Ahh, finally, a shorter chapter. All those long ones in a row were killing me!

Definitely the most intense chapter, in my opinion. Hooray for crazy twisty chapters! And hooray for posting your fave chap so far on your seventeenth birthday even though you finished it two days before but wanted to wait till your b-day to post cause that's awesome and you knew there was no way you'd get another one done by then! :D

Enjoy, guys!

Breakdown

Chapter 25: Terrified

Gustavo shot Kelly a look of pure shock. She raised a knowing eyebrow at him, smirking. Eyes still wide but brows narrowed in disbelief, Gustavo turned back to the dogs in the recording booth, oblivious to the fact that his mouth remained agape.

Could it be? Were his ears deceiving him?

"Your boy-boy-b-b-boyfriend..."

The four harmonizing voices faded, and the boys pulled off their headphones and looked through the glass at Gustavo.

He shook his head, snapping out of his dazed stupor, and stared back at the boys, nearly speechless.

"Dogs, that was...you were...flawless?"

Gustavo let out a pained shout when the control booth was filled with the ear piercing screeching of the four boys cheering excitedly.

Kelly smiled as she watched their mini-celebration. It looked like they had finally caught a break. Boyfriendwas their new song, and they had nailed it on the first go. This had never happened before. It was no wonder Gustavo was still literally frozen with incredulity.

"Boys, that was awesome!" Kelly cried into the microphone.

The four band members filed out of the recording booth, still high-fiving. "Thank you Kelly, Gustavo."

"Huh? Wha-" The stocky producer snapped out of his haze. "How did you do that?"

The boys grinned cheekily. "We're just all in a good mood today, I guess," Kendall replied. "Everything's been going well for the past week," Logan added. "Spirits are high. We all perform better when we're feeling this great."

"Well, great...good..." Gustavo trailed off awkwardly, not sure what to do or say. The boys never perfected a new song on the first try. Heck, it usually took them around ten attempts. This was new, and Gustavo had no idea what to do with the dogs now. He'd expected to be in the studio for at least two more hours with them working on the song. Now though, he had nothing else planned.

The bewildered producer turned to his assistant, looking for, well, assistance.

"Oh, just give them the rest of the day off."

Gustavo laughed humourlessly. "I'm sorry Kelly, did you say to give the dogs the rest of the day off? Aha. AHAHA!"

"...And they're gone."

Gustavo stopped laughing and whipped his head around. "WHAT? !"

The four boys ran down the hall and outside. "Freedom!" Carlos shouted to the sky, bounding away from Rocque Records. His laughing friends followed.

They walked all the way back to the Palm Woods, not wanting to waste an absolutely glorious day. The sun was beating down on them, absorbing in the black asphalt and making them hotter than they wanted to be.

"Pool when we get back!" Carlos exclaimed when they rounded the final corner and the grand hotel came into view.

"Oh, for sure!"

They hurried back to the hotel, eager to jump into the cool, clear water that they knew awaited them and cool off.

Upon arriving at the hotel, the boys dashed upstairs to 2J, changed into their swim shorts, and booked it back down the stairs and outside to the pool, having no patience for the elevator. They were glad Mrs. Knight and Katie were gone out, so they didn't have to waste precious pool time explaining to them why they were done two hours early.

"Cannonball!" Carlos bellowed, and he ran straight toward the pool, leaped into the air, tucked his knees to his body, and splashed down. Water sprayed upward and rained down on anyone sitting near the edge of the pool. Some people cried out in anger, but most just lay there and let the cool water make contact with their hot skin. It was absolutely sweltering today.

Kendall, Logan, and James laughed and joined their rambunctious friend in the refreshing water.

They dove under the water and surfaced laughing. They'd missed this. It had been way too long since the four of them had just hung out at the pool, having a good time. It was nice to know they could still do this. Maybe things hadn't changed as much as they'd thought.

The boys swam around for a while, thoroughly enjoying the chatter of the other residents surrounding them. It reminded them of how carefree they used to be. They loved knowing they could still be that way.

After about an hour in the pool, just floating around and hitting a beach ball back and forth with some other Palm Woods friends, the boys hopped out of the pool and reclined in some beach chairs that lined the pool. They didn't even bother with towels. The sun radiated down onto them, drying them almost instantly.

