Has it really been over 3 weeks? Whoa...I can't even begin to explain to you guys how sorry I am. I always told myself I would never make you guys wait this long...

Lets just say that holidays, dance class, a minor car accident, guitar lessons, a crashed laptop, and writers block is a recipe for disaster.

But I'm back, so please enjoy! Or at least try, considering this chapter is super short and pointless and just plain horrible.

Warning: Violence, but...I think you'll like it ;)

Breakdown

Chapter 27: Leverage

"They can't just expect him to go back there and act like everything is fine when that creep should be in prison or dead right now!"

"Kendall, please, calm down."

Kendall turned on his mother, his green eyes dark and wild with rage. "No! James isn't going back there when the son-of-a-bitch has a god damn gun in there! Falsely accused my ass! Nobody would make this up! Is James shaking and crying on the couch not proof enough?"
Mrs. Knight ran a distressed hand through her auburn hair. She completely understood where Kendall was coming from. She wanted nothing more than for Dr. Clark to receive the punishment he deserved, which, in her eyes, was a life sentence. But freaking out about the police's orders wasn't going to help anything.

"W...we aren't really going to make James go back there, are we?" Carlos' meek voice sounded from the couch where he sat beside a panic-stricken James. The tall boy was pale and shaky, but he wasn't totally out-of-his-mind with fear. He'd be lying if he said he wanted nothing less than to go back into that office with Dr. Clark, and alone at that. No, there was one thing worse than that; allowing Dr. Clark to go unpunished and commit an act this horrendous again. James knew the infinite terror of having the person you are trusting with your deepest secrets making you feel like a worthless human being while directing a gun at you. The one thing James wanted less than to go back was for that to happen to someone else.

And he knew what that meant. It meant he had no choice; he had to go back, to ensure that he attained the proof needed to get that bastard thrown in jail. That would be when James could stop worrying, stop wondering.

He opened his mouth to tell them that this was his decision, and his mind was made up; he was doing this. It was that only way.

"Guys, listen..."

"No." Kendall whirled on James. "I know what you're going to say. And I'm telling you not to. You aren't doing this, James. I won't let you."

But James wasn't fazed. He raised himself from the couch and went eye-to-eye with Kendall. "This isn't your decision, Kendall. It's mine. And I'm telling you that I am doing this. I have to, Kendall. Don't you see? If I don't, he'll never get caught. I'm not going to just let him do this to innocent people, kids, like me, when there is something I can do about it. And don't even try to talk me out of this, because you and I both know you'd so the same thing."

Kendall shook his head and looked away. He wasn't giving up; no, James wasn't going and that was final. He just needed to find something to say, anything that would convince James that this was not as good an idea as he thought it was.

That was the thing, though. Kendall actually did understand where James was coming from, he did agree that this should be done. But this was his best friend here. James would be risking his life going back in there with a psychotic man. But James was adamant about this, clearly not going to budge, and for once in his life, Kendall didn't know what to say.

"I need to clear my head," he announced. He headed for the door, but a hand held him back.

"Kendall-"

Kendall tugged his arm out of Logan's grasp and opened the door.

"Nobody follow me." Without another word from anyone, Kendall stalked out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

Kendall stalked into the gray-coloured office, his entire body shaking with the overwhelming blind rage coursing through his veins and propelling him forward at a brisk pace. He was still viewing the world through a hazy curtain of red, but when he arrived at his destination, everything was clear. His sight was set steadily on his target.

The man behind the desk glanced up at the sound of his door being thrown open. Kendall pushed it with so much force that the doorknob left a deep dent in the wall where it collided. Kendall payed no notice.

"Ah, Kendall Knight, the feisty leader. Has BTR crashed and burned yet? Are you here to beg me for a real shot at the big time? Had enough of the infamous Gustavo Rocque?" The name flew from Hawk's mouth like venom. "Had enough of your so called 'band mates'?" The rival producer chuckled evilly, and all at once the red was back. "Namely, James Diamond? Have you finally come to see what a selfish, backstabbing-"

Hawk didn't see the fist flying towards his face until it was too late. Kendall's knuckles made contact with the heinous man's cheekbone, and Kendall relished the sound of bone on bone. But only for a moment. Then he sent his fist forward again, and again, over and over, until blood decorated the defenseless Hawk's desk.

