A/N Hope you're not busy, cause this is a long one.
Breakdown
Chapter 24: Counseling
Jennifer Knight sighed, bouncing her legs anxiously. The nervous habit had never left her, and she still found herself squirming restlessly with her hands clasped tightly in her lap whenever she was unsure of something. And right now she definitely had no insight as to what Griffin was telling the boys possibly at that very moment.
Was he going to disregard what had happened? Was it no big deal?
Or was he furious, disgusted? Jennifer hadn't met Griffin many times, but according to the boys, and judging by what she'd seen of him those few times, he was pretty easy going. Fairly demanding, at times unreasonable, but never seeming to be in a sour mood. Jennifer could only hope, for the sake of her boys, that now was no exception.
"Hey Mom?" Jennifer turned to the sound of Katie's voice and found her daughter standing directly behind her with a troubled look on her face.
"What is it, Katie?"
"Do you think people will still want to buy BTR merchandise, such as t-shirts, mugs, and hats, even if Griffin tells them they're done today?"
Mrs. Knight gave her daughter an unimpressed look., raising a single eyebrow.
Of course, Katie saw nothing wrong with her inquiry. She raised her hands in a defensive gesture. "What? These weren't cheap to make. Even with all that I made on the tour, I've barely broken even!"
Jennifer just sighed. She was used to this.
Standing up, she ruffled her daughter's hair a bit. "Oh, my little pessimist. Griffin won't call it quits on them. He knows they can fight back. They just proved it to him three months ago."
Katie only shrugged, sighing softly as she held a Big Time Rush shirt out at arms length and inspected it.
Mrs. Knight decided to go check on James. It would get her mind off of the waiting game, plus she hadn't checked on him for an entire twenty minutes.
She padded quietly down the hall to his room and pushed open the already ajar door. She peeked in, struggling to see in the dim light. James had pulled the blinds down to prevent his headache from becoming aggravated. All Jennifer could make out was the shadowy form of James curled up somewhere beneath his covers.
Mrs. Knight tip-toed cautiously into the room and over to the bed. She peered down at the sleeping boy. She couldn't really see him in the near dark, but she could still feel in the dark, so she placed her hand on his forehead. Warm. Not surprising.
Mrs. Knight sighed. This boy had really been having it rough for the past while. When was it going to stop? He needed a break sometime; all of this stuff constantly going wrong was making him worse and worse. The poor kid needed something to go right for him for once.
James stirred then, shifting under the covers and opening his eyes. He blinked and squinted in the tiny amount of light at his visitor.
"Hey, Mrs. Knight."
"Hi, James. How are you feeling? Any better?"
"Yeah, I feel alr-"
At the mother figure's warning look, James swallowed and quickly back tracked his choice of words. There was no getting away with lying to Mrs. Knight. Why had he even tried?
"What I meant to say was, my head hurts a bit and my stomach still feels off...but that's it."
Then James contradicted himself by kicking at his covers with a frown on his pale face until the blanket slid off to the floor. He glanced shyly up at Mrs. Knight and chuckled weakly.
"Right, and I keep getting hot then cold, then hot again..."
"That's the fever," Mrs. Knight acknowledged with a nod. "I was just going to get you something for that. I'll get you something for your stomach too, while I'm at it."
Mrs. Knight left the room and went to the kitchen, rummaging through the medicine cabinet for some Tylenol and Gravol. She couldn't keep herself from sneaking a glance at the door every five seconds while she filled a glass with water. The other boys had been gone long enough; she needed to know what had happened!
Jennifer sighed and shook her head. Being impatient was only going to make the time seem to go by slower. She needed to focus on James right now.
On the way back to James' room, she stopped off in the bathroom and fetched the thermometer and wet a washcloth. She brought all the items into the room.
James, she saw, hadn't moved an inch since she'd left. The only difference was now he was shivering.
Mrs. Knight hurried over, depositing the items on his bedside table. She scooped the blanket up from the floor and draped it over him.
"Are you okay, sweetie?" she asked, voice laced with sympathy as she brushed a sweaty strand of hair from his heated forehead.
He shrugged. "I just got...really cold...but I was so hot a minute ago...and I didn't wanna reach and get the blanket...thought I was gonna get sick."
Mrs. Knight frowned. She really didn't like these intense hot and cold flashes. They were beginning to worry her.
