Feudal Affair

I don't Own Inuyasha

Chapter XII

The last two days had allowed Rin to recover as she let the sun soak into her skin. The water soothed her body and she smiled as she thought of the baby she'd held in her arms only moments ago. She saw herself in the baby girl. The name seemed to come to her as those tired little eyes blinked up at her. Kisata. It wasn't a usual name and it was why she'd pushed for Kohaku to accept it. The name had two entirely separate meanings. The first meaning was to rejoice. The second meant rare. She'd guessed that Kohaku hadn't understood the second meaning but the second was for her and for Sesshoumaru. She and Kisata were a rarity. Rin knew she was like a wild flower that had grown into Sesshoumaru's life and although Kisata's humanity meant that she was Kohaku's, she knew that Sesshoumaru would hold to his promise to her. He would protect her. Kisata was a part of her and she would be another rare flower in Sesshouomaru's life.

Rin surfaced from the water, a gentle kiss meeting her lips. She leaned into it feeling the pain in it. She let Sesshoumaru hold her as he helped her out the water. There was so much hurt. In this moment he needed her. She could feel it in his silence, the way he rested his forehead against hers, the way he held her to him like a barrier to the rest of world. Rin wasn't sure how he'd managed to be so strong for her through every moment she'd been vulnerable emotionally and physically. How heavy were the burdens that she'd forced him to carry? How hard had it been for him to leave her knowing how much he loved her because he put her life before his love? How had he stood under the pressure of all of it without breaking? And for nine months he'd waited on her, on a child that wasn't his, and yet still vowed to protect her. Rin bit her own tears back. It wasn't fair to him. Even as she tried to force her emotions down they surfaced anyway. She shook her head at the failure even as he pulled her closer.

"I'm sor..."

"Don't...apologize and never blame her."

Rin heard the difficulty with which the words came. She let them sink in and she understood. She would never resent Kisata for not being Sesshoumaru's child no matter how much she'd wanted her to be. Kisata never asked for her place in this world. Sesshoumaru knew the other side of that life with Inuyasha and he refused to see her make that mistake with her own daughter. Rin found Sesshoumaru's face. It was a rare moment he failed to to meet her gaze. She'd remembered his face so well when she'd awoken from being taken into the Meidou. A face of worry turned to relief that she was okay. But she hadn't seen the pain he'd felt in the moment he thought he'd lost her. She'd never experienced his tears. As a child, she'd listened to Jaken's ramblings that Sesshoumaru would never succumb to such a show of emotions. But every moment that they spent together opened her eyes to parts of him that were reserved, never locked away. Rin placed her hand against his cheek letting it linger before erasing the path of where tears had been. She kissed him again grasping his hand and lacing her fingers into his. The moment lingered but she could feel his hand slipping away.

"She needs you."

Rin nodded realizing that she was making things hard on him again. He was trying to say good-bye. Rin tied the kimono around her as she ran her fingers through still damp hair. A cautious smile pulled at her lips.

"I'm fine?"

Sesshoumaru took her in, being sure to keep this image of her in his memory. Every year of her life, every vision of her was stored, easy to access and too hard to ever forget. Long before she'd ever asked him to remember her he'd placed her smile and warmth in a place in his heart. At the time, he wasn't sure why he'd done it. Maybe it'd even seemed a little silly of himself and out of character, but now he knew why.

"Yes."

"You're fine?"

"...Yes." The word had come in a whisper. Maybe still unsure but he didn't have the heart to say no.

"You'll still come around won't you?" She could feel the fear rising, the panic of him being away again.

"Your life is no longer your own, but remember that you and Kisata will always have my protection."

Rin knew Sesshoumaru was right. She could feel the panic subside as she thought about Kisata. She had to focus on being a mother now.

"I love you."

"Always."

...

Rin hurried, wiping away her own tears, as she heard Kisata's cries nearing home. It didn't surprise her to see Kohaku in a bit of a daze even as he tried to do his best to quiet the child. Rin lowered her shoulders, disappointed as Kohaku immediately placed the baby in her arms. She'd kissed the little girl's forehead and waited as she rocked her gently and started to sing. The screams slowly quieted and there was peace again. As with most newborns, it had been a constant for the last two nights. She was sure that Kisata's screams were waking the entire village. The only thing that seemed to quiet the child completely was when she held her. Even sleeping, Kisata would wake to being passed into someone's arms other than hers. Rin had felt the exhaustion taking over and despite Kohaku's presence, since the baby's birth he'd been distant with her.