"Man, it has been way too long since we just kicked back and relaxed," Carlos mentioned, placing his hand behind his head and leaning back into the chair.

"Mm hmm," Logan murmured, closing his eyes, the warmth of the sun making him drowsy. "This is nice."

The boys fell silent then, and despite the noise from the other Palm Woods residents, the boys slowly drifted off, the hot sun beating down on them and heating them up, making them feel sleepy and at ease.

Just as the noise of the shouts and splashes were staring to fade, Kendall's phone started blaring Famous. All four boys' eyes opened, and they groaned simultaneously.

"Ugh, seriously, Kendall?"

Kendall scowled at his friends as he plucked his phone up from the little table between him and Carlos. "Oh, cause it's my fault!"

He glanced at the caller ID and saw that it was his mom calling.

He pressed the little green phone icon and held the phone up to his ear. "Hey, Mom. What's up?"

The other three couldn't hear what Mrs. Knight was saying on the other end of the line, but judging by the crinkle of Kendall's brow and the way he scrunched up his face while his lips turned slight downwards told them it wasn't something he wanted to hear.

"Aw, Mom, do I have to do it right now?...But...fine, I'll be right up."

Kendall sighed heavily as he hung up.

"What's going on?" Logan wanted to know.

Kendall groaned and rolled his eyes. "My mom bought a shirt for me and apparently me trying it on can't wait." He shook his head as he stood up. "Moms. I'll never quite understand them. I'll catch up with you guys later."

"See ya."

Logan stretched his arms above his head and yawned. "I think I'm gonna head up, too," he told his two remaining friends. "I'm going to a solar system exhibition of Venus in a couple days and I want to do some reading up on it first. You guys staying out here?"

James and Carlos stared at Logan blankly, not answering.

Logan blinked, confused as to why they were staring at him like that. Had he said something wrong?

"Uh, guys? Can you stop looking at me like that? It's freaking me out."

"You're going to study to see an exhibit?" Carlos cried incredulously.

Logan shrugged. "Yeah, why not?"

Carlos turned slowly to James. The two boys stared at each other for a moment in complete silence. Then they were overcome with laughter.

"Guys, it isn't funny!" Logan protested. His words fell unheard to James and Carlos as they kept laughing. Logan shook his head. "Whatever, guys. I don't need this."

He heatedly turned and left the pool, the wild laughter of his friends seeming to take far too long to die on his ears.

The boys calmed down and waited until they got their breath back. Then Carlos turned to James and said "I think I will head up actually. I'm starving. You coming?"

James didn't even need a second to consider. He shook his head. "No way. It's prime sun tanning time, and I haven't been outside for a prolonged period of time in weeks. Weeks! Look at me. I look like Logan!"

James held one arm up beside Carlos'. The contrast was fairly significant. Both boys had always been tanned, but Carlos' bronze colour was natural, while James' was due to hours upon hours of laying around in the sun. Now that he hadn't done so for quite a while, he did look somewhat pasty, especially compared to Carlos.

James looked utterly horrified. It was going to take him days to get his glowing colour back!

Carlos didn't say anything. He knew it was best to not question James on anything appearance-related. First the boy would bitch you out for asking, and then you would spend the next three hours being yelled at for not understanding the importance of having five different types of hairspray to be used depending on various weather conditions. Carlos was starving, and he didn't want to be lectured for the rest of the day in front of his Palm Woods friends, so he shrugged and walked away without a word.

James leaned further back into his chair and slipped his black sunglasses over his closed eyes. He just felt so great for once. It was a feeling he never wanted to let go.

"Hey, James."

James opened his eyes at the familiar voice. Jo stood over him, smiling down at him brightly.

James sat up straighter and pushed his sunglasses onto his head, returning the smile.

"Hey, Jo. What's up?"

"Nothing. Just got back from set. I was going to hang out with Kendall for a bit but he texted me saying his mom is making him try on a shirt or something."

James laughed. "Yeah. And it wasn't like he could have said no, it's his mom. Seriously, girls, you're just so-"

He cut off, blushing at the dirty stare he was receiving from Jo. He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Right. Anyway..."

