I fucking hate mornings, especially this one.
In my early twenties I swear I could run a marathon the morning after a night of heavy drinking; but at some point that changed, I think it does for everyone. For me it was twenty six, the morning after my birthday I woke up with my body feeling like I was hit by a truck, so needless to say, at twenty-eight things have only gotten worse.
I woke up this morning with the sun brightly shining, head pounding, and the awful memories of what happened with Elena, today should just be peachy
I heard Caroline leave about thirty minutes ago, so since I know the coast is clear I drag myself to the kitchen and pour myself some coffee
"Morning" Stefan mumbles
"Are you as hung-over as I am?" I ask
"I don't think anyone has ever been as hung-over as you, except maybe Lindsey Lohan" he smirks
"Look at that, Stefan finally cracked a joke" I say sarcastically
His expression turns serious again "Damon, you said some things last night, I'm not sure how much you remember but…"
"Believe me Stefan, I remember everything about last night all too well "
"Well then you know what you said isn't true right"
"What part?" I challenge "The part about me killing my pregnant wife, or where I said I was a selfish asshole, we both know it's all true so please don't try and tell me otherwise"
He doesn't add anything, so he must've decided to let it go, for now. I know Stefan better than anyone, and I know I have a lecture coming eventually.
"What'd you tell Caroline?" I ask
"Nothing, she was asleep when I got back to the room last night, so she doesn't even know you were here, but she's on her way home so I'm sure she'll find out any second"
"Ugh" I groan "she's never going to let me hear the end of it"
"What did you expect?" he scoffs
"Excuse me?"
"Look I'm not judging you for what happened. I know you were acting out of fear-"
"You don't know shit." I interrupt him
"You're scared Damon, why else would you sleep with the only friend you have right now... she made you forget all the shit that has happened to you, even if it was just for a little while; and what happened is between the two of you, but don't act like your surprised that Caroline is gonna be pissed"
"It's none of her goddamn business" I snap
"Elena is like a sister to her Damon" he snaps " and when she gets home she's going to find her hurt and upset because you slept with her and then ran off, you have your reasons for what you did, but don't you dare act like she doesn't have a right to be pissed"
"It sounds like she's not the only one that's pissed" I sneer
"Fine!" he throws his hand up in mock surrender "I'm pissed, is that what you wanted to hear? I'm pissed because I finally found a nice girl Damon, and you had to go and put me in the middle by fucking her best friend!"
"How the fuck are you in the middle? I screwed Elena over, me, not you. That's my cross to bear; it has nothing to do with you guys!"
"Because you're my brother Damon, and I'm not going to turn my back on you regardless of what you've done, or how shitty you behaved last night, cause I know that it's not the real you and that the man standing in front of me is just desperately trying to find his footing with the new hand of cards he's been dealt, and I promised I would be by your well you figured all of this out, which means when Caroline comes marching back in here telling me what an asshole you are I'll have to defend you, so I can probably kiss my relationship with her goodbye"
Well fuck… This just goes to show how selfish I am, not only have I ruined my relationship with Elena, I've jeopardized my brothers too
"You can't do that"
"It's what brothers do" he sighs "It's what you would do for me"
"No, this has to stop" I shake my head
"What does?"
"You have to stop putting your life on hold for me; Look, I know you don't think what I said last night is true, but I do. I hope that someday I can see it differently but in order to do that, things need to change, I need to change. I need to start by doing something unselfish, and I can't let you lose a perfectly good woman over this Stefan. I made this mess, now I have to fix it. So When Caroline comes in here yelling about me you tell her that she's right, that I am an asshole and that I'm moving out"
"Damon, you don't have to do that"
"Yeah I do, it's what brothers do" I shrug "Thank you for everything you've done for me Stefan, for supporting me and always having my back, but it's time for me to get back out on my own"
"Are you sure about this" he asks worriedly
"Not at all" I smirk "but that's not for you to worry about, this is your time to be happy, and to enjoy Caroline brother, who knows, maybe she's the one" I nudge him
"Yeah, maybe" he smiles
"On that note, I'm gonna go get all of my crap packed up so you can have your spare room back"
"Hey Damon" he says just as I'm about to leave "You deserve to find 'the one' too you know" he must be able to tell I'm confused because he continues explaining "I know that Andie was 'the one' and you probably feel like she still is, but that doesn't have to be it for you Damon, there's someone out there for you and you will find her and be happy again"
"Thanks Stefan" I smile
As I start folding my clothes I can't help but think about Stefan's words, before I met Andie I never really had a steady relationship, I went on dates sure, and hung out with some girls from college, but none of them interested me beyond a superficial level before Andie, she was smart, beautiful, funny, I was entranced.
Which brings me to Elena, she's funny, beautiful, and way smarter then she gives herself credit for. Was she my new 'one'? That thought makes my heart clench, what if she was and I just ruined it all by rushing into something that I'm not quite ready for, it's too soon for me to move on, but what if that's all Elena and I needed was time. Time to get to know each other more, and time for me to get over my grief, have I really ruined everything just because I couldn't keep it in my pants?
"Where is he?!" a certain blonde shouts from the living room
Oh shit.
My bedroom door swings open "You!" she points her finger at me "What have you done?"
"Caroline…" I try to explain
"Do you know what it's like to go home and find your best friend crying over some jackass, what did you do to her?"
