Multiple Blessings

(Chapter Three: For Better Or Worse)

She was sleeping peacefully when Elliot arrived. As easy as it would be to say that the worst was over now, he somehow knew that just couldn't be the truth. He drew a deep breath and walked quietly over to sit the large vase of white roses in the window sill. As he did he stared out into the grey city and watched as rain drizzled down the glass. This day, was a bad day.

"They're beautiful," she whispered from behind him and Elliot turned to look at his wife.

Olivia was crying and could barely look him in the eye.

"I'm so sorry, El."

"Liv, baby, none of this was your fault. These things just happen sometimes," he said softly rubbing circles in the small of her back in an attempt to comfort her. "We'll wait a few weeks and try again."

Olivia shook her head in disagreement.

"I don't think I can go through this again," she sobbed.

He slid into the bed behind her and wrapped his arms tight around her. Elliot whispered loving words to her and gently kissed the top of her head as Olivia buried her face in his chest and broke down once more. The truth was, he felt like doing the same. But right now he had to be strong for his wife.

They must have fallen asleep together, because a couple of hours later Elliot awoke in her hospital bed. It was dark now and the light rumble of thunder from the summer storm echoed in the distance. Elliot kissed Olivia's forehead and slipped out from under her, careful not to disturb her slumber.

He stretched for a moment and made his way across the tiny room to the bathroom. He washed his face and hands and noticed the light blinking on his phone. Elliot raised the phone to look at it, noticing he had four missed calls.

He walked back out to Olivia's hospital bed, where a nurse now stood checking her IV.

"Is everything alright? I mean, my wife is going to be okay, right?"

"She should be fine in a couple of days. The doctor gave her something for pain and to help her sleep. She might be a little depressed for a while, that is perfectly normal."

"Will she still be able to have children?" Elliot asked staring down at the dark haired beauty in the bed.

"Doc has said it should be safe to try again after a couple of weeks. Whenever she is ready. The important thing here is to make sure to give her enough time to heal emotionally."

"Yeah," Elliot agreed.

"He just wanted to keep her overnight for observation and to make sure she got some rest. She should be able to go home tomorrow afternoon."

"Is there somewhere I can get a cup of coffee?"

"There is a vending machine down the hall. But the canteen on the first floor has much better coffee," she woman said looking at her watch. "They should be serving breakfast about now."

"Breakfast? What time is it?" Elliot asked.

"Ten 'til five."

"I slept a lot longer than I thought," he replied looking back at Olivia still sleeping peacefully.

"You know, we tried to get her to go to sleep for a couple of hours before you got here. She wouldn't. I think she just needed to know you were here with her."

"I should have been here earlier. I should have been here."

"You did what you could. I'm sure she understands that."

"If I had been there with her when this first started going on, I could have brought her in. Then maybe we would still have our baby."

"Sir, there were complications with the pregnancy," he doctor said from behind him. "There is no way she would have carried to full term. And the further she got into the pregnancy, the more risk it brought to Olivia. I'm sorry I didn't catch it earlier. This is rare, but it can be deadly. Another month and we probably would have lost them both."

Elliot sighed as he wiped a tear from his misty eyes.

"Are you sure she is going to be okay?" he asked.

"She will have some emotional scars. But I see no reason why she couldn't still have healthy pregnancy and carry to full term in the future. Like I said, this situation is very rare. It isn't likely it will happen again. I will watch her very carefully the next time and we'll take extra precautions, just in case. Right now she just needs some rest and a little time."

"Thank you doctor," Elliot said softly.

"She'll probably sleep for a few more hours. The medication I'm giving her might make her drowsy and she probably wont feel like doing much over the next few days. A miscarriage takes a strong emotional toll on a woman. Just try to be understanding."

"This was my baby, too. I think if anyone understands what she is feeling it is me."

"You're right," the doctor agreed. "I'll need to see her again in a couple of weeks. Just to make sure things are well. I am very sorry for your loss, Mr. Stabler."

Elliot nodded and watched as the doctor disappeared from the room.

"I love you, baby," he whispered kissing his wife as he turned and left the room as well.

He walked down to the cafeteria and bought himself a cup of strong coffee. Then he made his way back to the waiting area to call return the calls he had missed from Fin.

