but she said Edward hadn't returned.

"I wasn't entirely sure whether I should come back or not," she chimed, trying to stay positive. "I wasn't sure whether I'd hear noises I just don't want to hear this early in the semester."

"Hardly Alice. I'm beginning to think we should have warned him. He really wasn't ready to see me again, despite what you say."

"Bella. He's being a massive drama queen. It's just going to take some time with him honey. He's still confused as to why you stayed in Phoenix after all that shit went down. You need to take the time to explain it to him when he's actually prepared to listen, and he's going to need to see that you're genuine about it so he can see that you're not going anywhere and that he can trust you. He's got some abandonment issues," she said putting a mock pout on her face.

"Abandonment?"

"OK, maybe 'abandonment' is a slightly strong word, but you know what I mean," she said flippantly.

"Yeah, I guess. I just hope he gives me a chance."

"Bella, once he sees how much better you are he'll know it's what you needed to deal with the accident properly."

I just sat there and shrugged. I already felt defeated.

"Look, after our dorm intro, mixer night thing tonight I've organized for us to meet them at a bar off campus later on. Jasper will make sure Edward is there."

"Okay."

EPOV

I left her room and choked for air.

Bella was here, and rooming with Alice. I couldn't believe it and I couldn't figure out what I felt about it. My mind was warring with itself. On the one hand I was elated to see her. I had been in love with her for so long now, but we'd been kept apart for various reasons. But then I kept reminding myself that she had broken my heart when she didn't return my last phone call. And while I had eventually let that go, now that she was here I knew that we were going to need to talk about it.

I walked around campus for a while as I figured out what her being here meant. Had she come here for me? Or was she here because she wanted to be close to her Dad and maybe Alice? I was so confused I didn't know what to think.

I eventually made it back to the dorm room. Jasper wasn't in there although the door was wide open making me think he was probably nearby. Hopefully he was, because if not I was going to have to lay down some rules about closing and locking the fucking door.

He arrived back looking a little sheepish when he saw me.

"So? How'd it go?"

"I can't believe neither of you said anything to me?"

"She asked us not to. She thought if you knew she'd be here then you might decide to go somewhere else."

"So she wants to torture me then?" I replied angrily as the damage that was inflicted on my heart months ago began to slice through and cause that ache in my chest once more.

"Edward, I honestly don't think it's like that man. I think the two of you need to sit down and talk about this properly. I don't think you really know the full extent of what happened down in Phoenix," Jasper replied.

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you remember after your mom….died, how hard a time you had of it? The way people looked at you, the way you felt every time you had to pass that stretch of road, going past the hospital. Well Bella had to go and face all of that, at the same time she was having to deal with that asshole and what he did. Not to mention the fact that she had to leave you behind when she did it."

"I'm not entirely sure that was as much a hardship for her as it was for me?"

"Are you kidding me man. She was gutted. It wasn't until she started seeing a councilor down there that she started to realize she needed to figure it all out on her own and that the pressure as well as the history from what was happening with the two of you wasn't helping."

I thought about what he said for a few moments, but I still couldn't reconcile it all in my mind.

"I just don't know if I can trust her again J?"

"Well, the way I see it it's not like she's got much reason to trust you either. If I recall, the last time you saw her before she left you still had a girlfriend, oh and don't let's forget that you'd fucked her the night before….while still with Jess, technically,", he said using air quotes, "or not. How do you think that always made her feel?"

While I'd had all of that shit pointed out to me before, it wasn't until now, that she was in front of me, that I really realized I was so hung up on my own shit I was having trouble seeing that she had her own shit to deal with, and maybe it was more important.