I called and cancelled my appointment with Dr. Jackson last week, when they asked me if I wanted to reschedule; I just said I would have to call them back. Although I'm fairly certain I won't
Stefan was furious when he found out, he claims that he has seen so many changes in me in the short time that I've been going but I'm just not so sure, I still wake up feeling miserable in the morning, and I'm just not ready to uncover some of the things that the therapist wants to talk about.
And since I didn't come into town for my appointment, I also bailed on Elena, something I'm not so proud of, which is why I'm now on the subway at the same day and time I would be if I were going to my appointment, only I'm just going to see her.
Something about that realization makes me feel sick but I'm trying to push it aside until I know what it means, maybe it's because of what Stefan had insinuated last week or maybe it's just nerve because thus is all so unknown to me.
I've been going over and over it in my head, I don't even really know her, she's just a nice person who's served me two cups of coffee, we're not friends, so why should I feel bad about not showing up last week.
There's something about her, and it's not just the fact that she didn't know me pre-accident, I think it's that when I look at her I see pain in her eyes, I don't know what caused it, or when, but it's the same pain I see when I look in the mirror, and I feel like I should help her.
It's ridiculous I know, because I don't even know how to help myself.
As the subway comes to a stop and I walk up the stairs and onto the street; I can see her just across the street sitting inside of Jitters reading a book, it must be a slow day.
The door jingles as I walk in, she sets her book down and looks up at me
"Hey" she smiles
"Hey" I say back
"You're earlier than normal" she notes
"Yeah, no 'business' today" I use air quotes when I say the word business because let's face it, she may not know exactly why I'm in the neighborhood each week but she knows there isn't any real business
"So you just came for coffee today" she turns to the pots and starts pouring me my usual cup
"And to see you" I add
What the hell is wrong with me, am I flirting with her?…
Her brows raise in surprise
"That came out wrong…" I correct "I didn't come to see you as in look at you, I just, I meant…" I pause, "Wow that took a weird turn" I laugh awkwardly
"You sure now how to flatter a girl" she teases
"I meant that I came to visit with you. I felt bad about not coming last week when I told you I would"
"No biggie" she shrugs
See, she didn't even care that I didn't come; I'm such a weirdo, thinking she would have been upset.
"I have to say, my Wednesday was a little bit dull without you though" she adds
"Is that so?" I smirk
"Yeah" she blushes
"Well it's mutual then, my Wednesday was pretty uneventful too" I smile
"Ok" her face turns serious as she sits down next to me "I have to ask…"
Here we go…
"Are you married?" she asks
I look down at the table, trying to formulate an answer that won't take this away, this space that is not sad, that is instead easy and fun; unlike the rest of my life
"Because if you are that's great" she continues "I just feel like we're walking on this flirtatious line, and I don't want to cross it if you are. I'm not that girl"
"Yes and no" I answer
"Ok?" she shakes her head in confusion
"Look, it's really complicated. And it's something I think about all the time ans something that people are always pushing me to talk about, except when I'm here; here things are uncomplicated and almost normal, whatever the hell that even means anymore and I don't want to lose that. So for that reason I really don't want to talk about it, just know that I'm not the kind of guy that would come to a coffee shop to spend time with a woman he doesn't really know while his wife sits at home; and I know this goes back to the whole me being evasive thing, but I really, really don't want to give you any more of an answer, so I hope this will be enough"
"I guess it'll have to be" she says, but she doesn't sound too convinced
"Please trust me"
"As you just pointed out, I don't even really know you" she says
"I know; you will though, hopefully, just not this" I shake my head, she has to know I'm serious "and just so we're upfront, I'm just looking for a friend, nothing more" I warn, maybe it's naive of me to think that I can build a friendship with this girl while leaving out such a crucial part of who I am, but there is the giant part of me yearning to try, and now matter how feeble it my seem I give into it.