She quickly grabbed the thermometer. She could see the sigh building up inside of James, the look of reluctance on his face. He hated having his temperature taken. But he opened his mouth anyway, knowing that all his friend's mother wanted was to make him feel better. Right then, he couldn't think of anything he wanted more, either.
Mrs. Knight slipped the device under the sick boy's tongue and positioned the damp cloth on his head. "Hopefully this will make you feel a little better," she told him.
His eyes drifted close. "Thanks," he murmured.
"You're welcome, sweetie. You said you thought you were going to be sick?"
James barely nodded.
"Still feel like it?"
"Mmm...not so much."
The thermometer beeped then, and she removed it from his mouth, saying "I got you something for your stomach anyway."
She frowned at the numbers displayed. 102.8.
Mrs. Knight twisted the lid off the bottle of Tylenol and handed one to James, passing him the water as well. He sat up, blinking as the room began to swirl before him.
He quickly swallowed down the Tylenol, then the Gravol, eager to lay back down.
He peered blearily up at Mrs. Knight. "No news?" he asked hoarsely, then broke into a coughing fit. Mrs. Knight gently rubbed his shoulder until he was done and had regained his breath.
"Nothing," she answered softly, wiping the cloth over his neck.
"Is your throat bothering you? Do you want something for that too?"
"No, it's not bad."
"Okay. I'll just let you rest. I'm sure the other boys will be back soon."
As she turned to leave, she was stopped short when she heard a weak "Doubtfully with good news."
She turned back to James. "Why would you say something like that?"
James stared at her, breathing slightly laboured.
"Because. I just...don't see how any good could possibly come out of what happened."
Mrs. Knight sighed and lowered herself onto the bed.
"Look, sweetie, we've been over this. Many times already. You need to stop being so negative. It's not good for you- for anyone."
"I know, I just..." James shifted uncomfortably, both arms moving to cradle his aching stomach. "I can't help it...I don't want to be so pessimistic all the time, about everything. But things haven't been going my way for a long time. How am I supposed to look on the bright side of things if I'm afraid of getting let down?"
"Oh, James, honey, you're not going to be let down. I know you've had a rough few months, but things are going to start looking up at some point. Why not now? I mean," she continued, inspirationally, "look at what's already happened to you boys. So much. But you always bounce back, and this time is no different. So have a little faith."
James just laid there for a minute, letting all of that sink in. The more he thought about it, the more he realized she was right. He really needed to stop with all the negativity. And hadn't his friends been telling him that all along?
Before James could allow himself to be lost in his musings, the door to 2J could be heard opening, and Katie came rushing into the room.
"It's the moment of truth!" she exclaimed, examining a Big Time Rush hat. "To see if I'll be making any profit on these or not."
She glanced up then at her mother when she cleared her throat in skepticism. Katie chortled meekly. "I mean...to see if Big Time Rush will be making any profit on...songs or not."
Mrs. Knight only shook her head. She was used to her daughter's greediness.
Soon the other three boys were in the room. The full attention of James, Katie, and Mrs. Knight was on them. But the boys' expressions were impossible to read. Their faces were literally blank. Nothing.
James knew that if any of them were to give something away, even if just with a glimmer in their eyes, it would be Carlos.
But when James studied his Latino friend's face, itching for some insight, the smaller boy just looked away, averting his eyes to the floor. But even with that action, he still masked whatever it was he was feeling inside.
All the same, James' stomach was doing flip-flops. He pressed his lips together tightly. So what if they weren't giving anything away? The didn't look upset or defeated, but the fact that they hadn't entered the apartment singing and screaming and jumping around was enough for James. It was bad news. He just knew it.
Wow, great progress I'm making with the whole no more pessimism thing, he thought dryly. It's been a whole minute and a half and I'm already looking at the worst possibility of this situation.
"Guys?" Katie spoke up. "Come on, just tell us. The suspense is killing me!"
Carlos looked to Logan, who looked to Kendall. The blonde gave them both a single, firm nod before turning to the three who were out of the loop. Their faces and body language screamed anticipation.
Finally, face still void of emotion, Kendall began to relay the events that had occurred at Rocque Records just fifteen minutes ago.
Rocque Records, fifteen minutes earlier
"Well boys, Gustavo, when I first told you about the tour, it was good news. And now..."
