Don't actually message random people about your age and etc. I'm sure you're not that braindead.
I'm sure lots of other people get caught up in things that are completely unrelated to them, and most people would probably just make it their problem to help the person going through it, but I'm not 'most people'. You'd think someone with the 'fuck everything' attitude, like me, would be popular, and would hang around with the cool kids, (Or Stan and Kyle) and if I did I probably wouldn't be here, right now, sitting in my room – alone. And if I wasn't sat in my room alone I wouldn't be searching the internet for something to do. And if I wasn't searching the internet, I wouldn't have come across this site. I couldn't really describe it, to be honest, and again, you wouldn't care.
I don't know what drew me to the site, it looked like a normal chat room to be honest. I soon found myself tapping away at my smudged keyboard to just about anybody. It was weird, as well. I didn't show any emotions other than: angry, disinterested and the occasional confused one, but on this site, I was open. I knew nobody cared about my problems, but it was nice to finally vent them out.
I must've spent about an hour just typing up things, responding to problems, and generally being engrossed in the website when I finally got a PM from some random person. It caught me off guard as well, who the hell would message me?
Then I remembered it was just an online profile, and not my cagey, in-real-life self.
The message read:
Hey
It seemed harmless, yet threatening. Just… hey. And that word seemed to hold so much power for no reason. I must've sat there for a few minutes contemplating my reply, but I just decided to reply with:
Hi
That message sat there, out in the open, and even though it was just two letters it felt so vulnerable. But it was just a word, why was I getting attached to a message?
Dude, ur life seems so screwed
And this new message seemed even worse. My life? Me? I mean yeah, saying 'My dad shouts at me for no reason' and 'I can be an unintentional dick' out loud sounded bad, but it wasn't how it was.
How?
That was all I could send back.
Well u don't seem too control in ur future
Control? I had control, no-one was controlling me. I would know.
How?
It was short and petty, but this random person messaging me didn't deserve full respect. I didn't even know them.
I dunno. U just seem on edge dude
Again, on edge, what the fuck was that supposed to mean?
How do I get off the edge?
The reply was long awaited, but it came.
Just try to control ur emotions a bit more
Well, I could try.
…
The sky was bitter on the walk to school. Token and Clyde were doing their usual Token and Clyde things, arguing. I wasn't really listening to them, my mind was far off somewhere else, when Token turned to me with a question. Of course, I didn't know what they were talking about, so I just nodded.
"You alright, Craig?" Token asked, his eyes flicking up and down my slender body.
"Yeah." I said, breathing out a huge trail of hot air into the sky.
"Are you sure?" Token queried, lifting his eyebrows. Clyde began laughing and soon Token followed him.
"What?" I spluttered, was it that obvious?
"Oh, nothing. Just that you nodded to the question: Which of the girls do you like?" Clyde burst, laughing harder than he should of.
"Oh." I said, my face lighting up bright red for a second. I could control this though, and I just deadpanned them.
There was a small silence, and you could hear the individual steps of each person clattering against the floor and raising up.
"So, who?" Clyde quizzed, lifting his stare from the ground and fixing it on Craig's face.
"No-one, I guess." I said, never really being into any of the girls myself, they all seemed like such bitches. I kept telling myself that I would find one, and that hasn't happened yet. I had tried, in fourth grade, but it was just so dumb. She just kept bitching and bitching and... yeah. You get it.
"Really?" Clyde said, a smirk glowing off his face. "So not anyone in the class?" I rolled my eyes to look up as far as I could, trying to block out Clyde's stupidity with the sun. I got lost in the sky and my mind began to wonder. "Craig?" Clyde said, bringing me back down to earth.
I didn't want to come back down though, I just wanted to float among the clouds. Think. But when you most need it, peace and quiet just disappears, and you get lost in the routine of life.
"Yeah, see you guys." I said, dropping back behind the two and heading towards the park.
"Craig?" I heard Token say, but I didn't listen. I needed to control my emotions, yet this weird feeling of hopelessness came back to me.
I don't know why this happens, but sometimes I just lose control of my thoughts, and I just end up drifting off into this horrible future for myself. One where I don't know where, what, or why anything was happening. One where I had… nothing. I didn't want nothing, I needed something to make me feel whole. My life was just starting, and I wanted it to be wrapped up into a tiny bow tie already. I don't know why I had to have everything done and over, but I didn't want to try. I just wanted things to stay the same. In my head, change is scary. It's unpredictable, and I hate it. I hate it yet, I feel it almost every single second in my life. We used to live somewhere else, I can't remember where, and when my mom and dad said we were moving, I cried. I cried when I was three because of change.
But look at me now, I'm happy. Or should be.
As I walked through the small park I looked around me, at the trees and the sky. They'd been there for years, what kind of things had they experienced? What had they seen? And then I came back to the world. The real world. And everything just molded back together, back to the same routine. But no. That's not how it was. Something was missing. Something.
I made it to the school and passed through the double doors. I strolled down the hall, finally taking notice of the world around me. I saw people, happy and sad, lining the halls. I saw them all, and I noticed them. It seemed weird, I felt like everyone was staring – but no-one was. No-one really cared that I was there.