"You listen to me," Kendall panted, breathing heavily. He kept his tone low, an intimidating growl, a warning of sorts, as he stared down the half-conscious man with an icy green gaze. "You are going to call the police and tell them that Clark is working for you. You will admit to everything you've done to torment us in the past year, and you will accept the consequences." Kendall leaned in closer, literally breathing right into the filthy bastard's face. "Do you understand me?"

To Kendall's immense surprise, Hawk laughed weakly, flecks of blood speckling his shirt and desk. The sicko laughed at him. "And what exactly makes you so sure that I'm going to do what you want me to do? You have no leverage on me. But unless your little 'friend' has a death wish, I'll have some on you in a five days.

"Big mistake." With catlike speed and precision, Kendall wrapped his hands around the back of Hawk's neck and jerked his head forward, smashing the monstrous producer's face off the edge of his bloodied desk. Then Kendall pushed his head back, cracking Hawk's skull against the wall. And then Kendall delivered the final blow, a flawless uppercut to Hawk's jaw, knocking the abominable man unconscious. He slumped over in his chair, his face blood-soaked and bruised, and in that moment, his own hands covered in another person's blood, Kendall had never felt such a sense of accomplishment. But the victorious notion was short-lived, for Kendall knew this was far from over. He had taken his anger out on Hawk, but not all of it. And beating the man to unconsciousness didn't resolve the real issue.

Kendall shook his head at the pathetic excuse for a human being. He wanted to get out of there. Now that a large portion of his anger had been relieved, he could think a bit more coherently. He knew it was neither smart nor safe to stay here. If he got caught, well, so much for proof. He was standing right there with Hawk's blood on his hands, a half smile etched onto his dark features.

So Kendall stayed just a second longer, taking in the scene before him. For a split second, Kendall was afraid. Staring at Hawk, unresponsive and broken, having had gotten what he deserved. But he still deserved much, much worse. Because he wasn't as broken as James was. Probably never would be. But still, reflecting on his actions of just a minute earlier, Kendall realized that he had enjoyed it. He'd actually felt, God help him, euphoric with every punch.

So, for a split second, Kendall was afraid. Of himself.

"Where have you been?" Mrs. Knight demanded as her son entered 2J. She barely had time to study him as he brushed swiftly by her.

Kendall shoved his hands in his pockets and muttered "Went for a walk in the park," before passing through the entrance to the bathroom and letting the door slam shut behind him.

Kendall stared at his red coated hands for a while. This was another man's blood. Not that Kendall had never drawn blood from the occasional scuffle back in Minnesota. But this was different. Intentional, serious injuries, no proof of a motive.

Kendall scoffed in disgust as he began to scrub purple soap vigorously between his stained hands. Proof. How stupid were the freaking cops? Weren't they supposed to protect the good guys, throw away the bad? When had that changed?

James wasn't going back to Dr. Clark. As far as Kendall was concerned, there was nothing to discuss, nothing to consider. He knew James was for going back, albeit reluctantly, but there was just no way Kendall would allow it. Simple as that.

Kendall scrubbed for a good five minutes, until the last trace of blood was washed away from his skin and under his nails. He quickly checked himself over in the mirror to make sure there were no splotches of blood on his new navy t-shirt. His mother had just bought it for him and would be furious. Not to mention suspicious.

Finally Kendall decided he was free of Hawk's blood, and he unlocked the door and cautiously stepped out into the kitchen.

"Kendall!-"

"GAH!" Kendall's feet literally left the ground at his name being shouted. He turned to glare at a smiling Carlos.

"Carlos, don't do that!"

Carlos' smile vanished. "I'm sorry, I just wanted to know where you were."

Kendall rubbed his lavender-scented hands over his face and sighed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled, I just..."

Carlos moved forward, placing a hand on Kendall's shoulder. "It's okay, bud. We're all going through this together, remember?"

Kendall peeked at Carlos from between his fingers. He was so innocent, so young... Well, the same age as Kendall, but about ten years younger at heart. Kendall suddenly felt a wave of guilt wash over him. He was the leader of Big Time Rush, sort of. He was the oldest of the four. He was supposed to be their protector, their shield from all things bad. And this was worse than bad.

Kendall shook his head at Carlos. Carlos, who would never even consider hurting Hawk, no matter how strong his hatred for him. Carlos, who only always wanted everyone to be happy. Why can't I be like Carlos?

"He's really determined to go," said boy told Kendall, snapping him from his musings. "I'm scared. I don't want him to. I don't want anything to happen. But you know how James is. He won't let us talk him out of it."

A cognizance of dread settled over Kendall. It was true. James was driven, stubborn, and worst of all, convinced that this was his only option, the only way out of this hellish disaster.

