Short update! Just trying to let you know I'm still alive! XD
Chapter Three:
Terrible jokes, and we aren't just talking about Spinner's height!
"Well, sounds like Vert and Spinner went down." Agura commented to Stanford after a quick com-announcement from Sage.
"Chores for the whole month, suckers!" Stanford laughed, piling a few more tropical flowers onto the hut they had constructed. "Saves us from doing them."
"Ha, I wish." Agura chuckled, and Stanford turned to her in question.
"You didn't know? Vert's been paying me to do his for months!" Agura laughed.
"Why didn't he tell me? I would have done that!" Stanford exclaimed in indignation. "No wonder you have that forty-two inch with a sound system in your room!"
"Well, AJ pays too…" Agura admitted.
"Ugh! Why didn't you offer that to me?" Stanford cried.
"Because I didn't like you." Agura laughed, grabbing a bundle of firewood and setting it beside the house.
"Hmph. Do it for me when we get back?" Stanford asked.
"Nah." Agura replied casually. "I like watching you do chores. It's funny."
"It is not funny! I use very precise tactics!" Stanford pouted.
"Pouring a bucket of water on the floor and letting it 'air dry' does not constitute as a precise tactic, Stanford."
"Hey, that technique was derived from Nana Rhodes herself!"
"Aw, was Nana Rhodes blind?"
"Ugh! Only in one eye!"
"Then what's your excuse?"
"Okay, that tears it! I'm going to go look for food." Stanford crossed his arms, retreating into the jungle.
"Don't get eaten by anything!" Agura called behind him, reclining on the sand. "Sage'll disqualify us!"
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"Okay, hand me that green wire, but not the blue one." Sherman instructed Zoom.
"Uhm, which green one?" Zoom asked nervously, holding up three different shades. Sherman had detected a super battery, which he planned to recharge in hopes of creating a portal. "Do you want grass green, neon green, or puce?"
"Uhm….is there a forest green?" Sherman asked, pondering.
"No, but there's a jungle green?" Zoom tried.
"Oh! Perfect, pass it." Sherman held out his hand, and Zoom gave him the wire.
"Ugh, Zoom, this is clearly puce." Sherman shook his head, swapping the wires.
"Right. Here." Zoom handed him the other one.
"Okay, now connect the puce to the hot pink." Sherman spoke, hooking up his jungle green wire into the creation.
"Okay…." Zoom said nervously, bringing the wires together.
"WHOA WHOA WHOA THERE, ZOOM, THAT'S MAGENTA, NOT HOT PINK!" Sherman stopped him.
"THESE LOOK THE EXACT. SAME." Zoom shouted, exasperated.
"No, the magenta has a distinctive tint of purple, whereas the hot pink-"
"Okay, Sherman, I have an idea! How about you take these, and I go look for food." Zoom stood up in frustration, tossing his tangle of multicolored wires to Sherman.
"Wait, Zoom, no!" Sherman exclaimed, watching, as if in slow motion, the cobalt blue wire collide with the scarlet he had been so carefully keeping away from it. Zoom watched in shock as the entire super battery exploded in a cloud of oddly rainbow colored smoke.
"Sherman, are you okay?" He gasped, batting away a cloud of blue and pink. Sherman coughed, flat on his back with shimmering dust in every color from ROY-G to BIV coating his clothing and hair.
"Dude, you look like a fairy or something." Zoom couldn't help but snicker.
"Ugh…." Sherman groaned, brushing green powder from his hair. "Come on, let's get started again, and remember, don't let the cobalt come in contact with the scarlet!"
"Right, no cobalt and scarlet." Zoom nodded, picking up the bundle of wire and hoping to sort through.
"Okay, now give me the cyan." Sherman instructed, picking up where he had left off.
"Cy-what? There is no way that's a color!"
"It is too! It's a distinct bright blue."
"Like this one?"
"No, that's cerulean."
"They sound the same! Isn't it close enough!"
"Sure, if you don't mind exploding!"
"Well, how big of an explosion are we talking here?"
"Just pass the cyan."
"Okay…uhm, how about-"
"That's indigo, Zoom."
"This one?"
"Violet."
"Okay, uhm….here!"
"That's magenta!"
"Kidding, Sherman…"
"Yeah, okay, Zoom."
"Sherm, I don't think there's a cyan. I mean, I still don't think it's a color, but I really don't think there's a cyan. Maybe Sentient-Crayola didn't make it!"
