Chapter 6

Coming Clean

"The doctor said you needed rest, Sir." I tell him as I drive the cover up to his chest, glad that I finally got him to lie back in the hospital bed.

"I feel fine. I have more things to do." He counters not meeting my eyes, but rather looking into the pillow, and I know what's bothering him. It's Zach, and I still can get the courage to tell him, to let him out of his guilt-filled conscience. I don't know what's so hard about telling the truth, perhaps that fact of admitting to betrayal or that maybe, being a spy in training makes it hard admitting to a lie. I sigh, wanting so much to tell him, but not finding the words that say, 'I made you suffer on purpose, I betrayed you.'

"The world waited for you six weeks. I'm sure can wait a few more hours. Get some rest." I say instead, opting out on the impulse of reaching to kiss his forehead because that'd just be too awkward and going to plop myself down on the small blue couch by the window that for now, provides the only source of light into the room, making it dim enough for someone to conceive sleep.

I pick up my newest issue of Espionage Today, and pretend to read while waiting for the fatigue to take over him. The fact that I haven't told him about Zach eating away at my. I start biting lightly at my lip and realize how it might look to him, so I turn up to see him. He is gazing intently, at me, and I can see he's choked up with emotion.

"Go to sleep." I say again, my voice steady, as I gaze back to the magazine I have no interest in reading. I know I shouldn't speak to him in that condescending tone, and normally I wouldn't dare to tell Joe Solomon to go to sleep, but now, it's what he needs, some rest, and someone to guide him back into the world.

"You must hate me," he voices all of a sudden, his voice low, frail, causing me to look at him stunned.

"Zach…" he starts, but I sigh, throwing down my magazine as I rise from the couch and go over to the hospital bed.

"Excuse me," I say, motioning for him to scoot over, taking some tissues from the nightstand before perching myself at the edge of the surprisingly steady bed. He is now propped up against the fluffy pillows. I tentatively move my hand to reach his. He welcomes my touch and holds my hand securely, and I realize how much he needs the comfort of it, and I realize too, that he is seeking my forgiveness, when it should be me begging for it.

He opens his mouth to speak, but I motion with my free hand for him to silence.

"If I disclose unknown facts from the night of the incident, will you please go to sleep afterwards, Sir?" I ask tentatively, knowing I shouldn't be making deals with my teacher as I search for the right words to tell him the truth, realizing they must start with an apology as my thumb starts drawing circles on the back of his hand.

He looks at me quizzically. "Go ahead, Ms. Morgan." He says, and the use of my last name tells me he is not sure of whether or not he wants to hear what I am about to disclose. I give his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Promise,-Promise you'll try to go to sleep, I want to get out of here too, but the doctor wants you to sleep before giving you leave." I say, my voice taking a nervous edge because those weren't the words I planned to utter. The ones I did went along the lines of Promise me you won't get mad at me. But that'd be unfair, because he has every right to do so. So I just look up at him to see him nod in assessment.

I seize this moment to grasp our clasped hands with my free one, holding his between both of mine, and I stare into them, as I spill out the words.

"Please, please forgive me for not saying this before, I-I just, I just couldn't find the way to do it, I don't know why, but please forgive me for not saying this before." I say realizing I'm rambling, as his free hand gently raises my chin to look at him.

"Cam, tell me, what is it." He demands softly.

"Zach-Zach" I take a deep shuddering breath, gathering the courage to speak the truth. "Zach is okay." I finally say looking into his eyes for a moment, seeing as he takes in the information, before his hand falls and my gaze drops to his hand in mine.

"It's a lie." He contradicts, disbelieving, his hands start to shake slightly. "Please don't lie to me, I can go to sleep without the lie, and without the tea," he whispers, drawing his shaking hand around my head, pulling it close to his and kissing my forehead.

I struggle to make sense of the last phrase. I gasp. Realizing he thinks so low of me as to lie to him in this way, lie about Zach so that his conscience is at ease and can slip into unconsciousness, and feed him the memory-erasing tea, so that'll he'll forget I said it, and we can go back home.

