A/N: Thanks to ZeldaRubix and alwaysingirl for their reviews!

Thanks for the review ZeldaRubix! I always wondered what the science behind that 'sleeper hold' was (after all, hearing it on The Simpsons made me want to try it). Does it really work? XD

I'm glad, alwaysingirl. I always like to see people kick evil's ass, especially women - as their always portrayed as feeble in various media. Maybe that's why Samus, Sheik and Midna are my all-time favourite game characters :)

In the vein of ZeldaRubix's 'The Girl with the Green Hair', I'm going to be telling you guys what each individual chapter is based on, or rather inspired by.

So here goes. This chapter is inspired by Metroid Metal's 'Super Metroid Brinstar' and 'M2Q', since, well... it's sandy! And angry, as you will soon see...

Okay, forget what I said last chapter; let's get 100 on THIS one!

Chapter 30 - Journey

The sandy air stung Zelda's eyes as she waded through the viscous ground. The air was so permeated with the stuff that Zelda could barely see one metre forward, and even then all she saw was more of the offending substance. Zelda cursed as yet another grain scratched her delicate eye and she brushed it furiously with a rough fist. As an extra precaution she pulled up her scarf so it was just under her eyes, and she then pulled down the bandages on her head so that all anyone would see was a thin slit with eyes as her face. The sooner she got out of here the sooner she could go to Lake Hylia and have a good wash.

She jumped slightly as the gem in her pocket began to vibrate violently. She took it out and pressed it to an ear.

'Hello?'

'Zelda? Where are you?' Rauru's clear deep voice emanated from the stone

'Gerudo Desert,' she spat angrily. 'And it seems to be particularly windy today.'

She emphasised the syllable 'tic' in a show of her frustration.

'Ahaha...' the awkward laugh echoed through Zelda's ears. 'Sorry. But it has to be done, unfortunately.'

Zelda sighed in defeat.

'I know.'

'Okay. Well, go on ahead. But there's somewhere where you have to stop.'

'Why?'

'Quicksand. It leads to a small underground cavern that only comes back here. And that's the only way out.'

'Alright. I'm counting on you then.'

'Indeed.'

She shoved the stone back into her pocket and began to trudge forward. The sand was so thick in her line of sight that the world was just... just orange. Some flakes of brown in there, but not much more. The sound was unbearable too; a howling wind mixed with the loud 'swoosh' of the sand falling over each other. When back at the entrance, Zelda could quite clearly hear the stone at arm's length. Now she could hardly hear even when it was pressed up to her ear.

'My goddess! This sand!' She shouted to herself.

The world ignored her and kept on spinning. To put the sound into perspective, Zelda couldn't even hear her own voice. To confirm she had even spoken, her throat vibrated with each word. If it weren't for that, the words would just have been lost to her surroundings, uselessly mixed with the sand's own screaming lungs.

'This damn sand!' She shouted again, her mouth leaving the safety of her scarf in order to make her loud enough for the world to hear.

Unfortunately, the sand took that opportune moment to fly into Zelda's yelling mouth. The small particles flew down her windpipe and she choked violently, almost heaving from the strength of her coughing. After all was done, she got up from her knees and pulled the scarf brusquely over her now sore mouth.

'Goddessdammit! Goddess-friggin'-dammit! Stupid sand! What use do we have for you!' She bellowed, mind exhausted from her anger and frustration. That sand rudely entering her throat was the last straw. She was swearing so much and so terribly that the stone started to vibrate in her pocket.

'What!' Zelda snapped as she brought it up to her ear. Thankfully her muffled voice didn't carry through to Rauru's ears. One snap like that to her father and she could be saying goodbye to inheriting the grand throne of Hyrule.

'Zelda? What's happening?'

'I tell you what's goddessdamn happening,' Zelda shouted through her scarf, uncaring as to who she was talking to. She just needed someone to shout to. Unlike the world, who didn't seem very happy with her complaints.

'This sand! This goddessdamn sand! What were the Three Goddesses thinking when they made this place?'

'Goddess, Zelda, watch the language! Saria's here!' Rauru reprimanded her.

'I don't friggin' care! Now tell me where the bloody quicksand river is so I can't over it and not go back to this place ever a-goddessdamn-gain!'

A pause.

'Do you want my help?' Rauru's voice sounded angry.

Zelda breathed deeply and lowered her shoulders, which were almost up to her chin's height.

'Yes, Rauru, yes I do. I'm sorry,' she apologised sincerely.

'I should think so. The future queen of Hyrule speaking like that? I have a good mind to tell your father!'

'No, Rauru, please don't! It won't happen again, honest!'

Another pause.

'Okay. Make sure of that.'

Zelda thanked him hurriedly and breathed a major sigh of relief. Her dad was already scary enough as it was. She didn't need him bursting a blood vessel shouting about how to speak like a 'proper princess'. Zelda scoffed at that. ''Proper princess'. Sick and tired of this formality that the royal family is expected to have. Maybe that's why she so enjoyed being the relatively unknown Sheik so much.

With a tired sigh, she pressed forward, narrowing her eyes to keep out the tiny irritants. Eventually, the stone vibrated in her pocket and she stopped to listen.

'About ten metres ahead. Keep walking and I'll tell you where to stop.' Rauru's voice seemed a lot calmer, thankfully. Zelda could have sworn he was still going to be angry.

'Thanks Rauru,' Zelda sighed. She started to walk forward slowly, still pressing her ear to the stone and waiting for the alert. Thirty seconds later, a loud 'Halt!' sounded, and she stopped.

'Here?'

'Yes. You're about one step away from the sand river.'

