Feudal Affair

I don't own Inuyasha

Chapter II

Rin smiled momentarily as the flowers were held in front of her. They were an array of violets and pinks with their petals curling just enough to tickle the back of her hands.

"Do you remember these lilies?"

Rin frowned as Kohaku happily waited in anticipation for her memory to bring back the occasion that had prompted the new presence of these colorful flora now resting in her hands. She bit her lip in an effort to appear that she was thinking deeply and just couldn't find the right moment in a vast majority of memories. Shaking her head, she gave a simple twist of the lip to sheepishly let him know she'd forgotten and was hopeful of being forgiven for letting the moment slip away.

"You remember...our first outing together? I gave these flowers to you by the lake."

"Oh, how could I forget?"

"I knew they would probably make you smile when I saw them. I really missed you."

Rin masked her feelings with an immediate kiss. She closed her eyes tighter as he kissed her back. It was a frail attempt to make all her wrongs right, an effort to keep from seeing Sesshoumaru in the front of her thoughts when her husband had his hands pressed against the small of her back, his lips against hers requesting the return of her feelings for him. Kohaku was brave, gentle and kind yet, it was impossible for her feelings to grow. Every kiss was incomparable, every touch of this human failed to live up to that of her demon, the way that he held her would never make her feel as if she was surrounded by an army protecting her from anything that threatened her but she'd chosen him. She'd chosen now and simplicity.

Rin focused on Kohaku's steady breaths as he slept, counting each one in an effort to find rest but there was no relief for the running memories. Every moment that she and Sesshoumaru spent together left her with a new notch of grief. Still, every moment with her demon lover was a breath of fresh air in a life where she felt stifled. She knew exactly why she couldn't remember the lilies that Kohaku had given her and why she could vividly remember the first kiss she and Sesshoumaru shared. There was only room in her heart for one.

Recent Past…

"Sesshoumaru…?"

Rin was surprised to see him. The last conversation they'd had did not go as well as she would have hoped. Sesshoumaru had always supported her decisions, he'd always been there for her so when she'd asked him to walk her down the aisle at her wedding he'd uncharacteristically declined. Of all the things she'd ever wanted him to do, he'd let her down on what was supposed to be the most important day of her life.

"…"

"What are you doing here?"

"You're here alone?"

Rin half rolled her eyes.

"Yes, Kohaku left for the south. He said there was word of a need for a demon slayer there."

"Hmph. He should have said something."

"Sesshoumaru it's fine. Besides, you're the one who said the village is the safest place I could be remember?"

Sesshoumaru watched her cross the room. Her movements gentle, her footsteps easy. He always thought of her as royalty never meant to be housed in a shack.

"Tea?"

"No."

"…I barely saw you at the wedding. Was there something more important that you had to attend to?"

"No. I came only to offer my regards."

"..."

Sesshoumaru noticed the frown as Rin looked down at her cup, ringing the top of it before taking a sip. It bothered him that she looked tired, unhappy. He was so used to seeing her smile and natural radiance. She was a flower never meant to wilt.

"Is there something wrong?"

Rin looked off trying to ignore the question

"…"

"Rin."

He couldn't help but be thrown off as she returned an annoyed look.

"What's wrong? Are you okay? How have you fared? Are you hurt? What do you feel? Why are you laughing? Why are you crying? Why are you sad?!"

"…" Sesshoumaru wasn't sure what to make of the outburst.

"It should all sound familiar to you. They're just some of the questions you always ask of me and I always have an answer for you. I am always open with you, telling you my every feeling, my pains, what makes me happy or sad and sometimes you even demand to know that I am okay. So when I ask you why you couldn't be there for me, don't I deserve a better answer?"

Sesshoumaru could see the tears that crept forward. He'd never intended to make her cry, to question his loyalty. He cared about her happiness more than she would ever know. It was why he'd fought against his senses and why he'd taken a step back.

"I've only ever wanted to make sure that you were happy and safe."

Rin let the words sink in. She knew that nothing with Sesshoumaru was ever surface level. Thirteen years around him taught her enough to know that much.

"What makes you think that your not staying would make me happy? Or did you not want me to know that you were unhappy with my decision to marry Kohaku?"

