The reality of Elizabeth having breast cancer, in love with Johnny, and jumping out of the burning building felt so real to him. That reality felt like the reality that was reality. But sitting there in the chapel, the front pew, just staring up at the cross, it felt real too. It was like he woke up from one life to live in another. Though he does prefer this life to that one, Jason couldn't help but wonder how he managed to create such a realistic reality in his mind.
According to the doctors and Elizabeth, he used what he knew about people to create an alternate reality. A reality that he felt he needed to live through before he could return to the real world. Apparently he was feeling lots of guilt before the explosion, thus creating a life where he messed his life up beyond repair.
Something Elizabeth said kind of summed up the entire second life into one easy description. Hell. When she was begging him to come back to her, she said that she believed he'd fight through hell to get back. That life was hell.
His relationship/friendship with Elizabeth shattered beyond true repair. Jake hating him. Cameron despising him. Lily broken because of him. Johnny playing the role of father to his kids. Sam being raped. A child born from a rapist psychopath. People in his life being the kind of people Elizabeth always said they were.
Thinking about that life made Jason angry. Angry with himself for not putting them first. Angry that nothing from that life felt unreal to him. That every single part of that life could really happen and probably would happen if he let it. Though he's glad that he had the chance to be the father he wanted to be to his children, its a bittersweet feeling.
Though she doesn't exist, Jason can still see Robyn's face clearly in his head. It hurts knowing that he'll never have her in his life. To know that he won't be able to spend all those years with her, taking care of her, being her dad.
He wants to believe that she's destined to be born. That some way, somehow she'll make it to this world. Since she was merely a figment of his imagination, maybe, just maybe she'll come to life in this reality. Since she was into art and had curly hair, its possible she'll be his and Elizabeth's. Maybe she'll be born to them in the years to come. She wasn't born until 2012, so its still possible...he hopes.
"Hey, you." her voice is his solace. "I was wondering where you went off to."
"Is she gone?" Jason asks, taking her hand in his once she sits beside him.
"Do you know who you're talking about?" Elizabeth counters, looking at him intently. "Since when does Carly ever do what she's told?"
"So in other words, she's in my room." Jason sighs, absent-mindedly playing with her fingers.
"Are you really going to hold what the other Carly did against this Carly?" Elizabeth questions, a little confused by what she just said. "You do know she has no idea what she did wrong, right?"
He knew that she was right. He knew it wasn't fair to hold Carly accountable for what happened in his own mind, but he still couldn't distinguish the two worlds apart. As far as factually, yes, he knows the difference between the life he thought was his and the life he's living now.
When it comes to feelings, he can't separate what he felt for the people in his mind and the people in real life. Elizabeth seems to be the only one that he sees the same. He loved her in his world and he loves her in this world. Both mutually equivalent. Everyone else has somehow been blended in with the people from his made up world. Though it seems unfair, he couldn't do anything about it.
"I just need time." Jason says, but he's not sure he'd ever be able to see anyone in the same way again. "Did you talk to Robin about when I can be discharged?"
"She's going over your latest scans and she'll let you know." Elizabeth says softly, staring at him, unable to believe they're finally together. "But she did say tonight or tomorrow at the latest."
"Okay." Jason settles back against the pew, lifting his arm so she could nestle in beside him before he secures his arm around her.
They'll be getting married soon. He's already worked out the paperwork with Diane and, once he's out of the hospital, nothing is going to stop him from making her his wife. He's wanted this for as long as he could remember. If he was being honest, he's wanted this from the moment he saved her in the bar all those years ago.
Though she had been hurting, she looked so strong. So much more than she gave herself credit for. And sure, the years would pass, she would test her strength, everything she's capable of and she'll learn. Jason wishes he could have saved her from the pain and heartache she suffered over the years, but he grew up as well.
He learnt what life is like without her and she learnt the same. Though they both suffered through a lot over the years, he wouldn't change a single second of their lives together and apart. Both have taught him to truly appreciate what they have and what they could have in the future.
"Figured I'd find you two in here." Robin's voice breaks through the silence that fell over them. "When I heard Carly yelling at the nurses, I knew I'd either find you two here or on the roof."
"That predictable?" Jason counters with a slight smirk, his affection towards Robin from that life only intensifies his affection for her in this one.
"Pretty much." Robin says, a collaborative chuckle is shared between the three. "I went over your scans and I'm content in discharging you today."
"Right now?" Jason looks at her hopefully, obviously his taste in regard to hospitals hasn't changed at all.
