I am so, so sorry for how late this chapter is. I went to stay with my great-grandmother for about two weeks, and I thought I would have time to write. Spoiler alert, I did not have any time to write. But now I'm back, and as a reward, I give you more angst. Yay!
It was all her fault. It was all her fault. It was all her fault.
The mantra repeated itself in her brain, each repetition cutting into her soul a little more. She deserved it though, she deserved every stab of pain that ran through her aching head, every bruise that littered her skin.
It was all her fault.
Ruby knew it was too late to change the past, but that didn't stop her from desperately wishing she could. Trapped in her bed while she recovered, her mind went through different scenarios, highlighting where she had failed.
It was all her fault.
She had snuck out of her bed earlier to see Yang, now she almost regretted that choice. Everything was gone. The school, her friends, her team… Pyrrha.
It was all her fault. It was all her fault.
Tears rolled down her cheeks, hot and wet. She wiped them in vain, sniffling quietly. She shouldn't be crying, she didn't deserve to cry any more than she already had. Not when this was her fault.
If she had just connected the dots sooner. If she had actually paid attention to her dreams. If she was just faster. If she could actually fight in hand to hand combat. If Mercury hadn't been waiting for her. If she had just been strong enough, then she could have stopped Cinder's plot.
But she wasn't, and she hadn't.
It was all her fault.
But that didn't mean she had to sit here. Wiping her tears, Ruby could feel her resolve building as a plan formulated itself in her mind.
Uncle Qrow had mentioned Haven, that's where Cinder and her crew had gone. Who would go with her though? Not like she could go alone, especially with the CCT down.
Yang most likely wouldn't, if this morning was anything to go by. The pool of instinctual dread in Ruby's stomach suggested that it would.
Blake ran, and Weiss… Weiss was forced back home in Atlas. She didn't have a team to take, but Jaune might come, and maybe even Ren and Nora.
She scrambled out of bed, her tears gone as she searched for a pen and paper to write on. Thankfully, she knew where Jaune lived, and that Ren and Nora were staying with him.
If it comes down to it, she'll go alone. She knew that the idea was stupid, and far-fetched, but she couldn't let go of the small spark of hope, not if she wanted to stop herself from crumbling to pieces.
She trained when her dad wasn't looking, studied all the rest. She desperately wanted to ask her dad to teach her how to fight with her hands instead of her weapon, but she couldn't risk him finding out. He would stop her if he did, and she wouldn't let him. Ruby knew all he wanted was for her to be safe, but staying safe wasn't saving anyone. Staying safe was just going to leave more people like Penny, like Pyrrha.
When Jaune, Nora, and Ren all send their support, looking for a departure date, she nearly breaks her bed from her excited leaps.
When the day of reckoning came, all she left is a note behind. It didn't even begin to scratch the many, many reasons she had to do this, but it was all she could manage. She knew this would leave her dad a worried mess, but she wasn't going to give up here.
She nearly tears up when she sees Jaune, Ren, and Nora again. She felt bad, dragging them into this, but they all assured her they wouldn't be here unless they wanted to be.
But they didn't know about her eyes, but it's not like she could just up and tell- or sign, "Oh hey, my eyes can sometimes freeze things. Apparently, it's from some ancient legend and my mom had them too, yay?"
So, she didn't mention it, it probably won't come up anyways.
They visit her mother's grave one more time before they leave for good. Ruby took a moment to gather herself, bringing her determination and hope to the surface, if only to force herself through the lingering remains of despair. With one more breath, she turns away, leaving her first mistake behind her.
As she looked to the rest of her team, she smiled.
It was still her fault; all of it was. One step at a time though, maybe she could make up for it.
One thing that disappointed me about volume 4 was the lack of development shown on Ruby's part. I know they didn't really have much time for it (pacing was another issue for me, they tried to cram too much into one volume), but Ruby really needs some substantial character development, especially after what went down in volume 3. Because honestly, she could have stopped Cinder's entire plan if she had just been able to stop the fight in time, and I feel like she knows that. If I was in her place, I would have some major guilt over all of it.
I'll probably do a couple of more drabbles from volume 3 after this, then move onto volume 4.