I saw them first.

Weird tumorous vorcha-varren with extra or missing limbs ran or hopped or flew or crawled at us, mouth-claws snapping and barking at us.

I saw them first, but Pia got the first kill. Bullet through the head, the decapitated corpse started tumbling down the tunnel, the rest of the swarm jumping around it as they continued their charge. That's when the rest of us started firing; the varren-things were melted and shredded under the onslaught of incendiary rounds. But a few of them still made it to us.

Something lunged at me. It must have misjudged the distance or been thrown off by something because its lower body crashed against the lift's railings. I would have capitalized on that mistake if I hadn't been caught off guard. That normally doesn't happen but these were special circumstances. See, I wasn't expecting its mouth to open up and a human hand to reach out and grab my neck!

"Fuck!" I cursed as it tried to drag me closer to its jaws. Damn it was strong! Beautiful Pia came to my rescue with her variable gun, blasting the thing in two with her razor fire shotgun. I couldn't get the damn thing's hand off of my neck fast enough and tossed the now smoldering pieces back off of the lift.

We heard more things further up the shaft.

I turned to look at my crew. None of us looked hurt or injured. Narg had just finished snapping something's neck against the railing before casually throwing the thing away, a loud wet smack reverberating throughout the tunnel as it crashed against the tunnel walls. Why couldn't he have been the one to get the arm-mouth monster? Everyone else looked fine. Det. Pia. Klein. All cool and unharmed, if a bit splattered with blood.

Our rescuees, on the other hand, were pretty terrified. Dr. Iessara was pretty freaked out but at least she seemed to be keeping herself under control. The Furan siblings, on the other hand, weren't taking this all in stride. I'd like to take a moment to calm them down, after all they were just innocent people kidnapped by a crazy cult, but we didn't really have the time for a group therapy session.

"Well, I didn't need to sleep tonight," Det sighed. "What are those things?"

"Dogs," Klein answered. "Or they used to be before the Institute." One of the things was twitching and spamming nearby before he shot it. "Man's best friend does not deserve this."

"We need to move," I said as I heard the sound of distant shrieks. We had two options; either advance up to the second floor and take up a position there or go back to the bottom floor. Advancing runs the risk of getting us caught on this upward slope before we made it to floor three, but we at least get closer to getting the fuck out of here. Going back down is easy and we'll have more time to dig in. But it's also all the way at the bottom of the gate away from sweet escape. In either situation we put the asari and the siblings at risk.

Enough thinking.

I hopped over the lift's railing. "We need to get to the third floor landing before they reach us."

Pia and Det jumped over the railing and took positions beside me while Narg trudged over the railing, dragging the three hostages behind him. Klein moved along behind him while the asari and siblings trailed at a safe distance.

My calves burned as fought an uphill battle with the tunnel's gradual ascent, but luckily we didn't meet any nasties as we made our way to the third floor. Maybe the rest of the Institute backed off after they heard us unload fire on the dogs? Possible. But I was also hoping that the Institute were morons who'd charge into our guns now rather than later. Cautious enemies were always more dangerous that reckless ones.

That or they still had more monsters and were just waiting for us at the exit. If so, we'd just get to them exhausted.

We could either advance and try making it to floor two or take a breather here.

My legs vote breather.

I pointed off to my right and we all moved to take up positions at the first and second tunnel intersections.

"Doctors," I began over the external speakers, "How are you doing?" They looked winded, I couldn't blame them. At least the asari was able to nod or gesture that she was fine.

I felt a little safer behind Narg and Klein this time, but couldn't help but notice that Narg's tied up prisoners would soon be a problem. Speaking of which, I switched over to our private channels.

"Klein, how long will that knockout stuff work? Can we stash those prisoners somewhere?"

I saw Klein look over at the tied up prisoners. "They should be unconscious for at least four hours, and we can lea-"

We all sunk back into cover when a monster ran past the tunnel entrance, missing us completely. Then came more in all shapes and sizes ranging from more of those dog-arm things to turian-like shapes. At the end of the herd was a gigantic beast of a man; a mountain of muscles that were bursting out of their skin. Like Bayora down on floor four, this one looked like a mix of different creatures all fused together. Flailing arms and limbs and faces were stretched out all over the thing, and one arm was made up entirely of several arms twisted together. In a perfect world they would have rushed right past us, heading down to the bottom floor while we snuck out behind them. We'd have avoided having to fight that thing and its herd of cancer-beasts entirely.