"Yes...just sign here." Robin hands him the clipboard before looking at Elizabeth. "If you notice something off about him, call me and bring him here. I'll meet you on the sixth floor if I'm not already there."
"I'll keep that in mind." Elizabeth assures her, watching as Jason signs the clipboard.
"Don't trust me to call you myself?" Jason says, feigning offence as he hands the clipboard back to Robin.
"Have we met?" Robin counters teasingly. "Just be careful. We just got you back, don't make us worry again any time soon."
Jason looks at Elizabeth for a long moment, staring into her eyes before looking at Robin.
"We'll call if anything comes up." Jason says with conviction. "Thanks, Robin...for everything."
"Anytime." Robin says without hesitation, though she doesn't know the real extent of his gratitude.
Taking the service elevator, Elizabeth got Jason out of the hospital without alerting Carly. Though she knows that its not Carly's fault Jason is avoiding her, Elizabeth didn't feel like showing any sympathy for the woman and Jason didn't blame her. Carly was hard on Elizabeth on a good day, he could just imagine what she was like with him in the hospital - in a coma no less.
Elizabeth had told him in detail what had happened while he was out. The first couple months was touch and go, that was before he slipped into a coma. Then the New Year came and they thought he was past the worst of it - only for him to slip into a coma without ever waking up. Elizabeth, not one to give up hope, juggled her work, the children, and sitting by him.
Jason was surprised to hear that Lucky had been supportive of her. He'd watch the kids whenever she needed him to, even Sam started pitching in. A part of him was happy for Lucky and Sam, that they were able to put aside the hurt and start anew. He wouldn't be talking to either of them any time soon, but he appreciated them helping Elizabeth none the less.
Elizabeth had told him that him being in a coma had Sam and Lucky reassessing their relationship. They weighed the pros and cons, deciding if the lies were too big to overcome, realizing that as long as they were together they'd be able to get past anything.
"We're here." Elizabeth says, pulling him out of his thoughts and back to reality. "You ready?"
"Yeah." Jason takes a deep breath before opening the door and walking with her to the house.
He was a little nervous to see the boys. She brought them to visit him a couple times after he woke up, but this was a different thing entirely. They weren't in the hospital. They're in the place that would be their home and he was nervous to see them - especially with the alternate reality forever etched into his brain.
The way Cameron looked at him, spoke to him, treated him. The way Jake felt indifferent towards him, hating him for existing. Granted both boys were still toddlers in this reality, Jason can still see their grown versions in the back of his mind.
Standing at the door, Jason's hands slip into the pockets of his jacket, unsure of walking through the threshold. Elizabeth can sense his uneasiness - taking one of his hands out of his pockets to hold it in hers. She didn't need to say anything, she knew that was all it took for him to gain the courage to walk through the door - and so they did.
"Jason!" Cameron exclaimed, running into his arms - much like he always did as a kid, making Jason's heart swell with love.
Jason didn't know how much he missed it until that moment. He always took that small gesture for granted, but he swears he never will again. When Cameron hated him, he'd always think back to moments like this. Moments when he'd run into Jason's arms, always excited to see him, as if Jason were this fascinating being.
"Hey, bud." Jason picks him up into his arms. "Someone looks like they've eaten chocolate cake again."
Cameron smiled brightly, almost slyly. "Triple chocolate." he whispers to Jason. "Nanny Kristina made it for me and Jake."
"Goodnight, Cam." Kristina says as she slides into her jacket, looking at Jason a little nervously. "I'm glad you're okay, Jason."
"Thanks." Jason says with a slight smile, watching her leave before his attention is diverted to Elizabeth and Jake.
"So, I was thinking, if you're up to it that is..." Elizabeth sets Jake down in his playpen. "I'll take care of dinner and you can spend time with the boys."
He looks at her for a long moment, surprised that he could love her anymore than he already did.
"I'd love that." Jason says, setting Cameron down on the couch. "Thank you."
They kiss quickly while Cameron's attention is focused on his game. With a smile exchanged between them, Elizabeth walks towards the kitchen, turning to look at them once she's under the threshold. She had prayed many nights to be able to see this moment. Cameron's sitting beside Jason, showing him the game, while Jake is sitting on Jason's lap, happily enjoying the back and forth between the two.
Just as she's about to turn away to walk into the kitchen, Jason looks up - capturing her gaze with his. They stare at each other for a long moment, both overwhelmed with the reality their in. Neither want to break their gaze, but Jason is forced to when Cameron yanks on his jacket. With a smile, Jason returns his focus on their boys while Elizabeth continues the venture into the kitchen to make dinner.
A/N: Thanks for reviews.
Let me know what you think.
-ROCkER