Stronger Chapter 9, a general hospital fanfic

Oh
Here I am
Feels like the walls are closing in
Once again its time to face it and be strong
I wanna do the right thing now
I know its up to me somehow
I've lost my way

Jason stares at the door long after Elizabeth has walked out of it. He had been searching for something, anything to tell him that it wasn't all a complete waste. That he could really do this, that he could really fix the mess he has made of his life, and he's finally gotten it. Though her words were telling him one thing, Jason could see something else in her eyes. It was the same look she had given him when she continuously told him that she loved Lucky all those years ago.

He didn't doubt that she loved Johnny, it was evident in her eyes and her voice, but there was still that lingering emotion within her blue orbs that told him all he needed to know. In her eyes he found the sliver of hope that he could really do this. That he could really make this right and fix what he has destroyed. Its in that sliver of hope that he finds the remedy in dulling the pain of her words. In that brief revelation, Jason can accept what she has said, no matter how painful it was to hear.

It wasn't so much the words she was saying, but the context behind the words. It was something he learnt a long time ago, reading between the lines of what she says, straight to the meaning of what's not being said. So he'll let her walk out and he'll accept what he can't change for now, but he will make things right. Somehow, some way, he'll do it. Walking over to the closet, Jason stands on his tiptoes, reaching for the black box at the back of the closet's top shelf.

Walking over to the couch, Jason sits down with the box on his lap, pulling the cover off before lifting out the bundle of pictures that laid within. There were pictures of all of his children, he's in a few, but not many. As he picks up the one picture he has looked at repeatedly over the many years, the only family photo that included all three of the kids plus him and Elizabeth, Jason takes a deep breath to fight off the tears. It was evident by the wear and tear of the picture that Jason carried it with him on more than one occasion. He usually took it with him when he's forced to leave town on assignment, or on dangerous missions for Sonny, sometimes just to look at them, but he always returns them to the box. Its was like that one movie, having his heart in a box, in that small black box.

If I could take it all back I would now
I never meant to let you all down
And now I've got to try to turn it all around
And figure out how to fix this
I know there's a way so I promise
I'm gonna clean up this mess I made
Maybe its not too late
Maybe its not too late oh

"Yeah?" Jason answers his cellphone, covering the black box up, but putting the family photo in his jacket pocket.

"Its me." Lily replies, a nervous edge to her voice. "Lily."

"Lily?" he says questioningly, sitting up a little straighter.

"Your daughter." Lily says a little offended.

"No, yeah, I know." Jason says quickly. "I'm just a little surprised, that's all."

"Oh. Okay." Lily takes a deep breath. "I'm outside your building...I wasn't sure if I should just go up...or if I'm supposed to be screened or something. I don't know how this works."

"You can come up." Jason says softly. "Or I can meet you down there, if you want."

"No. I'll come up." Lily says as she walks over to the revolving door. "I just wasn't sure...never mind."

"I'm sorry about that." Jason sighs, running his fingers through his hair. "I'll meet you at the elevator."

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to." Jason assures. "Just come up and I'll be here waiting for you."

"I have to admit I like the sound of that." Lily says as she walks over to the elevator. "I'll see you soon."

So I'll take a stand
Even though its complicated
If I can I wanna change the way I've made it
I gotta do the right thing now
I know its up to me somehow
I'll find my way

Jason grew anxious as he waited by the elevator for his daughter to come out of it. Robyn is in her room, catching up on her reading, and he wondered if Lily would want to meet her. He never really worried for Jake, he always knew that his son would land on his feet with or without him, but Lily was another story. He messed up so badly with her and he knew that he didn't deserve another chance, but he was hoping for one.

"Lily." Jason says softly. "You okay?"

"The same." Lily shrugs, walking off the elevator. "You?"

"Same." Jason wishes she'd really talk to him. "Would you like to go inside?"

Glancing at the door, Lily shakes her head. "No thanks." Lily says timidly. "I just...I wanted to see you."

"My door's always open." Jason says with conviction. "You can always come see me."

"Don't say that if you don't mean it." Lily says seriously. "I just might hold you to it."

"I'm here." Jason promises. "I'm never walking away again."

"You know, my mind says not to trust you. Lord knows that you've let me down enough times to last a lifetime." Lily takes a deep breath. "But my heart says, you're my father and I love you."

