A/N Oh. My. Goodness! Over 100 reviews! This is unBELIEVABLE! Thank you so, so much to all of my lovely reviewers for keeping me motivated and just making my day for the past one a a half months! You're all stellar!

And especially thank you to CountryPeach05 and LinaRush for taking the time to R&R a crap load of chapters in a row! You're both marvelous, as are all my reviewers!

It was asked of me to include Jo and Camille in this story, and I realized, wow, I really have been limiting my characters, so the girls are here! Here ya go, LinaRush! :)

Breakdown

Chapter 23: Discussions

"Oh, Mr. Bitters. I never thought I'd be so happy to see you!" Carlos hugged the man over the counter.

After nearly squeezing the life out of the hotel manager, Carlos backed up into the middle of the lobby and spun in circles, arms spread wide, palms up.

"It's so great to be back!"

Kendall and Logan grinned excitedly. As fun as the tour had been, six weeks on the road was long enough. It was nice knowing they'd be in the familiar comfort of the Palm Woods for the next while.

James would have been thrilled to be back had he not been to preoccupied with trying to ignore the pounding in his head. Of course, he was more than glad to be back. He'd been sick twice on the bus, and, blaming it on motion sickness, he couldn't wait to get off at long last and be on an unmoving surface, with room to actually walk around and breathe. The bus had been feeling pretty crammed since New Jersey.

Of course, James now knew how stupid he had been to think that any of his friends would fall for the motion-sickness thing. He was on unmoving ground, and he still felt like crap.

"James, c'mon."

James snapped back to reality and saw his friends, Mrs. Knight, and Katie heading for the elevator, Carlos apparently finished greeting everyone currently in the lobby.

The elevator dinged open, but just as they were all about the shuffle on, they heard a female voice screech "LOGAN!"

Logan whipped around to see Camille charging at him, smiling in a slightly deranged way.

His eyes were huge as he turned back to his friends. "Go on without me," he whispered dramatically. Everybody else hastily crammed into the elevator. The doors slid shut just as Camille bounded through the air and tackled Logan to the ground. The occupants of the elevator heard him shout before an awkward silence took over. It was instantly broken by Kendall and Carlos' snickering.

Suddenly Carlos cut his laughter off. He turned to Kendall, confusion written across his features. "How come you didn't get a flamboyant 'hello' from your girlfriend?"

Kendall laughed again. "Did you just use to word 'flamboyant' correctly? In context?"

Carlos rolled his eyes. "I swear I'm not as dumb as everyone thinks I am."

"Ah, you're not dumb at all, buddy. And to answer your question, Jo isn't like that."

"Why not?"

"Well, for one, she isn't crazy."

Mrs. Knight frowned disapprovingly at her son for basically calling Camille crazy, but before she could scold him, Carlos decided to get a jab in.

"I always thought she was. I mean, she's going out with you, isn't she?"

The elevator doors chose that moment to slide open, and Kendall used this opportunity to ram himself into Carlos, sending them both flying into the hallway.

Naturally, Mrs. Knight hustled after them, trying with vain to pull the two boys apart.

Katie looked like she was torn between joining them and just cheering them on.

James just sighed. Normally, he would have joined in, but right now his friends' shouting only made his head pound even harder. He didn't even want to think about how physically fighting would make him feel.

After a few moments, Mrs. Knight had managed to pry the two boys off of each other. They were laughing now, grinning at each other as if they hadn't just been arguing seconds before.

Katie rolled her eyes. It was so typical of them.

They headed down the hall to 2J. Mrs. Knight inserted the key into the keyhole and pushed the door open.

"Ah, it's so nice to be back," she sighed as she stepped into the room and dropped the suitcase she'd been carrying.

The boys and Katie mimicked her actions, letting the bags of luggage crash to the ground as they began to shrug their shoulders and wave their arms in circles.

"Swirly!"

The next thing anyone knew, Carlos was atop the swirly slide, grinning, as he dove head-first down the twisted yellow tube. He fell out the bottom and landed on his stomach. "Oh, swirly, I missed you the most."