"Ok" she nods
"Thank you" I smile, slightly surprised that she is willing to give it a shot even though I must seem like a crazy person
"So what can I know about you" she asks
"Well, my name is Damon Salvatore, I was born and raised in New York, I'm twenty eight years old, I went to Columbia University to study law, and I have one younger brother" I smirk
"And you're in between jobs" she adds
"Yes, and I'm in between jobs" I laugh "Now you go"
"Ok" she giggles "My name is Elena Gilbert, I was born and raised in a small town in Virginia I'm twenty four years old, I moved here to study Journalism at NYU, and I too have a younger brother"
"I would love read one of your articles sometime, I don't know if you've heard but the word on the street is that the editor down at the New York Post is a real jackass, with a terrible eye for talent" I smirk
"Stop it" she warns
"Seriously though, I've heard he's the worse when it comes to hiring new writers," I say
"Ok, you have your things, and I have mine. This topic is officially off the table of discussion"
I can't argue with her, especially after she's been so understanding with me.
"Ok, I won't bring it up again" I surrender
"Thank you"
"What's your favorite movie?" I ask
"I love the classics" she smiles "Casablanca, Funny Girl, Breakfast at tiffany's…"
"Gone with the wind" I continue
"Exactly!" she exclaims "What about you?"
"Well as much as I enjoy a good classic too, I have to say I'm a pretty big Star Wars fan" I shrug
"Oh my gosh you're a nerd" she laughs
"I'm so not a nerd, everyone loves Star Wars" I contradict
"I don't" she shakes her head
"That's it!" I throw my hands up "we can't be friends anymore" I tease
"I think I missed the Star Wars craze, I was too young when it was popular, unlike you old man" she laughs
"You wound me" I place my hand over my heart and pout my lower lip
She giggles, something about seeing her smile warms me inside, I push the feeling to the side again, I can't think about what it means and why it makes me feel better than I have in awhile
"So is this place always this quite" I glance around the empty room
"No" she shakes her head "it's just the time of day, in the morning it's crazy. I try my best to avoid those shifts"
"I don't blame you, a bunch of New Yorkers who haven't had their morning coffee yet all stuffed in one room, no thank you" I laugh
"Yeah" she smiles "so, where do you live?" she asks
"Just on the other side of town, I actually live with my brother"
"Really?" she gives me a surprised look
I can practically see the wheels in her head turning, trying piece together the missing information that I refused to offer up, I imagine she's probably thinking that I'm going through a divorce, and that I just haven't taken my ring off or something, little does she know how wrong she is…
"Yeah, for the time being anyway" I shrug " it's actually been kind of nice, it's like we're teenagers again, Which isn't at all embarrassing for me, a twenty eight year old man to be saying out loud" I laugh
"I have a roommate too, so I understand"
"well I mean it makes sense that you do, after all you're just a baby, where-as I'm an 'old man' as you so eloquently pointed out moments ago" I smirk
"Stop it" she shoves my shoulder teasingly as she giggles
She really does have a pretty smile…
"Well" I clear my throat, trying to forget I just thought that "I better get going so you can get some real work done around here" I smile
"Already?" she asks
"Yeah, I need to get going, if I'm not home to cook dinner for baby brother he'll starve to death, and what kind of person would I be if I let that happen" I tease
"Ok" she smiles
"How much for the coffee?" I ask
"It's on the house" she shrugs
"Elena…" I chide
"Damon…" she mocks me "do we have to go over this every time?" she raises a brow at me as if she's challenging me
"Apparently we do" I say, I've never been one to back down from a challenge.
"It's just a perk of having a friend who works at a coffee shop" she smiles
"Well then I at least need to tip you" I walk over to the tip jar and drop a Twenty in it
"Damon!" she stomps her foot like a child
"What!" I put my hands up, in mock surrender "if you don't make any money then you'll starve, and again I ask, what kind of person does that make me?"
"I will not starve" she says defiantly, although I can tell she's trying not to laugh
"Then let's just call it a friend perk" I smirk, and turn towards the door
"Again next week?" she asks
"Who else is gonna support my caffeine addiction" I shout over my shoulder, and out the corner of my eye I see her smiling.
A/N: Hey guys! I hope you guys enjoyed all the Delena time in this chapter, and thank you for all of your reviews and kind words, they really are the best encouragement, so please keep them coming, I love hearing what you think = ]