And in a perfect world Pia would have two twin sisters who were all madly in love with me, passing me around like a piece of meat between them.

The brute turned and looked straight as us before charging out position, the tunnel shaking as it moved.

I think I gave the order to fire, but I couldn't hear it over the sound of the shrieks of terror from our asari and salarian tagalongs or the collective roar of the mob of monsters that was makings its way back to us.

"I'll take the brute!" Klein yelled into our ears through his comm device. He fires six rounds into the beast, drawing its attention. Klein's gun didn't seem to slow it down at all, instead of the beast was only enraged and slammed into Klein, pikcing him off his feet and crashing into a tunnel wall. The thing was moving as fast as a car; I've have bet every credit I own that Klein should have died when they collided with the wall, but I could still barely see him firing his gun into the creature's belly. They disappeared further into the tunnel, flashes of light occasionally illuminating them as they tried their best to kill each other.

All he had to do was kill one giant monster. I had to kill lots of smaller-but-still-dangerous monsters. I wonder if he'd switch jobs with me.

I looked over the civilians and pointed further into the tunnels, "Go, run! We'll get you afterwards!" Best case scenario; they escape or get killed by monsters. Worst case scenario; they are captured and turned into monsters. The siblings were already skittish and didn't need to be told twice, grabbing hold of each other and running off into the darkness. Dr. Iessara hesitated for a second. Had she fallen in love with me already? Typical. "Go!" I yelled, forcing her to get the message as I pushed her in the direction of the relative safety of the tunnel. I turned and got back to the killing; I fired nonstop, heads and limbs and faces bursting wherever my gun swept. Anything that wasn't killed by bullets ended up seared and roasted by the incendiary gel that clung to them. So many things died in . They reached Narg first, swarming over him as he disappeared from view as they swept out to reach us.

"Narg!" I heard Det yell from to my right before he switched over to his shotgun configuration and started advancing.

Kid's heart was in the right place, but his head wasn't.

I saw him get swarmed by the creatures.

Pia cursed beside me.

Then they were on us.

I really wish I had opted for some of the specialized CQC equipment.

I braced myself as one of the things collided with me, damn thing knocking the wind out of me faster than a pregnancy scare. I fell flat on my back as its face split open and clamped down around my head, an eye-filled tongue slithering around my visor and I felt more of them crash into us, something started pulling my legs and dragging me somewhere as I felt several other meaty hands attempt to club me to death; my armor was doing its best to protect me but there was really nothing one could do against blunt force trauma. I needed to do something and do it fast; I switched over to the shotgun configuration, my gun's barrel expanding in my grip. Despite the thrashing I was receiving I grinned. Something was about to get fucked.

I pressed the trigger.

Two things happened. The thing on top of me died, I could see all the eyes on the tongue do a coordinated death roll and the entire thing went limp on top of me. Also now I had a flaming monster corpse on top of me. That was bad. But also good because it meant I had a flaming corpse shield to fend off all my other attackers. I grit my teeth as burning gel and blood splashed all over the front of my armor and pushed hard, throwing the burning carcass off of me. Now I could see what was happening.

Enemies on my right, enemies on my left; one monster pulling on my legs and one was standing over me, foot raised to stomp on my face.

And I'm still on fire.

I raised my gun and blasted the monster about to smash my head in, the thing's torso disappearing in flames and gore as it collapsed backwards; more boiling blood over my visor. The thing to the left of me retains some human intelligence and it tries to knock my gun out of my hands. My shot goes wild but manages to clip the thing on my right send it sprawling over the ground one arm the lesser. I punch out with my left right into the kneecap of the thing, dropping it as the entire leg snaps backwards. I manage to prop myself up and level my gun at the thing trying to drag me away. Now it's a piece of abstract art on the mine wall. The things to either side of me are still alive and I solve that by bringing the butt of my gun down on a head, crunching the skull and brain beneath the reinforced power assisted blow. The thing to my left, useless leg still crumbled beneath it in a painful position, punches me right in the head. More cracks on my expensive visor. I respond with a shotgun to the face.

