(Point of View: Katniss)

Sitting on the ridge that had been my meeting place with Gale, I watched the swiftly moving clouds overtake the blue haze that hung over the mountains. These are my mountains, I thought. I can feel them in my bones. They soothe me, even when a storm threatens to move into them. They are so old, so worn, and so lovely. I never want to leave them. This is home. This is peace.

I needed peace because my emotions were in turmoil. Peeta and I had just returned from District 13. It had been a short trip; one that I didn't want to take. Peeta was helping with the reconstruction efforts in District 12 by then, and he needed to meet with a District 13 government official about them. So I went along. Dr. Aurelius suggested that I see a medical colleague of his while we were there. I'd learned not to question recommendations from Dr. Aurelius because Peeta trusted him so much. I regretted my compliance as I sat on the cold metal table waiting for the doctor though. The walls of the room were made of green tiles and looked like every other hospital and medical room in District 13. They made me want to vomit. I'd spent too much of my time in District 13 surrounded by walls just like them. I thought of Prim busying herself in the medical wards. She really liked it in 13. Of course, Prim could probably like any place

"Miss Everdeen." The doctor said, offering his hand. I shook it tentatively.

"Mrs. Mellark, actually." I replied.

"Oh, yes. Sorry. Mrs. Mellark. I want to tell you before we get started that as a citizen, I appreciate everything you did during the revolution. I planned to tell you that anyway, but now that I've seen your chart I want to thank you all the more. Your sacrifices were personal and significant."

I sat motionless, astonished. The man obviously still thought I was some kind of hero. I wondered what he would think if he knew the truth about me: that I had spent much of the war hiding in a closet, that I murdered a defenseless civilian in the capitol, that most of my "Mockingjay" moments were designed by others, and that I was really just a love-sick teenager when I was supposedly inspiring a revolution.

What should my response be? I thought. If only Peeta were here. He'd know what to say.

"Thank you." I said. "That is very kind of you."

The doctor's face displayed a concerned little smile as he continued.

"I talked to the doctor who saw you in District 12 a while ago. He said you were severely dehydrated and malnourished. He considered your condition quite serious, even life-threatening. Dr. Aurelius feels that that dangerous incident was related to psychological factors. He's probably correct, especially since you've been able to gain weight and avoid dehydration since. I ran some tests none-the-less. Mostly, everything looks normal. We did note on a scan that your bones are brittle for your age. That may have contributed to your broken ribs during the war. Brittle bones not that uncommon in District 12 residents though. Malnutrition seems to be the primary cause. Tell me; were you more malnourished than most in District 12 as a child?"

"My father died and my mother was...sick." I said. "Even before that, we were not well-off."

"So, that's a 'yes'?" He asked slowly.

"I guess so."

"So after your father died, things got worse?" He asked.

"Yes."

"How old were you?"

"12."

"Did you ever faint?"

"Yes."

"Feel cold even though it was warm outside?"

"Yes."

"Have frequent headaches?"

"Yes."

"Get so tired you could not get out of bed?

"Yes, I missed some school."

"Could you see your ribs when looked at yourself in a mirror?" He asked.

"Yes." I replied.

I was starting to feel offended.

Is he trying to humiliate me? I thought.

"Had you started your periods?"

"Um, yes." I said.

"Did they stop?"

"Yes, they did for a while."

"How long?" He asked.

"about two years, I think."

"I see." He said. "And this time, were the symptoms of malnutrition similar?"

"Yes." I replied.

"Did your periods stop then too?"

I couldn't take it anymore.

"Why are you asking me this? Are you trying to embarrass me over the fact that I was poor as a child? Are you trying to make me feel bad for being sick after the war?"

I regretted my accusations immediately. I knew as I said them that they weren't true. I was simply angry. I was angry that he was asking about what happened to me, and I was angry that it happened.

"No, not at all." He said with a surprised tone. "I admire you, Mrs. Mellark. I already told you that. I'm just trying to find out more about...what happened to you...so I can…explain my current findings."

"And asking me about my periods helps you do that?" I said, still sounding frustrated.

"Yes, it does. Your test results show that you've been malnourished recently, and now I know you were chronically malnourished at a critical stage of development. That takes a toll on a person's body. It is probably why your bones are brittle. We can help you with that though. We wouldn't want you falling and breaking something. There are other consequences associated with this kind of malnutrition though. Some of them are reproductive. That's why I asked about your periods."

"What do you mean 'consequences'?" I said, trying to sound calm again.