Elena must not have said anything to her
"You have every right to be upset. Please just hear me out before you try and kill me"
"You better have a good explanation Salvatore"
In the past five months I've talked to two people about the accident; Stefan and my therapist; until last night. So for the second time in less the twenty-four hours I take a deep breath and start my story
"I know Stefan told you that I moved in with him because I was going through a rough patch, which is a vague version of the truth, five months ago I was married and had a daughter on the way, until one night we were driving home and got hit head on by an oncoming car"
She gasps
"I gave Elena the same vague truth that Stefan gave you, I should've told her the truth a long time ago and I definitely shouldn't have done it after we slept together, you have no idea how sorry I am Caroline, I never wanted to hurt Elena, I just hope you believe me when I say that I'm going to do my best to make things better. And I hope you don't get mad at Stefan for not telling the truth, he just figured it was my story to tell and not his"
"I'm so sorry Damon" she says sincerely
"Thank you, but please don't pity me. It's time for everyone to stop pitying me, including myself"
"Damon, has Elena told you anything about her past?"
"What do you mean?" I ask in confusion
"About her family"
I think back to all the conversations Elena and I have shared, I know that she went to mystic falls high school, she was a cheerleader, she has a brother named Jeremy, I even vaguely remember a couple of her old boyfriends names, but beyond that I don't recall her ever discussing any of other family members
"A little bit, I know she has a brother" I shrug
"Well lucky for your brother, I know exactly what it's like to be privy to information that's not mine to share"
My eyebrows knit together in confusion "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that if there's anyone in this world who understands the loss your going through it's the girl you left crying and alone last night"
I cringe at her reminder of just how broken Elena looked as I walked out on her "It's too late now" I shake my head
"Says who? Look Damon, I know I don't know you that well, and to you I'm just your brothers blonde girlfriend, but I do know Elena, and I know that when I saw her with you last night I saw her smile in a away I haven't seen since we were teenagers, I don't know why and I don't care, all I know is that I want to see Elena like that again"
I know exactly what she's talking about, Elena's smile is something of beauty, it's enough to make any man want to change career paths and become a comedian
"How could she ever forgive me?" I ask
"Because she's Elena" she says as if it's the most obvious things in the world, and I get it because Elena's probably one of the most understanding people I've ever met.
"Thanks for hearing me out Caroline" I smile "And just for the record, I don't think of you as 'just Stefan's blonde girlfriend'. I'd like to think of us as friends"
"No way, I've seen how you treat your friends Salvatore" she teases and we both laugh
"Thanks for everything Caroline" I say seriously
"No problem" she says back "Hey, what's with all the boxes?" she glances at the boxes full of stuff in my room
"I was just packing up, figured I've been in your guys' hair for too long" I shrug
"I hope you're not doing this because of me"
"Well I have to admit, it's what first prompted the idea, I mean Damn blondie you're scary when you're pissed" I tease
She laughs "Seriously though, why are you going?"
"It's just time for me to go, I don't know how I expected to get back to the real world while I was hiding out here, it's time for me to go home and face my demons"
"Are you both still alive?" Stefan jokes as he peaks around the corner
"Yes brother, we're both alive, I have to admit this is one hell of a woman you've got" I say
"Awe, you're not so bad yourself" she says back
"OK who the hell are you guys and what have you done with my girlfriend and brother" Stefan laughs
"Alright kids, I'm gonna take the first few boxes over to my place, I'll be back for the rest later"
"You want some company?" Stefan offers
I shake my head "Thanks, but I think this is something I should do on my own"
"OK" the both nod in unison
"I see you guys in a bit"
"Good Evening Mr. Salvatore" the door man greets as I enter the apartment complex, he tries his best to sound like it's just another night, and not like this is the first time he's seen me in five months
Everything on the main floor looks as it always has, I glance around and say hello to a few familiar faces, once on the tenth floor I exit the elevator and head towards my door
I stop and take a few deep breaths before turning the key.
The first thing I'm hit with is her smell.
It smells like home.
Her scent was one of the things that scared me most about coming home, I thought it would just make me miss her more, but instead I feel a sense of comfort that I haven't felt in a long time.
I glance around the foyer, on a brown pedestal next the door is a vase full of dead flowers, I remember Andie bringing them home from the market like it was yesterday.
I take a few more steps in and notice her coat discarded of the arm of the sofa, as if time has stood still in this untouched place. And I guess in a way it has.
There are coffee cup sitting on the kitchen counter, exactly where we left them as we rushed out of here early in the morning.
Finally with a deep breath I turn towards the hallway, there, straight ahead is a door cracked open just enough for me to see a sliver of light pink.
For the first time in months, I allow my tears to fall.
"Damon" a soft whisper comes from behind me
I turn around and find Elena leaning against the door frame
"What are you doing here?" I quickly wipe the tears off my cheeks
"I went to Stefan's place to talk to you, I must have just missed you and they told me where you were. I know things are messed up and I might seem like a stalker right now, but I just wanted you to know you don't have to do this alone"
"Elena, you don't have to… I don't deserve…"
"It's ok" she takes a few steps towards me and reaches out to wipe a tear off my cheek with her thumb "We can talk about it later"
Before my mind starts over thinking it I pull her against me and hug her tightly.
"Thank you" I whisper into her hair
A/N: OK, so I know some of you are probably pretty mad that Elena is there to "come to his rescue" believe me I dislike passive aggressive Elena as much as the next person, so I wanted to assure that this does not mean that things are fixed or that she is dismissing what he did in anyway, she's just there as a friend who understands his pain. We will hear more on Elena's past next chapter. Please, Please, Please review, they're the best encouragement in the world and I love hearing your thoughts and ideas. See you next time!