I manage to stand up, the floor slick with monster guts that nearly make me lose my footing. I also take this quick chance to spray the flame-retardant that came with our special order ammo; luckily the incendiary gel isn't rated against body armor so I'm mostly fine. Bits of my armor are scorched and slightly warped though.

I just barely manage to jump out of the way as Klein flies through the air; he looks absolutely calm, his gun steady as it thunders rounds into the giant monster man who comes roaring after him; I press myself against the wall as it tramples several monsters in its path clearing the way for me. I bring my gun up and track the beast, firing rounds at its back as he pounces on Klein. It thankfully isn't interested in acquainting me with its meat-club fists and instead focuses on thrashing Klein. Klein collides against the nearby wall at the end of his flight and is immediately set on by the giant, punches that shake the entire tunnel driving his body further and further into the wall. Klein was still shooting.

Well, fuck that.

I instead turned around surveyed the situation. Klein and the giant's rampage had crushed several creatures and painted the walls red. Det and Pia were closest to me, Narg the furthest away. And as much as I wanted to rescue my woman first, my duty as the leader meant that I had to rescue the most inexperienced of us first. That meant rescuing Det first.

Pia would understand. Fuck, she'd scold me for thinking she needed saving.

Switching back to rifle configuration, I wouldn't want to hit the kid with shotgun fire, I take out two of the creatures that were pummeling Det; to his credit the kid took advantage of the opening I'd made for him instantly, his free hand coming up as his wrist mounted thermal blade extended out from his wrist. He stabs it into the gut of some salarian-looking thing above him, gutting it from stomach to crotch. Good move kid. That crazy wrist-blade came in handy for once. I make my way over to him as several creatures break off from Narg's group and charge us.

"On your feet kid!" I shout, Det struggling to stand underneath all the intestines he had accidentally tangled himself with, he curses and instead draws his side arm and joins me in the killing. A second or two of automatic fire and the creatures that had run headfirst into our guns are joining their brothers and sisters as red gore carpeting. "You good, you injured?" I ask quickly, looking over at Pia, who has managed to get on her feet.

"I'm alright!" Det answers, finally standing up and ridding himself of all the entrails weighing him down. "I'll get Narg, you get Pia!"

I tap his shoulder as he charges to Narg's rescue.

Had Florilea been here she might have been impressed with his heroics. Doubt it though.

Pia wasn't in need of a rescue. She'd managed to knock most of the beasts off of her and was currently slicing throats and stabbing guts with her gun's bayonet. She was also using those fine legs of hers to kick in kneecaps. She loved breaking knees. I made myself useful and shot a few of the things that were running towards her but I think I only made her mad at me for ruining her perfectly timed spin kick. Women. I did have to shoot a few of the things she'd already kicked down though; her combat training might have been fine against normal opponents, but I think these monsters had a weird physiology. It was safer to just shoot them.

I felt the giant approach before I saw or heard him. Pia yelped as she jumped out of the way, Klein and the muscle beast tumbling through the tunnels before Klein landed on top of the thing. Huge bloody craters had been shot into the hulk's body, it was breathing rapidly and when it raised a hand to swat Klein away its movements were sluggish. Klein looked fine. He pointed his gun straight into the creature's face, the six-shooter's cylinder spinning rapidly as he unloaded several rounds straight through the skull of the beast. More bullets than the six-shooter could hold. At this close range he couldn't miss and the giant's brains joined all the other blood and guts on the floor. I glanced down at Pia who had jumped into my arms to avoid the two and smiled.

"I'm still angry that you took some of my kills."

I grinned before turning back to the tunnel entrance, Narg and Det standing over a pile of bodies. "Clear! Narg's alright!" I heard Det cheer through his communicator.

Well. We were all standing on a pile of dead monsters. I swear if Busty was here she'd fall in love with me; who could resist a dashing detective standing over the bodies of vanquished monsters? I wish I was alone because I was having trouble keeping my hands off of me.

"Where are our guests?" Klein said as he hopped off of the giant corpse, a splash of blood accompanying his landing. "The asari and salarians?"