"Can I ask you something?" Jo blurted out abruptly, angry look suddenly gone. She glanced pointedly at the vacant chair next to James.

James was a little taken aback at her rushed tone, but he nodded anyway. "Uh, yeah, sure...have a seat."

"Thanks..." Jo sat next to James and kept her gaze steadily away from his while she chewed on her lower lip uneasily.

"Were you not planning on asking me now, or?..."

Jo snapped out of whatever sort of trance she'd been in and looked up into James' awaiting eyes.

"First let me just say I wasn't eavesdropping... The door was open and I heard the end of a conversation between you and Logan. This was a little over two weeks ago..." Jo inhaled shakily and pressed on. "He was saying to you how you shouldn't hesitate to ask for help, and you were saying how you wanted to be left alone, and you guys seemed pretty intense. I asked Kendall about it later that day. All he said was that he promised somebody that he wouldn't say anything. He didn't say your name, or anyone else's, but I knew that promise must have been to you, and...I don't want to seem like I'm trying to get in your business or invade your mind or personal life or anything like that but... James, you're my friend and I worry. At first I wasn't going to say anything, but you've been acting...differently, for a while now, and I'm not the only one who's noticed. I just...I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, but Camille and Guitar Dude and some other people have been saying that you haven't been yourself lately, and I just want to make sure everything is okay."

James went rigid. He didn't have a ready answer. How was he supposed to prepare for something like this? He hadn't exactly expected Jo, or anyone for that matter, to say anything about how he'd been acting.

"Plus there was the whole thing with you getting really sick and going to the hospital a couple months ago..." Jo trailed off, looking at James sadly. "I'm sorry, James. I shouldn't have said anything. I shouldn't have even thought it was alright to just come out with something like this. Whatever has been going on, I'm sure it doesn't involve me, I just...I 'm concerned and...I-I think I'll go now."

She made a move to stand up, but James' hand shot out and he grabbed her wrist. "No, wait. Listen."

James rubbed a hand over his face, feeling a bit exasperated. Not that it was Jo's fault, of course it wasn't; she was just being a good, caring friend. James thought that was very sweet of her. It was just that this wasn't something he wanted public.

Jo sat back down and set her eyes on James, waiting patiently for him to start talking.

"I wish I could tell you. I do. I see how much you care, and it makes me glad to know that you're concerned about my well being. It makes me know that I can talk to you about anything, but this...this is really personal. Something that nobody except the guys know. And it's something I don't want anyone else to know about. I know that probably only worries you more, that I can't tell people, but trust me Jo, I'm doing a lot better now that I was last week, than I was last month, and than I was right after the concert. So don't take me not wanting to tell you personally. It's just...one of those things, you know?"

"Yeah," Jo whispered in response. "I know. I understand. It sounds serious. But if you say you have it under control, then I believe you."

James lowered his eyes. He knew he shouldn't, but he felt a little ashamed that he was lying to Jo, his friend about this. But he just didn't want anyone finding out, simple as that. At least, not yet.

James sighed and raised his eyes to look directly at Jo. "Maybe one day," he murmured. "Maybe one day I can tell everyone the truth."

"Welcome, James. How are you doing today?"

"I'm good."

"Great, great."

James took his seat without being told to. Even though it was only his fourth session, he was used to the procedures.

"We're going to take a different approach today, if that's okay with you, James."

James nodded. Dr. Clark knew better than he did. Why not try something new?

"That's fine with me. So how are we going to do this?"

"I want to know if you blame yourself for what happened when Big Time Rush broke up the first time."

James blinked, slightly taken aback at Dr. Clark's bluntness, but he answered nonetheless.

"Well, um, we still don't even really know why Griffin ended us. He never really explained clearly, so I couldn't tell you..."

"But you do blame yourself for a lot of the things that have happened since the band got back together. The overdose, that was your fault, was it not? You could have controlled yourself. But you didn't. You were weak, you tried to take the easy way out."

"W-well, I wouldn't say I-"

"And you only felt the need to attempt suicide because of the fight with your friends, which, again, was your fault. You stabbed your friends in the back. You were ready to go against them, to use the secrets that they were so selfless to share with you against them. You were hungry for revenge, and look at what that did to you."

