I love you, Chip Skylark.

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~A Romantic Date at Olive Garden~

"So," Sakura said like a curling iron having a heated affair with baby lotion. "Tell me about yourself, Trump Rafael Sasuke-kun."

She was resting her ashy elbows on the greasy table and it would certainly moisturize them. She batted her eyelashes so fast that it caused a mini tsunami in the ranch dressing on their salad. The sound of forks scraping against plates resounded around the restaurant and it made Haruno Sakura feel awkward and self-conscious about her plastic earrings she ordered from a Shirley Temple infomercial.

A big bowl of salad was sitting in front of them.

"A lot of people couldn't survive the blow I took to my heart," Sasuke said dead-serious like he was requesting some nuts on his chocolate fudge sundae at Diary Queen. He was smiling so sweetly at an obese stretch marked covered black olive on his plate. He went on, "I'll tell you one thing; I am strong enough to overcum the pain."

"What do you want, a fucking award? I just wanted to know more about you." Sakura replied as she bit into a yummy banana pepper and made a ^_^ face.

"Excuse me, that really got to me and I need to sit down." Sasuke said dejectedly as he observed the veins on a piece of lettuce and thought of Mufasa.

"You're already sitting down, dipshit." Sakura pointed out sweetly and nicely, like the voice a Kindergarten teacher would use to praise their most retarded student for finding cat turds in the sandbox. All the while, she repeatedly dipped a crouton in ranch dressing until it was soggy like her flappy pussy-hole after watching three hours of that show 'Highway Thru Hell' on The Weather Channel.

She looked up at Sasuke and smiled like a boy farted in your 7th grade P.E. class while doing sit-ups. "Hi Sasuke-kun, I have cystic ovarian syndrome."

"Me too."

"Do you know what that is, Sasuke-kun?"

"Well why don't you tell me since you're so fucking smart."

"It's when cyst grow on the ovaries." She explained matter-of-factly.

"Just shut your goddamn mouth. It smells like you ate a turd filled burrito for Christ's sakes," Sasuke said breathlessly, genuinely amazed that Sakura had a 4th grade education. "Also, I wish I was a dolphin sometimes."

"Sometimes….I wish I could be a carrot in my pawpaw's garden," Sakura choked out, her throat feeling tight and tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "Because….carrots are allowed to be free."

Sasuke slammed his fists hard on the table and knocked his Sierra Mist over and it spilt all over his lap. He screamed, "HULK SMASH!"

They both laughed.

Sakura laughed so hard and wiped the tears from her eyes because she was laughing so hard. Thank the Lord Almighty that she didn't accidentally fart. "You know. Whenever I look at you, my buttslit gets sopping wet, Sasuke-kun."

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To be continued…