Pia patted my chest before pushing herself out of our embrace. "I'll look for them," she announced before heading into the tunnels, her flashlight illuminating the way as she called out to them. I watched her go, happy that she was alright. My gaze dropped to that wonderful booty of hers before my eyes wandered over to the dead giant and all its dead little brothers and sisters. I couldn't help but notice that most of these things had claws, horns, or giant teeth of some kind. I looked down at myself and checked over my armor and overcoat. No cuts.

"Hey, was anyone cut or stabbed?" I asked as Det and Narg approached us. At my question they all checked themselves.

"Why, are they poisonous?" Det asked. "My suit's diagnostics don't report any breaches."

"Neither is mine," Narg answered as he started down at the gore-floor. "Odd."

"I suspect that the Institute wanted you alive," Klein answered. "Most of the… experiments we've encountered have severely diminished intelligence. We are not sure if this is intended or a side effect of the metamorphosis rituals. If the Institute wants the doctor and the two technicians alive…" He seemed to think about something for a second before speaking again. "These creatures are probably not intelligent enough to differentiate between 'aliens that you must kill' and 'aliens that you must capture'".

"Good," Narg grinned, "If these creatures are trying to capture us then they will not attack with lethal force."

That was a little reassuring. Someone who is trying to subdue an enemy is always at a disadvantage if the enemy is simply aiming to kill them. I looked around; all the dead monsters were a testament to that. Suddenly things didn't look so grim.

"Found our friends," Pia mentioned through our helmets. "A few scrapes and bumps but mostly alright."

Good. Things really were looking up. "Great, bring em back up here and we'll get Det to check them over. Back in formation guys, they might send a third wave at us."

They nodded, this time we took positions at a single intersection; being spread out like we were wasn't a great idea here, we didn't want to be swarmed and picked off one by one like last time. Some moaning caught my ear and I chuckled when I saw Narg's prisoners smeared in blood and guts. Eh. Narg was being severely hampered by that deadweight…

"Klein, could we do something about them?" I asked, pointing at the three tied up humans.

"Oh, of course." Klein answered happily. "Could you release them for me?"

Narg nodded before reaching down and releasing the magnetic hold we'd attached to the rope. "Now what?"

Klein responded by shooting the three unconscious prisoners dead.

I wasn't expecting that.

"What the hell Templar?" Pia demanded, marching up with Dr. Iessara and the Furan siblings in tow. Det, who had been standing guard, looked torn between looking at us and checking the tunnel entrance. Narg just stared at the three human corpses. "They were prisoners."

Klein held his hands up, gun aimed away from any of us. "I apologize for startling you." He turned to face Pia, meeting her glare without flinching. "They were prisoners, yes. But they were dead weight."

"So you killed them?" Pia challenged. "Just like that?"

"All prisoners taken by the Templar ultimately end on the chopping block. I expedited their execution, something that is within my legal power." He frowned as he stared at her. "The SPECTREs do the same. So does the Hierarchy."

I knew how Pia felt about battlefield executions. Especially how she felt about SPECTREs. "Pia, drop it. This is not the time or the place."

Pia scowled at Klein and I just knew she'd have words with him when we got out of this.

"Let's move," I ordered. "Now."

Narg and Klein took point again; Det glanced at us before advancing. I moved over to Pia and put a hand on her shoulder; she moved to fight it off but stopped herself. A second passed before she sighed, opening a private channel to my communicator. "It's just-"

"Bad memories?" I offered. I knew she was thinking about her parents. "Keep it together sweetie."

The asari and salarians walked past us, their eyes glued to all the gore around them. Dr. Iessara glanced at the executed humans before turning at us.

"You want these people as your allies?"

Now that the adrenaline was wearing off I realized how much we were in trouble.

We were 200 meters underground. The lift was out. We were walking uphill around a winding path back up to the surface. We'd been walking for nearly half an hour. This was all on top of the beating we'd taken back on the third floor and all the bruises that were no doubt forming beneath our armor. Also our rescued salarian lab technicians would not shut up. I understand that they are civilians we just rescued out of a hostage situation and from the grip of literal monsters. But spirits did they whine. At least the asari kept quiet. We hadn't heard the sound of an impending monster stampede, so our ascent was slow, tortuous and tedious. Normally a good thing but right now all it did was grant us a lot of time to think about the situation we were in. If there was anything I'd learned in the course of my life and this career it's that combat should be like awesome sex; you get in, you get out and you are done. You shouldn't be waiting around for something to happen.

