Disclaimer: I own nothing - RTD and the BBC own the Torchwood playground, and happy-rea is kind enough to let Lucy come play with me.
It was early. It was always early when he came in to work. The others couldn't function without their coffee, and to make it properly took time - so Ianto was always the first to arrive. He was never the only one there, Jack never seemed to leave - but he was always the first to arrive.
This time he was even earlier. Lucy had helped him to gather Lisa's things together, and they were going to bring them to her chamber. He hadn't expected to let a near-stranger handle Lisa's things, but Lucy was surprisingly respectful. Indeed, she was more careful with the pictures of Lisa and her family even than he himself would have been.
"You don't take the invisible lift when you come in?"
"Not often, no. That's Jack's toy. Besides, someone has to unlock the main entrance for the others."
Ironic that he would say that, as he turned and locked the door of the tourist office behind them before pressing the button that opened the hidden doorway.
He caught her bemused smile and nearly blushed.
"Well, maybe not this early, we don't want random pedestrians wandering in while we see to Lisa. I open the tourist office at eight. Or nine, if anyone's left a particularly excessive mess around the Hub. Or whenever Jack wants someone to wait for important visitors."
He paused, thinking about it.
"All right, the tourist office is actually rather infrequently staffed."
Lucy grinned up at him, as he gestured toward the now-open doorway for her to go first.
"That's what we always figured - all the fans, I mean. You were always around the Hub way too much for the tourist office to actually be much good to tourists. We figured Jack just sent you up if he had someone he actually wanted to let in, like Martha or -"
She stopped abruptly, then smiled sheepishly.
"Sorry, spoilers."
Ianto shook his head.
"I'm not sure how I feel about that. Bad enough worrying about keeping my secrets from Jack - but my life on a telly, every choice I make held up to the scrutiny of dozens of strangers?"
"Dozens? Ianto, don't sell yourself short, it's more like thousands."
"I'm not sure that makes it better."
"Oh come on! Tons of people love Torchwood. And everyone who loves Torchwood thinks the world of you"
"I'm not sure which world that would be"
The cog doorway opened up, and Ianto looked around to make sure Jack wasn't actually present. It was unusual that he made any noise at all as he'd come in, and now he was part of a laughing, bantering duo. It felt strange, but nice.
"This way." He led the way to the stairs that led to the basement.
She followed him in silence until he reached the lower level, the hallway closest to Lisa's chamber.
"I'll go first. I'll let her know you're here, and I'll let you know when you can come in. Will that be all right?"
"Yeah, sure. I mean, I don't mind…"
She looked him in the eye. No one did that, no one bothered to notice him - not ever, and certainly not since he'd joined Torchwood Cardiff.
"Ianto, I'm so sorry. I really wish it had been different for you."
He didn't know what to say to that. He settled for saying nothing.
He started down the final hall that led to Lisa's hiding place.
"I'll call for you in a minute."
She probably had some sympathetic expression on her face. He could almost see it. He walked resolutely away, squaring his shoulders. He didn't want compassion, he didn't want pity. Did he?
(*_*) (*_*) (*_*)
The door swung silently open - at first it had screeched and whined every time he opened it, but a daily oiling and careful working of the hinges reduced the sound almost entirely. He knew that it couldn't be heard even a few hundred feet away, much less in the Hub above, but it had still worried him. So he had fixed it. If only he could fix Lisa as easily.
He never wanted to look - never wanted to see his vibrant, life-filled Lisa trapped and helpless, immobilized in a frame that was simultaneously keeping her alive, and filling her life with nothing but agony. Cybercomponents were never meant to interface with human flesh, and the stench was nearly unbearable - in so many ways, a partial conversion was worse than if they'd just killed her and been done with it.
"Lisa?"
She turned, her eyes fluttering open to look at him.
"How do you feel?"
She smiled - the corners of her eyes crinkling as they always had when he'd walked into the room. That smile, the one she'd given to him alone. It nearly broke his heart.
"Better, now that you're here."
She was lying. Of course she was lying, she always lied to make him feel better. He accepted the fiction - she didn't need to worry about him, on top of everything else.
"Is there anything I can do?"
She gasped, just once.
"The pain. Can you…"
As quickly as he could, but carefully - so carefully, not to knock her frame about - he reached behind her head and adjusted the flow of the pain medication. He really needed to figure out how to put it in her own reach, so she could give herself relief for those times he couldn't be there. But she never let him, said she didn't think she could trust herself with that control.
As the medication began to flow more freely, she heaved a deep sigh of relief. Ianto reached and took her hand. He wanted to say something, he wanted to do something - anything but stand here, so awkward, so uncomfortable. Lisa - his Lisa - she never wanted anyone to make a fuss.
He had no idea how long he was stood there. He tasted salt, sliding into the corner of his mouth. With his free hand, he pushed the water away from his cheek, trying to rub it out completely.
He took a deep breath. There wasn't much time, and Lucy was waiting.
"Um, I've brought someone. Here. Someone who can… might… be able to help."
Lisa raised her eyes to him again. Hope? Was that hope in her eyes?
"A doctor? A cybernetics expert?"
"No."
He hated so much to dash that hope, but…
"No, a...a friend. She knows. She wants to help."
"What good will that do? What does she know of THIS?"
She was angry, and he knew why. Oh god, he should have been more careful how he said it. To raise the wrong hopes and then to dash them? What could he even say to…
"She's...lost her world. We… Torchwood, we're all she has left. And in her world, we're just a show on the telly. It's not, quite, the same… but, I think… I think she can understand, in a way perhaps that I can't."
