Chapter 4

Waking up

A Disclaimer is high in order here. Aside form the obvious I don't own the Gallagher Girl Series, nor am I Ally undercover, I also do not own the final memory. It's a scene I got from GG5 (you'll recognize it). I just re-wrote it in Joe POV-because I'm awesome like that ;) I hope you enjoy. Review are greatly appreciated!

Consciousness kicks back in. The white light has vanished, so I find it safe enough to open my eyes. The only light is coming from overhead the bed, and looking out the window, I can see the dawn is about to break. A final memory kicks in.

I was in the Blackthorne tombs. Our own version of the Subs. I had come here to die so I offered no resistance when I was struck by Mrs. Goode. I glanced upwards and something caught my attention. It was Zach, he was clutching my journal. He had it. I sighed in relieve, it was safe and even if they caught him now, they wouldn't hurt him, but then I saw Cammie and I cursed myself and made Zach liable for bringing her here. She shouldn't be here; this was no place for Gallagher Girls, not for my girls anyway. They saw me. I watch as they paralyzed with fear, and I couldn't blame them, maybe they were spies-in-training but they were still kids and I was supposed to be always strong for them and they weren't supposed to see me like this; In such a weak position.

I quickly turned my eyes to Ms. Goode, before she could see the cause of my distraction. She was still demanding to know where Matthew's journal was. I refused to give her an answer so she struck me again. It didn't hurt, not as much as seeing Cammie so confuse and scared did. Soon after, I saw Zach pull her into the shadows.

"I'm only going to ask you one more time." She threatened as she moved closer. "Where is the log book that belonged to Matthew Morgan?" she hissed.

She wanted Matt's journal, not privy to what was inside, thinking it might be of any use for her. But regardless, it wasn't here. By now Cammie had read it and it was now safe and hopefully, someday, Cammie would be able to forgive me for everything.

I again refused to answer and that wasn't the last time she asked, because she was desperate to have it and couldn't kill her only lead to it. So she asked and I refused to answer and got struck again. She was about to strike me again but her eyes caught something behind me. She laughed and I painstakingly turned to see Cammie and Zach being dragged in by a couple of goons

"Found them on a sweep." The guard said, dragging them down the stairs, I saw as they struggled to break free, but it was useless, they were too strong and I felt utterly helpless. Ms. Goode walked past me, closer to Cammie, looking at her, appraising her.

"Oh, this is a surprise," she turned to smile deviously at me. "Joe, you clever boy, why didn't you tell me you were bringing me a present?" She cooed. Wrath simmered inside me.

I looked at Cammie, and saw the regret in her eyes, and I saw as Ms. Goode continued to eye her.

"They go or I give you nothing!" I cried in rage, and it wasn't like I would give her anything anyway.

"Now, why would I do that?" she asked, "Break up this touching reunion?" she asked, her hand reaching out as if to stroke Cammie's hair, but at the last minute she shifted, reaching for Zach's cheek and said "Hello, sweetheart, aren't you going to introduce your girlfriend to your mother?"

She had blown away Zach's cover and I saw the confusion in Cammie's eyes, she couldn't comprehend that Zach and 'the women' were related but after a few moments the confusion changed to revulsion. I turned to look at Zach's pained and saddened eyes unable to turn away from his mother's touch and deny the fact that presented itself.

"She's you mother." Cammie stated plainly. It wasn't a question. Now it was a data point, and Zach was slowly starting to make sense to her.

"Gallagher Girl-"Zach started reaching for her, but she pulled away, his fingers barely grazed her skin. I saw in her eyes that she wouldn't allow him to be near her again and I couldn't blame her, after all this was the second time a Blackthorne 'boy' had seemingly betrayed her.

"It's very nice to finally meet you, Cammie, I've heard so much about you." Spoke Zach's mother serenely. "I hope you are not afraid. I'm sure Joe here would gladly confirm that we don't want to kill you" I didn't need to tell her, we both knew it was true, and we also knew they wanted her for something far worse.

"Cammie-I" Zach tried to reach for her, but she again pulled away and it hurt me deeply to see them both struggle with these emotions.

"Oh, sweetheart, I can see why you like her." His mother laughed. "But now, everyone spread out and search for Morgan's dairy." She eyed Zachary and Cammie. "And someone search the two of them."

One guard was fast to hold me down as one stepped closer to Cammie, she then looked at Zach and he whispered, "Now."