Kendall chuckled and shook his head. Carlos was just such a child, and sometimes Kendall had to admit, he was a little jealous of that. He wished he could be so care-free all the time.

Kendall picked his suitcase back up and headed to his and Logan's room. He was eager to finish unpacking as quickly as possible so he could spend the rest of the day with Jo.

James, too, snatched up his luggage and wandered off to his and Carlos' room. All he wanted to do was unpack and then go lounge around by the pool, but he knew that wasn't going to be happening. Not with Logan and Mrs. Knight watching him like a hawk like they'd been doing since he'd gotten sick. There was no way they'd be letting him walk around much less go outside and be surrounded by people. No, James knew, it'd be bed and thermometers all day. When it came to illness, Logan and Mrs. Knight were an unstoppable force. It was scary, really.

James sighed as he dumped the contents of his suitcase onto his bed. He wasn't feeling up to unpacking. He couldn't stand for more than five minutes without getting dizzy. He seriously doubted that running around the apartment putting things back where they belonged was going to help him feel any better.

James decided to stall by going back into the kitchen and getting some aspirin. Maybe once his headache was gone, he wouldn't feel so disoriented.

James slowly shuffled into the kitchen. He was thankful to find it empty. He wasn't in the mood for Mrs. Knight to be feeling his forehead and forcing water on him and asking him how he felt every three seconds. Fortunately, she and everyone else were in their rooms unpacking.

James filled a glass with water and opened the medicine cabinet above the sink. But as soon as he had swung the cupboard door ajar, an unexpected wave of panic washed over him.

James gasped as he jerked his hand back from the knob. A chill ran up his spine, and his entire body shuddered. The last time he'd searched through this cupboard, he'd been about to...

James lowered his head into his hands and leaned his elbows on the counter. Memory flooded through him, causing him to shiver violently. He could hear his heart hammering wildly. His breath came out in short, ragged pants.

Get a hold of yourself! You're not doing it again; you never will. You haven't had a panic attack every time you've taken your medication, so why now?

James didn't have an answer. And he didn't care about being rational. It didn't matter that he was never going to do that to himself again. Opening that cupboard had triggered something, that horrible feeling of numbness, and now James could see himself, reaching up, shoving all the other medicine off the shelf, popping the stupid child proof cap off of the Lamotrigine, and swallowing pill after pill after pill... He envisioned himself walking down the hall to his room...then it all stopped. That was all he could remember from that night.

James barely restrained a sob. Were these visions, these fragments of memory, going to torment him for the entirety of his life?

James ran his shaky hands through his hair. He was nearly composed, and was about to straighten up and just grab the damn aspirin already, when he heard Logan's voice groaning from behind him.

"Girls. I'm telling you, James, I don't think I'll ever understand how you actually like getting so much attention from them. They're crazy- whoa, hey, are you okay?"

Logan moved closer to James, inspecting him as he walked forward. The taller boy had his head in his hands, and he was trembling harshly. Logan could hear him breathing deeply.

"James?" Logan cautiously lifted James' chin so that they were looking eye-to-eye. Logan's breath caught somewhere in his throat when his eyes met James'.

The hazel orbs were wide with an unspeakable fear.

"James, what..." Logan trailed off, his eyes drifting to the open medicine cabinet, and immediately he understood. He looked back at his distraught friend. "Oh, James..."

James only shook his head at Logan, motioning without words that he didn't want to be comforted.

Logan moved closer to him anyway, until his arm was wrapped firmly around James' shoulder.

"James, bud, you know can talk to me, to Kendall, Carlos, even Mrs. Knight, any time you want to. About anything you need to. You know that, right?"

James exhaled shakily and nodded, keeping his head lowered. "Trust me Logan, I know that. It's just...really hard to talk about these things. And no offense, but how much can you guys really help? You haven't...been through that."

Logan flashed back to his and Kendall's conversation the last night on the tour bus. So maybe Kendall didn't know exactly what James was feeling, but he could relate enough to help him, Logan was sure of it. He just wasn't sure that Kendall wanted to tell James everything he'd told Logan.