The boys, Gustavo, and Kelly were still holding their breath. Could Griffin just get on with it already? !The whole dragging things out thing was nearly enough to drive them insane.
"It's still good news."
Five sighs of relief sounded as everyone released the air from their burning lungs.
"Big Time Rush sold out in every city. Now that is impressive. The fan response was huge. As you know, we were selling your new album at all the venues. Over fifty thousand copies were sold on the tour alone, and several more thousand orders have been placed for the album." Griffin allowed his sly little smile to break out into a full-on grin. "Daddy's going to be making a lot of dough on you boys.
"And even though I personally make no profit off of it whatsoever, I feel compelled to tell you that Katie made over a good eight thousand dollars with her BTR merchandise sales."
Kendall beamed proudly.
Griffin spread his hands out in a pleased gesture. "Big Time Rush is back."
The cramped room was filled with shouts of joy, as Kelly and Gustavo screamed and hugged, and Kendall, Logan, and Carlos high-fived at once and slapped each other on the back, cheering and fist-pumping and doing a little celebratory dance and just about every other happy I-just-received-the-best-news-ever motion they could think of.
It was Logan who quieted down abruptly. He looked back at Griffin who stood there still grinning.
Logan really didn't want to dampen the mood, but there was something Griffin hadn't mentioned, something that Logan had to know...
"But what about...that thing that happened at the very end of New Jersey, you know, with James and..." Logan mimed a gagging motion.
Carlos and Kendall stopped their happy dance and glared at him sharply. What was he thinking? ! Why the hell would he bring that up? !
Griffin nodded. "Ah, yes. The New Jersey incident. I'd say your friend was very lucky."
There was dead silence for a moment, the room literally noiseless, before five very confused voices demanded as one: "What?"
"If it had happened anywhere else on the tour, I may not have been so generous with my decision about the band. But the people of New Jersey love drama like that! Why do you think Jersey Shore is so popular?"
Kendall, Logan, and Carlos shared looks of bemusement for Kendall uttered incredulously "So you're saying that Jersey. Shore. Saved Big Time Rush's career?"
"Precisely that and you boys smashed the entire tour right out of the park. I couldn't ignore that."
Kendall shook his head. "Jersey Shore saved our career," he repeated dully. His mouth hung open for a moment, before he could finally close it, and, voice filled with wonder and awe, he muttered, "Now there are some words I never in a million years would have imagined coming from my mouth."
"Jersey Shore?" James cried in disbelief. "So Griffin pretty much implied that because a show where people fight over really stupid things is such a big hit and takes place in Jersey, it's okay that I ruined the tour?"
His three friends laughed. "First of all, you didn't ruin the tour," Logan reminded him. "And it wasn't just the Jersey Shore thing. Although that was pretty funny."
Kendall and Carlos nodded enthusiastically.
"But he said we smashed the entire tour out of the park. That's a really amazing thing."
"I still can't...we're back. We're not a lost cause." James shook his head slowly, the reality of it still not sinking all the way in.
Meanwhile, Katie was kissing the money she'd made from sales on the tour and saying how she was going to double it within a month. Mrs. Knight was hugging her son.
"Oh, you boys," she was babbling. "You make me more and more proud every day."
The room was filled with such joy and spirit that anyone who walked into 2J then would be able to feel it.
However, all cheerfulness evaporated when James suddenly bolted upright, flung the covers from his body, and sped from the room in the blink of an eye, one hand pressed over his mouth.
Nobody even had time to react. One second they were laughing with relief, and the next, they were racing to the bathroom after James.
The door was closed when they got there, but the unmistakable sound of gagging sounded from the other side.
Mrs. Knight rubbed her hands over her face. "Well, there goes the Gravol. Big help that was." She sighed as they listened to James retch again. "I should probably go to the store and pick up some gingerale, and more medicine" she added, then glanced at the bathroom door. "Soon."
"Mom." Kendall gave his mother a gentle nudge toward the door. "We got this. Go ahead."
Mrs. Knight frowned, hesitating. It wasn't like she didn't trust the boys. She just didn't feel right leaving James when he was this sick, even if he had his friends right there with him. It wasn't the motherly thing to do.
"No, no. I'll go after."
Kendall gave his mother a dubious look. "Mom. It's fine. Really. Just go."
