A/N This chapter is for RainTastesGood, who gave mea couple ideas for the flashback part. Thanks! I love suggestions!

And thank you reviewers for getting me over 60!

Update took forever, I know, and I am ridiculously sorry. Writer's block is killing me! But this one's long, so hopefully it's worth the wait! :)

Breakdown

Chapter 17: Decisions

"No way!"

"You boys listen. James is sick. And I can't possibly expect you to watch him every second of every day to make sure he doesn't do anything like this again. I'd feel a lot better if he was with me, under my watch."

"James isn't sick!" Logan argued. Already anger was built up and pouring out of him. They weren't losing James again.

"Look, boys, I'm not trying to take James away from you. I just think it's best for everyone. It isn't fair for you to have to deal with this. I'm sure it's been very hard on you as is, but now...I just really think he needs to come home. So he is."

Now, Kendall was known for having an extremely short fuse, but he'd never gone as far as to get right up in a female's face and start screaming. So this was a first.

"You think it isn't fair? I'll tell you what's not fair lady, taking James' dream away from him against his will, that's what isn't fair!" Kendall moved closer and closer to Mrs. Diamond with each word, not stopping until they were just inches apart. The air was thick with tension.

"Kendall Knight, stop it this instant!" the furious teen's mother cried. "I didn't raise you to speak that way!"

"Mom, please! You know what's she's saying is wrong! We don't care if this gets a little tough now and then! Do we?"

Kendall whirled to face Carlos and Logan. The two dark-haired boys stared back with big eyes and looks of astonishment. Nobody talked that way to Brooke Diamond. But nobody disagreed with Kendall over such a serious matter, especially when he was so right. So Carlos and Logan quickly nodded.

"Kendall! You-"

"You're the reason this happened to my son, all three of you!"

"Listen up, lady-"

"Kendall Knight!"

Suddenly everybody was shouting at once. Kendall, Logan, Carlos, all at Mrs. Diamond. Mrs. Knight at Kendall, Brooke at all four boys, and the doctors at everyone. The only people not straining to be heard were Katie, who was now standing by James' bed, watching with wide eyes, not sure whether she should be intrigued and join in, or upset and not get into it.

And then there was James. He watched as one of the doctors held Kendall back, away from everyone else. James felt like he was being torn apart on the inside. They were fighting over him, and he didn't get a say in it. They were all talking about fair? Fair to who? Certainly not to him.

More doctors were running in, crowding the room, making a huge, chaotic scene. James couldn't stand to watch, to listen as his friends, his family tore into each other, screaming, shouting, shoving, swearing, begging...it was all way too much...

All movement in the room ceased as a frantic beeping filled the air. The several doctors recognized the sound, and jumped into action immediately.

A few of them pushed everyone else out of the room, while the remaining doctors hustled to James' side.

Everyone desperately tried to get a last look into the room before the door closed. The last thing they saw was the doctors surrounding James, pale and unconscious.

"Family and friends of James Diamond?" Six tear-streaked faces snapped up at the voice. Doctor Anderson stood there, looking rather solemn.

Brooke jumped to her feet. "How's my baby? Is he okay? What happened?"

"Your son is doing just fine. He recently woke up from a coma, and stress was the last thing he needed. All of the yelling voices were overwhelming to him, and his body is still weak and didn't know how to handle it. His heart rate and blood pressure were slightly elevated, causing him to black out. We got both down to where they're supposed to be. James is awake now, if you'd like to see him. Two at a time, please." Doctor Anderson added pointedly.

They all nodded and stood. As soon as Doctor Anderson was gone, Carlos, Kendall, and Logan bolted down the hall and skidded to a stop in front of the elevators.

"Maybe we should let Mrs. Diamond see him first," Logan suggested. "She's his mother, after all."

"No way!" Kendall argued. "She's going to try to brainwash him into going back to Minnesota with her! I'm not letting that happen."

"Kendall, James can make his own decisions," Logan tried to rationalize. "That and he's stubborn. You know he won't give in to his mother that easily."

"Can we just go see him?" Carlos interrupted.

"Yeah, we can. After his mother does."

Kendall glared at Logan, but both mothers and Katie were now just down the hall. This was no time to fight, especially not after what a huge blow-out had just caused.

Besides, Kendall thought to himself as the elevator dinged open and they clambered on. Maybe James' mom will realize how much stress she's putting on him and the damage it's doing him and she won't force him to make such a big decision. She saw what it just did to him. She heard the doctor. There's no way she's going to pressure him like that again.