Logan realized that James was now staring intently at him.

"What?"

"You look terrible."

"You too."

James frowned.

"Do I even want to know what Camille did to you?"

Logan's right cheek was bright red, and a hand mark was just barely visible. His forehead was smeared with lipstick, only vaguely resembling the shape of lips. His raven-coloured hair was mussed to a horrifying degree; at least, to James it was.

Logan held back a chuckle. He didn't want James to think he wasn't being serious about this. "You trying to change the subject?"

James shook his head. "Logan...look, I'll talk about it when and if I want to. But for now, I just really want to be left alone. Okay?"

"James, we just want..."

What's the point? Logan asked himself, beginning to feel slightly frustrated. Nothing we say seems to be getting through to him lately. It wasn't that he was hurt that James wouldn't talk to them. He understood that these kind of things took time. He just wanted James to get that bottling everything up inside was only masking his problems, not solving them.

"Never mind. Just...please, if you want to talk, don't hesitate to do that."

James didn't spare Logan a glance as the smart boy wandered away down the hall to his and Kendall's room.

James momentarily forgot about the aspirin that he'd a moment ago so badly desired and he now leaned weakly against the counter, suddenly feeling drained of energy. He could hear murmuring down the hall, the hushed voices echoing from Logan and Kendall's room. Not hushed enough, apparently. James couldn't make out everything being said, but he definitely heard his name, and the words help and professional and improvement.

James closed his eyes and breathed in deeply through his nose, suddenly feeling sick again. They were talking about therapy. About him getting therapy.

He slowly opened his eyes. No. They weren't talking about that without him.

James gulped the pill down with a single quick swig of water and started down the hall.

He didn't even notice Jo standing in the open doorway to 2J.

Logan poked his head into James and Carlos' room. Carlos, surprisingly, was actually in there, unpacking. Logan had not expected to see that.

Logan shook his head to himself. Not the point.

"Hey Carlos?" he called softly.

Carlos' head snapped up at the sound of his name, and he grinned at his friend in the doorway. "Logan! Great, just the guy I was looking for. You're smart; can you help me unpack?"

Logan frowned in distaste. He knew what his friend was trying to do. "You don't need to be smart to unpack- but, hey! Wanna take a break? I need to talk to you and Kendall about something."

Carlos was quick to ditch his duffel bags of clothing on his floor. He bounded out of the room after Logan, grateful for the interruption.

"What about James?" he questioned as he followed Logan across the hall into his and Kendall's room, where Kendall was busy unpacking as well. "Don't you have to talk to him, too?"

Kendall stopped hanging sweaters on hangers as he appraised Logan with an informed look. He knew what this was about.

Logan twitched uncomfortably under the intense gazes of his two friends. How should he start this?

"Well, Carlos, guys, uh...this is about James."

"What about him?"

"He..." Logan didn't know how to word it. What exactly was he even trying to say? It was obvious that James wasn't getting much better. He still blamed and hated himself for the overdose. He thought about it all the time. Logan knew that. He could see the changes in James since the day he'd been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Of course he would never be exactly the same, but Logan hadn't expected him to be this bad. That little breakdown in the kitchen moments ago? Not normal. Not right.

Kendall could see that Logan wasn't going to be turning his thoughts into an explanation anytime soon, so he took over. He knew what Logan was thinking. It was the same thing he was thinking.

"Carlos, what Logan's trying to say is that we think James needs help."

Carlos' lips curved downwards, and his eyes exhibited confusion. "What do you mean, help? Like, help 'cause he's sick? I thought we were helping him."

"No, Carlos, not that kind of help. We are taking care of him that way. What I mean is...you remember when his mom was here, and she said she wanted to get him professional help?"

Carlos nodded, still not quite seeing where this was going. Did Kendall mean a doctor?

"Professional as in a counselor or a therapist."

"You mean like a mental doctor?"

Logan and Kendall exchange weary glances. How were they going to explain this to James when they couldn't even explain it to Carlos?

"Well, sorta..."

