A/N First off, a BIG HUGE THANKS to all my awesome reviewers, as always! You're some pretty amazing people! And especially thanks to everyone who put Breakdown on their fave story list and me in their fave author list. Seeing you or your story in someone's faves is the greatest feeling in the world!

Aaaaand, sorry for the wait! -_-

Breakdown

Chapter 18: Home

James was feeling overwhelmed all over again, but this time, he didn't mind one bit.

"Mom, what-why...? I mean, I don't...you were so..."

Brooke laughed at her son's confused stuttering. Before she could explain her sudden, and James might add, very unexpected change of heart, there was a tapping on the half-open limousine window.

James turned away from his smiling mother to look out the window again. Kendall and Logan were grinning at him through the small opening at the top, while Carlos was ducked beneath them, his hands cupping around his eyes as he pressed his face against the tinted glass and flashed his teeth happily.

James just sat there in shock without the slightest idea of how to react, completely unable to move, to think. Maybe once he snapped out of this dream and realized it was all just a fantasy, then he could close his gaping mouth.

But it was too real to be a dream. The limo door was suddenly being yanked open, and then he was being hugged tightly, just like he had when he'd left...

Finally James could hear again. He could move. And what did he do with his restored mobility? He did the only thing he could at that moment. He hugged his friends back.

After a minute they all pulled away, Logan, Kendall, and Carlos grinning widely, eyes sparkling with excitement, while James remained to frazzled to be happy.

Why were they here? Why was the chauffeur taking his stuff to the entrance? Why was everyone, including his mother, so freaking happy?

Hardly realizing it, James was suddenly choking out words. "M-mom, what are we...doing here?"

Brooke laughed, a joyous sound, the first time James had heard her laugh or seen her genuinely blissful since she'd been here. Well...minus the three weeks he'd been unconscious, but he seriously doubted she'd been any happier while he'd been in a coma.

"James, I told you. You're home. And you're here to stay."

Well, that certainly cleared things up. "But...why? What..."

"Made me decide to get a heart?"

"I wasn't going to say it like that..."

Brooke patted her son on the arm and leaned close to him.

"Lets talk about it upstairs." Her eyes drifted upward, looking over James' shoulder, and she smiled once again. "And we'd better hurry. I don't think they can wait much longer."

James turned to see what his mother was talking about. He found himself smiling, too, at what his gaze rested on. His three best friends in the whole world were waving at him enthusiastically while they hauled his several suitcases of luggage into the Palm Woods.

James was seated on the orange couch, sandwiched between his mother and Carlos. The helmet-clad boy was bouncing excitedly, making the whole couch shake. He wore a grin the lighted up the entire room. James wanted to be elated, he really did, and he knew he was, of course, but he was also anxious. Maybe even nervous. This was Brooke Diamond here. She hadn't wanted James to ever return to the Palm Woods. There had to be some kind of catch.

"Does this have anything to do with the media exposing...what I did?"

"No, sweetie."

"Have you ever come in contact with a black man, caw's like a hawk all the time? Super creepy."

"James, no."

"Well then why?"

Brooke had to admit, she was pretty hurt. Did her son really not understand that she just wanted him to be happy? This was her personal choice. No one or nothing had forced her to change her mind.

"James, listen. It took a while for me to see this, but you weren't happy. And look what it was doing to you. And then what you said to me when you talked back."

James winced.

"It really made me open my eyes. At first I was going to punish you for disrespecting me like that, but then I thought 'What kind of a mother am I, taking him away from his dream when I should be doing everything I can to make him better?' That's why I brought you back here. Because you've been through so much lately, and you know I can't stand to see you hurting or suffering, and you have been. And I- we all-" Brooke paused to motion to the other individuals in the room. "-want nothing more than for you to be happy. So on the way to the airport, I had the driver turn around and bring us here. I called your friends and told them." Brooke smiled. "You should've heard how excited they were. Now I know I ultimately made the right decision."

James stared at his mother. Was she serious? Why had it taken her so damn long to open her freaking eyes and see that in the first place?

No, that's not fair, he argued with himself. She never changes her mind, and she did for you. Be grateful, not judgmental.

James could see the apologetic sincerity in his mother's eyes. She felt guilty. But she had righted her mistake. She had taken him home. And right now, that's what James really needed. To be in the comfort of his home, surrounded by friends and family, here in LA.

"So...I get to stay?"

"Of course you do. Forever. And I mean it. If I find out you want to come back home-"

James laughed. "No way, Mom. I'm staying right here. You know, other then when I come visit you. Which, knowing Gustavo, will be rare."

"As long as you're happy, baby," Brooke whispered.

James nodded. "I am."

James wasn't happy. Not that he was having second thoughts about staying in LA. No, he was just...having second thoughts. About other things.

He was laying in his room, on his bed. Logan was sitting at the foot of his bed, legs curled up against his chest, arms wrapped around his shins, while Carlos and Kendall sprawled out on Carlos' bed.