Soon the six found themselves standing somewhat awkwardly outside James' room.

Mrs. Knight looked at Brooke. "You should talk to him first. We'll wait right here."

Brooke nodded, and, without a single comment, walked through the door.

James glanced over at her as she came in and headed toward him. He felt anger bubble up inside him. Take him back to Minnesota? What good would that do him? She'd baby him so much he'd feel ever more stressed. And she'd probably make him go see a shrink or something!

James scoffed as his mother came to a stop beside his bed. A shrink. He never thought he'd actually crack under the pressure of being famous. And he'd only just became famous! He'd thought fame would be so much fun. He'd be known everywhere he went. People would idolize him. But this was not what he'd expected. He knew celebrities got lost in the fame and went bad a lot of times, but he-they all- had been sure that this wouldn't happen to them. They'd promised themselves and each other that they wouldn't let Hollywood change them. And now? James had changed a lot over the past month. His promise was broken.

"James? Sweetie, are you listening to me?"

James blinked and looked up at his mother. She was staring at him intently, seemingly waiting for something. Oh, right. An answer.

"Yeah, Mom, what?"

"I said, you're getting discharged in two days if things go right. And then I'm taking you back home."

"To the Palm Woods?" James knew that wasn't what she meant. He just wanted to gauge her level of patience. Maybe if she was in a semi-generous mood, he could talk her into staying. After all, how could she say no to him when he was laying all weak and innocent in a hospital bed, staring up at her with big hazel eyes, glinting with hopefulness...

"No. To Minnesota. Don't play that game with me, mister."

Oh. okay. Scratch that.

James groaned and buried his head in his hands. This was it. His life was officially over. There was no changing his mother's mind now.

"James, please don't try to make me feel bad," Brooke continued. "This is for the best."

"How? How is this the best option for me? This is only gonna make everything worse. I'm not gonna be the same anymore. I'm gonna be sad all the time. I'll hate you for the rest of my life. Is that really the best thing, for both of us?"

Brooke was absolutely stunned. James had never spoken to her like that before. Maybe it was his condition, but regardless, Brooke wasn't having any of it.

"James! You will not disrespect me and my wishes! You're coming home with me, you will move on from this silly dream of yours, and you will do it without another negative comment!"

James bit his tongue. Literally. It was the only way to keep himself from totally losing it on his mother. He could feel the bubbles of anger pop inside of him, and he bit down harder until he could taste blood. As desperately as he wanted his mother to just shut up and listen to him for once, he knew it would only make things worse. He'd get too stressed and pass out again, or she'd never let him leave the house once they got back to dreaded Minnesota. So James used everything he had to keep his mouth shut.

"Do you understand me?" Brooke demanded in s slightly gentler tone.

James really didn't want to do this, but he had no choice. There was no getting your way with his mother unless it was what she wanted, as well.

So James, stomach twisting and jaw clenching at the motion, nodded. And that was that. He was going back to Minnesota.

The next day at the hospital, James' last full one, wasn't too eventful. Kendall, Logan, and Carlos stayed with him all day. Mrs. Diamond didn't show up. She called and said she wasn't there because she was packing for James to leave the next day, but James had his suspicions.

"I guess we won't be the Super Hollywood Party Kings of Hollywood anymore," Carlos said sadly, eyes downcast.

James sighed. "I guess not, buddy."

Kendall was the only one still mad and not moping around in defeat. There was a way to beat Brooke. There had to be. This was her only son's dream come true, and she was going to take it away from him just like that? Didn't she trust them and his mother to help James when things got rough?

"There has to be a way out of this. There is a way out of it."

Logan exhaled loudly. "Kendall, there is no way. This is Mrs. Diamond we're dealing with here. She's not like your mom. She isn't understanding or empathetic." Logan winced at his words and turned James. "Sorry, man."

James just shrugged. "Whatever. It's not like it isn't true. And no offense Kendall, but I already tried to stand up to her. There isn't a chance she'll let you convince her if I couldn't."

Kendall shook his head angrily. "Are you going to give up that easily? Since when do you let your mother push you around?"

"Uh, since I was born."

"Well, you're sixteen now, James. You're your own person. It's time to take a stand! For yourself, for the band. For your future."

"Kendall! It's over! Okay? I tried. She doesn't care about what I have to say. She thinks she's right, and you know there's no telling her she isn't. I'm probably in enough trouble talking back to her as it is."