"Highly evolved races don't play with crayons, Zoom."
"Right, right, colored pencils are much more sophisticated."
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"Hey, Tezz?" AJ called.
Tezz sighed. "Yes, AJ?"
"What if we're stuck here forever?"
Tezz rolled his eyes. "As I already told you two, five and seven hours ago, we will not be stuck here. Even if such an event were likely to occur, your chances of survival would be very slim."
"Wha-why?" AJ pouted.
"Because I would kill you for meat." Tezz replied coolly. AJ gasped.
"Kidding." Tezz muttered halfheartedly.
"Okay, well, if we aren't going to be here forever how long do I have to sit on this rock?" AJ asked boredly.
"You aren't sitting, you're watching for enemies." Tezz responded, though he knew that this Zone was deserted and simply wanted AJ out of his hair. Tezz was constructing a small hut for shelter from the winds of the barren desert they had been stranded in.
"Right, I'll let you know if I see any suspicious camels." AJ sighed boredly. "Why won't you let me helpppppp?" He whined, turning around to face Tezz.
"Because, AJ, this is complicated." Tezz replied.
"Right, I'm clueless when it comes to bunching cactuses together." AJ retorted.
Tezz huffed.
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"OWWWWOOOOCCCHHHHH!" AJ whined for the, if Tezz was correct (which he always was) fifty-third time (not including the times when he had stabbed himself with more than one cacti needle at the same time).
"Son of a biscuit! Why are you so freaking gosh-darned sharp! AGH!"
Tezz snickered at AJ's absolute refusal to go into swearing territory, but he could tell the Canadian's patience was wearing rather thin.
"You little prick! Gos-HEY! THAT WAS A GOOD ONE! Tezz, did you hear that?" AJ asked excitedly, and Tezz boredly nodded.
"See, it's funny, because-"
"Because by saying so, you not only insulted the inanimate object, but were referring to it's natural defenses in a derogatory way. I assure you, AJ, I understand fully." Tezz replied.
"So….you thought it was funny?" AJ asked excitedly.
Tezz groaned. "Sure, AJ. You're a true comedian."
"Great! Hey, I have an idea, let's tell jokes! I'll go first." AJ began, not giving Tezz the chance to object.
"Okay, so, what did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor?"
Tezz sighed. "What, AJ?"
"Hey guys, where's my tractor?" AJ barely managed to deliver the punchline before bursting into a fit of laughter. Tezz simply watched him in confusion, one eyebrow raised. When his laughing finally subsided, AJ looked up to Tezz.
"You must be one of those silent laughers…" He remarked.
"No, AJ, I am not laughing because that joke wasn't funny." Tezz explained.
"Why not?" AJ asked indignantly. "Anti-jokes are the best ones!"
"For one thing, by placing the prefix 'anti' in front of the word 'joke', you are already warning the listener that the joke is going to be the opposite of a joke, which they will conclude to mean it won't be funny and you will be setting them up for a smaller reaction. Also because the farmer's question of 'Hey guys, where's my tractor?' is not funny, because he is simply inquiring the whereabouts of a valuable tool he needs to complete his harvest. On another note, he is simply addressing midair, because in the joke you did not state that anyone was around him, so if anything the punchline of that joke would be that the farmer is deranged and talks to himself. And if that were true, it would also be highly offensive because you would be making a joke about people with impaired mental capabilities, which is a serious offense to most people." Tezz finished.
"Dude…" AJ shook his head after a long pause. "I think you just need to get warmed up to them! Here's another: Why couldn't the girl stay on the swing?"
Tezz turned his back to AJ.
"BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T HAVE ARMS!" AJ cracked up all over again, and Tezz facepalmed. Where was the rimshot app when you needed it?
"AJ, if you do wish to tell jokes, please tell real ones that won't offend the disabled!" Tezz sighed.
"Okay, I've got one. You don't mind blonde jokes, do you?" AJ asked.
"Blonde jokes?" Tezz asked, more interested.
"Yeah! Y'know, jokes about stupid blondes?" AJ asked.
"Never heard of them…" Tezz murmured in fascination.
"Well, it's like, a joke about the stereotype that all blondes are stupid." AJ informed.
"Shocking." Tezz deadpanned.
"Yeah, well, this is my favorite one! Okay, so, three people, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, are being chased by the police….."