Next chapter! Holy hell I made it to chapter 6 this is a miracle! I had almost 700 hits yesterday! Let's hope I make 800 today.

If I owned Harry Potter he would be…well I can't tell you…it's classified. If I owned Buffy the vampire slayer then Anya would be chased by cute little bunnies every Tuesday. We all know the badness happens on Tuesdays.

Chapter 6

Harry steadily paled as he listened to his aunt's cruel words. His chest grew tight and breathing hurt. When he was told about the fate of his wand and only personal belongings he let out an inaudible whimper.

"…Remember everything."

Harry collapsed. He fell to his knees arms on the ground in front of him jerking; his breathe came in harsh painful pants. He didn't notice his aunt leaving and soon he was lost in the memories.

1st year memory clip

A younger Harry Potter walked into the office of his headmaster. The old wizard Dumbledore smiled at the small boy indulgently.

"What can I do for you my boy?" He asked looking at the boy curiously with that damnable twinkle in his eyes. The boy looked at the headmaster nervously.

"Headmaster I-I don't want to go home. My relatives they hurt me, I know that they shouldn't and it's bad. Can you please help me?" he looked to be nearly in tears.

The seemingly compassionate man smiled at Harry his twinkle dimming.

"I'm sorry my boy, but you must stay with them for your own protection. I'm sure it's not so bad."

Harry shook his head irritably. "No! You don't understand, they hit me and they don't feed me enough and I sleep in the cupboard under the stairs. I know I'm too small for my age and what they do to me isn't right. I…if you won't help me then I'll just go to another professor."

The old man's twinkle vanished completely from his eyes. He sighed softly and raised his wand.

"Obliviate," Harry's eyes glazed over, "I'm sorry Harry, but you must stay with your relatives. Would you like a lemon drop?"

Harry shook his head as if to clear it and then reached for a lemon drop. "Thank you professor and I'm sorry for wasting your time." He turned to leave the room. He didn't see the other unidentifiable spell hit his back triggering the obedience drug in the lemon drop he had consumed.

"Harry, I'm sure your relatives will understand soon. You should listen to them more often; show them that you are a good boy." Dumbledore smiled as he saw Harry nod, his back still turned. Harry pressed his hand to his head briefly and then left the office.

2nd year memory clip

Harry was absolutely ecstatic, thrilled. He had found out what was causing the other students to be petrified. It was a basilisk, Salazar Slytherin's basilisk in fact. He had been using his parseltongue (parselmouth? Meh , whatever) ability secretly and talked to the other snakes that were hidden in portraits in the castle. They had been more than helpful and even showed Harry where the giant magical snake hid.

Harry had went down into the chamber of secrets and talked to the giant snake. It was actually nice and it told Harry who was giving it orders. A young girl, it said, with permission from another speaker. He ran to the headmaster's office to tell him the good news.

"Headmaster! I know what's petrifying the students its-"Harry was hit with a spell and he collapsed. Dumbledore frowned at the boy. He was too smart; he had figured it out too soon. He sighed and altered the boy's memories carefully. In its place he put a enjoyable conversation of him and Harry discussing muggle candies. He tapped the boy once with his wand and walked back over to his desk.

Harry groaned and stirred. "Headmaster?" He asked confused.

"Are you alright my boy? You took a rather nasty dive off of that chair." Dumbledore chuckled at the boy's blush. Harry made an excuse still embarrassed and left the office.

3rd year memory clip

Harry hated clowns. He hated them more than he hated the Dursley's and the cupboard combined. He hated the way they looked at him with those creepy makeup surrounded eyes. He hated their big red noses and the way they exaggerated their smiles with face paint.

He hated the fake cheer and forced laughter. Harry just plain hated clowns. He was also deathly afraid of them. When Dumbledore found out he couldn't help but alter the boy's perceptions of them because no, it wasn't right. The Boy-Who-Lived couldn't be afraid of something as mundane as clowns. He would be a laughing stock. He had to do something. So, he gave Harry something else to be afraid of.

Now every time Harry goes near a dementor, every time he sees a boggart he doesn't see evil clowns. No, he sees something that no child should. He sees the death of his parents over and over again. His worst memory made into his worst fear.

Sometimes, Harry wishes he was afraid of clowns.

4th year Memory Clip

"Harry I'm sorry for being such a prat. I should have known you would have never entered into a tournament like this would you forgive me?" pleaded Ron.

Harry looked at Ron and shook his head and the other boy took a step back and looked startled and then angry.

"Why not?" he shouted rudely. His ears turned red in embarrassment and anger. Harry just glowered at the other boy.

"You were my best mate, Ron. I thought you were supposed to trust me. You're right you should have believed me and this isn't the first time. I'm sick of you and your stupid petty jealousy. Do you think I want this, the fame, the money? No, but you don't believe that and every bloody time I'm forced into the spotlight you look at me like it's my fault. I'm sick of this Ron. You're not my best friend and truthfully I don't think you ever were my friend." Harry said steadfastly. He should have never tried to befriend the other boy, but he could rectify his mistake now.

Ron glared at Harry and then gave a dark chuckle. He was angry, furious, but he still had the upper hand. He raised his wand at Harry.

"That's funny. You think you have a choice."

Harry could not dodge the obliviate. His last thought was of Ron's and Peter Pettigrew's betrayal.

5th year Memory clip

"Hermione, can I talk to you?" Harry asked nervously. He had a secret to tell his other best friend, a big secret.

"Sure, Harry. Is something wrong?"She asked concerned. She had been thrilled last year when Ron and Harry had made up. She was sure that Ron had pushed harry too far, but to her surprise Harry had forgiven him and the golden trio was formed again.

"It's about Cho…"Harry blushed and looked down and Hermione grinned.