And maybe Kendall needed some sense talked into him, because he figured the only way out of this without any of them getting hurt was to kill 'Dr.' Clark. That or move halfway around the world, but Kendall wasn't running.

Gritting his teeth together to try to abate the anger that threatened to be taken out on Carlos, Kendall turned away. "I know, Carlos. So you know what? We're going to let him do this. But not alone."

"What do you mean?" Carlos' voice was laced with suspicion, and when Kendall turned back around to face him, he saw the confusion creasing Carlos' forehead.

"I mean," Kendall enunciated, "that we're going to be there with him, waiting right outside the door and if we hear one wrong word come from that son-of-a-bitch's mouth, we're busting the damn door down and getting James the hell out of there."

"But won't the other doctors wonder what we're doing if we just stand there?" Carlos considered. "And besides, Dr. Clark will probably make sure we aren't there."

Carlos saw Kendall's jaw clench in anger. Why couldn't this be simple? Why did it have to be happening at all?

"Look, Carlos, I don't know how, but we are going to get James out of this. Okay? He sneaks a recorder in and gets Dr. Clark to say something that will give him away. Then he makes it out of there safely...Only..." Kendall trailed off. He didn't want to think about the 'only'.

"Only what?" Carlos moved closer to Kendall, hanging on his next words. "Only what, Kendall?"

Kendall shuddered and shook his head. "It just...that's the part I'm worried about."

Carlos paled. "Him making it out of there safely?"

Kendall nodded. He instantly regretted saying anything when he saw the terror in Carlos' eyes. But it was something to consider. Even if James did bring the sick son-of-a-bitch the information he craved, would it be enough? Would he let James go like he said? Kendall doubted that someone as twisted and demented in the mind as Dr. Clark would let someone off that easily, no matter what the deal was.

Kendall sighed heavily as he ran a distressed hand through his mused blond locks. "I'm sorry, Carlos, but it's the truth. We have to be prepared for anything. Even for...for the worst. We still have five days to figure this out. I just...we don't have any leverage on him." Kendall winced and a bitter taste filled the back of his throat as he used almost the exact words Hawk had used on him earlier.

Carlos stayed quiet, thinking for a moment, thinking so hard his brain literally hurt. Or maybe it was just a headache from all the stress? This situation was effecting all of them negatively, and Carlos wondered ow much more they could take before the rest of them snapped. James had pretty much already lost it.

Of course, Carlos had no idea about Kendall going over the edge and taking it out on Hawk earlier. That was also why he suggested, without hesitation, "What about Hawk? If we can find something to hold over him, maybe he'll call the whole thing off. Maybe he'll force Clark not to do anything. Maybe..." A solitary tear creeped from his tear duct and tracked down his cheek. "I don't know, maybe we can save James. But even if we do that, he'll never be the same again, will he? Will he, Kendall? Not the same fun loving, easy going, determined, strong James we know and love. He'll be different. Sadder." Carlos barely managed to suppress a sob. "I don't want him to be like that! I love James how he is! How he used to be, before this whole bipolar thing!" And then Carlos cracked, and he collapsed into Kendall's consolatory arms, a sobbing, gasping heap. "I want James back!"

Kendall bit his lip as he patted the smaller boy's back, not sure what else to do. At this point, he was sure nothing could comfort his wailing, broken down friend.

It hurt him immensely to think it, but Carlos was right. No matter if this turned out for the better, James still would probably never go back to normal. The same glint of the thrill he found in everyday would no longer light up his beautiful eyes. His smile would always seemed forced, and laughs would be rare, a privilege to hear.

James would no longer sing when they weren't working, he wouldn't be a crazy Party King and he wouldn't have fun. He would be traumatized forever.

Of course, that may not be entirely true. Maybe James would bounce back, maybe not be quite the same, but not nearly as bad as Kendall and Carlos feared. James was strong, resilient, but he'd been through a lot, way too much, and it wasn't over yet. Kendall could see James' recovery going either way.

The one thing that wouldn't change, though, ever, no matter what, was that he, Logan, and Carlos were going to be there for James every step of the way. No matter what.

Kendall closed his eyes and whispered shhh's to Carlos, and held him tight, but he did not tell him everything was going to be okay, because he did not lie to his friends.

Wellll...I'm am so so disappointed in myself. Very much so.

I would ask everyone how their holidays were, but you probably all forget, they were so long ago. Yes, that was a jab at myself...