"When people have problems in their minds and nothing anybody says can make them feel better about themselves, they go to a counselor," Kendall tried to explain. "And James' problem is, well, you know, his disorder. And when he took too many pills and was in the hospital, that was partially because of his dis-"

"But I thought he was taking medicine for that," Carlos protested, feeling lost. He just didn't understand what all this meant. "Do you...do you mean that the medicine isn't curing him? It's only...treating him?"

Logan sighed. "Carlos, there is no cure for mental illnesses. And seeing someone about it won't make it go away. But it could and probably- hopefully- will help. And we want James to be as close to how he was before as possible."

Carlos nodded, quick to agree to that.

"So I think James' mom was right. James...it seems like he hasn't been showing much improvement. He's better than he was, yeah, but...I don't know, maybe it was just him skipping his meds...and I know he said he would never do that again, but we just can't be sure, you know? And if he does consider doing that again, that right there is even more reason for him to go to counseling. That kind of thing can't continue."

Kendall took a deep breath and took over for Logan again.

"I think it's safe to say that we all agree..." He looked seriously at Logan and Carlos. They lowered their eyes and nodded.

Kendall closed his eyes dejectedly. Then he said the dreaded words, that hung heavy in James' ears as he stood just outside the door, unbeknownst to the other boys.

"James is going to counseling."

Kendall was smiling dreamily as he stared at the beautiful figure laying next to him. Just like he had planned, he'd finished unpacking quickly, eager to meet up with Jo. The moment he'd spotted her, waiting for him in the lobby as he'd exited the elevator, both teens had lit up joyfully. They'd embraced, kissed passionately, and now here they were half an hour later, laying on a blanket at the Palm Woods park.

Kendall had already finished telling her about the tour, minus one small detail from the end. He wanted to think that even after six weeks apart, nothing had changed, and that they would act the exact same, but something had changed. Kendall wasn't sure if it was like they had just met for the first time, and things were awkward and uncomfortable between them. He didn't feel that way. Did Jo?

So, maybe Kendall was a little out of it. How could he not be, with what he and Logan and Carlos had talked about?

And now, of course, during the first time he'd spent with his girlfriend in six weeks, all Kendall could think about was how James would take it when they broke the news of their decision to him. Would he be glad, even relieved that they had brought it up? Had he been thinking that he should go, as well, but didn't want to say anything? Kendall doubted that.

So then, would he do everything he could to get them to change their minds? Kendall thought it was more likely that James wouldn't want to go.

"Kendall?"

Kendall opened his eyes, not even remembering closing them, and turned his head to look at Jo.

"Hmm?"

"Kendall, something's on your mind. You're not being...you. And for some reason, I have a feeling that it's the same thing that's bothering me."

Kendall sat up. He peered down at Jo. She couldn't possibly know. He and the other guys had told everyone at the Palm Woods that James had been taken to the hospital because he was really sick. Nobody outside of 2J knew the real reason. Save for, of course, Kelly and Gustavo.

So what was bugging Jo?

She seemed to sense Kendall's pondering, and she sighed, joining him in an upright position. "Kendall, I came over earlier, and Logan and James were talking about...well, I don't know exactly. The door was open to your apartment, so I decided just to go in, but Logan and James sounded kind of heated, and I didn't want to get in the middle of anything...All I heard was Logan telling James not to hesitate to talk. And James was saying that he just wanted to be left alone. And now, you're acting...I don't know, different. Edgy. And maybe it's none of my business, but I can't shake the feeling that something isn't right."
Jo stared deep into Kendall's eyes, as if she could find some hidden explanation in them. "Kendall...is something not right?"

Kendall stared into Jo's concerned eyes, and he felt his heart warm up. All she wanted was to make sure everyone was alright. She deserved the truth, didn't she? It wasn't like she would go around telling the entire Palm Woods. Heck, Kendall knew for a fact that she wouldn't tell anyone.

But still, it wasn't his place to tell anyone, trustworthy girlfriend or not, James' secret.

But her eyes, and her obvious worry, and her sweet innocence...

Just imagine what this will do to James.