And that was sad and happy. I don't know what had happened to me, but I felt different. I felt like I had changed. As I walked these horrors, nightmares, came rushing to my head. But they weren't nightmares, they were questions I asked myself.
Why do I remember things, are they important?
Stop.
Why does life suck?
It'll change.
But change is scary.
No, it's not.
Well, then how did you cope?
I… I don't know.
Why do I question if people like me?
Because it's an instinct.
But, how did we last sixteen years?
How… did I?
How?
I stopped in the middle of the hall and looked around. The fluorescent lights bounced off the shiny floor as they always did, but it seemed unbearable. Like it was too bright.
No. I needed to get to class.
I finally found the class and slowly pushed through the door, hoping no-one would notice me. I made my way in and found my chair at the back of the room, next to nobody. I slumped down in my chair and threw my bag under the table, resting my elbows on the table and placing my head in them. I was like that for most of the lesson, dropping in and out of conscience, occasionally taking random notes. It was hell. Sat on what felt like a stage, being someone else. This wasn't me. I didn't care about emotions I…
I needed to control my emotions.
I looked around the room, seeing if anyone was looking at me. Nope. Not a soul. I sighed and turned back to my desk, scanning the table for any worthless information or scribbles. I made out a few doodles, but nothing to catch my attention.
Again, just for conformation, I looked around the room again. Nope. Not a…
A pair of green eyes fixed on me. In shock I opened my eyes to look at the person staring at me. Kyle. In embarrassment I fumbled with my pen and it fell to the floor. I picked it up and looked over at Kyle again, he was still staring, his face scrunched up as if he was trying to get inside my head. But why would anyone want in my head? It's fucking torture up there.
I fixed my stare on him. He sat there, still. This was, awkward. But awkward to me, not to him. I could practically hear his preachy voice breaking through. Don't do this, don't do that.
Why was my head like this? What the fuck? Why was I questioning everything I already know? Is this what it is like to be awake and aware of my surroundings?
I hate it.
I hate it so much. Can it just stop? Why can't I get out of my head?
Help.
…
"Are you all right, Craig?" Said a voice. I didn't care who's it was. I didn't want anyone to know my emotions, not a soul.
"Yeah." I said, slurring my words because I didn't care about them. My mouth felt more like a hole of lies. 'I'm fine' and 'Yeah' was all that came out.
"You sure?" The voice said again.
In a random, hormonal, spontaneous fit of anger I sprung my head up and spat out the reply. "Yea…"
Fucking… of course.
Of course it was Kyle. Obviously. I chewed on my lip as I observed the redhead. He stood awkwardly, his back straight, but his legs strung all over the place. He held a book in his right hand which lay against the lockers I was leaning on.
"Dude, Craig? Is that you?" Kyle asked, not seemingly as a joke, but as a genuine question.
"Fuck you." I said, turning away from him.
"I know you don't want to be stuck in your own head forever." He shouted after me, and I turned with a bitterness still running riot inside me.
I walked back up to him and put my finger on his chest, aggressively. "And what would you know about that?"
Kyle's expression didn't change. "I'd know that you're not happy."
"And how would you know that?" I snorted.
"Because I've been there before." Kyle said, his face still not changing once.
"Really?" I said, doubtfully.
"Oh yeah, Craig." He said, trying to compete with me.
"How much?" I said, my cockiness seeping through my skin.
"Enough as to know that you're as fucked as me, right now."
Now?
"What?" I stammered, his words acting like a hammer blow. My body felt like it was about to melt because of… what?
"You heard me." He said, standing up from leaning on the lockers. "Right now."
I saw Kyle in a new light, but one that was murky, unwanted. He had bags under his eyes now, and his skin had been paler than ever. It was like a charade had been lifted. He had been acting weird, he had been distancing himself more than usual. I just never cared. I never cared because I was Craig Tucker. Craig-motherfucking-Tucker.
"Wait, are you… serious?" I said, my mind jumping to conclusions.
"No-one believes I had it, but I did... and it's coming back." He said, straightening his out his slightly crooked mouth. I wanted to say something, but the words didn't come up. I needed to say something, but I… I… I couldn't. "Just please, don't do anything drastic." He pleaded. "Lots of people care about you."
My anger sparked again. "Like who?"
"Like your mom and dad…" He started, listing off people I knew. And these people didn't hate me, but they did in my mind.
"My mom thinks I'm a slut and my dad thinks I hit my family." I snarled, more memories flooding back.
"Your sister." He added.
"She's too young to care." I rasped.
"Token, Clyde…"
"They only hang around me because they used to."
"And Tweek."
Who?
I tilted my head to try and understand him, to try and understand me. "Who?"
"Tweek Tweak." Kyle said his name again.
"Oh, yeah. Him." I remembered, but only that… time at Token's. "And what does he want from me?"
"I don't know, but he wants something." Kyle said as-a-matter-of-factly.
I grabbed my hair and yanked it. Why? Why was this whole situation getting worse by the minute? "What? What does he want?"