Kendall opened his mouth to yell again, but Logan quickly cut him off.

"We're not supposed to be stressing James out, remember?"

Kendall closed his mouth, but his eyes remained hard and angry.

"Maybe if you bought your mom a kitten, she'd-"

"Carlos! Kittens don't solve everything!"

"Well sorry be trying to be helpful!"

James gripped his head, feeling a headache coming on. "Guys, just face it. I'm going home. I don't know what's going to happen to you, but I'm done. And that's that." James wrinkled is nose in disgust as he listened to himself. He really did sound like his mother.

"What's going to happen to us...Oh, man. We need to call Gustavo," Logan realized. "Tell him about...this."

"This is going to go down well," Kendall growled, his sarcasm glaringly clear. He took his cellphone into the hall.

Carlos and Logan glanced at each other for a moment before turning their attention back to James.

"He isn't mad at you," Logan assured the brunette. "You know that, right?"

James nodded. "But what about you guys? What are you going to do? Try to replace me again?"

Logan and Carlos were taken aback. "Whoa, James, why are you bringing that up? We told you. There's no BTR without you. And we mean it. If you go, we go."

James lowered his eyes and stared at the tiled floor. "I wish none of us had to go," he whispered.

Logan and Carlos edged closer to his bed. "We know, buddy. We feel the same way."

After that they sat in silence for a few minutes until Kendall came back in. The other three stared at him with expectant eyes.

Kendall did not look happy. He was red-faced and breathing heavily. He looked back at his friends and his expression softened a bit. He sighed.

"Well, aren't I a genius? That didn't go down well."

Kendall came further into the room as he spoke. "He screamed for a while. Then he said he wants us-" he motioned to himself, Logan, and Carlos. "-to keep the band going as a trio." Kendall scoffed in disgust. "As if. I told him Big Time Rush doesn't exist if it isn't the four of us. Then he yelled some more and said he gave up. I guess that means we're done, and he's not going to try to fix it again. He hung up before he could so calmly explain that."

The room was silent again for a another minute as the boys let this sink in. This time, it really, truly was the end.

Carlos was the one to break the silence. "So...it's over? We go back to Minnesota and play hockey and shovel snow and try to forget these past six months?"

"Looks like it."

"Wait, you guys."

All heads snapped toward James. The brunette chewed his lower lip as he inspected the faces of his friends. Worn-out, tired, defeated. He couldn't stand to see them like that, especially when there was something he could do about it.

"You guys can't do this. You can't quit. Not when you still have the opportunity to keep going. With or without me. This is all my fault, anyway. If I hadn't...done what I did, my mom wouldn't be forcing me back to Minnesota, and we'd be fine. I let myself break. And you guys don't deserve to take the fall with me. So, please, just, keep the band going. Who knows? Maybe one day my mom will come to her senses, realize she's being insanely overprotective, and she'll let me rejoin."

"James, do you hear yourself? You're asking us to go on without you. We can't do that. The first time was a mistake, and we learned from it. We're never leaving you again."

James' eyes shone with tears. He didn't know what they were from. The selflessness of his friends? Or maybe the reality hitting. The reality of knowing that his dream had been stomped on, incinerated, crushed. And when it had been pulled out from under him, he'd fallen. And the landing had been a hard one.

Five pairs of arms surrounded James in the nicest group hug he'd ever been a part of. He hid his face in the shoulder next to him so that his tears wouldn't be visible. Not that it mattered. When they broke apart ten seconds later, everyone could see them. But they were all crying, too. Even Katie.

Suddenly James found himself laughing. "We're acting like we're never going to see each other again," he explained in response to the dumbfounded looks he was receiving. "We'll hang out like tomorrow. It'll be like it was before." Before we were a band.

Before James could dwell on the finality of it too much, his mother was calling to him.

"James, lets go sweetie! You can see your friends tomorrow. Or...next week. The limo's waiting."

James forced a small, weak smile for his friends and second mother. "I'll see you guys soon?"

"Of course."

"As soon as we're back tomorrow." Kendall glanced over James' shoulder at the taller boy's mother. "No matter what she says."

James nodded, hastily wiping the tears from his cheeks. He looked one last time in each of their eyes before turning and walking out of the hospital. He watched the chauffeur load the last of his luggage into the trunk of the limo before sliding in. Maybe he was stalling. So what? It wouldn't make a difference. He was still going to be home by the end of the night.