His mother sighed once more. She looked at the other two boys. They were nodding.
"Oh, alright. Katie, come on. But call me if you need anything, or if it becomes too much for you three to handle."
"Got it, Mom," Kendall sing-songed as he pushed and Katie dragged their mother out the door.
"Oh, and don't smother him! It'll make him uncomfortable!" she added just as Kendall shut the door in her face.
"Yeah, that's not why I made you leave," he mumbled to himself, chuckling, as he turned back to his two healthy friends.
"Alright, who wants to play mother hen?"
Carlos stuck his hand in the air. "Ooh, ooh, I do!" He would love to make his best friend feel better.
Logan raised an eyebrow at Kendall. Kendall got the message. Carlos taking care of a sick person? He was super caring and everything, but TLC wasn't exactly the cure for the flu.
"Uh, maybe we should all pitch in," Kendall suggested. Logan nodded hastily.
Carlos didn't seem to mind, though. In fact, all of them taking care of James seemed like a great idea! He smiled his bright, contagious smile. "Lets do this!" he exclaimed heartily.
Logan and Kendall just laughed at the enthusiasm of their friend and followed him back to the bathroom.
The nasty puking sounds had ceased, so Carlos rapped on the door lightly. "Hey, James? Can we come in now?"
The toilet flushed, and then they heard a soft "Yeah." Carlos pushed the door open and entered. "Wow, you look like crap!"
Logan and Kendall peeked around from behind Carlos to see just how bad James really looked.
Unlike James and Carlos' room, it was light and they could actually see. Now that they could, they saw what Carlos was talking about, and he was right.
James did look awful, worse than he had right after they'd dragged him offstage in New Jersey. Worse than he'd looked the entire time they'd been back. Almost as bad as he had when they'd found him...dead.
His brown tresses were lacking their normal shine. They were sticking up wildly in all directions, his bangs matted to his forehead with the sheen of sweat that dampened his face.
He was laying flat on his back on the floor beside the toilet, breathing heavily. He swiped at his ashen face with one hand and clutched his stomach with the other. He rolled his eyes up to look at his friends, a frown forming across his overall sick-looking features at Carlos' comment, but he didn't have the energy to make a retort.
Logan was a little more sensitive. "You alright now bud?" he asked as he knelt down beside his friend. James stared up at him. "Yeah, I guess I feel a little better now," he replied weakly.
"You want to get back to bed? Or do you still feel sick?"
James considered. He didn't feel quite as nauseous anymore, now that he didn't have anything left in his stomach. He figured bed would be best.
"I definitely wanna get back to bed."
"Alright, buddy, but take it easy, okay?" The three friends eased James into an upright position. "Nice and slow..."
James let out a rush of air as he stood, feeling a little shaky.
"You good?" Kendall asked, holding James tighter as he got a bit wobbly.
"Mm hmm," James murmured back. He didn't feel like talking. All he wanted right then was to lay down in his bed and go to sleep for a month.
"Okay, come on buddy."
The healthy boys led James through the kitchen, down the hall and back to his room. He flopped tiredly onto his bed and stretched out, closing his eyes. He could feel sleep creeping up on him quickly.
"Just get some sleep, James," he heard Logan's soothing voice instruct.
"Oh, I'm on it," James yawned, causing his friends to laugh lightly.
James forced open his heavy lids and peered up at his friends. "Guys?"
"Yeah, buddy?"
James closed his eyes again, a small smile making its way onto his lips. Right before sleep took over, he muttered out "Thanks. For everything."
The last few thoughts that crossed James' mind were ones of how lucky they'd gotten today, and about how Mrs. Knight had, of course, been right. Things were looking up. At least, in the band department. This stupid sickness had knocked him flat on his butt, but it wouldn't last forever.
He was getting help soon. James was still unsure about that. Was it a good thing or not? He was far too exhausted to think about it. Something to look forward to or not, he was going.
And James' very last thought before he succumbed to to sweet bliss of sleep as he heard the other guys leaving the room; I definitely have the best friends a guy could ask for.
A week passed, and James would be lying if he said it wasn't the longest one of his life. It wasn't until the day of his first counseling session that he woke up without a slamming headache and the immediate urge to puke.
Thank you, he mouthed silently to the ceiling. It was about freaking time.