Kendall shook his head. Then he took Jo's hand in his as he started to talk.

"Hey James?" Carlos knocked lightly on his and James' door. "You awake?"

Carlos heard a weak "Come in" from the other side of the door, and he entered. He saw James sprawled out on his bed, staring at the ceiling, one hand laying limply by his side, the other curled around his abdomen. He didn't even turn his head to greet Carlos.

Carlos was surprised to see that all of James' bags were away. He must have unpacked fairly quickly, probably eager to just lay down for a while. Carlos didn't blame him, with how sick he was.

"Uh, Logan wanted me to make sure you're feeling okay."

James rolled over onto his side and stared at Carlos. "He did?"

"...Yeah." Why did James sound so surprised?

James rolled onto his back again and continued to stare at the ceiling. "You mean he didn't just assume that I am?"

Carlos was starting to get really baffled. Now James sounded almost...cynical.

"Of course he didn't, James. He doesn't know how you're feeling."

James scoffed, without humour. Carlos didn't like the sound. "He seems to think he does. You all do. You all seem to think that you know what's best for me, even if it's the last thing I want."

Carlos took a step back, closer to the door. James' sharp tone startled him. Why was he being so nasty?

"J-James, I don't know what you're-"

"You think I need counseling? Do you? !" James was shouting now, sitting up on the bed and glaring at Carlos. Carlos winced. He could practically feel the hostility emanating from his friend.

"Well, I don't! Surprise, Logan was wrong for once! He thinks I need some shrink, some mental doctor as you like to put it, to tell me how I'm supposed to feel and act? I'm fine! I've never needed one before, and I sure as hell don't need one now!"

Carlos was ashamed when tears started running down his face. He couldn't control them. He was ashamed that he was crying, ashamed that he had made James angry, but above all, he was ashamed that he thought it was okay to go behind James' back and practically make such a serious decision for him.

James' shouting brought Logan running into the room. He stopped short when he saw James, pale and furious-looking on his bed, glaring at Carlos, who was crying and trembling near the door.

"What did you do? !" Logan shrieked at James. He wrapped his arms around Carlos protectively. "Why is he crying? James, did you say something to him?"

But James didn't look the least bit guilty. "Yeah, I did say something to him! And I'm gonna say the same thing to you, and later to Kendall; stop trying to control me! Just because I'm crazy doesn't make it okay for you to-to..."

James couldn't finish whatever it was he was trying to say. Tears were suddenly streaming down his face. The sight of them fleeing James' sorrow-filled eyes was enough of a shock to stop Carlos' own tears. Why the hell was James crying?

Logan took a cautious step closer to his clearly distraught friend. He reached an arm out slowly, as if he was afraid that any sudden movement would cause James to snap.

"James," Logan murmured softly. "James, listen, buddy, please stop crying, I just want to talk to you."

"About w-what?" James hiccuped shakily. His sobs became gasps. He nearly choked on his tears as he suddenly found speaking a difficulty. "You want to talk about how all of y-you want me to get help? 'Professional' help?"

"James, it's for the best. I know you don't want to hear that," Logan added quickly, defensively. "But would you rather keep living like this, constantly on the verge of a breakdown? Or do you want to be how you were before? Happy?"

James' stricken face now displayed slight hurt. "I thought you said I'm the same as I always was," he said meekly.

Logan paused for a second, his mouth hanging open slightly, as he thought over what James meant, and he backtracked. "Right, you are, but James...you have to admit, even you can tell you're not acting the way you always have. But, if you go through with this counseling thing, you will be the sa- be...better. You won't have to feel so lost all the time. Isn't that what you want?"

The question was met by silence. James didn't have an immediate answer. Instead he studied the faces of Logan and Carlos. Both were chewing their lips at they stared at James with mixed expressions of expectancy and hopefulness.

Finally, after close to two minutes of utter silence, James reacted. He regarded his friends with tired-looking, bloodshot eyes and said "Yes. Yes, I want to be how I was before. Yes, you're right, I-I need help. And yes..." He paused, not for dramatic effect, but to ask himself one last time if he was sure. He was.