Kyle shrugged and looked behind him. "Listen, I have to go now, maybe you should talk to Tweek."
And he turned around to begin heading back to his group. My mind was racing, but I had to get one thing off my chest. "Hey, Kyle?" I called after him.
He looked over at me. "What?"
"Hope you're okay." I said, cracking a small smile. He returned one, and then turned and ran back to his group. Well, I had someone who understood me now. But as I realized Kyle was just a person, and I couldn't talk to him forever, my smile faded.
No. Not the thoughts. Uh…
Tweek.
…
I waddled my way over to the small blond, his face turned away to his phone. I made a racket coming up to him, trying not to freak him out, but he still jumped as he heard someone approach him.
"W-what?" He said, his face drooped as he turned to me.
"I just, uh, want to talk." I said, sitting next to him. He shuffled away from where I sat and stared at me questioningly.
"W-why? W-who put you up t-to this?" He said, his bottom lip quivering.
"Uh, no-one. I just noticed you were lonely." I reassured, laying my hands flat on the table.
"O-oh." He said, calming down and staring down at his phone. We sat in silence for a while until I realized I had to kickstart the conversation.
"How you liking South Park?" I asked, hoping for a long response.
"Eh." He shrugged, and he never even moved his gaze from his phone. He was playing some sort of app, hopefully not something like that goddamn Blowout app again. That was the pinnacle of stupidity.
"What, um, what do you do, like after school?" I said, this time expecting another 'eh'. Wrong again.
"I-I mostly work at the coffee shop, m-my dad likes t-to have some days off." Tweek mentioned, looking at me. I tried to crack a smile, but it didn't come off. Another silence followed.
Tweek then perked his head up and looked around. "Y-you sure you're not doing this as a joke?" He asked.
"No, why would I?" I stated, wondering why he kept asking that.
"B-because of the y-you know, T-Token's house." He highlighted. My brain shot embarrassment back into my head, and my face began to ripen.
"Wha… no I'd, uh, completely forgotten about that." I lied. I hadn't forgotten.
"C-cool." He added. More silence followed, and my new self-awkward part of me began kicking in.
"I, I have a Guinea-pig called Stripe, do you have any pets?" I asked, it was corny and a crap topic. Tweek seemed to find it funny, and as he bit his shirt sleeve a smile crept onto his face.
"D-dude, you're so lame." Tweek chuckled, staring into me.
"What? No, I'm not." I said, trying to mislead him. But that wasn't happening, my face was like a ready tomato.
"S-shut up." He said cheerily, and my face produced a disgusting smile.
"No, like, I'm seriously curious about you. All you do is hang around at the back of everyone spasming." I cleared up, trying not to hurt him by saying 'spasming'.
"Curious about what?" He asked, still chuckling about my stupid pets question.
"Like, you." I admitted. That made him stop smiling and turn to me with a serious face.
"No-one wants to know about m-me." Tweek hinted, and turned back to his phone.
I stood up and sighed, stepping out of the cage that had been the bench that they sat on. I waved goodbye to Tweek, and he returned an anxious wave. God, what was with him? I wanted to get to know him, Clyde and Token obviously didn't have the best opinion of me anymore anyway.
School the rest of that day was a blur, I couldn't tell you anything if my life depended on it. I walked home alone, that day. Token and Clyde were not helping, let's put it that way. I made it back to my house and opened the door slowly, the light of the afternoon creeping into the living room. It revealed an empty place, silent. Slowly I edged through the door and slung my bag off my shoulders, letting it drop to the floor. I sat in my room, contemplating whether or not to do anything. I wasn't grounded, yet I was drawn to my computer. And I never used that thing unless I was grounded. Slowly I logged on and stared at the page I had left it on. I didn't want to go back into the virtual world, I wanted to sort out problems in real life, but it had a pull. Soon I was tapping away at my keyboard again, lost in the online chasm.
After a while of scrolling through pages and pages of pictures, and just random objects people had posted, I had exhausted just about every option. Except one. And I was still completely alone, the house quieter than ever. I didn't want to do anything drastic, but my curiosity got the better of me. I had to send another message.
That emotions thing really screwd me over
I waited for a reply, hoping to god the person was logged on.
Well my dad used to also say you need a break sometimes and he's pretty cool
Was the reply. That caught my attention. Dad. That either meant the person was thirty and still lived with their parents, or that they were a kid.
Do you go to a high school?
I asked, trying to narrow down an age for the guy. He seemed pretty cool, so if he was around my age he'd be something new.
Should I answer that?
Huh, not that easy. I had to somehow get this guy to trust me, it was only this way that I was going to find out anything new about this person.
I go to a high school
That seemed pretty risky, but it payed off.
Same
Good. Now I had an average age for the kid... maybe, that was good.
So, what grade you in?
I sent, trying not to be too forward.
11
Well… that was, interesting.
Me too
There was a pause for a moment, my spark of confidence disappearing for a bit, but I didn't have to make the next move.
What you going to do in college?