"Sometimes women with this kind of history can't get pregnant. If they do get pregnant, they have more problems than other women." He said.

I could feel my brow furrow. The doctor continued talking as I struggled to keep listening, "So I did some hormone tests, and I don't think you could get pregnant right now if you tried. That could change though. I just wanted to tell you about all of this this because here in District 13 we have become very good at helping people with fertility problems have babies. I didn't want you and Mr. Mellark to be unaware of your options if you decided to try to conceive and had difficulties.

"You are making a lot of assumptions." I said quietly.

"It's an important goal here in District 13 to promote fertility. It should be in District 12 too since your population was decimated."

He didn't mean for his comment to hurt me, but it stung all the same. Yes, my district's population was decimated…because of me. I thought. What's worse? I might not even be able to participate in its resurgence!

The doctor continued. "Regardless of whether you decide to try to conceive, you should probably gain a little more weight. You're still under-weight. Try to take good care of yourself. Keep talking to Dr. Aurelius. Get enough sleep. The decision as to whether or not to try to conceive is ultimately up to you. This isn't the Capitol. You should do whatever is best for you, Mrs. Mellark. I didn't mean to imply otherwise.

Whatever is best for me? I thought. What about what is best for Peeta?

I was very quiet as we traveled home. The next day I told Peeta I was going to the woods to hunt. Mostly, I cried though. That night I looked through the memory book we'd made. I stopped at the picture of Finnick and Annie's baby. I was holding a new picture of him. In it, he was sitting up by himself.

"Are you alright," Peeta asked me. "Ever since we got back from 13, you haven't been yourself. Now you are looking at your book." He said.

"I just want to remember them" I said. "I want to live a good life and make their sacrifices count, Peeta."

Peeta joined me in looking at the new picture.

"He looks so much like Finnick." He said.

"Those eyes are Finnick's for sure." I agreed, "but he has some of Annie's features too."

Peeta' nodded.

I couldn't hold my feelings in any longer. Looking at Finnick's son's picture, I knew that I had to tell Peeta.

"Peeta, did you really mean it when you said you'd be alright with not having a child? I mean, I know you had a drink with Haymitch. It was really late, and we were both worn out from arguing. You can take back what you said if you didn't mean it."

Peeta put his arm around me and turned me away from the book to look at him.

"Katniss, I want to have a baby with you." He said, "But if you really don't want one, then I think I can accept that...eventually."

"What if I do want one, and I can't have one?" I asked, my voice cracking.

He looked a little confused. "I don't know." He said, "I haven't thought about that."

I looked down at the book. Finnick's son stared back at me from its pages. I didn't want to look at Peeta when I told him.

"Well, it might be true."

There was a long pause. I found it unbearable, but I refused to look up from the book. Peeta pulled his arm more tightly around me, a gesture of love. He wanted me to know he wouldn't let me go, but I knew that those feelings of loyalty might not last. People had deserted me before.

Finally Peeta asked, "How do you know that? Did the doctor in District 13 tell you that?"

"Yes." I said.

"Why wouldn't you be able to have a baby?" He said.

"...because...because...of who I am...and how I grew up...and what I did to cope with the war." I said.

I laid my head down and started to cry. Then I realized I was getting the book wet, and I moved it to the side.

Peeta simply let me cry for a few minutes. He rubbed my back and kissed my hand.

Then he said, "I don't understand, Katniss. Please tell me what he told you."

So I did. By the time I got to the end of the story, I was sobbing.

I told him through my tears, "and you know what the worst part is, Peeta? The worst part is that this last time it was my fault! It was selfish of me to sit around and wish myself dead to the point of starvation. Now I've robbed us of the opportunity to have something you want so much. I thought they would execute me in the Capitol, so I gave up. And here, I just wanted to die. I couldn't see a future. How could I have been so selfish?"

Peeta took both of my hands in his. I felt him rest is forehead on the back of my head gently. "Katniss, stop. This isn't good for you. You have to stop blaming yourself. You were doing the best you could."

"You'll blame me." I whispered.

"No." He said softly. "I'll blame the Capitol. I'll blame how they enslaved us and kept us in poverty. I'll blame the Hunger Games and the people who invented them. I'll blame President Snow. I'll blame District 13 and President Coin. I'll blame the war. I won't blame you - ever."

I looked up at him. Even through my tears I could see the despairing look in his eyes. It was different than the usual concerned look they had when I became upset. His eyes showed that he understood the truth: even if he could convince me to join him in his dream of having a family, that dream might not come true.