James rolled out of bed and reflexively tensed, bracing himself for the terrible vertigo that had plagued him for the past six mornings. To his immense relief, it didn't come.
Smiling a bit for the first time all week, James snatched up his pillow and launched it across the room at a sleeping Carlos.
The dark-haired boy jerked out of his slumber with a "Dude, get you own corndogs!" Then he looked at James with a dazed expression before he was fully awake and aware of what what happening.
"Oh...what did you do that for?" He tried to glower at his friend, but he didn't look too intimidating mid-yawn.
James grinned at his tired friend. "You woke me up every morning when I was sick and this morning I actually got up before you. Of course I'm going to take advantage of that."
Carlos shook his head and chucked the pillow back, eying James closely. "You look better," he remarked happily, glad to see his friend up and throwing things around and not up for once.
James nodded. "I feel a lot better, too...at least until I think about what's going to happen today." He twisted his features into a look of distaste and shuddered.
Carlos climbed out of bed and patted his friend on the shoulder sympathetically. "It won't be that bad," he insisted, trying to sound reassuring. "Maybe you'll like it."
James gave his friend a dirty look before leaving the room.
Carlos sighed. He'd just been trying to lift James' spirits.
He followed James into the kitchen. Logan was seated at the bar, munching on a toaster strudel, a fat book, probably something medical related, propped open in front of him. He glanced up when his friends appeared.
"Morning guys," he greeted cheerfully, then inspected James the way Carlos had moments earlier. "Wow. I'm not used to seeing you without your head in the toilet first thing in the morning," he joked.
James rolled his eyes. "Well hopefully that won't be happening again for a long time. Preferably never."
Logan chuckled. "So you're feeling better?"
"Much."
"That's great." Logan paused, and James knew what was coming next. "So, you...feeling alright about today?"
James shrugged. "Whether I am or not, I don't have much of a choice."
Logan frowned with empathy. "I know this is hard for you, buddy. It's not something you're used to...but it'll help you, and we all know that's what you really want the most right now. It's what we want, too."
James nodded. "I know, Logan. I need this. You helped me to see that." He sucked in a deep breath. "Besides, I'm not that worried about it."
Logan smiled. "Well, good. And if it doesn't go great, just remember that's it's only your first day. I doubt you'll get real deep today. Probably just talk about how you're feeling, you know, mentally."
"Can't wait." James sighed as he glanced at Logan's half-eaten toaster strudel. James felt his stomach growl. He knew he was hungry, he'd barely eaten in six days, but he wasn't sure how much his stomach could handle. Just because he didn't feel nauseous right then didn't mean his body couldn't pull a surprise yak attack on him.
So James settled for plain toast.
Kendall came into the kitchen, stretching his arms high above his head. His eyes bugged out and he forgot to lower his arms. "Whoa, James is alive? !" he cried teasingly. "And eating? I thought food was a vile, evil creation."
James rolled his eyes. "Good morning to you, too."
Kendall laughed and ruffled James' hair as he passed by him, earning a foreseen shriek from the pretty boy as his hands shot up to smooth down his precious locks.
"Kendall!"
"What? It's not like you've done anything with it yet..." He narrowed his eyes, feigning horror. "Or have you?"
James groaned. "Shut up. You know I have to spend the next hour doing it. The one thing I'm looking forward to today is the chance of meeting a hot doctor. Man, hot girl doctors are hot!"
His three friends only shook their heads at him. So typical. But at least they knew he really was feeling better.
"James, you already know Dr. Clark is a man," Logan reminded him. They'd scheduled the appointment and gotten all the information three days ago. Dr. Clark was fairly new, and he didn't have too many patients yet. He was able to fit James in no problem. James was to go see Dr. Clark at the LA Self Healing Centre every Tuesday and Thursday from ten a.m till eleven. It conflicted with their rehearsal schedule, but Gustavo had seemed to lighten up on the boys ever since the tour, and he agreed that James really needed this help. Besides, he'd only be missing an hour of practice twice a week. Gustavo supposed he could work with that.
"I know," James responded. "That doesn't mean there won't be any hot young chicks working there or getting help there." He waggled his eyebrows. "And how could any girl resist a vulnerable James Diamond?" He pursed his lips and wiggled his fingers in front of his face.
