AN: I felt so bad about taking forever to update that i'm here with another one!So if you haven't read the chapter before this one please be sure to go back =) Enjoy! and please let me know what you think in a review!
"So Damon, how do you feel since our meeting last week?" Dr. Jackson asks
"How do I feel?" I mull over his question "well, I feel like shit, but that's pretty much normal these days"
"Have you tried putting yourself out there?" he asks, completely ignoring my crude attempt at humor
"Actually yes, I went in to the coffee shop across the street after I left here last week"
"And how did that go?"
"Well, I ordered a coffee and then insulted a woman I don't even know" I laugh "So, I guess you could say it was a disaster"
"Rome wasn't built in a day Damon" he reminds me, and I can't help at laugh at his cliché one liners
"I realize that, I just wish I could stop insulting people left and right wherever I go. Christ, my own brother didn't tell me he had a new girlfriend because he was afraid of hurting my feelings" I scoff
"But he did tell you, so that's progress; you have try and focus on the positive"
"Yeah, he told me because I walked in on them horizontal on the couch"
"Does your brother moving on hurt your feelings? He asks
"No, he's my brother and I want him to be happy, and I wish that he didn't worry about hurting my feelings all the time"
"Have you ever thought about the fact that Stefan is grieving too?"He asks "that maybe he feels bad for moving on with his life"
"All the time" I answer without hesitation "he lost his sister-in-law and his niece that night, my dad lost his daughter-in-law and his grand-daughter and I was driving the car. So yeah, I've thought about and I can't go there. I won't." I shake my head
"You feel guilty" he comments
"I said this topic is off the table" I say sternly
"Damon-"
"No" I stop him "I think this is enough for today" I stand up and walk out before he has a chance to respond
I stop at a bench just outside the therapy building; I sit down and drop my head into my hands
Why is this happening, things shouldn't be this way, Andie and I should be preparing for our new baby, she should be born in a few weeks, I shouldn't be running out of a grief therapy office, I shouldn't even be seeing a grief counselor, none of this should be happening
"Hey, are you ok?"
I look up at the voice, and see none other than the girl from the coffee shop girl, her face falls as soon as she recognizes me
"Oh, it's you, the mean guy" she says
"The mean guy" I ponder "Yeah I guess that's pretty accurate" I smile sadly
"Sorry for budding in, I better get to work" she turns to leave
"Wait!" I stop her
She turns back and looks at me
"I owe you an apology" I say sincerely "I'm in a weird place right now and I'm in between jobs, so your comment just kind of struck a bad chord, and I lashed out. I'm really sorry, I hope you'll forgive me so you can just call me Damon instead of 'the mean guy'"
"Well then, I guess that means its Damon from here on out" she says, as she sits next to me
"Does that mean you forgive me?" I ask
"Yeah" she nods "besides, if I'm being honest, what you said struck a chord with my funky life right now too" she shrugs "So, what brings you back out here, more business?" she asks
"Yeah, something like that" I half smile
"Were you gonna come in for more coffee, or were you just going to sit here and ponder your existential crisis?"
"Existential crisis" I laugh "You have no idea how right you really are right now"
"Well I don't know about you, but coffee almost always trumps crisis in my book" she smiles "plus, I'm gonna be late for work if I don't get in there, and I could use some company" she stands up and waits for me to join her
"Coffee it is then" I say after a moment
"Let me go clock in really quick" she says after we enter jitters
"Ok" I sit at the coffee bar and wait for her to return
"Ok" she comes back out "what can I get you today?" she asks
"Just a medium coffee"
She turns to the coffee pots, and pours some coffee into a ceramic mug; she must assume I'm staying this time
"Here you go" she places the mug in front of me and leans her elbows on the coffee bar
"How long have you worked here?" I ask
"About a year and a half" she looks down at the counter "I actually have my degree in journalism"
"That's awesome, have you written anything I might've read?" I ask
"Doubtful" she laughs "I did my internship at the New York post, I wrote a few things here and there but nothing big"
"Do you mind if I ask why you're not out chasing your dreams?"
"Well at the end of my internship my boss pulled me aside for a one on one evaluation, and he basically told me that I suck"
"What?" I almost choke on my coffee
"Well not in those words exactly, basically just that I lack a natural talent for journalism, and I just don't have what it takes to make it. Unfortunately this realization was presented to me after graduation, so there wasn't much I could to about career choices at that point, so until I have things figured out, I'm stuck here" she shrugs
"Elena, that's just one man's opinion" I say
"Yeah well when the editor of the Post says you don't have it, you probably don't. It's a pretty big opinion to get, and I don't think it's something to ignore" she says mater-of-factly
I'm about to contradict her but she changes the subject
"What about you, you're stuck in a weird in between stage too right" she asks
"Uh yeah, I used to work for a big law firm downtown"
"And…" she raises an eyebrow, waiting for me to elaborate
"I guess you could say I quit"
"Why, were you unhappy there?"