I thought about it for a second. What did I want to do? My brain didn't want to come up with an answer, it just began to fret, and I almost had another existential crisis because some stranger asked me what I wanted to do for college.
I don't know, it's too early
I always thought everything was too early. Oh, we're just teenagers, no we're just kids… I hated myself for it. I procrastinated too much. Stuff like homework took effort, and effort was hard.
I might not go to college
That surprised me. Not going to college?
Why not?
I sent back, this anonymous person becoming more intriguing by the second.
My parents have something else in mind
This was weird. Two parents voluntarily not sending their kids to school? I mean, I know some people do that, but it seemed so weird to me.
Like what?
I asked.
It's dumb
It wasn't dumb. No, no it wasn't.
If that's what they want from you, then it can't be that bad
My logic wasn't that flawed. If two sane adults had at least a hint of an idea of something else for a kid to do, it wouldn't be dumb.
You don't know my parents
That also wasn't flawed logic. Who was I to agree with something I didn't even know about?
My parents are pretty crazy
I had to add. They were. They were insane, both of them. Not as much my mom, but still insane.
In what way
What way? Just about every single way a marriage could break down. Dad used to cheat, mom's a paranoid person by genetics and all around fuckery.
They're always fighting
Well, not always, but most of the time.
What do you do about it?
To be honest, I really didn't know how I cope with it. Most people would probably go insane with the amount things they fight about.
I usually go into my room and watch Red Racer or whatever
I used to watch Red Racer, but the newest season had been pushed back for like a year, so I lost interest.
You watch Red Racer?
Well, he'd got that spot on.
Yeah, it's so good.
I hadn't watched any episodes recently, so I wasn't that infatuated with it, but damn was it a good show to binge watch.
I kinda lost it when they went into space
That episode was one of the best one's ever! How could he lose it?
Dude, space is my jam
I sent back, my mind slightly wandering to dreams of floating around in space.
Space is so empty though
He sent back, and I could feel his doubt through the computer.
Yeah, but you can find so much new stuff
I posted, imagining the excitement of finding another inhabitable planet for humans to live on.
I like my life how it is
Seems like someone doesn't like change, like me.
I know what you mean
…
I spent most of that night talking to that guy. It was just cool to finally talk to someone about shit. About space and Red Racer and all the shit I love. It was just so cool.
I sat in first period, the teacher babbling on about something. I couldn't tell you what, though. I looked around the room for Kyle, there he was. He was concentrating on the lesson, like normal. I scrunched up my face. He seemed so normal on the outside, yet he was like me on the inside. A mess. My life was so good, his life was so good, yet we both felt like something was missing. I scanned the room again, remembering the conversation with the person last night. He could be anyone in this class, anyone. I screwed up my face again and turned my attention back to the teacher.
Lunch came, and I slowly trudged through the halls, wanting for anything to happen to keep me distracted. I wanted to just go home, but I couldn't. From down the hall I saw Clyde and Token approaching where I was. I didn't want to talk to those guys, I had some shit going on.
"Hey, Craig!" Clyde shouted, his happy voice grinding across my ears. I grunted as they approached.
"What's up, Craig?" Token said, tightening his shoulder straps around him.
"Nothing." I spat, turning away from the two. This wasn't what I needed.
"Yeah, sure Craig. Nothing's wrong." Token grunted, his anger slightly showing through his cool demeanor.
I turned back to Token and knitted my eyebrows together. "Are you just going to stand there and interrogate me?"
"Jesus H. Christ, you're aggressive." Clyde said. I think it was supposed to be a joke, but it rubbed me the wrong way.
"Shut up, Clyde." I rasped, turning away and flashing my middle finger at them.
I'd made it halfway down the hall when Token shouted after me. "Get that stick out of your ass."
I scowled to myself, but lowered my head and just carried on walking. I made it out onto the basketball courts and sat near the trees by the side. If I'd have known someone else was there I wouldn't have sat down. It was silent. Desolate and calm. Perfect.
"Craig Tucker." The voice said, making me jump out of my skin. Soon, though, I realized who it was and turned around to face the noise. Kyle. "Hey."
"What brings you here?" He questioned. I breathed out and place a hand on my forehead.
"Friends." I said hesitantly. He made a weird noise, I think it was a huff of laughter.
"Yeah. They fucking screw with you." He admitted, shuffling next to me on the tree. I moved so he had enough space.
"No, it's just, the constant questioning." I declared, grabbing a tuft of my hair which was visible from underneath my chullo.
"They do that. Most people probably won't understand it." He said, messing with his hat. I watched him for a moment.
"I want to explain it to them, but I don't understand it myself." I put in, looking over the basketball court.
"It's probably just your hormones." Kyle said, his knowledge showing.
"No. It's not hormones. I don't like thinking about the future, you know?" I groaned, looking over to Kyle.
He stared at the sky for a moment. "Dude, you've fucked me up now."
"I do that a lot." I admitted, turning away from him.
"Stop blaming yourself for everything bad that happens." Kyle stressed. I just glanced at him with an uneasy face. He didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. A strong breeze blew, but I didn't care. I was too engrossed in my own mind.