"Hey Fin, it's Elliot. I saw I missed a couple of calls from you."

"I was just calling to check on Liv. How's she doing?"

"She's gonna be okay. But she lost the baby."

"Oh man, I'm so sorry."

"It took me over three hours to get here. I should have been there with her. Instead she had to go through this alone."

"You were in Jersey trying to help find a murderer. You had no idea something like this was going to happen. And you got back here as soon as you could. She knows that….we all know that."

"She was alone. This may have been the hardest thing she'll ever have to go through and she had to face it alone. I'll never be able to make this up to her."

"Elliot, bad things happen sometimes. She may be hurt now and I know you feel awful for not being able to be there the moment she needed you, but Olivia isn't the type to hold a grudge. This is hard now, but you guys will heal together."

"I hope you're right. Listen, I think I'm gonna take a few days off. I just want to make sure she's okay."

"Don't worry about it. Munch and I can handle things around here. You just take good care of Liv. And if there is anything I can do…."

"Actually, there is. Can you run by the apartment and let Lucy out for me?"

"No problem."

"Thanks, Fin."

Elliot closed his phone and took another sip from his coffee cup. He opened his phone once more and put in his call to Cragen.

Ten minutes later Elliot returned to Olivia's room. She was still sleeping soundly, so he took a seat in a chair beside her bed and turned on the television. Elliot sat watching the news while a million things ran at random through his mind.

A few hours later, he opened his eyes once more as a nurse carried in a mixed arrangement of flowers.

"These came for her a few minutes ago," she explained handing the vase of brightly colored yellow, pink and peach colored roses mixed with beautiful white calla lilies.

Elliot leaned forward to inspect the card as he smelled the flowers. It was a get well wish from the guys at work. He smiled and sat the vase on the window ledge where Olivia would see them when she woke up.

He opened the blinds a little to see that the sunshine was beginning to peak out from between the clouds. He exhaled and climbed back into the twin sized bed beside his wife. Slipping his arms around her, Elliot softly kissed the side of her neck.

"I love you so much, sweetheart."

Olivia groaned softly as her eyes fluttered open to look at him.

"I love you, too."

"I am so sorry that I wasn't here when you needed me."

"You're here now," she replied twisting his tie in her fingers and kissing him again. "I know that you got here as soon as you could and you would have been here if you could have."

"There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. I love you more than anything in the world."

Olivia forced a smile.

"I know that," she said exhaling deeply.

Elliot hugged her tight and kissed the side of her neck.

Just then Olivia noticed the new flower arrangement as the sunlight spilled in around it and she smiled.

"Those are so pretty."

"They are from Cragen and the guys. They wanted to come and visit, but I thought it might be better to save that until we get you back home."

"That was really sweet of them."

"They're worried about you, too. Fin called several times to check on you."

"I'll be okay, El. I just need some time."

"I explained that to him. And I took a few days off so that we can just have some down time together. The doctor said you can go home this afternoon and I plan to spend the next few days just pampering you and waiting on you hand and foot."

Olivia smiled.

"That really isn't necessary."

"I want to do it," he said kissing her tenderly.

"How are you doing?"

"You know me….I'm….fine."

"Fine? El, you lost this baby, too. It is only natural for you to feel hurt or upset, too."

"Of course I'm upset. We tried so hard to make this happen and it is something that we have both wanted for a very long time. It breaks my heart." Elliot paused for a moment feeling a knot rising in his throat. "This baby was our dream. Starting a family together, was our goal from the first day we were married. I know how badly you want this….how badly we both want this. It kills me to sit here and know what you are going through."

"What we're going through," she corrected him.

"Maybe we need a little time."

"I just don't want you feeling like you have to hide your feelings from me. You can talk to me. I think that is the only way we are going to be able to make it through this, together. I know that you are always here for me, El. But I am here for you, too."

"For better or worse," Elliot said repeating the vow they gave on their wedding day.

"We can get through this together. But we have to completely honest with each other. Always."

"Always," Elliot repeated as he kissed her tenderly.

Olivia nestled her cheek against his chest as they looked studied the sunlight outside the window. Even after the darkest of days, the sun found a way to bring a new day of hope.