A/N I reposted this chapter cause there were some mistakes that weren't really noticeable but drove me crazy when I re-read it over after I posted it. Sorry!

Breakdown

Chapter 14: Death

"W-what? A coma? Three weeks?"

Doctor Anderson nodded. "Early this morning, you opened your eyes. You were awake, but unresponsive. We discovered you were able to breath on your own, so we removed the breathing tube. That is why your throat feels a bit raw. Your heart rate had been all over the place while you were in the coma, but this morning it finally stayed normal. I must say, this is quite miraculous. We weren't sure if you'd ever recover. You're a truly lucky boy, James."

Lucky? He'd been in a fricking coma for three and a half freaking weeks and he was lucky?

Then another thought struck him. "Has anyone visited?"

Doctor Anderson looked stunned at the question, but answered anyway. "Of course. A bunch of people have come by, all saying they know you from the Palm Woods. But these three boys visited you more than anyone. They came everyday, as soon as visiting hours started, and they stayed as long as they could. Seems like you've got yourself some pretty amazing friends."

For a moment James stayed silent. He couldn't think of anything to say. Surely the Doctor wasn't talking about Kendall, Logan, and Carlos?

Finally James opened his mouth. "Are they here today?"

"It's still early. Visiting hours have just begun. I'm sure they'll be here soon. When I see them, I'll give them the news right away. I'm sure they'll be more than thrilled to see you've awaken."

James nodded.

"I have to go check on some other patients. Do you have any questions or concerns?"

Well, he'd just found out he'd been in a freaking coma for over three weeks because he's had a massive over dose. Of course he had some questions. His friends visited everyday even though they'd been angrier with him than James had ever seen them. Of course he had some concerns. But James decided those could wait. He shook his head.

"Alright then. I'll be back soon. Doctor Hill will bring your friends in when they arrive." Doctor Anderson offered James a bright smile as he walked out the door. Doctor Hill followed.

Before she left, Doctor Donovan told James his vitals had improved significantly, and if things kept going the way they were, he'd be out of the hospital by the next day.

Yeah, and she failed to mention the names of all the shrinks she's gonna get me to go see.

James bit his lip and fought back tears. It was all suddenly so much. He was so young, his career was just taking off, they's just had their first major exposure as a band, and now here he was laying in a hospital bed because he'd tried to kill himself to escape the wrath of his friends. It seemed like a very absurd thing to OD over. But then there was his disorder. And wasn't that just the bitter icing on the rancid cake.

James lowered his head into his hands and barely surpressed a scream of pure frustration. What did the world have against him? He was so close to fame he could taste it, and now this was going to bring his whole life down.

No doubt the media had snuck a few snapshots of him being wheeled into the ambulance. And the worst part was, they were hardly even famous yet. All the reader's of whatever magazine the story would be in would be thinking 'These boys just started their singing careers, and already the pressure's getting to them? They're no match for the big time.'

James gripped at the sides of his head, wincing a little as he scratched over the small scabs he'd made there a few days ago. All he could think about now was all the people who probably knew. What were they going to think of him? What was going to happen to the band? How mad was Gustavo? And Griffin, what was he going to think about all of this? He'd ended Big Time Rush in the first place.

And...the tour. Oh, God, the tour.

Yep, BTR was definitely done.

Doctor Hill smiled at the three boys she'd gotten to know so well over the past three weeks. The circumstances were unfortunate, but at least she'd gotten to see what caring, wholesome boys BTR were.

Kendall and Logan glanced up and noticed her smile. Logan nudged Carlos, who jerked awake, nearly falling of his chair. All three boys stood, anxiously awaiting any news on their friend. She was smiling, that had to be a good sign, right? Doctors didn't just smile when they announced 'Oh, we're terribly sorry, we did everything we could.' That wasn't a smiley-worthy sentence.

The three boys opened their eyes wide and stared expectantly at Doctor Hill. Her smile grew wider, her white teeth twinkling in the light, much like James' would...

"I have great news, boys! James is awake!"

"WHAT?"

"Can we go see him? Like, NOW?"

"How is he? Does he remember what happened?"

"He's awake? Ohmygosh, lets go, lady!"

Doctor Hill laughed, the first sound of true joy the boys had heard in weeks. It sounded beautiful.

"He seems to being doing better than fine. His vitals are very good. We filled him in on what happened, in case he did forget. He took it well. Then he asked if anyone had visited." Her warm smile turned to a slightly troubled frown. "As if he hadn't expected anyone to."

Kendall, Logan, and Carlos quickly shared uncomfortable looks and cleared their throats. They didn't want to explain all that had gone down that had been the causes of James' overdose.

Doctor Hill picked up on this immediately, and reapplied her smile. "He asked for you. I'll take you to see him now."