James was trying to remember the last time he'd been in this bed. He didn't recall any of what his friends had told him in the hospital, about saving his life. Logan had said he'd woken once, right after Logan had revived him, and had looked straight at Logan with eyes that seemed to be dead and alive at the same time, saying something. But Logan hadn't figured out what. James didn't know what he'd been trying to say, because he didn't recall having been trying to say anything.

Logan pressing down on his chest, all of them crying and shouting, opening his eyes, vomiting all over the floor...He didn't remember any of that.

The last thing James remembered was the entering his room after he'd swallowed the fatal amount of pills. He didn't even remember laying down. He didn't remember feeling anything.

And now here he was, feeling something. Pain. His throat, his stomach, his head, all aching. And his heart, his brain. Too much thought. Like, was his mother telling the truth? She just wanted him to be happy? Why? Because if he wasn't, he might try even harder to kill himself?

It was making him feel guilty. Everyone had to give into whatever he wanted because if they didn't, he'd break. He didn't want everyone to be afraid of hurting him. He didn't want to be treated differently. Chances were, everyone was going to act different around him. All the Palm Woods residents knew. Gustavo and Kelly and Griffin knew. What were they going to do?

James didn't want to have to think about it, but he was going to have to deal with it anyway, and he wanted to be prepared for the worst. What if Griffin decided to call it quits on BTR anyway? Then this whole drama with his mother could have been avoided.

Stop being such a pessimist!

"James? You listening?"

James blinked and looked up at Logan. "Hmm?"

"You've been awfully quiet. Everything okay? What are you thinking about?"

James shook his head. "Just...everything. It's still a lot to take in, you know?"

Three heads nodded.

Logan began to rub comforting circles on James' shoulder. "I get it. But be careful about how you're thinking. Just remember that we're all here, together, happy. Okay?"

James nodded. "I know. And...thanks, guys."

"For what?" Kendall piped up.

"For being here for me. For being happy to see me awake...I didn't tell you guys this, but I thought you hadn't visited at all. I thought you guys didn't care, because of...of what you found out before I... And I shouldn't have ever thought you guys wouldn't care. I mean, I'd understand if you were still completely pissed..."

"James, James, shh. We know you didn't end up going back to Hawk again."

"I know. I told you that. And I'm never going to. It was the stupidest thing I've ever done. If only you guys knew how much I regret that..."

"Uh, James? We kinda do."

"...Oh. Right."

Carlos, who had remained unusually silent, shifted uncomfortably on his bed and spoke up. "Is talking like this always going to be this awkward?"

Logan and Kendall glanced at him. "It isn't...well, okay, it is a little awkward," Logan agreed. "But this kind of thing takes time. It needs to be talked out, and it'll take a while, but soon we won't have to talk about it anymore. Then things can go back to how they used to be."

James suddenly averted his eyes from the other three's as they all looked back at him. He didn't think things would ever be exactly how they should be. Close. But not exact.

"And like I was saying earlier," Logan added. "We aren't mad at you anymore, James. I'm not going to lie, I was. We all were. But everyone makes mistakes. That was yours. But we've been friends for way too long to feel like we can't trust you over this."

James just nodded guiltily, headache and stomachache worsening.

"You understand that, right?"

"Yeah."

"Good...Hey, are you alright?"

James finally looked back at Logan. Kendall and Carlos were suddenly by the bed, looking down at him, concerned.

"You look a little pale," Kendall informed him.

James sighed. "I'm fine guys. Like I said earlier, still a bit...overwhelmed."
"James...what else?"

James groaned and rolled his eyes.

"James, we have to make sure-"

"I know, I know. I get it. And thanks for being so concerned, but don't freak yourselves out. I just don't feel a hundred percent."

Six eyes stared at him expectantly, silently urging him to elaborate.

James sighed. "It's just a little headache. And my stomach feels sort of funny. I'll be fine."

"You sure? It doesn't feel like anything serious?"

"Logan. Relax. I just need to sleep it off. It's been...a really long couple of days."

Logan nodded his understanding. "Alright..." he relented. "We'll let you get some rest. Just text if you need anything. Don't get up, and don't yell for us. And if you feel worse, let us know."

James started to nod, but a sudden thought struck him, and he smiled up at his friends sheepishly. "Yeah, that reminds me...I need a new phone."

James slept for the rest of the afternoon. When he woke at around six pm, it was to Carlos grinning down at him and telling him it was time for dinner. James followed his energetic friend into the kitchen even though he really didn't feel up to eating. So much for sleeping off his sick feeling. If anything, it had only made his head and stomach hurt worse.

James took a seat at the table and tried not to look at the food. But he couldn't avoid the smell of it. James rested his head on the table as he willed his stomach to calm down.

Of course, his action did not go unnoticed.

"James, are you okay sweetie?" Brooke asked. James shook his still lowered head, and his mother was out of her seat and at his side immediately.

"What's wrong, baby?"

"M-my stomach..."

"Do you feel sick?"