I saw two people approaching, and as they got closer I noticed it was Token and Clyde. They couldn't leave me alone. "For fuck's sake."
"What?" Kyle said, his attention being turned to the two. He sighed as they came and sent a 'really?' glance towards me. I telepathically agreed, and fixed my eyes back to the two.
They came up quite fast and I could tell neither of them were happy. "Really, Craig?"
"Yeah." I spat, standing up above them both.
"Kyle?" Clyde said, giving the redhead a dirty glare.
"What's wrong with that?" I growled.
"You've been seriously screwy for a while, Craig, but this isn't you." Token hissed, lifting his finger to point at me.
"People change, Token." I quipped, getting quite the stare from him.
"Uh-huh, what's changed in Craig Tucker, then?" He sneered, his face unmoving other than his mouth.
"To be quite honest Token, I don't know. But other people have noticed and tried to help. Yes, I know this isn't me, but at least try to fucking help." I deadpanned, my face red with rage.
"I can't help you when you walk off every single time." Token objected, his teeth now showing in frustration.
"Alright. Here, I'm not walking off." I seethed, squinting my eyes. The two didn't say anything. "Anything you want, Token."
"Are. You. Okay?" He said, slowly, dragging his tongue over every word.
"No." I spat. Clyde eyed me up and down, Token's face held no emotion.
"Surprised it took you that long to notice." Kyle said, finally standing up from the tree.
"What would you know about it?" Clyde said, competing with Kyle for 'Best Bro' as he called it.
"I know what's been screwing Craig up." Kyle said, chewing on his lip.
"Sure you do." Clyde said, his face now full of rage. At this point I had had enough of everyone's shit, so I burst.
"All three of you can just shut the fuck up." I snapped. "It's not fucking helping that you're all arguing because of me."
"But Craig…" Token began, but I had been done with his shit a long time ago.
"No. You shut up, you shut up and you shut up. I'm out." I swore, storming off.
"Craig!?" Token shouted, trying to get me to come back. But I didn't want to take any more shit. School sucked, my friends sucked, and I was alone in my own brain.
…
I watched him jump around and chirp, a smile cracking onto my lips. Stripe jumped around as I tried to tickle his stomach, making him peep in delight. He began crawling up my arm, which lay on my desk, and made it to my face. A barrage of chirps and trills entered my ears and I kissed his soft fur. Slowly I put him back down on the desk and looked at my computer screen. I typed a few words and pressed send, hoping for a response.
I've fucked up
And I had. I've fucked up bad, now everyone hates me.
Why?
A response came back in a matter of minutes. I guessed this other person didn't really have anything else to do, he always replied within seconds.
I just told all my friends to fuck off
Is what I sent back.
I've never had many friends. Like really close ones
I squinted at the screen. It's what I expected, but now it was confirmed. I rubbed my eyes and sent a message back.
How about we say we're friends?
It was cringy and stupid, and but it worked.
Yeah
Yeah. That was cool. A friend. Then I took a step back. This was… sad. But, what else could I do? I'd pretty much pissed off about every single person I knew in real life. To be honest I don't know one person who'd actually want to be my friends. I looked back at my computer, I had to follow through with this, no matter how embarrassing or stupid it was, I wanted to do this.
I just don't know how I fucked up this bad
I really didn't know why I was like this. My life was cool, amazing, and the conclusion boiled down to me being lonely all the time. And it wasn't friends either, it had to be a… relationship.
Come on, I have it worse
I gritted my teeth as I read the message. Worse?
Worse how?
I asked, still in denial of my train of thought's conclusion.
My parents wont even let me make any friends because it might distract me
Distract him? How?
What even?
I put back, as confused in words as I was in real life.
I don't know
I pushed a lump of hair under my hat and got ready to type something else, but he sent me another message.
I'm going now
And as soon as that message came through, I felt empty. Without a purpose. I picked up Stripe and put him back in his cage, flinging a glance back at the computer. Through there was a really good friend, someone who listens to my problems. I clenched my fists in anger, if only I could meet him. If only…
I walked to school the next day alone, Token and Clyde off limits for a while. I had to make it up to those guys, someway or another. But not now. I made it to the double doors and swung them open, my shoes making an awful screeching on the tiled floor as I made my way through. I barged through the door to my first class and sauntered my way to the back like always. I sat down and slung my bag under my desk, a loud crash protruding from where I was. I sat in my seat and looked around me. Nothing abnormal but a few pieces of paper scattered over my desk. One caught my eye though, it had the letters 'READ' in bold on the front.
Slowly I crinkled it open and sprawled it out on my desk. What I saw was one of the scariest things in my life. On the paper in bubbly handwriting sat the words: I Know Who You Are Rocketman114 (my online name for the website I was on last night). Instantly I flipped my shit. Someone here, at school, knew who I was. They knew my weak, dorky side. No-one knew that side of me, no-one. At school I liked the 'Non-caring asshole' persona I had built up over the years.
That was when the teacher spotted me at the back of the class with a note in my hand. "Craig Tucker, do you mind telling me what you have there?"