On the walk to James' room, Carlos was boucning with excitment, Kendall called his mom, and Logan stayed quiet as he got lost in his thoughts.

What if he doesn't want to see us? What if this whole thing breaks him down? What if he's never the same again? What if Mrs. Knight's promise to Katie is broken?

"Stop thinking like that."

"What was that, Logan?"

Logan glanced up in surprise to see the other three staring at him. Had he spoken aloud?

"Uh, nothing. Just...thinking."

Kendall and the doctor nodded, understanding. They didn't press the issue farther.

Carlos grinned excitedly. "Are you thinking about how happy everyone's gonna be in that room? Three weeks, Logan! Oh man, I can't wait to see him!"

Logan's eyes met Kendall. They were thinking the exact same thing. Happy? You couldn't be more wrong, Carlos.

"You have visitors, James," Doctor Hill sang cheerfully as she bounded into the room. Positive energy exuded from her, and James could help but smile back. This was a blissful moment for her. For all of them. At least, it should be.

And then in walked his three (former?) bandmates. Before James could read their expressions, Carlos was diving through the air. He landed on James' bed, earning an "Oof!" from the brunette. In less than a second, Carlos had his arms wrapped tightly around his friend in the nicest embrace James had ever felt, despite the fact that it was taking place in a hospital bed.

"James! I've been waiting forever for you to wake up! Logan said to stay positive, and I did. It looks like it worked! James, please don't ever scare us like that again. I love you too much."

James felt his heart grow heavy. He'd had all of them so, so worried. He was such a jerk.

Doctor Hill, still smiling, stepped back and let the mini-celebration continue. She watched as Logan and Kendall, seemingly hesitant, wandered over to James' bed as Carlos climbed off to allow his other friends to greet James.

For a moment, the air was thick with silent tension. Stares were delievered, and no words.

Then Kendall leaned forward and hugged James tighter than Carlos had. "I missed you so much, buddy," he whispered into his friends ear.

Logan rapidly blinked back tears as Kendall moved back and Logan took over. He sat beside James on the bed like Carlos had, only Logan wasn't practically on top of him. Then Logan, too, hugged James tightly and told him that words couldn't describe how relieved and happy he was that he was awake and okay.

Doctor Hill's gentle voice sounded from behind them. "I'm sure you boys have a lot of talking to do. I'll leave you to it. Don't hesitate to press the call button if you need anything. And Doctor Anderson should be back soon." Shooting them one last sparkling smile, the doctor turned and left.

"She's right," James croaked, throat still sore from the recently removed breathing tube. "We have a lot of talking to do."

*24 days ago*

Carlos walked into 2J and began his quest for James. After thinking about it, Carlos had come to the conclusion that James deserved to have his side of the story heard. Carlos knew Logan and Kendall couldn't care less about what he say to say though, so Carlos had left them at the pool and texted James. When he received no response after five minutes, Carlos, always impatient, called James. No answer.

Growing a tad bit irritated, Carlos decided just to go look for the pretty boy. Then, he'd force him to talk.

But James was bigger and stronger, and in a bad mood, which only made him that much scarier. Maybe Carlos shouldn't try to use physical force to get the other boy to talk. Maybe he'd hold his lucky comb hostage or something. Yeah, that was good.

So Carlos headed up to 2J. He looked around the kitchen and living room area, calling out for James. No response.

He peeked in the bathroom. No James.

Last was his and James' room. The good thing was, if James didn't want him in there, Carlos could go in anyway and say he needed a sweater or something. Kendall or Logan couldn't have gotten away with that.

Smirking at his intellect, Carlos quietly wrapped his hand around the doorknob and barged in, loudly. "James!"

The brunette was laying on his back, eyes closed. Carlos didn't notice the stillness of his chest.

"Hey, James. Wake up, man. I want to talk."

Nothing. Not even a flinch.

"Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. I just want to actually hear you out. Please, just talk to me? I'm all ears, promise."

No movement.

Not sure wheter he should be annoyed or worried, Carlos crept closer to the bed till he was hovering right over James.

"JAMES WAKE UP! I HAVE YOUR LUCKY COMB AND I'M BENDING IT AS WE SPEAK!"

Nothing.

Okay, that settled it. He should be worried.

Carlos grabbed James by the shoulders and began to shake him roughly. "James? James! James, wake up! Please, this isn't funny. You're scaring me!"

It was then that Carlos realized his unresponsive friend wasn't breathing. Carlos lost his own breath for a minute. "Oh, god, no. James, no. No, no, no..."

Still moaning in terror, Carlos fumbled for his phone in hs pocket. He hastily dialed and held the phone up to his ear.

"Carlos? Where'd you go-"

"James is dead!"

"...What?"

"JAMES IS DEAD! HE'S NOT WAKING UP, AND HE-HE ISN'T BREATHING! LOGAN, COME UP HERE, NOW!"