James nodded. "I mean, I'm not going to be sick, but...I can't eat anything."

Logan knew right away what was happening to his friend, and he scooted closer in his chair.

"Is your stomach cramping?" he asked.

James nodded.

"Then you have to eat something."

James raised his head to glare at Logan. "Do you always have to be difficult?"

"You haven't eaten anything since you've been home, and at the hospital all you had was ice chips and jello. You need to get used to eating solid food again." He pushed James' plate toward him. "Here, at least try some...peas. Just one spoonful to start. You can eat as slow as you need to."

James made a face at the small green spheres. Nothing was appetizing right then. Even the thought of pie made his insides turn. But he knew Logan was right. He was a medical genius. So James scooped four peas onto his spoon and slowly ate them. They didn't taste bad. James struggled to swallow them. Even though it had been three days, his throat was still slightly sore from the breathing tube.

James almost laughed when he looked up and saw that everyone was staring at him expectantly. He pressed his lips together and waited a moment before deciding that those four peas weren't making him feel any worse.

"You okay?" Logan asked.

James nodded and took a sip of his water. Six pairs of eyes continued to stare him down. James stared back.

"Uh, can you guys stop looking at me like that? Or just in general?"

Suddenly everyone was picking at their own food. Brooke rubbed James' arm before finally going back to her seat. The meal went on in a very uncomfortable silence for nearly five minutes until James couldn't force anything else down, and he broke the silence. "So, uh, when are we going back to the studio?"

Everyone stopped staring at their plates and looked up with relieved expressions on their faces, glad that someone had finally spoken.

Kendall answered. "The three of us were going to go in tomorrow to get things sorted out...If you feel okay to come, you can."

James nodded. "I probably should."

Logan glanced over at the brunette. "Are you sure? You don't have to. You can wait a couple more days."

"No. I want to know what's happening, too." James swallowed hard. "At least, I think I do."

The mood became uncomfortable once again. None of them had any idea what was going to happen at the studio tomorrow. Would Griffin be there? Would he be understanding and give BTR one more shot? Or had he already moved on, and was going to drop the bomb on them tomorrow? There was no foreshadowing. It made them extremely nervous.

"Well, we'll just have to wait and see," Carlos chimed in, trying to lighten the mood somewhat.

James shrugged and stole a glance at his mother. Even she looked worried. As rude as it may have seemed, James was happy she looked worried. Not because he wanted her to feel bad, but because he knew her worrying about the chances of the band not making it past tomorrow meant that she really did want him here, she truly wanted him to be happy and chase his dream.

James found himself hiding a smile. His mother was so beautiful. Inside and out.

James wrapped his blankets around his body and sighed. Logan had been right. He felt better now that he had some food in his stomach. It was going to be a while before he could manage a full-sized meal, though. Tonight he'd eaten about a quarter of what he usually did.

Logan came into the room and smiled when he saw that Carlos was already fast asleep. He and Kendall always fell asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow. Logan and James weren't so fortunate, and usually they were left thinking endless thoughts of just staring up at the ceiling for an hour before they finally drifted off.

Logan wandered over to James' bed.

"You feeling better?" he asked softly.

"Yeah. Thanks. You always know what to do."

Logan just shrugged, blushing slightly. "It's not a big deal."

James sat up, tugging Logan down onto the bed. "Yes it is, Logan. You saved my life. I don't even know how to repay you for that. It's a huge deal."

"James...I know you would have done the same for me. And anyway, it was pure adrenaline. I wasn't even thinking. I just went through the motions and suddenly I became aware when you were staring right at me...And I knew you were trying to tell me something. I just didn't know what. I thought maybe you were apologizing. Or..." Logan's voice dropped to a pained whisper. "Saying goodbye."

James felt the tears begin to fill his eyes, and he pulled Logan in for a hug. They sat, crying silently, enjoying the warmth and the life they felt from each other and their tears stained each other's shirts.

Finally James pulled back, grabbing Logan by the shoulders and staring right at him. "I really am sorry I put you through that." His voice was barely audible.

Logan shook his head. "Shh, it's over now. Don't apologize. It's okay. We're going to help you. We aren't going anywhere."

James smiled weakly. "I know. I trust you guys. And I love all you so much."

"We love you too, buddy."

James wiped his hands across his cheeks, eliminating any trace of his tears. Logan mirrored the action. James was quiet for a minute, seemingly in deep thought, before he glanced back up at his friend.

"And Logan?"

"Yeah, buddy?"

"I think I know what I was trying to say."

"What's that?"

James' eyes burned just the way they had the first time they'd been trying to talk as they gazed into Logan's, and James whispered "Thank you."

I really hope that didn't sound...I don't know, like, romancey and not bromancey, because that was not my intention. Yeah, I love bromance. So cute and happy!

I hope you guys liked this chapter. I loved loved LOVED writing the end. Now it's official. One chapter left, plus an epilogue. But no worries, more stories will come!

Next chap- BACK TO THE STUDIO!