Disclaimer- I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters.
*drumroll* Faith! It's going to be a complete AU. No case, no creepy blind healer, etc, etc.
But Dean's still dying. Oh, I bawled like a baby when I watched this episode.
Just realized this the thirtieth chapter I've written for The Black Swan. Oh, how this story has grown! *gets misty-eyed*
Chapter name borrowed from Peter Allen.
Thanks to everyone who reviewed!
AngelicScream- Yes, I always try my best to update as soon as possible. But it's getting kind of difficult, with school and all….
Garideth- Depends on your viewpoint, really. :D
ccgnme- Yeah, there are times when I wake up in the night, feeling like a murderer because I just thought about Odette and how much I've put her through, and am going to put her through, but then I realize she's just a character, and I'm not really hurting anybody. Then it happens all over again the next day.
CHAPTER THIRTY- ONCE BEFORE I GO
"What do you got those amped up to?" Sam asked Dean, easing his long frame out of the car.
"A hundred thousand volts," Dean tossed him a taser.
"Damn." Sam looked with appreciation at his weapon.
"Yeah," Dean grinned cockily. "I want this rawhead extra frickin' crispy. And remember, you only get one shot with these things. So make it count."
He looked askance at me. "I'd have given you one, kid, but you'd probably just electrocute yourself."
He snorted contemptuously.
I tried not to let that get to me, and immediately felt better when Sam glared at Dean.
A niggling thought of Castiel wormed its way into my brain.
It would be nice to have him with us on hunts.
But, as I glanced nervously at the other two, I knew Dean would never allow it.
We moved down the stairs to the basement, and I gripped my flashlight tightly in one hand.
Hearing a noise, Sam and Dean headed towards a cupboard, making sure I was safely behind them.
"On three," Dean whispered. "One. Two. Three." He wrenched open the door.
A young boy and girl were crouched inside with covered ears, staring at us with dark, frightened eyes.
"Is it still here?" I spoke in a hushed tone.
The children nodded.
"OK. Grab your sister's hand, come on, we gotta get you out of here," Dean hauled them out, gently pushing the siblings towards the staircase.
Sam started propelling them upstairs, when a hand grabbed his leg, knocking him back down.
The girl screamed, her brother caught hold of her hand, dragging her up the stairs.
"Sam!" Dean yelled in alarm.
He shot the taser but missed.
"Get 'em outta here!" He shouted to me.
I tossed him Sam's taser, pulling up the younger Winchester, and together, we moved the children away from the basement.
I ran down the stairs as soon as they were safe, and I stopped in my tracks when I saw Dean.
He was spread-eagled on the floor.
Dean wasn't moving.
I was on my knees next to him at once, raising his head as much as I could.
"Sam!" I shrieked, panic distorting my voice.
I shook him gently. "C'mon, Dean, get up. Who's going to keep scolding me about proper hunting techniques if you don't?"
I shook him harder, frightened.
"SAM!" I screamed.
He thudded down the stairs, freezing when he saw Dean.
Sam ran over and half-lifted him up, holding his face.
"Dean, hey." He said softly. "Get up, Dean, please."
Dean didn't.
~Supernatural~
I held on to Sam's hand, as much for my own comfort as his.
"Sir, I'm so sorry to ask," the receptionist looked at us sympathetically. "There doesn't seem to be any insurance on file."
"Right. Uh, OK." Sam was dazed, as if he didn't quite know what was happening.
He removed a card from his wallet, handing it to the waiting receptionist.
She gave it a cursory look. "Okay, Mr. Burkovitz."
I gently nudged Sam as I saw the two cops waiting for us.
"Look, we can finish this up later," the cop said as we walked over.
"No, no, it's okay." Sam attempted to fake a normal expression. "We were just taking a shortcut through the neighborhood. And, um, the windows were rolled down, we heard some screaming when we drove past the house, and we stopped. Ran in."
"And you found the kids in the basement?"
"Yeah," I decided to give Sam a reprieve.
"Well, thank God you did."
"Excuse me," Sam told the cops as we noticed the doctor waiting patiently on the side.
"Sure. Thanks for your help."
"Hey, Doc," Sam greeted him. "Is he…"
"He's resting," he answered.
Sam was working his mouth furiously, no words coming out.
"And?" I doubled my fists, waiting.
We were both waiting.
The doctor sighed. "The electrocution triggered a heart attack. Pretty massive, I'm afraid. His heart…. it's damaged."
Sam looked as if he'd been kicked in the stomach, and I closed my eyes.
I knew what was coming.
"How damaged?" Sam managed to choke out, his voice like a lost little boy's.
"We've done all we can," he regarded us sadly. "We can try and keep him comfortable at this point. I'd give him a couple weeks at most, maybe a month."