I draw myself up, shaking my head, "No. I wouldn't. I can't. I betrayed you, I let them lie, I couldn't find the words to tell the truth before. He's okay. He's alive. He's waiting for us to come back home." I tell him, my clutch on hand tightening in a futile attempt to control our shaking hands.

"I saw him die." He tells me. Refusing to get his hopes up, knowing there's no way the same darn good thing can happen twice in a day. It goes against everything he's been taught for years. Getting your hopes up will only hurt you, the dead don't come back to life. Cammie wouldn't betray you.

"You did not. You saw him shoot, you saw me run, you saw the room go up in flames, but you didn't see him run, too." I explain, unlatching one of my hands to grace his face lightly, coaxing him to meet my eyes.

"Prove it." He says, his voice near a breaking point, his eyes pleading me not to break his heart.

"Kay." I reply, grabbing his hand and bring it to my lips, kissing his knuckles before getting out of the bed. I rummage in my backpack, pulling out the small silver cell phone Zach has demanded for me to carry everywhere. I open it and go back to stand beside the bed as I dial the number by rote and hit call followed by speaker. I place one of my hands on Mr. Solomon's arm. He is looking intently as the phone rings once…twice.

"Gallagher Girl, is everything okay? Are you okay?" Zach's urgent voice demands to know, since this phone thing is supposed to be only for emergencies.

I see Mr. Solomon's eyes widen. "Zach" he whispers, not loud enough to be caught by the phone. I smile.

"Yes, perfectly okay. Just called to tell you we'll be going back in a couple of hours, expect us there before midnight. Tell mom, kay?"

"Yes. Of course." He says letting out a breath of relief. "Is Joe okay? How did the interrogation go-Never mind I don't want to know the last part. Is he okay?"

"He is now. I have to go." I whisper, seeing as Mr. Solomon covers his face with his hands, he's not crying, but I can tell his very close to doing so.

"Take care of him Gallagher Girl. I love you." Zach tells me.

"Love you more." I say, wanting to snap the phone shut and comfort Mr. Solomon.

"Liar." I hear him whisper as I fake a giggle and hit end.

I take one of the tissues lying on the bed as I climb. I see how much effort he's putting into not breaking down before me. I scoot closer to him. "I'm so sorry." I whisper seeing him struggle with his emotions, and I wonder how much of that emotion is directed at me, hating me for making him suffer. But I don't have much time to wonder before sobs overtake him and he pulls me into his arms, and I know that he needs to hold me to feel strong. I lean into his embrace once more, as emotion over takes me too, although I can fight off the sobs, I can't impede my voice from sounding childish and hurt as I ramble on.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I let them hurt you, I'm sorry for letting them lie to you, for betraying you in that way, Sir. I'm sorry, please forgive me."

I say as I bury my tear-stained face into his white cotton shirt, not wanting to come out. In a few moments I feel as he takes control of himself, as his sobs recede and his breath stops hitching. I feel as he grabs my arms and gently pulls me away gazing into my eyes, searching them, a light smile forming in his face.

"Baby girl," He calls me, his hands moving to remove trailing tears from my cheek, his gaze piercing mine, "I'd say I forgive you, but I don't have to. I know why they did it, I know why they lied, and I know you didn't have a choice in the matter. And even if it had been Abby, instead of me, I would have done the same, I would have lied to her the same way they did, because I am no longer taking chance with you or with Zachary. Understood?"

I nod, drying the rest of the tears with the back of my hand. I chuckle lightly.

"You promised you'd go to sleep." I remind him softly, moving to stand up from the bed, wanting him to at least sleep and hour and a half, so that we can board the helicopter back to the Academy and still arrive by midnight, but his hand moves to catch my wrist. I look back at him, a questioning look in my face.

"Stay. Please." He requests, and suddenly, I feel a compelling urge to comply, and tiredness overtakes me, making me no longer care if we get home by midnight or not, telling me that all that matters it's that he's here, we're here, and that for a few hours the Circle does not exist.

I drop back into him, not bothering to snuggle into the bed sheets, and feel him snuggle in too. In a moment, his arms encage me, shielding and protecting me. I feel one last peck to my hair and drift into sleep knowing that I am much safer in his arms than I'll ever be within the walls of the Gallagher Academy