"O-okay." Carlos could hear Logan taking in a deep breath on the other end of the line. It made Carlos want to take all of his breath and give it to James.

"Carlos, listen to me." Logan's voice was calmer, but more than a hint of fright still shone through. "I need you to do exactly what I say. Does James have any blankets on him?"

"N-no."

"Okay. Don't put any on him. Now, is he lying on his side or his back?"

"His b-back."

"Alright. You have to roll him over onto his side. I don't know why he isn't...but we don't want him choking on his tongue or vomit if he starts to throw up."

Carlos put the phone on speaker and set it atop the dresser. He quickly but carefully placed his hands on James' left side and pulled until James was lying on his right side, facing Carlos.

"Done, Logan."

"Good. Carlos, do you know how to do CPR?"

Carlos had taken a course on it, they all had, together, but his mind couldn't comprehend anything at that moment. The steps all flew from his mind.

"No, I don't!"

"Hey, it's okay, we're almost there. Just stay calm. Kendall called for an ambulance. They're on their way. They're going to take James to a hospital, and they're going to make him all better. I promise. Alright?"

For a second it sounded like there were two Logan's talking. Then his voice was gone. The line went dead.

"Logan, no! DON'T LEAVE ME, LOGAN!"

"Hey, hey, Carlos, shh, we're here, we're right here."

A pair of arms were suddenly snaking themselves around Carlos' trembling shoulders. He didn't have to turn to know it was Logan.

"You did good, Carlos."

Then the arms were gone. Carlos let out a small whimper as he watched Logan move to James.

Logan paled. Now that he was actually seeing what Carlos had told him, he felt more unsure. Unsure that James was going to make it. Through... whatever it was that had caused this.

Get a hold of yourself, Logan. This is James' life in your hands.

Nodding firmly to himself, Logan moved quickly. He maneuvered James onto his back, tilted his head back, pinched the unconscious boy's nose, and, without a second's hesitation, leaned down and blew two rushes of air into James' mouth.

He could hear Carlos wailing and Kendall whispering soothing assurances to him. But that was background noise. It meant nothing to Logan. He was focused solely on one thing, and that thing was saving his best friend's life.

Logan began performing compressions, pushing down just below James' chest.

After thirty, Logan gave James two more breaths. Then thiry more compressions.

Two breaths.

Thrity compressions.

Carlos sobbed loudly. Logan ignored it.

Two breaths.

Twenty-eight compressions.

Logan heard the gasp of air rushing into James' oxygen-starved lungs, and he lifted James' head as the revived boy began coughing and spluttering.

Behind him, Logan heard Kendall and Carlos crying out. "Logan! You..."

James' choking turned to gagging, and Logan helped him lean over the edge of the bed just as he retched all over the floor. James as left panting desperately for air.

Logan wanted to say something to his friend, anything, but a large lump in his throat prevented any sound from escaping, even the sobs like Carlos' that were aching to be heard.

Instead, Logan stared down at James who was now lying on his side again. As Logan watched intently, for a second dull hazel eyes peeked up through half-lowered lids. A silent sentence burned in those eyes. Logan had a hard time reading the words in them. I'm sorry? Don't leave me? Goodbye?

Then James' eyelids fluttered and closed. Logan made sure he could see the clear rise and fall of his friends chest. Kendall and Carlos finally came close, cautiously avoiding the mess on the floor, and each placed a hand on Logan's shoulder. Logan wanted to look at his friends, wanted them to gather up in a big group hug and be joined by James. But that wasn't going to be happening. Instead, Logan continued to gaze at James as he wondered fervently what had caused him to stop breathing, to momentarily die.

At last, a fat, single tear fleed Logan's eye and slipped down his cheek. He tasted its saltiness as it rolled over his lips and dripped off his chin, plopping to the floor. It was bitter, and Logan nearly laughed as he thought of what a great symbol it made for this situation. Of course, there wasn't anything funny about the dark atmosphere in this room at all. But Logan knew that the initial shock was wearing off. Saving James, that had been pure adrenaline. Now Logan could feel. He felt the heaviness of his heart, the fear of almost losing his frien that made him tremble both inside and out. And he could feel whatever it was that had been keeping him together this whole time snap.

And with that, Logan collapsed to his knees and cried, and, with Kendall and Carlos right by his side, waited for help to come save them. All of them.

The paramedics arrived just as James stopped breathing again.

There you have it, Carlos finding James and Logan saving his life and Kendall being quiet for once. Yay for James living!

Hope you liked! I really enjoyed writing this chapter! I think it's my fav so far! :D

So just a warning, I think this story is coming to an end. Soon. Not next chapter, but it's gonna start getting wrapped up. But don't worry, more drama and friendly comfort on the way!