"Yes...I'll go to counseling."

It was to none of the boy's surprise when Gustavo called early the next morning, demanding that they 'get their butts to the studio in half an hour unless they wanted those butts fired.'

Kendall calmly explained to the producer that they wouldn't all be able to make it; James was still too sick.

It was much to Gustavo's chagrin, particularly because what had happened with James at the end of the tour was probably going to be a big part of today's discussion with Griffin; the discussion that would determine the fate of BTR. Griffin had said this tour was going to decide whether or not BTR could still make it in the business after their month-long hiatus due to James' overdose. It seemed to Gustavo that any downhill path the band stumbled upon was all thanks to James. Gustavo always knew he hated that dog the most.

In the end, though, after a too-long phone argument with Kendall, Gustavo had finally let up and told the others just to come in. Better three of them than none.

Now, as the boys were in Kelly's car on their way to Rocque Records, Kendall was coming clean to Logan and Carlos about his and Jo's conversation the previous night.

"You told her?" Logan screeched, disbelief coating his voice.

Carlos looked just as dumbfounded. Even he knew that was a horrible thing to do.

Kendall rolled his eyes. Did they seriously think he'd do that to his best friend? "No, I didn't. All I said to her was that it wasn't my place to say. I told her that it's personal and I promised somebody that I wouldn't tell anybody. I didn't even mention James' name."

"Oh...good." A heavy silence settled over the interior of the car. Nobody spoke for the remainder of the short drive.

They were in the studio five minutes later. The boys jittered about anxiously, their nerves getting the best of them as they awaited the arrival of the their usually punctual CEO.

Finally Carlos couldn't take the silence any longer.

"Why is Griffin late?" he blurted.

"He's not," Logan replied, shifting impatiently on the couch. "We just got here early because we didn't have to wait an hour for James to do his hair."

"Oh. Right." Carlos grinned at the feeling of being not on time, but early. But when he glanced over at Logan and Kendall to gauge their reactions to this exciting new feeling, he saw forlorn expressions contorting their faces at the mention of James. Carlos knew why. Like him, the other two were internally stressing the whole 'lets-send-our-friend-to-therapy-without-asking-him' thing.

He and Logan had relayed the main gist of their conversation/argument with James to Kendall the instant he'd stepped into 2J, returning from his date with Jo. He'd been immensely relieved that James had in the end agreed to go. Now all they had to do was make sure he didn't change his mind. It was on the way through the lobby to meet Kelly to take them to the studio that Kendall had told his two friends about what he had talked about with Jo.

Carlos snapped out of his thoughts and looked up to see Griffin entering the room.

"Finally," Carlos groaned, sitting up straight. He blushed when all eyes glared at him, and he chuckled sheepishly. He hadn't meant to speak out loud.

Griffin clapped his hands together suddenly, making everyone jump to attention.

"Well, now that I'm finally here," he began, eying Carlos, but his tone was light and joking. "I should inform you of my decision." Griffin paused dramatically, for no reason other than to amp up the suspense and annoy everyone else in the room who were so desperately trying to read his mind.

He appraised the other residents of the small room with a calm, knowing glance.

Meanwhile, they were all staring intensely at him with bulging eyes. They were leaning forward expectantly.

"WELL? !" all fives voices shouted in unison.

A slow grin crossed Griffin's face, and he opened his slightly upturned lips and began to speak.

Augh! A cliffhanger? I don't know if I love them or hate them.

So I lied. Last chapter I said you'd find out Griffin's decision AND James would go to counseling. Well, James agreed to go and Griffin is JUST ABOUT to to voice his decision, so...close enough.

Hah, um...yeah, I have no excuse for how long this took. Next Tuesday is my birthday and I'm hoping to get 2 chapters up as a gift to myself. I'll try really hard, but my schedule's been unusually hectic lately so I'm not making any promises, because, as you can tell, I don't seem to be too good at keeping those...

Oh, and once again, THANK YOU TO ALL OF MY LOVELY REVIEWERS! YOU'RE SPECTACUALR! And keep them coming!