"No, I loved it there, but things come up and things change, and sometimes there's nothing we can do about it" I shrug
"You're a very evasive person, has anyone ever told you that" she giggles
"No, they haven't" I shake my head "but I suppose you're right" If anything one thing people could always expect from me was my upfront honesty, it was both a blessing and a curse, but i guess in a sense she's right the new Damon is rather evasive.
The front door bell jingles, signaling a new customer
"I better go take their order" she nods towards the couple standing at the counter
"How much for the coffee?" I ask
"Its on the house" she smiles
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, consider it a peace offering" she winks
"Well thank you" I extend my hand to her, she reaches out to accept my handshake "it was nice getting to know you Elena"
"Yeah you too Damon, I hope you'll…" she stops, I notice her staring at our hands, so I look down and see she's spotted my wedding band, when she looks back up at me I can practically see the questions running through her head
I clear my throat, to draw her attention back
"Sorry, um" she stumbles, "I was saying I hope you'll stop in again"
"Yeah" I nod, "same time next week?"I smirk
"Ok, see you then" she smiles back
As I leave all I can think about is the confusion on her face
"Hey" Stefan looks up from the TV when I walk through the door "where have you been?"
"Are you dressed" I cover my eyes
"It's not funny anymore" he groans,
"Oh believe me, it is" I laugh and uncover my eyes, I've been teasing him about it since last week, he's thoroughly annoyed, I still think it's funny as hell
"No it's not, and Caroline won't even come over anymore that's how embarrassed she is"
"Well you could've at least taken the poor girl to your room" I tease
"Please, like you and Andie always made it to the room" his face instantly falls as he realizes what he said "Oh god, Damon I'm so sorry…"
"Stop" I interrupt him "its fine. And you're right, we rarely made it to the bedroom. We did it in the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom, a pool one time, we even did it on your couch that time you went out of town and asked us to check up on your place"
"You didn't…"
"Oh yes, we did" I turn to head into the kitchen "twice" I say over my shoulder
"You're such an asshole" he shakes his head and laughs
"What sounds good for dinner?" I ask
"You're cooking?" he asks
"No, I'm just standing the in kitchen and looking at the pantry for the hell of it" I say sarcastically
"Definitely spaghetti since you're cooking" he says
Our mom used to make spaghetti with us when we were little, she never wrote her recipes down, but I remember enough that it's the closest we'll get to her sauce again.
"Spaghetti it is" I grab the garlic and start chopping
"So how's the counseling going?" he asks
"Fine" I shrug, failing to tell him how I walked out early, the look on my face must tell him that I don't want to further elaborate because he doesn't push the subject
"You're home later then usual" he observes and I can't help but roll my eyes
"Yes dad, I stopped by that coffee shop again" I shrug, like it's no big deal
"Really, to visit with your lady friend" he wiggles his eyebrows
"Don't do that" I stop chopping and point the knife at him
"Do what?" he asks innocently
"Suggest that something is going on when there isn't" I resume my chopping
"I didn't suggest anything, other then she's a lady and she's your friend, is that not true" he plays dumb "what's her name anyway"
"That" I point at him again "is none of your business, besides maybe they just have really good coffee"
"Seriously… you're not even going to tell me her name"
"No, because you're already making a bigger deal out of this then it is" I shake my head
"It's the first person besides me that you've had contact with since that night, it's kind of a big deal"
"No it's not, she's just someone who didn't know me pre-accident, she doesn't look at me like I'm missing something, to her I'm still a relatively normal person" I shrug "that's it, there's no bigger picture here Stefan, I think we all know that the ship to that part of my life sailed along time ago, Andie was it for me"
"Are you planning on ever informing her about this ship?" he asks
"I might have you" I ponder
"Why is that?"
"Right before I left the coffee shop I caught her staring at my wedding ring, so it's only a matter of time before she starts asking questions"
"You don't want to tell her the truth?"
"What good will that do, the whole point of this was to be around people who aren't gonna pity me; the moment she knows I'm a widower who lost his daughter I'll just be a charity case, and I'm not interested" I shake my head
"No, but if she makes you happy-"
"Whoa" I interrupt "who said she makes me happy; all I said was that I got to feel normal around her, I'm not interested in being happy, it's just not in the cards for me; and I definitely don't want to date her, or anyone for that matter, so you can just end that train of thought now" I snap "why can't a guy just have a friend?"
"Ok" he doesn't push it
"Thank you" I place his plate of food in front of him before sitting on the stool next to him "so Caroline really won't come over anymore?" I change the subject
"No, she's mortified"
"We're all adults here" I say
"Well, I don't know if we're all adults" he nudges me teasingly
"Shut up and eat your dinner 'baby" brother" I tease back. I make sure to put an emphasis on 'baby'
I may not know if my life will ever be normal again, or if there the day will ever come when I don't wake up in pain, but I do know that for the first time since the accident, the unknown doesn't seem quite as scary.