"Which will you listen to?"

"Mom always told me to follow my heart and it would never steer me wrong." Lily says, staring into his eyes. "So that's what I'll do. I just hope I don't live to regret it."

"You won't." Jason pulls her into his arms. "You won't regret it. I swear that to you."

"I hope so." Lily lets out a deep breath, laying her head against his chest, just letting her father hold her. "I love you, dad."

"I love you too, Lily." Jason whispers, just holding her close, overwhelmed with being able to do just that. "God, I love you."

They stayed like that for a long moment before Lily pulled away, a little too scared with how much she wanted to stay like that forever. She has missed him so much over the years and having him hold her...it was just too much to take in all at once. Stepping out of his embrace, Lily took off her backpack, to get out the box she brought for him.

"Jake said he told you about the letters I wrote." Lily answers his questioning gaze. "I just thought you might want them."

"Why didn't you ever send them?" Jason questions, taking the box from her hands.

"I guess I was scared of them being returned unopened." Lily admits, zipping up her backpack to sling on her back again. "There's quite a few in there."

"Roughly a thousand ninety-five." Jason shakes his head. "Jake told me you wrote one a day for three years."

"Right." Lily shook her head. "Well...I should go."

I'm gonna find the strength
To be the one that holds it all together
Show you that I'm sorry
But I know that we can make it better

"Or...if you want...maybe we can have dinner together." Jason says cautiously. "Just you and me."

"Really?" Lily looks at him skeptically. "No interruptions?"

"No interruptions." Jason says without hesitation. "What do you say?"

"I wish I could, but I can't." Lily shakes her head. "With Johnny out of town...I'm needed at home."

"Its okay." Jason smiles slightly. "I understand."

"Maybe another time." Lily presses the down button. "But I do appreciate the offer."

"Do you have a ride?"

"Cam's waiting for me downstairs." Lily assures. "Do me a favor?"

"Name it."

"Prove me right." Lily says seriously. "Prove to everyone that we mean as much to you as your other daughter."

"You do mean as much as Robyn." Jason says with conviction. "You're all my children. I love you all the same."

"Its easy to say." Lily walks on to the elevator, pressing the close doors button. "Now, I'm asking you to prove it."

"I will." Jason says as the doors start to close.

"I hope so."

Jason sits in the living room, holding Lily's box of letter on his lap, anxiously removing the cover to reveal the thousand some letters inside. Taking the first letter out, Jason set the box down, unfolding the letter and reading it. From the date on the upper left hand, Lily was only ten years old when she wrote it. Even at her young age, her words still brought tears to his eyes as he read her letter. Short, to the point, and heart wrenching.

Dear daddy,

I miss you so much.
I tried to call, but you didn't answer.
I'm trying to understand, but its hard.
Maybe, like mom always says, when I'm older
I'll understand, but I don't right now.
All I know is I love you and I miss you.
Please come home.

Your daughter,
Lily Mae Webber

Folding up the letter, Jason puts it back in the box, covering it up and putting it in the closet by his black box. He'll be going to the warehouse after Robyn goes to sleep and he'll spend as many hours as it takes to read every last letter. He had so much to make up for that his words wouldn't mean anything at this point. If he wanted to make things right, he had to prove it by doing rather than by saying. Its the main reason he didn't correct Elizabeth when she said that he fell in love with Sam over the years, even though he didn't. Things were too complicated to say those words.

Right now he had to focus on his children. He had to put them first and fix what he has broken with them. Whatever will happen between him and Elizabeth, it had to wait. As much as he wanted to fix things with her, he had to put his energy and time into his children. Everything started with Christmas and hopefully it'll be the start of something better for all of them. Now that he finally believes he has a chance with his children, Jason won't stop at anything to fix what he broke. Even if it meant spending the holiday with Johnny Zacchara.

I never meant to let you all down
Now I've got to try to turn it all around
And figure out how to fix this
I know there's a way so I promise
I'm gonna clean up the mess I made
Maybe its not too late
Maybe its not too late oh yeah

A/N: Let me know what you think.

There's a poll on my sight in regard to this. Please take the time to vote.

-ROCkER

song: it's not too late by demi lovato