"Where have you been?"

Rin looked up as Kohaku questioned her. She had told him she was going to the springs. Had he not remembered?

"I went to the springs."

"What took you so long?"

"Nothing. I was just relaxing in the water. It's the first time I've had a moment to myself."

"Don't lie to me!"

"Kohaku...?"

"Did you see him? Were you with Sesshoumaru?"

"He visited with me while I was there but nothing happened between us. He was just making sure I was okay."

"When were you going to tell me you were sleeping with him?! When the baby came out half-demon?!"

Rin tried to distract herself but she knew this was coming sooner rather than later. Kohaku was angry. He was hurt and he had every right to be.

"I wanted to but I didn't know how to tell you. I didn't know what to say."

"It's pretty easy Rin. You could have said it any number of ways and it still would have been the same outcome."

"I'm sorry."

"Do you know how little that means to me? Do you?!"

Rin sat back holding the baby closer to her as she began to stir. She tread softly on how to respond to the anger. She found that there were no words. She couldn't possibly know what Kohaku was feeling right now. Rin shook her head.

"..."

"I trusted you, as my friend, my wife, and now I can't even trust the mother of my child! To think I was actually happy about it. It would have been easier to deal with this if the baby wasn't here."

Rin swallowed the thought that she could be in danger with Kohaku. Was he capable too?

"If the baby wasn't here, wasn't human, you'd want me dead and her dead too, like your sister?"

"No."

"Yes. You can admit it. What I did is worth my death. You know that and Sango knew it. You wouldn't have stopped her."

"That's not true. It's not!"

He sounded like he was convincing himself. Rin could see him fighting internally over the decision he would have made in the moment should Kisata have been half-demon. Would he have stood by? Would he have tried to stop his own sister? He would really never know. But the outcome either way would have been that his decision came too late. Rin caressed Kisata's cheek, finding her light within the despair as she questioned him.

"What do you want me to do? My apologies mean nothing."

Rin could see the anger still brewing in her husband trying to find a way out as his hands became fists at his sides. She'd seen this side of him only under Naraku's control. Her heart raced and her body shook uncontrollably as he approached her. Even as she'd attempted to get up he'd pushed her back down. Kisata's screams filled the room again as Rin prepared herself to be struck. It wasn't hard to return to the mentality of her childhood. She'd stolen the fish and she wasn't supposed to. She'd stolen Kohaku's heart and she'd thrown it away for the one she truly loved. Even as she'd covered her face she'd winced as Kohaku grabbed her wrist and ripped the bracelet from it. The clatter of beads and shells against the floor resounded in her ears as Kohaku threw what remained of them into the fire. She'd taken a shaky breath as Kohaku moved away from her and about the room. Any gift that Sesshoumaru had given her found the same fate becoming one with the ashes. She'd closed her eyes, holding Kisata close to her, breathing in the baby's scent to calm the fear, sorrow, and anger even as Kohaku raged against her by tearing away every link to Sesshoumaru in the physical. Every item that held meaning, a memory, or reminder that she used to keep Sesshoumaru close when he wasn't there was destroyed.

"He used you and you don't even see it!"

She wasn't sure what Kohaku was referring to.

"What are you talking about?"

"He fooled everybody into thinking that he cared so much about you. Maybe he did but he was never going to make you his wife. It makes sense. He still didn't want to be seen with a human."

Rin hadn't tried to stop the tears, "He left me here to keep me safe."

"That's what he wanted you to believe and foolishly you did."

Rin shook her head, disbelieving Kohaku. He of all people knew exactly how much Sesshoumaru loved her.

"It's okay. You're fine." She'd heard herself repeat it over and over again unsure of whether she was calming the child or herself.

Rin knew, that deep down, those words were all that Kohaku could use to destroy Sesshoumaru in her life and maybe in his.

A/N: Just for reference Kisata's name is pronounced Key-sah-tah. Thanks again for reviewing :)