"Really? Is it about the date? How'd it go?" her questions came in a fast stream and harry had trouble keeping up with his friend. He inwardly grinned he loved when Hermione got this way.

"Actually, the date was horrible. It was so pink and weird and Cho just kept staring at me and blushing. I-I don't think I like her Hermione. If truth be told, I know I don't like her. I just…I just thought that…"Harry looked down feeling ashamed. He had used Cho.

"Thought what Harry?" Hermione asked taken back. She was sure that Harry had like Cho. The boy had blushed red whenever he saw her.

"I thought she would be like Cedric," he answered quietly, "I thought that, you know, maybe they had something in common, but I can see know that they really didn't, but they still loved each other. I-," he hesitated, "I loved Cedric Hermione and I thought that I could love Cho." He looked up to see his friend's reaction and flinched at the disgust he saw.

"Hermione-" he started.

"No Harry! That's disgusting. How could you do this to Cho? She can't replace Cedric, Harry and you should not have used her! Why would you want to anyway? Cho is a nice girl and Cedric, Cedric was a guy! You can't be with a boy, think about the wizarding world! You need to have children you're a hero here Harry, an icon! You can't be gay!" she screamed at him.

Harry swallowed and blinked back tears; he'd never thought Hermione was homophobic. He would have never told her, but he trusted her. Trusted her enough to be there for him when he needed her just like he was there for her when she needed him.

"I'm sorry I just, I just can't right now. Just-just don't say anything to anybody. I need to go." She turned and rushed away from him. She needed to go to the library.

Harry sat there for a few minutes and drew in a long shuddering breath trying to control his emotions. When he felt he would not cry he went to his room and lay down on the bed ignoring everybody on the way there. He desperately tried not to think. It just, it just hurt too much.

He let out a sob, and then another and all too soon he was bawling his eyes out. A few hours later or a few minutes, he really wasn't sure how long he had been there blubbering like a baby, he heard a sound come from the foot of his bed. He felt the bed dip and looked up to see Hermione smiling at him.

Harry's heart swelled with hope; maybe she had forgiven him for his freakish feelings.

"It's going to be okay Harry; I shouldn't have reacted like that." She reached over and laid a hand on his shoulder and Harry smiled.

"Would you like a cup of tea? The house elves have been making a new brew and you look like you need something warm to drink." She asked.

Harry nodded and Hermione handed him a cup. He looked down into it, it was a pale green with a strange tint he hesitated and Hermione gave him another nudge.

"Trust me, its good for you."

Harry drank the tea. When he finished Hermione smiled at him.

"Maybe you should give Cho another chance Harry. I'm sure the next date will go better and you shouldn't give up your pursuit."

Harry sighed, but nodded at her advice.

"I think I will Hermione. It's just, she makes me so nervous and then I start stuttering and blushing and noticing things." He blushed deeply and Hermione giggled.

"It's called puberty harry. Well, I'm off to see Ron. I'll see you later." She left the room abruptly with a pleased smile. She would need to give Harry a dose of the potion once every three months. She couldn't have him remembering and experiencing those feelings for other boys. He was too important to the wizarding world and she didn't want him going down the wrong path.

With a skip in her step and sure she had done the right thing Hermione went to see what Ron was up to. (Of course Hermione is different. A simple obliviate can't stop the way somebody feels unless its attached to the memory being obliviated)

6th year

"Ah, Harry its good to see you," Dumbledore smile benevolently, "are you ready for your occulmency lessons with professor Snape?"

Harry grimaced and Dumbledore chuckled.

"Come sit down my boy and have a cup of tea and let's have a quick chat." Dumbledore summoned a house elf and they arrived with a standard tea set. Before giving harry his cup he took out a glass vial containing some sort of light blue liquid and put in a few drops.

"For your nerves." Dumbledore answered the unasked question in Harry's eyes and the boy smiled.

"Thank you, headmaster." Harry said gratefully taking the cup of tea. He sipped it slowly and felt odd, sort of disconnected, but soon the feeling passed and he felt even better than before. Maybe he could handle these occulmency lessons from Snape. With renewed energy Harry stood up and left the office waving a good bye to the headmaster.

"Good bye my boy, make sure to stop by before your lessons with Snape." Dumbledore called out to Harry.

"Of course, headmaster." Harry agreed and left the room.

Harry had tea in Dumbledore's office once a week before his occulmency lessons with Snape. He never knew that the tea he had been drinking was an obedience potion. One that would let Dumbledore control Harry. Unfortunately, for Dumbledore the potion could not be keyed only to himself, but whoever was the boy's caretaker. He had unintentionally given Petunia Dursley the keys to free not only herself, but Harry as well.

End Memory Clips

Harry became aware of himself slowly. He was lying on the ground on his side. Curled up into a ball as if to make himself smaller.

His eyes opened slowly and he groaned. His head felt like a hundred hippogriffs had stomped on it. Suddenly everything rushed back and tears began pouring from his eyes. He pulled his legs into his chest and held them, still lying on the cold ground. His sobs carried through the dark forest.

"Has my whole life been a lie? Have I made any choices by myself?"

End chapter 6

-wipes sweat off brow- You guys have no idea how freaking long it took me to write this chapter. I actually had to step away from the laptop three times or the chapter would have been absolute crap. I can promise you one thing though. Harry will meet Xander in chapter 8! Woo! I'm excited too. Any suggestions on how the two should meet? I haven't come up with any ideas yet, I would like to hear yours.

Whoever come up with the best Xander meets Harry scene idea will be featured in this fanfic! You'll get to be killed by a vampire and you also get to pick how you'll be killed. So, make sure you have your scene, your preferred name and your ideal vampire induced death.

Tootles!