Now I watch proudly as Cameron threw her weight back against the guard who was holding her and kicked the guard in front of her. In the corner of my eye I saw Zach kick a filing cabinet in his mother's direction. It crashed against her, knocking her to the floor. Paper falling all around her while the guard pushed Cammie aside and ran to his boss aid.

"What are you doing?" The she yell. "Get her!" and that was it. That was the final straw. I impaired the guard holding me down by a well-placed kick and I lunged toward one of the man near the entrance of another tunnel. I threw my bound hands over his head and quickly strangled him. I saw Cammie come this way but was stopped by a guard whom she quickly disabled; I continued to keep the guards off her as she fought with Zachary's mother.

"You are far prettier up close." She said ducking form a hit, but Cammie didn't let her concentration waver; she managed to land a swift punch to her kidney and another to her face.

"Oh yes," she said, whipping at the blood that trickled from the side of her mouth. "I can certainly see the appeal."

"Forgive me if I can't say the same." Cameron quipped in and I gave a low chuckle while ducking from a punch that was thrown at me. Across the room I saw Zach had taken an old sword from the wall and was fighting two men at once. I continue to fight the men that where coming at me, but I could feel my strength slipping away. Sleepless nights and days of not eating where finally taking their toll on me and the deep gash on my leg plus my somewhat impaired vision didn't help. I couldn't duck with the same agility and no longer had strength enough to keep fighting, but I did anyway. I'd fight for Cammie and Zach till the very end.

The swords stopped clashing, and two men lay at Zach's feet. Our eyes met, and he saw me struggling to keep up, he was soon dashing to my aid but I then saw a men on the ground take out a gun and take aim at him.

"No!" Someone scream. I thought it was Cammie, but a spare glance told me she was too shock to shout so I knew it was his mother, the only person in this cave able to save Zach, she turned from Cammie and started toward her son.

I watched Zach's mother slammed into the gunman-heard the weapon clatter across the floor. I looked at Cammie and saw she was free, she could run but she didn't move. Everything seemed to freeze for that one second, as Zach picked up the gun and yelled "Now! Run!"

But Cammie didn't run, she couldn't move, 'Good-bye' Zach mouthed to her and I took one last glance at her, seeing the face that was so much like Rachel's and so much like Matthew's for one last time.

This was it, this was the end for us, I hadn't planned on it to turn out this way, but now I couldn't change it. I hadn't meant for Zach to be here, but he was and he was now risking his life for Cammie.

Cammie started running a second before he shot the explosives lining the wall. The cave went up on red hot fire, I turn to Zach and met his eyes one last time before darkness over took me.

That had been it. That's how it had ended, well, that's how it should have ended, but somehow I was here and Zach wasn't. My heart ached to think of it, but at least, well at least Cammie was safe or so I hoped, the last I've seen of her she had been running, running to safety and could not help but hope she had reached it.

"He's awakening doctor." I heard a female voice say, breaking me from my reverie, and I could picture the nurse checking the monitor.

"Good, I'll go fetch Agent Townsend" said the doctor as I heard his footsteps exiting the room. I tried to keep my face impassive and my breathing slow and rhythmic, while inwardly I cringed. Excellent. Just what I needed, if, my mind didn't fail me, he was bringing in a git with an air of superiority to come here and probably tell me I had been dismissed from the CIA and was about to live undercover for the rest of my life. Or more realistically, ask me if I remembered my name and after I'd say yes, he's proceed to tell my how utterly stupid I had been at dragging two kids to the Blackthorne Subs and now, I couldn't blame him, I would if – if Zach hadn't –hadn't died.

Emotional pain gave a pang at my heart and an involuntary sound escaped my lips, a sound that could only be described as a choked whimper. I pursed my lips, knowing I had blown the cover away.

"Sir?" the nurse asked as I slowly opened my eyes and let them adjusts to the bright lighting.

"You are awake," The nurse states rather than asks, as I try to reply with a 'yes', but it comes out choked, my mouth dry from the lack of usage.

"Here."

She offers me a glass of water as I finally open my eyes, my hand reaching out to take the glass, the young nurse makes sure I grab it well, the muscles in my hands weak from lack of usage, and I sigh, knowing it's take a while to get fit. I bring the water to my lips and take down the fresh, clear liquid, listening to it as it gurgles down my throat, re-moisturizing it, easing the constriction that was there a few seconds ago.