There was another small pause. It was as if he was conversing with other Sages as to what solution they were to come up with in order for her to cross the sand.

'Okay,' Rauru's voice finally spoke. 'Can you see a pole on the other side of the river? Like a flagpole?'

Zelda squinted, both due to the sand and the attempt to see better. Just about ten metres away, there was the faint outline of a tall plank of wood. Little glimpses as the sand passed her eyes, but still somewhat visible.

'Yes, I see it.'

'Okay. Here's the problem.'

Zelda's heart sunk as she heard those words.

'Well, you can't exactly jump over the river, especially with the sand so thick. And there's the flagpole on the other side, handily. So I can give you an item to cross the river without any problem.'

'And what's the big "problem" you're so anxious about?' Zelda asked expectantly.

'Well we have to get you over to the Sacred Realm to do that...'

'And to do that I...'

'Have to fall unconscious, yes,' Rauru said, surprisingly sheepish.

'In this sand? You want me to choke to death now?' Zelda's voice was angry again.

'Um, no of course not. But how else will you cross the river?'

Zelda shook her head, both in disbelief and defeat.

'You owe me Rauru. You owe me big.'

A last nervous laugh sounded before Zelda threw the stone back into her pocket and lay down. The sand slowly encompassed her body as dark patches began to appear in her vision. With one last annoyed sigh, she lost consciousness.

XxX

She awoke in the Sacred Realm, with everyone in place at their pedestals. And someone else she wasn't expecting to see.

'Impa!' She shouted, surprised.

Impa smiled back and raised a hand in greeting. Zelda suddenly realised something.

'Oh goddess, Impa. I'm so sorry about what happened back there. It was just the sand and my eyes and the dirt and...'

Impa raised another hand to silence her.

'Hey don't worry about it. I used to swear all the time. No problem.'

She looked Zelda up and down and smirked.

'Besides, I can imagine what you have been through.'

Zelda looked down at her clothes. They were saturated with sand, right down to the creases in her leggings and top. She looked as if she was about to scream in anger, but she stopped when she saw Saria cover her ears in the corner of her eye.

'Thanks,' she muttered instead.

Rauru came into view, with a somewhat sulky face.

'Firstly Zelda, I just want you to know that what happened back there was highly inappropriate.'

Zelda rolled her eyes, but Rauru continued.

He lectures just like my father, she thought. He talks, I stop listening.

When he was done, he looked at Zelda.

'Nonetheless, we must make haste. Link will be through to the desert soon. Therefore I grant you this, the Chain!'

A soft blue light illuminated Rauru's outstretched hands and an item slowly fell toward him. He caught it and gave it to Zelda, who examined it. It was only about a metre long, and the end had a blade on the end, but not like any blade Zelda had ever seen before. It was as if someone had taken a normal knife but converted it into three dimensions.

'With this, you will be able to traverse long gaps and canyons, as long as there is something to latch onto on the other side. The chain is charmed, so it will elongate according to the situation.'

The chain shimmered a dark blue as Rauru said it, as if confirming his assurance. Zelda latched it over her shoulder and fastened it at her hip so it looked like a strap on a bag.

'Thank you, Rauru,' Zelda said graciously.

Rauru nodded, the familiar furrowed brow present on his face once again. Zelda lay down on the pedestal and closed her eyes. In a matter of seconds, she was unconscious.

XxX

She awoke in the same place as she was - lying down in the sand. The sand had taken advantage of her lack of movement and crept up around her, as if building a gate to keep in the beast. Zelda growled and shook of the pathetic production. She stood and looked up to where the flagpole was. It was still just about visible. Good. She took the chain from her chest and tossed it around in her hand.

Now how's this gonna work?

Zelda shrugged casually and threw the pointed end in the direction of the flagpole. Almost instantaneously, the chain glowed blue and elongated, more links seemingly appearing out of nowhere. Zelda gasped, mesmerised, as the chain wrapped around the flagpole - as if it had a mind of its own. She pulled on it slightly to test out its strength, and it barely moved. Excellent.

She took a few steps, getting a bit more distance between herself and the river. Then, in a sublime of acrobatics, she sprinted and jumped a metre short, using the chain to pull herself over the gap in a perfect arc. As soon as she felt she cleared it, she let go and broke her fall, bending her knees upon impact. The chain glowed blue again and shortened. Leaving the flagpole, it slithered up to her like a Rope and came to rest by her feet, as if to say 'My work is done,' with a hefty sigh. Zelda smiled and picked it up.

'Whoa...' she said in wonder while she examined it. Amazing...

Zelda slung it back over her body as it was originally, and pressed forward through the dreaded sandy air.

She was walking for about ten minutes when she caught a glimpse of the flagpole again.

'Uh?' She said, bewildered. Staring through the mist again... yes, there it is! But why...?

The stone in her pocket vibrated, and Rauru's surprisingly shaken voice trembled through.

'Um, I forgot to tell you...'

'Yes...?' Zelda whispered with mounting anger.

'There's only one way through the desert and...'

'What...?'

Well, it's a tricky place. You see, you can never get through the desert unless you take that route.'

'And what happens if I don't?'

'You'll be sent back to the beginning.'

What followed - Zelda's scream of mixed fury, confusion and rage - brought Rauru to lecture her again, on how language like that was 'totally inappropriate' and that he felt 'that serious action must be taken', but Zelda couldn't care less. All she did was repeat that word; that dreaded four letter word again and again and let it echo throughout the desert and it burst the ears of a nearby merchant, bringing him to giggle nervously at the forbidden sound.

That would be something to tell his friends about for the ages to come.