I could feel a thousand eyes turn towards me, everyone in the class staring directly at me. "What? Uh, nothing."
That was an obviously awkward answer, and the teacher began wandering over to me. "Give it here." She demanded.
With hesitation I handed the note over and she threw it behind her without looking. It landed onto her desk and bounced off onto her chair. "Don't let me see you passing notes in my class again."
I watched her amble over to her desk and, without looking, chuck the note into the bin. "You are hopeless, Craig." She spat. "You're never going to go anywhere in life."
That was the last straw. I stood up and picked up my bag from the table and walked over to the teacher. She also stood up and began screeching at me, her annoying voice ricocheting around the room. "Do you want to go to the counselor's office!?"
"Yes." I said back. That caught her off and she stopped screaming for a minute, then she turned to her desk, slipped out a piece of paper handed it to me and began screeching at me to get out of her classroom. I slammed open the class door with my foot and strode out of the room, hearing the teacher's voice quieten down. I rolled my eyes and made my over to the counselor's office.
I sat down in the chairs just outside the waiting room as I could hear a kid inside already. A few minutes went by and the kid came out, shaking. It was Tweek, Mr. Pober stood behind him. I gave him a small wave and a small smile, he saw it, but his eyes and hands were twitching hard.
"Oh, uh, Craig." Mr. Pober said in surprise. "Wait a minute, you're perfect. Come in here. Tweek, come on!"
I came into his office and sat down on the chair. He produced another one to my side and Tweek sat down in that. "What's this about?" I asked.
"Well, Craig, your Tweek's friend, right?" He said, I had to think hard about this. Was Tweek my friend? He was nice to me, and I had tried to talk to him, but I don't know if that counted. But, then again, he was one of the only people in this school that wanted to get to know me (other than that person from the website).
"Yeah." I said nonchalantly. As I did I heard Tweek beginning to make these really aggravated twitching sounds and little 'erk's and 'argh's came out.
"Well how do you calm him down?" Mr. Pober asked. To be honest I didn't know that. Well, I did. But that was… touchy.
"Uh, Clyde used to… um, hug him." I grimaced, my face turning inside out as I said that.
Mr. Pober raised an eyebrow and looked over at the blond. Tweek's eyes were wide in horror, and mine did the same when I caught on to what he was going to ask next. "Could you… demonstrate?"
My face flushed, Tweek's as well. I began biting on my nails and Tweek began to freak out even more. "Sir, you might want to call Clyde in here…"
"I don't have time. You guys are friends, hug!" Mr. Pober demanded, his face turning sterner by the minute.
Slowly I leaned over to Tweek, biting my teeth, and placed my arms around him. His warmth was radiant, and I could smell a strong smell of caffeine on him. After this, awkward, encounter I leaned back, expecting Tweek to be flipping his shit. But he wasn't he just sat there, still. I cocked an eyebrow and studied him. His eyes were still wide and his brow was still furrowed, but he made no movement.
"Uh, thanks Craig. Come on, Tweek." Mr. Pober said, standing up and shuffling Tweek out of the room. I watched as he waved the boy out and returned soon. "Don't begin to think this is a normal occurrence, but I'm letting you off on this, Craig."
My eyes lit up at Mr. Pober's words. "Really?"
"Yes." He replied solemnly, obviously not wanting to say what he just had. "I've been trying to calm that Tweek kid down for ages, and you've got a magic touch."
"Huh, magic, that's something I could get used to." I snorted.
"Now, I'm not sending you back to your class, so you can walk Tweek back to his." Mr. Pober added, gesturing towards the door.
"Uh… really?" I grunted.
"Yes, really, now go help your friend find his way around." Sir said, standing up and walking over to the windowsill to retrieve a cup of coffee. I heard him faintly say 'Damn, those Tweak's make a good cuppa' as I left. I came out of the counselor's office to a still wide-eyed Tweek. I walked up to him and made a tiny smile appear on my face, he didn't take that as a nice gesture.
"W-why d-did you do t-that Craig?" Tweek asked, not shaking, but his voice full of fear.
"Um, to calm you down." I said, sticking my hands in my pockets.
"T-that didn't f-feel forced." He said, a slight twitch appearing.
"Maybe I like you." I said, flicking an ear of my chullo.
"W-what!?" He squeaked, his mouth dropping to the ground.
"I like you." I said again, hoping that would clarify my point.
"Y-you l-like me?" He gulped, grabbing a lump of hair.
"Yeah, and dude, don't grab your hair." I said, slapping his hand away from his tuft of hair. He just looked at me with the widest eyes. "I'm sure we can be good friends, Tweek."
He seemed to calm down after that, and he soon began to stop twitching. "O-oh, I have u-uh, music."
We walked over to the music room and I said goodbye to him. He actually managed to give a tiny smile and a wave as he went in. Well, that could've gone worse.
…
I sat at a bench outside, watching the snow drift over me. There was so much of it, and it kind of reminded me of myself. Just one flake in a crowd of others. I couldn't focus on that right now, as I saw a figure approaching me.