"Thank you." I reply, my voice so soft I barely recognize it as my own. The nurse nods in acknowledgement, while glancing at the monitor.

"Where am I?" I ask her, guessing I'm at the Gallagher Infirmary, the CIA Medical Center or, having been released from the CIA, it could be whichever hospital.

"First tell me who you are." She contradicts, and I give a small chuckle, no other hospital than the CIA Med. Center would quiz their patients upon waking from a coma.

"Solomon, Joe, Solomon." I reply, and see the laughing glint in her hazel eyes as she reaches for my hand and deftly pulls out one of the IV needles.

"Welcome back, Sir," she says as I wince from the momentary shot of pain.

"Indeed, welcome back Joseph." Says a cold voice, that belongs to the satirical man standing by the door.

"Janelle, please give me leave to speak to him." His British accent drawls.

I see as Janelle exits, leaving me alone with Townsend.

"Came to visit all the way from the 6?" I ask, already guessing he pleaded to be in my case, in one of his marvelous attempts to bring down the Circle, to catch a bad guy, or what Matt and I would call it, 'play with fire'.

His blue eyes look at me, his face not giving anything away. He just shrugs "Someone had to do it." He replies, as he grabs a nearby chair and takes a sit on it. Cueing me that the debrief is about to start. I try to pull myself upwards on the hospital bed, but I notice, that'd be painful, since there's still a needle in my wrist, and one hand cannot possibly support my weight at the moment.

"What is the last thing you remember?" He shoots at me, his voice leveled, yet I know he is waiting for me to slip up, so I go for the truth in this case.

"Fire," I reply simply, seeing the explosion before my eyes, the flames engulfing the circular room in a moment, my eyes closing and succumbing to darkness.

He nod, and moves on. "Where?"

"The Blackthorne subs." I say simply, not having a reason to lie, not wanting to lie anymore, just wanting him to deliver me to my fate and let me grieve Zach in solitude, and as if he is reading my mind he asks "With whom?"

I close my eyes, more out of emotional pain, than effort to remember.

"Zach, Zia, guards." I reply, leaving out Cammie, because it hurts too much admitting to that error. Yet, he prompts "And?" And yet again, I don't have another reason to conceal it.

"Cammie," I whisper softly, bringing to mind the wish that wherever she is, she may one day forgive me for all my mistakes.

"Remember why you were there?" He asks.

"They wanted something." I reply, still keeping my answers simple.

"Looking for this?" he says, and I feel my eyes widen in surprise at recognizing Matt's log book, the one he never finished, the one I carry on. I let out a sigh of relief knowing there's no way he could have possibly deciphered it.

"You are right, I haven't deciphered it, no one has so far." He says, concealing it again in within his medical cloak. I'm about to protest, but is futile, he rises from his seat, tuning to walk away, leaving me hanging without a word about my fate. He's at the door when he turns back.

"Get some rest." He suggests, "The interrogation begins in a couple of hours." He says, letting me know that this was only to test my memory, to see what I remembered, to see if I can be held liable for my actions, and I know that's what I want right know, for someone to yell at me, diminish me, tell me how astoundingly stupid it was for me to drag two kids to the Tombs, to tell me that I'll pay for that, suffer for the life I had taken.

At this moment I'm thankful for the fact that he closed the door, because at this moment I can't hold it anymore, I can't keep pretending Zach is somewhere, out there waiting for me, because in truth he is dead, dead because of me, because of my carelessness, and overconfidence. Dead due to the mission I have so far failed to complete.

I think about the pain it caused Cammie, about the fact that possibly, there wasn't even a body left to be buried, and knowing that somewhere, by Cammie's bidding, stands and empty grave, marked by a grave stone with Zachary Goode engraved upon it.

I won't see him again, I won't see his knowing smile, and his eyes looking at me with reassurance. I have succeeded in killing the only person who believed in me when everyone else ceased to do so. The thought alone is enough to get me choked up on emotion. I turn to my pillow and silently let it smother and dry the tears that start oozing out of my eyes, small sobs shaking my body slightly. It's futile to try to sleep; My brain won't spare me from the pain this time. But, I still feel it working, even as my heart breaks into tiny pieces, my brain realizes something went terribly wrong. 'No one has so far.' No one has deciphered the code.