The limo had come straight to the hospital, having had already gone to the Palm Woods to pick up the luggage. Brooke had said she didn't want James to go back. It'd only make this harder.

Right, 'cause kissing my life-long dream-come-true goodbye isn't hard on it's own.

Everyone else was leaving early tomorrow morning. They needed time to pack their stuff and deal with rent.

James leaned his head back as his mother sat across from him. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore her. The last thing he wanted to do right then was talk to her. But she was insistent.

"You know this is for the best. That's the only reason I'm doing it. You understand, don't you?"

No, not really.

"Yes, Mom."

"I'm not trying to be a bad mother here. I'm trying to be a good one, a caring one."

Got a dictionary handy? 'Cause I'm pretty sure you won't find 'ruining your son's life' under caring.

"I know, Mom. Look, I'm kinda tired. Can we talk about this on the plane?"

"Sure, sweetie. You just sleep. I'll wake you when we get to the airport."

James didn't answer. He just tuned everything out until he felt himself drifting into the land of dreams.

But instead of dreaming, his tired mind was flooded with memory...

"We'll leave you two to it."

Mrs. Knight gave Brooke's hand a squeeze, and she ushered the other three boys out of the room before closing the door behind them. James and his mother were alone.

"M-mom..."

Immediately tears were running down Brooke's face, leaving streaks of black mascara and eyeliner. For once, she couldn't care less.

Before James knew it, he was being embraced tightly by his mother. Her sobs rang loud in his ears. "Oh, Jamie, my boy, you're awake, you're awake..."

James's mind was still a little fuzzy around the edges, but he understood what was going on. And he knew his mother needed assurance, comfort, and from him. So James wrapped his arms around his mother, returning the hug, as he blinked back his own tears. He had to stay strong for her.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Brooke pulled back, taking her son's pale face between her hands and staring straight into his eyes.

"I-I still can't believe...oh, James, I was so scared, I..."

"Mom, it's okay," he whispered, intertwining his fingers between hers. "I'm alive, I'm fine. I'm okay. I'm not going anywhere."

Brooke was slowly recovering. She nodded. "Yes, I know, you're right here. You're here with me...James, why?" She couldn't get the whole question out. The words wouldn't form. They were sour, and she knew she'd choke on them.

James breathed in shakily. He didn't really even know. It had been spur of the moment, unfiltered thinking. No, no thinking. None. Just reckless actions.

He looked away, removing his eyes from his mother's. They were too sad, too filled with grief and sorrow. He couldn't handle it.

"Mom, I'm sorry. I d-I don't know why. It just h-happened-" And then he was breaking down. He was crying, wailing, and gasping for breath as his wordless sobs burst from his throat, anguished and broken, shattering his mother's heart completely.

"It hurt, Mom. It all hurt so bad, and I just wanted it to end. I-I couldn't...I didn't feel anything. It was scary, but I didn't feel-af-fraid...Mom, I didn't mean to. I don't want to die, I don't want to d-die, I never did, I swear, I just needed to g-g-get out for a while-" His words became a jumbled mess of sniffles and shaky hiccups. His entire body shook, trembling harshly in his mother's arms.

"Oh, James. I know, sweetie, I know you didn't mean to. You know how much you're loved, how blessed you are. You would never intentionally do that to yourself, I know. Don't you worry, we'll make this better." She rubbed his back as his breathing slowed, returning to normal.

"It's over, you're awake, it's okay now... Oh, my Jamie. James...ames..."

"James? James, wake up, we're here."

His mother's soft voice pulled him to alertness. James opened his eyes slowly and blinked at his mother. She was smiling excitedly. The fact that she was so happy while he was a miserable mess nearly made him sick.

Yeah, she would be excited. She has her little Jamie back.

James turned away from his mother's beaming face to glare out the window at a palm tree. Wait a second...Several palm trees, including two on a tan-coloured sign that read 'Palm Woods'.

And in front of the entrance, seven suitcases, all his, and an eighth one being carried over by the chauffeur.

Jaw hanging open rudely, too astonished to care, James stared at his mother in utter disbelief. He was too shocked to form a coherent sentence. "Where...why am I-"

Brooke just smiled wider, eyes shining happily, and patted her son on the arm. "You're home."

Woo! James is home! His real home, the Palm Woods! What changed Brooke's mind? Hmm...I might have to tell you next chapter. :D

You knew I wouldn't make James leave and break the band apart, right? Of course not!

Oh, and, HORRAY for happy endings!