James was shaking by this point. How was this supposed to be helping him? This was therapy? Was this what the rest of his sessions were going to be like? He'd liked it a lot better in the beginning, when Dr. Clark had been respectful and understanding. Why was he now pointing out James' flaws, all the mistakes he'd made recently?

"Um, Dr. Clark, I really don't see why-"

"You're a mess," the doctor continued harshly. "A failure. You couldn't even keep your back turned on your friends for longer than a couple of days. You broke. The pressure got to be too much, and you snapped." The doctor shook his head in what appeared to James to be disgust. Disgust with this innocent teenage pop star sitting in front of him.
Dr. Clark stood from his chair and began to pace in front of James. He seemed to be choosing his next words carefully. Finally he stopped pacing and glared at James. "Based on the information I've weaseled out of you in just four sessions, you're not terribly trustworthy." The doctor, though James was beginning to doubt his title, sighed. He peered closely at James, eyes narrowing. "It's a shame, really. If you were stronger, if your hard exterior was more than a silly little facade, you might not be in this mess right now. But, nothing can be done about it. You failed to hold up your end of the bargain before, but that was because you had nothing to lose. Now though-" Dr. Clark pulled something folded from one of his desk drawers. "Now I have something to hold over you."

James' entire body was trembling, inside and out. He was visibly shaken, and his insides were quivering with fear. He was far beyond scared. He was terrified. What was this man, this man who was supposed to be his god damn doctor going on about? What was he going to do to him?

Dr. Clark moved around the desk, closing in on James. He slammed the giant folded paper down on the desk in front of the poor, frightened boy. He unfolded the glossy paper and smoothed it out.

"No," James whispered in horror as he stared down at the poster. He let out a low moan. "No. I don't what this is, but whatever you're planning on doing, leave them out of it!"

Dr. Clark chuckled darkly. "Now why would I do that?," he growled, his voice eerily sinister. "I know how damaged you already are in the head. You're one slip-up away from losing it completely. And now that I have leverage on you, you're going to do exactly as I say to keep yourself in check. Got that, pretty boy?"

James felt like throwing up. He wanted to scream and run out of this terrible place, even though he still had no idea what this was about. He was scared out of his mind. But this man, this sick, twisted being wanted to get his friends involved? No. No way.

So James, despite the fear that was clouding his mind, nodded.

Dr. Clark grinned, and James had never seen an upturn of the lips look so demonic.

"Good. Now, you're probably wondering what I'm going on about."

Had he not been so absolutely terrorized, James would have rolled his eyes and muttered some witty comment. But he was paralyzed with the icy dread the ebbed its way through his twisting stomach.

"Sorry for keeping you in the dark for so long. Please, allow me to explain. When I heard that James Diamond was coming in for therapy, I was rather excited. I just had to have you as my patient. You see, I've heard quite a bit about you from a friend of mine. A friend who tried to make a deal with you a little while back. It was a pretty fair deal, too, I'd say. A three record deal. Your very own crib, personalized and paid for. And all you had to do was stay away from those so called friends of yours. But you just couldn't do that, could you? You went running back to them, and his business took a hard hit. He was just about to admit defeat when you came crawling back to him like the pathetic, self-centered child you are. Your band mates were a little mean to you, so you plotted against them. You made a deal with the enemy. You planned to destroy your own band, the lives of your best friends. Do you have any idea where you would be right now if you had gone through with the deal? You'd have gone solo. My friend would have made you famous beyond your wildest dreams. You'd be bathing in money, basking in your glory at this very moment."

Dr. Clark resumed his pacing, walking in slow, intentional circles around a colourless James. "But you just couldn't do that, could you? You couldn't even manage to tear down Big Time Rush when you know everything there is to know about the other boys. You're nearly useless. But this friend of mine, I told him that you were my newest patient. Oh, he was very pleased to hear that. It didn't take him and I long to devise a plan. Do you want to hear it? You do? Okay, just because I know you're going to be such a good little patient, I'll tell you. You do what you were supposed to do in this first place. You are going to gather all the information you can and report it back to me at our sessions. But this time, you are actually going to be useful and bring us content we can work with. Whatever you think can be used against Big Time Rush, you let me know. And this time, dig a little deeper. Seek out Gustavo's secrets, too. I'm sure he has plenty enough alone to take down your pitiful little boy band."