I wondered what we were all thinking about. Pia was probably still seething, bad memories about her parent's deaths' conjured up in her head. Narg was probably composing religious war poems in his head again. I knew Det was thinking about asari ass, I caught him starting at the doctor enough times. Me? I was thinking about something that started bugging me recently.

It took two hours to drive out here and I'm positive we weren't followed. It took us about 20 minutes to head down to the final floor of the mine and that was with the use of the lift. The dog things reached us pretty soon after we'd left the fourth floor which meant that they had started running down the winding tunnel as we were securing the hostages on the fourth floor.

How'd they find us so fast?

"Wait," Narg whispered ahead of us, dropping down to one knee and bringing his rifle up. "Exit up ahead."

All our legs cheered in joy.

I didn't like what I saw.

No one.

See, if combat is supposed to be like sex then ideally you'd want someone else there with you. If you're hanging free and it's only you in the room something is wrong.

"Ambush." Det stated in a hushed whisper to the asari doctor beside him. Normally I'd quip something about stating the obvious, but in this case he prevented the asari and the salarians from running out into the open. I'll give him points for that at least.

There weren't many options here. We had to take the exit if we wanted to leave. So we told the rescued hostages to sit here in the relative safety of the tunnel and keep their heads down. Klein volunteered to go first, he was more likely to survive the initial attack and would draw their fire away from the entrance; hopefully this would give us a chance to advance out of the tunnel and take better firing positions elsewhere.

So basically, let the immortal get shot.

We all agreed, and wished Klein luck. He sprinted out of the tunnel and was immediately met by a hail of bullets from all sides. We waited a few more seconds as he returned fire with his revolver, all of us jumping slightly when a giant bolt of lightning arced past him.

"Go! Go! Go!"

I hugged the left side of the tunnel, Pia taking up a position behind me as we advanced near the exit. I could see the blue-streaks of mass effect tracer fire come from somewhere to our immediate right, enemies. I did glance around the tunnel entrance. Three barefaced turians, hired guns no doubt. I round the corner and take aim; one of them is lucky enough to notice that I've got them in my sights but not lucky enough to reach the nearby cover in time. I heard someone yell and then felt impacts against my kinetic barrier, forcing me to sprint to some nearby cover.

"Second story window!" Pia yells as she dives into cover beside me, wincing as pieces of concrete are chipped away by kinetic rounds. I flicked some settings before blindly firing over our cover, hoping I was at least aiming somewhere near him. Must have worked because bullets stopped whizzing by our ears; Pia had enough of a chance to stand up and start lacing into that second story window, the cheap flimsy prefab wall instantly falling apart under fire; I could see the turian being shredded apart.

By now we'd been noticed by most of the other gunmen, I could hear someone that wasn't us yelling out orders. Also more lightning. Someone was trading lightning and fire and blasts of ice with Klein. Right before my very eyes I saw Klein jump out of the of a giant razor wall of ice that sprung out of the ground. Good old Lluvia.

"Incoming!"

I looked up.

The Institute are cheaters. Filthy cheaters.

I saw three giant trailer trucks fly over the gates with a couple of barefaces hanging off of the sides, cackling madly as they sprayed the area with bullets.

Fuck. I doubt those trucks were for catering.

"Take out the engines!" I yelled, concentrating on one of the trucks' undersides. These weren't the element zero vehicles but I figure the Gaians built their cars like we did with all their vital components on the underside; I didn't know what I was aiming for, but I aimed at anything that looked important and glowy. Just like sex! My idiot blindfire eventually paid off as one of the trucks' undersides exploded in a giant golden bloom that sent the trailer spinning out of control; monsters flying out of the opened trailer and splattering all over the mining camp, a few of them landing in the middle of the turian gunmen that were also swarming all over the area. The things must be dumber than I imagined because they started attacking their own allies. The truck rocketed upwards at a near 90 degree angle before plummeting back down straight into the earth. I could see the trailer crumpled inward as it crushed its monster cargo before the entire thing went up in flames. Giant explosion. Awesome.

