THREE MONTHS LATER
"There's breakfast on the table and I made a fresh pot of coffee for you" he says through my bedroom door
"Thanks Stefan" I mumble from my bed
Things have pretty much been like this since the accident , Stefan makes me breakfast every morning before he leaves to the hospital and I stay locked in my room until I know he's gone, it's all very immature I know, but I can't stand seeing the sympathy all over his face first thing in the morning… That's something I have to mentally prep for.
"Any plans for today?" he asks
Oh you mean besides wallowing in self pity
"I have an appointment with that shrink you wanted me to see this afternoon" I answer seriously
"That's great" he says, I can practically hear him smiling
"Yup"
"Ok, well I'll be home around six, maybe we can get some dinner?" he asks
"Yeah, sure"
He doesn't respond so I'm assuming he finally left for work.
Don't get me wrong, I know that Stefan is just trying to help, and that I have no right to act like such a jackass, especially since he's let me stay with him since the night of the accident; but he asks me questions that I don't have the answers to, which is pathetic because it's usually just something simple like "what are you doing today"
I wish I knew what I was doing each day, but my life has been in complete disarray since that night, I haven't even been back to work since the accident, they haven't said I'm fired but I mean come on… it's been three months.
I have enough money saved up that I've managed to keep my apartment, even though I haven't been back since the hallway incident; I just can't bring myself to go home, or to sell it, so in the meantime I call Stefan's spare bedroom home.
Last week Stefan finally convinced me to make an appointment with a grief counselor named Dr. Jackson, I really don't want to go but I know that it's probably for the best.
"So Mr. Salvatore" Dr. Jackson starts
"Damon" I correct him "please just call me Damon"
"Ok, Damon. I'm very pleased that you finally agreed to see me, your brother told me a little bit about what happened to you, and I really think that I can help you get through this"
"Really? I mean how did that conversation even start… did Stefan just approach you and say 'Hey doc I have a brother who has a dead wife and baby, and is drowning in crippling despair, I think you should talk to him' Is that how these things work?" I see him cringe at my words
"No, he didn't put it in those exact words"
"Of course he didn't because that would require Stefan to face what happened, and instead he tip toes around everything like I'm going to shatter at any second" I shake my head
"OK, well that's something. Do you wish people would just be more up front about what happened, do you think that would help you heal?" he asks
"No, it would not help me heal, the only thing that would help me heal is if my wife was back in my arms, but that isn't possible"
"No, it isn't; but there are coping mechanisms that will help, everyone is different, and from what you just said, it sounds like the way everyone is avoiding the subject isn't helping you"
"You're right, I haven't had contact with anyone other than Stefan since the funeral, and I can barely stand to look at him because he doesn't look at me the way he used to, every time I look at him all I see is sympathy and I can't stand it, it's a constant reminder of what I've lost" I didn't plan on sharing all this with the therapist, I thought we would make some small talk for an hour and then after he realized we weren't getting anywhere he'd dismiss me
"What about the rest of your family? You haven't seen them?" he asks
"I don't have much family besides Stefan, just my dad and we've never had a very close relationship, Andie used to always push us together, and now that she's gone…" I shake my head "I don't think he has any desire to see me any time soon"
"I'm sure that's not true…"
"Look doc" I interrupt "I thought we were here to talk about my grief issues, and the fact that my anxiety seems to be crippling me. If you want try and tackle my daddy issues, we're gonna need a hell of a lot more time"
"Ok then, baby steps. I think you need to start by getting out of the house more, be around people who don't know you, that don't know your tragedy; and I realize this is probably easier said than done, but I really think the way to get through this is by setting goals, and I think this should be goal number one"
"Ok" I nod, surprisingly I don't want to fight him on this, for the first time in months I actually feel a little better, the idea of having goals again is even a little exciting
"I think we've made some good progress for our first meeting, how about we meet again next week" he asks
"Sure" I nod
"Ok, I'll see you again the same time next week" he stands up and walks with me into the waiting room before calling in his next client
As I exit the building I stop and take a deep breath, for the first time in months I feel like I can actually breathe
On the way to my car I spot a little coffee shop on the corner; 'baby steps' I think to myself before crossing the street and entering the building
"Hi, welcome to Jitters, what can I get for you?" a brunette girl behind the counter asks
"I'll have a medium coffee" I answer
"Any cream or sugar?" she asks
"No, thank you"
"That will be $3.50 please"
After paying her I take a seat at the coffee bar and wait for my coffee, there aren't very many other people here, it must just be a slow hour, cause this seems like the type of place that would be popular
"I haven't seen you in here before" she notes, as she set my coffee in front of me
"Yeah this is my first time"
"Oh well it's nice to meet you, I'm Elena" she extends her hand to me
"It's nice to meet you too, I'm Damon" I take her hand and for the first time since I walked in I really look at her face, and I realize why Dr. Jackson wanted me to be around new people, there isn't even a hint of sympathy on her face, nothing about her reminds me of the pain and loss that follows me around
"Are you from around here?" She asks
"Yeah, just a subway ride away"
"Well maybe I'll be seeing you again then" she says as she wipes down the counter with a damp cloth
"Maybe" I say "I had some business to take care of in the neighborhood and I spotted this place on my way out"
"Business huh, what do you do?"