Logan scoffed, while Kendall and Carlos failed to contain their laughter. They were all glad he had managed to pin point a bright side to this whole thing.
"You really are your own person," Kendall said as he pulled his waffle from the toaster.
"That's one of the things you love about me."
This time, Logan laughed. He draped an arm around his friend's shoulder. "One of many, buddy. One of many."
An hour and a half later, James deemed himself presentable. He was still a little pasty from lack of sun, due to being confined to the apartment all week.
Other than that, he looked a hell of a lot better than he had just yesterday. James smiled at his reflection. Yup, things were definitely starting to look up. Slowly, but surely.
"James, let's go, you don't want to be late for your first therapy session!"
James finally made his way out of the bathroom. He saw Mrs. Knight standing by the door, waiting to take him to the health centre. The other boys were at rehearsals, and Katie was at the pool. Since it was his first day of counseling, Gustavo had very unexpectedly decided to let him go straight back to the Palm Woods and not come to Rocque Records after. But starting the following week, James would meet the guys at rehearsals when he was finished. Gustavo had been being unusually generous lately. Maybe he'd finally gotten that the dogs' health came before anything else.
"You okay?" Mrs. Knight asked as she and James got into the mini van. He looked fine; she was just making sure.
James nodded. "Yeah, I'm not as worried about it as I was at first."
"That's good, sweetie. Remember, you have no reason to be nervous. It may seem like the doctor is trying to invade your privacy, but he's just doing his job, and that is to help you feel better about yourself."
"I know, Mrs. Knight. I...I'm glad I'm doing this."
Mrs. Knight reached over and squeezed James' hand. "Us, too."
When they arrived at the Self Healing Centre, Mrs. Knight began filling out some paper work while James took a seat in the waiting area. He tapped one foot against the black and white marble floor and let his eyes drift around, taking it all in.
The centre was fairly large. James had driven past it a few times, but he had never given it much thought. To him it used to be just another building in Hollywood where people went when they lacked mental stability. But now, it was a place James was going to be used to going.
The waiting area was big, with dozens of chairs attached to the walls, and even a couple of couches off to the side. Nobody sat on them, but many of the chairs were occupied.
There were two halls branching off from either side of the waiting room, one going left, the other right. James could see down the right hall. He noticed several doors. Probably the offices where people got their therapy.
Mrs. Knight came back, finished with the forms, and sat next to James. "I'll wait with you until Dr. Clark is ready to see you," she told him. He nodded, relaxing with her by his side. His nerves were staring to kick up now. He felt a little uneasy, but he forced the feeling aside and reminded himself that this was a good thing.
It didn't take long, only about seven minutes, until a man appearing to be in his mid-thirties, with neatly parted blonde hair and a huge smile, walked out from down the hall and glanced at a clipboard in his hand.
"James Diamond?" he called.
James felt his breath quicken, his stomach doing flips as sweat popped out on his clammy hands. Mrs. Knight rubbed his arm. "It's okay, hun."
James stood on shaky legs, and the doctor turned to him, smiling brightly.
"Hello, James. I'm Dr. Clark, your counselor. If you would come with me, please."
James turned to Mrs. Knight. She gave him a reassuring smile. "I'll be here to pick you up in an hour," she promised. He nodded, then turned away from her and followed Dr. Clark down the hall to the right.
Dr. Clark led James to the third door on the left, room 5. He opened the door and let James go in first.
"This is my office, where we'll be spending all of our time. Please, have a seat wherever you'd like."
James sat on the only chair other than the big puffy one that was obviously the doctor's. The room was painted a bright blue/grey colour, and the big window behind the doctor's desk had white lace curtains, kind of feminine, but James guessed it was to let the beautiful LA sunshine in. It gave the spacey room a happy quality.
Dr. Clark sat across from James in his big, professional looking chair.
"So how are you doing today, James?"
Dr. Clark smiled at the teen in front of him, and his friendly tone instantly had James relaxed. Though James had literally just met the man, he knew he already liked him. Somehow Dr. Clark had managed to make James feel completely comfortable in just two short minutes.
"I'm doing good, thanks," James replied, returning the smile. "And yourself?" he asked politely.
"I am quite well, thank you."
Dr. Clark picked up his clipboard and flipped a page over. "I see you are suffering from bipolar disorder."