"No, no." Sam set his jaw. "There's, there's….. gotta be something you can do, some kind of treatment."
My eyes flipped open.
This could not be happening.
Wasn't once enough?
"No," I whispered, echoing Sam.
The doctor looked at us pityingly.
"We can't work miracles. I really am sorry."
~Supernatural~
Dean was watching TV.
His skin, normally lightly tanned, was stark and pale. His eyes were hollowed in dark.
We entered.
Dean kept his eyes trained on the screen.
"Have you ever actually watched daytime TV? It's terrible."
I'd never heard Dean sound so weak.
Sam sighed. "I talked to your doctor."
"That fabric softener teddy bear. Oh, I'm gonna hunt that little bitch down."
"Dean."
He looked up, switching the TV off.
"Yeah, all right, well, looks like you're gonna leave town without me."
We stared at him.
"What are you talking about? I'm not gonna leave you here."
Dean was serious. "Hey, you better take care of that car. Or, I swear, I'll haunt your ass."
"I don't think that's funny."
I didn't, either.
"Oh, come on, it's a little funny," Dean pushed.
There was a long silence.
Sam was fighting tears.
Dean pushed himself up. "Look, what can I say? It's a dangerous gig, and I drew the short straw. That's it, end of story."
My eyes stung.
This couldn't happen.
This was Dean, dying.
Strong, dependable, sturdy, Dean.
He couldn't die.
He'd saved our lives, both Sam and mine, he couldn't just go.
How long had it been?
Seven months, maybe eight?
It felt like longer.
Dean had never liked me, probably never would, but I felt differently.
He was strong, and brave, and loyal.
Fiercely protective of Sam.
It was with the swell of wetness in my eyes that I realized I was just as fond of Dean as I was of Sam.
How could I not be?
Wisecracking, sarcastic, reckless Dean, who'd put his life on the line for a person he'd known for barely a day with nothing but a smirk and a 'don't mention it'.
Dean met my eyes then.
"Aw, look Sam, the waterworks have already started. I'm touched, kid, but save it for the funeral."
He grinned at me, but it was a travesty of his usual expression.
I wanted the one that belonged there on his face.
The cocksure, aggressive grin that annoyed anybody and everybody within a ten-mile radius.
I couldn't help the tears that spilled over.
"Don't talk like that," Sam snapped. "We still have options."
"What options?" Dean snorted. "Yeah, burial or cremation? I know it's not easy."
His eyes softened. "I'm gonna die, Sam. And you can't stop it."
Sam's head snapped up.
"Watch me."
~Supernatural~
The voicemail rang out, loud and clear.
"This is John Winchester. I can't be reached. If this is an emergency, call my son, Dean. 866-907-3235. He can help."
Sam shook the bed, he was trembling so hard, fighting his tears, and I squeezed his shoulder, wishing I could find a better way to help him.
"Hey, Dad. It's Sam. Uh…you probably won't even get this, but, uh, it's Dean." He stuttered. "He's sick, and uh…the doctors say there's nothing they can do. Um…. but, uh, they don't know the things we know, right? So, don't worry, 'cuz I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get him better. Alright…just wanted you to know."
He tossed his phone aside, and I rubbed his back, wiping away my own tears.
This was going to destroy him.
Sam was nothing without Dean.
For the hundredth time, I wondered where John was.
How could any father leave his children?
A darker memory swirled up to the front of my mind…. didn't I already know that answer? I shook it aside.
Things were bad enough already.
There was a sharp rap on the door.
We looked up quickly, Sam's eyes wet and hopeless.
He opened the door.
Dean leant against the jamb.
He looked terrible.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Sam asked, surprised and happy, yet still confused.
"I checked myself out," Dean shrugged painfully, and I hurried to push him onto the bed, for once ignoring his glower.
"What, are you crazy?"
"Well, I'm not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot."
Sam huffed a laugh and shut the door.
"I don't need to be mollycoddled, Beauty Queen," Dean growled when I refused to let him up from the bed.
I stared at him.
Sam resumed scouring the Internet for a cure for Dean.
Dean kept his eyes fixed on the wall, his face uncharacteristically weary.
I left a cup of coffee for Sam.
He smiled at me, but there was no light in his eyes.
I withdrew to my own room.
No one of us would be sleeping tonight.
~Supernatural~
"Dean is dying," I looked up at the ceiling. "I'm asking you to help me, Castiel, please. He doesn't deserve to die. He can't."
I wrung my hands.
The room remained empty.
"I know he doesn't like you, but please. Sam will be devastated, it will kill him."
I sat on the bed, head in my hands.
"Please, Castiel."