Oh Lisa, please understand! I can't change you back, I don't know how - but maybe Lucy can… maybe she can help you REMEMBER what it is to be human.
She broke into his thoughts, bitter and angry.
"I don't want "understanding", Ianto! I want it fixed! I need…"
She stopped as Ianto looked at her, startled. She lowered her eyes, speaking towards the floor.
"I just want this to be done with."
"Oh Lisa!"
There were no words. None. She was so vulnerable, and it tore his heart to pieces. He reached out, fingers resting on her jaw. With his thumb, he rubbed away the single tear that slipped down her cheek.
Footsteps echoed down the hall. Ianto startled up. Even though he'd just been talking about her, he'd nearly forgotten that Lucy was waiting just outside.
"Oh! Oh. Right. Um. Come on in."
Lucy came in, carrying the bundle of Lisa's things. She handed them to Ianto, then faced Lisa.
"Oh God."
She gently touched Ianto on the arm.
"Oh God, it's so much worse when it's not on a screen."
"I can hear you."
Lisa didn't seem particularly interested in hitting it off with Lucy.
"I'm sorry. I'm… I'm sorry."
"Lisa, this is, er, this is Lucy. Shes… um."
He started to trail off, really not knowing what to say, but then forced "the butler" to give him some strength.
"Lucy, this is Lisa."
Lisa fixed Lucy with a fierce glare.
"Who are you, what do you know about me, and why?"
This was not going as well as he'd hoped.
"I'm Lucy. I came here through the rift. I know you're Ianto's girlfriend and you survived the Battle of Canary Wharf."
"Barely"
"What?"
"Barely. I barely survived the Battle of Canary Wharf. If you call this surviving."
Lucy took a deep breath.
"Lisa, I know this sucks. I know this sucks so much, and nothing I've lost could ever begin to compare. But I know, Lisa I know that Ianto cares so much, I know that he'll do anything, that he's risking everything because he wants you back. He wants you whole again. And I don't know how much I can help, but I'm gonna do the best I can. Because you two deserve a chance for a second life together."
"And what can you do? Are you a doctor? Are you an expert in cybernetics? Do you know ANYTHING about this conversion chamber that I taught - that I taught my boyfriend how to modify so it could keep me alive?"
"No, I don't. I…"
"Then what good are you?"
Lucy stepped back - a lot more calm than Ianto would have been. Had she had to face accusations like these before? There was a sorrow in her eyes, but it looked more to be sorrow for Lisa, and not as if her harsh words had wounded her directly.
"We brought your things. Your - the pictures of you with your family. We, we brought them."
She looked to Ianto, who lifted the bundle up where Lisa could see it.
Lisa looked at him now, coldly.
"So, you're kicking me out. I haven't even set foot in our flat and you're kicking me out."
"No, no Lisa, it's not like that at all."
"Is SHE moving in with you?"
"Lisa, no! I mean, um…"
She glared at Lucy
"You're moving in with my boyfriend."
Lucy reached and pulled out one of the pictures from the flat - one of Lisa and Ianto, at a pub, laughing together
"It's not like that, and it never will be. I just need a place to stay. But you're the one he loves. You know he'll do anything for you."
"And you know this why?"
Ianto had to step in. He had to. But what could he say? This wasn't at all what he'd hoped for - what could he say?
"Lisa! You know I want you, oh God, I want you home!"
Tears ran freely down his face, tears he didn't even try to wipe away.
"You know I want you home, but I've been so selfish! Lisa, I don't need to remember to fight for you. I don't need your family, your pictures, I have you. Your things - you need them here, you need them here so you can remember what you have to fight for, so you remember who you are, who you want to be again. This is so hard, I shouldn't ask you to fight alone, with no reminders of your family, of your life."
"My family is dead."
Lucy pulled out the picture of Lisa and Ellie, building a sandcastle on the beach. She brought it close, held it out to Lisa.
"You can hold on for Ellie."
Lisa reached out and took the framed picture. She held it up, looked at it. Looked back at Lucy.
Suddenly, she flung the picture away. The glass in the frame shattered, and with a cry, Lucy rushed over and began to gather the pieces together.
"I don't want to remember. Don't. Make. Me. Remember."
Oh gods, this was bad. This was bad. All he'd wanted to do was help, and now…
Lisa hadn't lost herself in anger in months. At first, she'd been in too much physical pain, but then of course the helplessness had gotten to her. And it had torn him apart, but she'd eventually gained some mastery over it. At least he'd thought so. But now that control was in shreds.
And Lucy - Lucy looked as devastated as if she'd just watched her closest friend kick a puppy across the room.
"Enough!" He cried out, and silence fell. Oh god, now what?
"Lucy, can you…"
She nodded, and left - taking the photo in its ruined frame.
"Lisa, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry, I, I don't know-"
"It's not your fault."
What? It's not… but how… of course it is, it has to be
"Just...just come back later."
Lisa's eyes closed, but she reached a hand out, taking his in hers. She squeezed once, gently, before clinging tightly.
"I can't… I'm sorry Ianto. It's just too much. Right now, it's just too much. I need some time."
He turns. Lets go of her hand. Begins to walk away.
"Ianto?"
Something in her voice, a light note. Can it be ok again?
"I love you."
His eyes close, almost on their own. The slightest smile - has she forgiven him?
"You're supposed to say "I know.""
The old joke, the one they used to pass back and forth every night before going to sleep - one night it was his turn to say the words, the next she'd do it instead.
He smiled, sadly.
"I know."