It wasn't Kyle, Token, Clyde or Tweek. It was…
Wendy
"Hey Craig." She said politely, sitting down opposite me.
"Hi." I said, my monotone voice being extremely bland.
"So, how you been?" She asked, placing her hands on the table.
"What do you want?" I said sternly. She just laughed.
"You're funny, Rocketman." I cringed as soon as she said it. Her. Of all people.
"What do you want?" I said again, knitting my eyebrows.
"I don't know. You're just interesting, Craig." She said, resting her head on her hand, which was now held up by her propped elbow.
"I couldn't give a shit." I growled. She just laughed again and swiped a stray hair around her ear.
"You know, Craig, I always used to think you didn't give a shit about anything, but hearing about you and Stripe… it's just so, cute." I stood up and stepped out of the bench.
"Fuck off, Wendy" I spat and turned away. I heard her say something inaudible, but I was already walking off. Alone.
Well, I was alone until that psychopath came up to me in the hall, pushing me around. "What are you doing, Craig?"
I rolled my eyes and bit down on my bottom lip. "Do you have to do this, Stan?"
He nodded. "Yes. Me and Wendy just broke up, and you think it's right to talk to her straight away?"
"Did you even see what happened?" I rasped, pulling my hands out of my jumper's pockets.
"Yes, I did." He smirked, his fucking stupid smile growing across his face.
"So you saw her approach me, you dingbat." I hissed.
"And?" Stan said, pushing me back. I sent a shove his way and he grit his teeth together and swung for me.
I read it perfectly, dodging his fist and taking a quick jab at his chest with my left fist. He felt it, but sent another punch at me. This one did connect, but with my shoulder. I grabbed his shirt and sent a flying knee into his stomach which winded him. But that didn't stop him. He thrust out a leg which traced the inside of my legs and up to my crotch. I screwed my face up and staggered back, and Stan was just about to land another punch into my face, when a certain blond charged into him. Tweek pinned him against the lockers with some force and began pummeling his midriff.
He got pushed off by another student and fell to the ground. I saw Stan, clutching his abdomen, turn to Tweek. Tweek had saved me twice. I could save him once, at least. I launched myself at Stan, grabbing onto his shoulders and pulling him forward into a leg that struck his shin. In pain he knelt down, and I sent a blow across the face. He swung his head with the momentum of the blow before collapsing to the floor. Now I had one more student to deal with. Token!?
He ran up to me and got a quick jab at my face. I didn't acknowledge it, though, and sent three punches at his chest. Token stumbled backwards, but gritted his teeth and barged towards me. He caught me in his grip and rammed me against the lockers. When we connected I was winded, but I sent an elbow to his head and he dropped instantly, clutching his skull. When he finally hit the floor, I ran over to Tweek, who was still on the ground. I picked him up and lifted my brow.
"Dude, nice ram." I complimented, he sent a tiny smile towards me.
"T-Token's strong." He said, and I nodded.
"I had to use my elbow." I admitted, chewing the lip which now had a split or two in it. He sent a shocked look at me.
"T-that's cheating." He fretted, grabbing a tuft of hair. I just sent a grin his way.
"Yeah, and Stan kicked me in the balls." His eyes widened.
"Y-you okay?" He stammered, biting his fingernails.
"Yeah. Let's go." I approved, and we soon left to our next classes.
…
If all that happened at school today didn't happen, I would still be talking to Wendy over an online website. I guess talking to Tweek in person is a bit of upgrade. Of course, I'm kidding, talking to Tweek in person is pretty much three times better than talking to that bitch and her psychotic (ex)boyfriend.
"M-my parents make me work at the coffee shop on weekends, which sucks. I try not to get t-too attached to friends." Tweek said, looking up at the sky.
"That sucks." I said. "I don't want to get a part-time job. It just takes up some of my time, and I like to use that."
Tweek turned his head towards me and squinted. "Yeah, b-but I can't really get out o-of it, because my parents own t-the shop."
"So, you can only hang out on weekdays?" I quizzed. He turned to me and nodded. I sucked on my teeth and took a deep breath. "That sucks."
"Y-yeah, but I can m-make a mean coffee." He giggled, his tiny laugh making me grin like an idiot.
"Dude, stop." I said, sending a flimsy punch at him. He just hit it away and carried on chuckling.
He finally finished laughing to himself and his face slowly unwound from a happy smile to a distressed face. "D-do you think T-Token will be mad?"
"He knows what he did." I said, straightening my face out to look like I was contemplating something.
It was silent for a bit, and the wind picked up. I breathed in, held it for a moment, and breathed out, all in one motion.
"C-Craig, are you okay?" Tweek asked, his eyebrows lifting up.
"I don't know if I should tell you this, Tweek, because you don't need any more problems. But, no." I said, smearing my hand over my face.
"W-why?" He asked, innocence seeping out of his mouth.
"I… it's hard to talk about." I admitted, gritting my teeth.
"Y-you don't have to." Tweek said, trembling at my sudden change of attitude.