"You didn't need a distraction."

"What if I did?"

"Was marrying Kohaku not what you wanted?"

"Maybe it wasn't. Maybe...I settled"

Rin tried to keep herself together despite the tears that escaped.

"Why?"

"You know why! Because settling for Kohaku was better than accepting never!"

Sesshoumaru felt the sting of the comment and she'd thrown it at him out of disappointment. Rin brushed the tears away as she stood to put the cup away.

"You're content in his arms, you smile when you're with him. How do you call yourself settling?"

Rin shook her head, "You're not the only one that's good at hiding their feelings when it matters."

"You had a choice."

"Did I? Who else would you have trusted? Who else would have been brave enough to court me?"

As much as Sesshoumaru hated to accept that it was true he had inadvertently cut Rin off from suitors out of a matter of protection. She was a target for both demons and humans alike that knew her worth to him. Any suitors in the village might have been too afraid to court Rin knowing his presence was inevitable but Kohaku had traveled with them and had the advantage of knowing where the lines were drawn.

"You don't love him, at all?"

Rin thought about how to answer the question despite the fact that she knew why she could never love Kohaku the way he loved her.

"I love Kohaku as my friend. But, when Kohaku and I touch, I don't feel connected to him. When he kisses me I should want to kiss him back but I can't without forcing it. When we're together I still feel like a part of me is empty."

Rin was aware that with every word she'd spoken Sesshoumaru had slowly closed the distance between them as they now stood face to face. He took her hand in his and she could feel the blush creeping across her face.

Sesshoumaru could feel Rin's pulse rising, the change of breath as he touched her. She was never afraid of him and touch was not foreign to either of them yet it was easy to see what she meant about feeling connected. There was nothing forced about what either of them felt here, there was no need to speak to know what was true. The one thing he thought he'd managed to keep from her was how he truly felt about her but seeing her reaction to something as simple as his touch was telling him he hadn't done a good enough job. He'd wanted Rin to have a normal human life or as normal as possible. As a child, she'd already been through too much at his side facing death and the possibility of it five times and escaping with her life like a thief. It should have been enough for Rin and yet she still encouraged him to be selfish every time she asked when he would visit again, when he would take her back by his side, and when she would be able to leave this village. But knowing that Tenseiga would never give her another chance meant doing something selfless. His life was far from settled, his visits were sporadic at best and there was no safe haven for Rin beyond this village. Maybe it was worse that he'd never given her a full answer, leaving her with the hope that that day would eventually come. It was still selfish of him to hope too. But Rin was smart enough to answer the question for herself and maybe marrying Kohaku was the last effort she could make to get him to act selfishly and it almost worked. It was truly the reason he hadn't walked her down the aisle. If she'd suspected any disappointment she would have stopped the wedding right there, destroying any chance she might have at living a life without constant threats. If he'd asked Rin to be his mate, she would have agreed to a short life because even as strong as he was, he wouldn't always be able to protect her.

"I'm sorry."

Rin found her way into Sesshoumaru's embrace. Immediately she felt the annoyance, the disappointment slip away. The tension she felt with Kohaku was non-existent with Sesshoumaru. Rin met his eyes again, hesitating as she brought her hand up to place it against his cheek. She was relieved that he didn't back away from it, instead letting it rest there.

Sesshoumaru could feel the gravity of Rin pulling him in and he wasn't fighting against it. He felt their lips touch, the kiss deepening as they relaxed into it and feeling the sense of longing behind it. Every kiss she gave he returned without restraint. He could feel her wanting to take them further, deeper despite the danger but he wouldn't let her. She rested her head against his chest, her grasp tightening on him to keep him close, to keep him from leaving her again.

"Please, just take me with you."

"Your days are too precious to lose at my side."

"I don't care."

"I do."

"Then at least give me the satisfaction of spending these brief moments with all of you."

A/N: It's complicated but I hope all made sense. Thanks for reading/reviewing ;)

PS: I've never counted how many times Rin died/almost died until now. The wolves, the first abduction by Naraku and nearly killed by Kohaku (ironic), abducted by the doctor with band of seven, The Meidou, and the second abduction by Naraku and nearly killed by Inuyasha and Sango inside of Naraku's body

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