A shot that grazed my shields stopped my satisfied gawking. The other two trucks were still floating over us, then it happened; the back of the trailers opened up and out spilled more and more of the meat monsters. I grabbed Pia by the shoulder and hauled her out of the way as the creatures crash landed all around us; most of them died from the fall but eventually some of them started cushioning their falls on the corpses of their dead friends.

"Get to the building!" I yelled while pushing Pia towards a nearby pre-fab unit, more shots coming our way, most of them missing wildly or hitting the monsters around us. "Get the door!"

Pia's aim was amazing; she was able to shoot open the door while sprinting straight at it, smashing the door open with a shoulder tackle and was already taking up a position at the doorway when I ran through. I nearly slipped on the pieces of door that littered the floor. In fact I think I did. I lost my footing and slipped backwards, straight back into the doorframe with a loud smack on the back of my head. I winced and bit down a cry as I felt most of the blow on the back of my fringe.

"Things are looking bad here Boss!" Pia yelled over gunfire, the trailers disgorging more and more of the creatures, more and more of them surviving and charging our direction.

"Getting swarmed!" I heard Det shout over the comm.

I looked around the room, hoping to find something that could help up.

"Pia, up the stairs, now!" I ordered, "Det, Narg, get inside a building and go up the stairs. Put as much space between you and the zombies as you can!" Good plan. Didn't solve everything though, it only forced us higher up to building and most of these were only two or three story things. If we didn't get rid of the shooters pinging away at us they could just up the kick on their guns and shoot through the walls. Or toss some grenades at us. But at least it kept us from getting killed now. Some of the things crashed through the windows; that was my cue to get the fuck out of here. I met Pia at the stairs, her gun snapping every which way and killing the beasts that were at my heels and my legs cried at the thought of stairs. I took it like a man and pushed my sweetie up the stairs, occasionally firing backwards.

Something grabbed me the by ankle and pulled me backwards. Pia must have eyes on the back of her head because she instantly reacted, turning around and grabbing my outstretched hand while firing with the other. Whatever was holding on to me died as I lurched forward , both of us tumbling onto the second floor.

"Overheating!" Pia called out, pausing and fumbling in her coat for an emergency heatsink right as something halfway up the stairway and landed on her, it's efforts earning it a burning hot heatsink ejected straight to the face. I could hear the skin sizzle on contact. I hauled the thing off of her, pumped it full of incendiary bullets and tossed the flaming corpse down the stairwell knocking over several nightmare animals in the process. "My hero," she still had the sense to play with me.

"You can give me some rescue sex after we get out of here," I flirted back. Some people might be too tired after combat missions to have sex. Not me. Some people might not think that flirting with their girlfriend is the best thing to do in the middle of a life or death situation. Not me.

"You get us out of this and I'll blow you all day," Pia promised, taking a knee beside me and firing down into the stairwell.

I love this woman.

"We can hear you!" Det yelled over the comm. Narg laughed.

Things were perfect right now.

Me and my woman shooting down a stairway at a horde of zombie monsters in a perfect chokepoint.

Oral sex all day tomorrow.

Then Lluvia reminded me that things were not perfect.

The wall to our left exploded. Pia was knocked flat onto the ground; I only managed to stay upright because I was up against the right side wall. I kept firing while helping Pia up before bullets started crashing against our shields. Fuck, the giant hole in the wall left us wide open. It also gave me a look at the outside right now.

We were surrounded by monsters and gunmen. I could see Det exchanging gunfire with someone through a second story window, Narg's HUD silhouette standing a few meters away holding off the stairwell. I could see the golden bolts of Klein's revolver race across the mining camp. At least I didn't see any magic fireballs or icebolts being flung around, so I assume Klein killed whatever fucker was responsible for that. I caught sight of a few guys shooting at us and threw some incendiary rounds their way. I clipped one guy in the should and set his clothes on fire, and watched with some satisfaction as the guy and his buddy tried to put out the fire. You can't put out incendiary gel by patting it out; both guys caught on fire. Someone was still shooting at us though, probably from some angle I couldn't see from here. I looked back down the stairway, monsters still coming at us despite the storm of gunfire we were throwing right into their face.

They were getting closer.

My gun was overheating.

Shit.

I might not get to enjoy that day-long oral.