James nodded. Was he supposed to say something?
"You were diagnosed approximately three and a half months ago...Hmm. A few days after you were diagnosed, you suffered from an overdose and were in a comatose state for a little over three weeks."
James would have expected to feel embarrassed about that being brought up, but Dr. Clark didn't sound judgmental at all. Well, of course he didn't, it was his job to listen and not to be biased. James was really starting to like this guy.
"Yeah. The medication wasn't in full effect yet and my friends and I had a huge fight, and it was my fault because I did something really douchey, and..." James trailed off. Dr. Clark knew where he was going with this.
Dr. Clark nodded. "I see. And may I ask what the argument was about?"
Much to his own surprise, James held nothing back. He told the doctor everything, about the band breaking up, about almost stabbing his friends in the back, his friends discovering it and calling him out on it, the overdose, the aftermath, everything. The only thing he left out was the secrets thing. This man was super nice, but he didn't need to know about Kendall's depression. It was irrelevant.
James talked for forty-five minutes while Dr. Clark just nodded patiently, occasionally scribbling things down on his note pad, listening intently all the while.
After forty-five minutes, James finally finished spewing his life from the past four months, and Dr. Clark was nodding some more.
"It seems that you have quite a lot on your plate at the moment, and you have for a pretty long time."
James nodded. "That's exactly how I feel. Overwhelmed."
"This is very common for someone in your position. Young, just a teenager, going about an average life one day, flying out to Los Angeles the next. That's a lot of pressure."
James nodded again.
"And how are you feeling about everything now that you're on your medication and things are going back to the way they were before you were diagnosed?"
James considered. It was a good question, one that got him thinking. "Well," he started after a moment, "I've been doing a lot better. That one day when I skipped my meds, I felt horrible. I was grumpy all day, and it took a while for me to forgive myself for doing something so stupid. But now I'd say I'm a lot better than I've been for the past few months."
"That's great to hear, James. And counseling is going to improve your esteem significantly. I'm glad you decided to come, and I'm very pleased that you felt comfortable sharing all of that information with me. I know it can be hard. I have some patients that have been seeing me for years who are still a little ill at ease with this whole thing, but you opened right up, and that makes me confident in your ability to trust me."
James smiled. "I just want to do everything I can to get better. I promised myself and my friends that I would."
"And a motivator like that is only going to increase your desire to keep coming." Dr. Clark moved to his feet, placing his clipboard down on his desk. "Well James, I'm afraid that's all we have time for today. Great job today, James, especially for your first time."
"Wait- that's it?"
Dr. Clark nodded. "We were just getting the basics today, dipping a toe in the water, you could say. I wanted to see how comfortable you were with all of this. I know it's new to you, and you did a fine job, considering. I also wanted to make sure you knew where the root of your condition was, and you do. Next session we'll begin discussing different strategies you can use to prevent yourself from causing yourself any harm, physical or mental, whenever you're feeling down."
"You mean like a distraction?" James asked dryly. That sounded like a temporary solution, something that wouldn't be one hundred percent effective.
Dr. Clark smiled. "Something like that." He stood up, extending his hand toward James'. James returned the handshake.
"Again, nice job today, James. I really hope this counseling will help you."
"Thanks, Dr. Clark."
"Have a good afternoon, James."
"Yeah. You too."
James left the office, feeling pretty good. It had gone a lot better than he'd thought. He had expected to feel unable to talk, to feel exposed. But Dr. Clark really knew what he was doing.
James smiled to himself as he walked outside to see if Mrs. Knight was there yet. Yup, he thought with a contended sigh as he glanced up at the cloudless blue sky. Things really are looking up, after all.
Anyone else not understand why the bathroom is right by the kitchen in the show? It's weird...
So who else spent all week voting for BTR as Breakthrough Band of 2011? This girl did! And who else is more pissed than they've ever been that they DIDN'T FRIKEN WIN? ! ! This girl is! ! !
So, once again, I lied. The whole double update on my birthday thing isn't going to happen. I didn't want to wait four days to post this. Oh well. From now on, NO hints as to when updates are coming, because I never meet my goals! Ugh, failure.
Okay, okay, I will say this. I got big plans for next chapter... Any guesses?
"But you always bounce back, *and this time is no different*..." Oh, you know I had to put some lyrics in here somewhere. ;)