'I'm, uh well, I'm a lawyer" I stumble, even though that has nothing to do with the 'business' I was referring to
"Are you sure about that?"she giggles
"What do you mean, of course I'm sure" I say seriously
"Nothing, it just seemed like you had to think about" she smiles, trying to lighten the situation
"Yeah well It's not funny, I'm a lawyer and besides I really don't need to justify myself to someone who pours coffee for a living" I snap
I can see the hurt flash across her face, before she clears her throat and her features smooth over
"Ok, I think that's my cue to leave" she smiles sadly at me
I grab my to-go cup and rush towards the door.
As I'm sitting on the subway ride home I can't help but feel disappointed; that hadn't gone as I had planned.
The old me would have never snapped at a stranger like that. I wouldn't have thrown someone's profession in their face; but that was all before, maybe this is who I am now.
Apparently it's not just Stefan I'm an asshole to, it's everyone.
I thought I had made some progress today but as I enter Stefan's apartment I can't help but hope that he's not home yet so I can go straight to my room and avoid him
Just as I walk in I hear a moan coming from the coach
"Oh god, Stefan!" a girl yells from where the moan was coming from just a moment ago
I turn to leave quietly but the floor squeaks, damn it! I've told Stefan at least five times that he needs to have the landlord fix this stupid floorboard
"Damon?!" Stefan yells
"Yup, it's just me" I smile awkwardly, and turn around to give them some privacy
"Oh god" I can hear the girl quickly grabbing her clothes as she runs in to the bathroom
"I'm so sorry" Stefan says
"Why are you apologizing?" I ask "This is your house, you have every right to have couch sex if you want to" I shrug
"I'm dressed, you can turn around" he says
"I have to say I'm a little surprised, booty calls aren't normally your thing, you're usually a steady kinda guy" I tease
He just looks down at the ground
"Wait" I look at him accusingly "are you dating this girl?" I ask
"Yeah" he answer
"Wow" I say
"What?" he asks
"I just can't believe how selfish I am, I've been so into myself that I didn't even noticed you've been seeing someone" I laugh humorlessly
"Well, I was kind of trying to hide it" he admits
"Why? I'm your brother" I ask
"Because you've been so sad, and I told you we were in this together, and we are; I just didn't want you to think that I was moving on and leaving you alone" he shrugs
"Ok, I knew we were codependent, but this is a whole new level for us" I joke "Seriously though Stefan you can't deny yourself happiness just because my life kind of sucks right now. You have to enjoy your own life, and you have to stop hiding things from me and treating me like I'm going to break"
"I know" he nods "I want us to be normal brothers again, I don't like hiding things from you. I really just didn't want to hurt your feelings"
"You won't" I assure him "things are going to change, they have to. We can't keep living like this. Dr. Jackson is going to help me make goals for getting my life back together"
"Really?" he asks
"Yeah, he told me I needed to make new friends and meet new people, so I went to a coffee shop after my appointment"
"Seriously?!" he smiles
God, I never thought going to a coffee shop would be considered a big step… based on Stefan's reaction you would think I had ended world hunger
"Yeah and even talked to a girl" I say sarcastically, purposely leaving out the fact that I was a complete asshole to said girl
"Ok, all joking aside, I'm really proud of you" he smiles
"Yeah, yeah… I think we've had enough emotional bonding for one day" I put my hand on his shoulder "Now tell me, who's the skirt?"
A/N: So I have a million reasons why it took me so long to post this chapter, some of which you wouldn't believe if i told you, but the main one is that this chapter wanted to go a hundred different ways, and this is what i came up with. Please Please please review and let me know what you think. Your opinions really do mean the world to me, and its the best encouragement there is = )