"It's just… like I have something missing. A hole that can't be filled." I confessed, choking on my weak words as they left my mouth.
"W-what needs to fill it, Craig?" He asked, curious but scared in his wording and tone.
"You… you can't help. I need to do it. By myself." I breathed out, looking over at Tweek. His emerald eyes were fixed on me, but I didn't care. It was like he was searching for an answer in my eyes.
"O-oh." He stammered, fumbling with his coffee.
Another silence followed, and I stared into the sky again. It was so vast and deep, like it could go on forever. I wanted to go up there, but down here I felt alone… so I didn't know how I would cope up there.
"I'm going. See you tomorrow, Tweek." I said, standing up and waving goodbye to the blond. He gave a small wave, and I smiled, lowering my head to the floor.
I came back to my house and burst through the door, sauntering up the stairs and coming to my door. I went into my room and said hello to Stripe, flopping down on my bed. I stared at the ceiling. Without people to talk to I felt empty, I needed to learn to like myself. But how am I meant to do that? I had to do something about. I had to…
Apologize.
…
I came up to the small corner of the sidewalk and looked around. Empty. I sighed and carried on walking, maybe they had already gone. I went the usual way and followed it. In the distance I saw a single person walking along at the pace of a snail.
I jogged my way over, my bag swinging around crazily as I crossed the road to reach the person. "Clyde!"
He turned as soon as my voice called for him, and his face was bland. I ran up to him and lay my hands on my knees. "What?" He snorted, his voice angry.
"I'm sorry about everything that's happened." I panted, catching my breath. He just shook his head and looked away. "Listen Clyde, I've been in a real fucked situation, alright? I know I've acted like a dick the past few days, and I just wanted to say sorry."
He looked down at the ground and chewed on his top lip. "Have I ever told you how much I hate Token?"
I looked up in shock. "What? No."
"He left me in the dirt, said he didn't want to hang out anymore." Clyde spluttered, his emotions seeping through.
"Wait, Token?" I growled, scowling at the thin air as if Token was stood beside him.
"Yeah." Clyde stammered, his breath becoming frantic and panting. He let a tear drop from his eye and I stepped back in horror.
"Token? Token did that?" I asked again, just for conformation.
"He… he said I was hopeless. Too dumb to care for." Clyde spat out before sobbing into his hands.
"Clyde, you're not dumb." I said to him, placing my hand onto his shoulder.
"Yeah." He chuckled, lifting his head from his hands and letting out a huff of happiness. "Tell that to everybody that I've let down."
"You haven't let down anyone, Clyde." I affirmed, squeezing my hand on his shoulder.
I let him look at me for a moment, and then pulled him in for a hug. I felt a dampness connect with my chest, and I felt trembles every time he let out a little whimper.
He stepped back and looked up to me, his eyes full of tears. "Thanks, Craig."
"Don't get too attached." I said, letting go of him. "Let's go."
We came to the school and I made it through the double doors waving goodbye to Clyde, turning the opposite way to my class. I soon found through the door and came through it, sitting at the back like always.
On my desk lay a piece of paper, the same handwriting as the 'Rocketman' note. I swiped it off my table, I didn't need more shit to deal with. I had to talk to Token and confront him.
That time came pretty quickly, I don't know why, but my world was moving pretty fast. Lunch came soon, and I knew what I had to do. I crashed through the door from my fourth period class and strode over to Token's locker.
He soon appeared around the corner and rolled his eyes when he approached. "What do you want, Craig?" He snarled, curling his lip at me.
"I want to talk." I said, folding my arms and eyeing him from head to toe.
"Craig? Talk?" He chuckled in disbelief. "You?"
I looked askance at him. "Yep."
Token grabbed his belly and let out a deep laugh, taking huge breaths each time he looked over at me. "What do you want?"
"I want to know why you think ditching people and telling them they are hopeless is a good idea?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow.
Token's face morphed into one full of anger. "And you didn't ditch us?"
I rolled my eyes. "If you didn't notice, I was in a bad place. I still am."
"That doesn't excuse avoiding us for days." He rasped, gritting his teeth together and widening his eyes.
"At least I didn't ram Clyde's confidence into the ground." I fumed, lifting my finger at him.
"Yeah, after he told me I was a traitor." Token argued, lifting his hands and shaking them violently at me.
"A traitor for what?" I swore, throwing my arms out to my side.
"Listen Craig, it's girl problems alright?" Token said, taking a step back. "Not that you would know anything about that."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I quipped, lowering at Token.
"That means it's between: Me, Clyde, Bebe, and Nichole." Token explained, lifting his hand up and throwing it down for every name he mentioned.
I was about to say something, but I stopped myself and just scowled at Token. "Don't fuck everything up."
"And it's not already? I knew you were naïve Craig, but you aren't this dumb." Token mocked, biting his lip as he said it.
"We had a good thing going." I said, emphasizing the 'good' part.
"Yeah, and someone screwed it up." He quipped, turning away from me.
I stood for a moment, toying with the decision to run up to Token and knock some sense into him, but that would just make everything worse than it was already. God dammit.