During the entire speech, James just sat there, frozen, unable to function. How could this be happening to him? What happened to things looking up?

James couldn't breathe. He could hardly think. He gazed at the man standing before him. What had happened to the friendly smile, the encouraging words, the raving of James making progress? Where was that man? James wanted him back.

But James knew he was being stupid. That guy had never been a part of Dr. Clark. It was all an act. A display, a false persona, to get James to open up and spill his deepest secrets to someone he thought he could trust. James felt played. He felt like an idiot, and he felt absolutely sick.

But, finally, after relentless minutes of searching, his mind thawed and he found his voice.

"W-w-what if I say no? You can't make me do this; I can warn them!"

Dr. Clark laughed again, the deep, ominous sound making James' head pound.

"Foolish, naïve James. Do you really think we would make it that simple for you? Oh, no. We knew you would refuse to go along with our arrangement. We planned for this, too, you know. Unlike you, we actually think things through. We don't just give up at the first roadblock." Dr. Clark circled around his desk again, reaching into another drawer and pulling something out. A key. The key was used to open yet another drawer. Dr. Clark grinned to himself as he nodded in satisfaction at the item he grasped in his hand.

James' eyes widened, and he nearly blacked out right there.

"If you don't do what we want..." the doctor dragged out, pointing the gun at James. "Click, click, bang, bang. Your boss gets it first. Then your friends. You will watch them die one by one. And maybe we'll kill you, maybe we won't. We might make you suffer a bit more." Dr. Clark put the gun away and locked the drawer. He looked back at James. "So I wouldn't say anything if I were you." He tapped his clipboard. "I know everything about you." Then he motioned to his notepad. "And your friends."

James stayed silent. He had squeezed his eyes close, and hot, salty tears leaked from the corners and trailed down his blanched face.

"I hope you act wisely," Dr. Clark finished. Then he clapped once, and James jumped in his seat, eyes flicking open.

"That's all we have time for today. I hope you enjoyed our session, James, and I look forward to seeing you on Tuesday. Oh, and James? If you don't bring me anything useful then-" Dr. Clark made a gun with his hand and pointed his index finger at James. "Don't think I'll hesitate to use that gun on you first."

James stumbled to his feet. He staggered to the door and it literally took him all of the miniscule amount of strength he still had to pull open the door.

James fumbled his way down the hall to the bathrooms. He lurched his way into a stall in the men's room and dropped to his knees, immediately spilling the contents of his stomach into the porcelain bowl. He didn't know how long he knelt there, being violently ill, but when his stomach muscles finally stopped contracting, his knees were sore from kneeling so long, and his throat burned from the acid.

James whimpered and weakly draped his arms across the toilet, resting his head on them. Black dots danced in front of him, obscuring his vision. Even sitting with his head down, he felt dizzy.

How could this happen? Everything had been going so great. He'd been feeling better than he had in weeks, physically and mentally. Why, why, why? Why couldn't Hawk just leave them alone and move on to some other band? Was he really crazy enough to get his psychologist friend to take him in and threaten to kill him and his friends- no, his family?

James shuddered and let out another quiet whine. What was he supposed to do? He couldn't do that to his friends again, he wouldn't. But he wouldn't watch them die, either.

James didn't know what he'd rather do right then, try to figure a way out of this, or pass out. But his body didn't allow him any time to make a decision; it made it for him.

He was way too overwhelmed, perhaps even in a state of shock.

With his mind on overload, James felt his body shut down. He let it, and he eagerly welcomed the darkness that turned off his senses and took over, until he knew no more.

Dun, dun, dunnn...

Wow, am I an utterly horrible human being or what? Or am I even human, because I don't think any sensible person would do this to poor James. And what makes it even worse is that I actually enjoyed writing this chapter...I'm so messed up.

But it adds a whole new story line to this fic!

What do you think? Too evil? Perfect? I don't know, you tell me.