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I decided to let Castiel have another chapter to himself!

Little bit of Latin in this, mea fida lectore!

Chapter name borrowed from the Drive-By Truckers.

CHAPTER FORTY-SIX- WHERE THE DEVIL WON'T STAY

I wanted to help.

I'd heard her call.

Azazel was on the move, and there wasn't a single thing I could do about it.

Stand by, Castiel, you cannot intervene yet. This must take place.

My orders were clear.

I didn't like it.

It felt…. odd, somehow, to hear Odette call for me, knowing I could not help her.

Knowing I would not help her.

It bothered me.

That, in itself, was cause for alarm.

I didn't understand it.

I did not like it.

The sensation was…. disconcerting.

Uncomfortable.

How was I to define it?

It was almost painful, settled as it was in the pit of my stomach.

I didn't know what it meant.

I was surprised when my vessel woke slightly, as if tired of my musings.

It's called worry, Jimmy Novak supplied sleepily.

You're worrying about her.

He lapsed back into his slumber.

Worry.

At times like these, I wished I were back in heaven.

Back home.

Earth confused me.

Humanity confused me.

In the year I'd spent here, I'd learnt to appreciate the beauty it possessed, but it wasn't the same.

Heaven was clear-cut and simple.

One close-knit family, bound together by our Father's will.

Earth was…

Earth was baffling.

The sheer complexity of emotions one insignificant human could possess was perhaps the most intriguing.

Every human's psyche was different.

Odette's core was filled with guilt and grief.

It was so deep in her soul, I was beginning to think it would never go.

It knew how to give, and love, almost limitlessly.

Dean's was perhaps even more perplexing.

His was guarded, stubborn, suspicious.

Dean never let anyone in easily.

And yet, all of that simply seemed to disappear when it came to his brother.

Loyalty was what flared strongest in Dean.

Sam's was more trusting, more open.

He did not hesitate to have faith.

But it was Sam, not Dean, who was angry.

Angry and grieving.

The twin elements that defined his soul.

I shook my head, sitting on the cold marble floor.

A memory of Gabriel slipped unbidden into my mind.

You think too much, little rook.

An odd swell of sadness swept over me.

Heaven had been strangely empty since Gabriel had left.

I thought of the past year with the three humans I had to guard.

Odette trusted me.

Sam still had his inhibitions, but it had lessened over time.

Dean had remained hostile.

Strange that it had only reduced when I'd saved Sam.

I fell to wondering what was so special about them.

I had not been told why I'd been sent here.

I did not know when I would return.

If I would return.

I had been puzzled when I received my instructions.

I was the youngest in my garrison, one of the youngest in heaven itself.

Barely out of my fledgling years.

Two thousand years were naught in front of my elders.

Anna would have been the best choice, but Anna…..

I did not wish to recall her departure.

All of heaven had felt the absence of power when Anna ripped her Grace out.

One of the best garrison leaders we'd ever had.

To Earth, all she'd been was a streaking meteor.

Even Uriel would have been the better choice, but it had been me.

Perhaps foolishly, I had questioned my superior on my orders.

This is how you'll grow, Castiel, had been my only reply.

Michael himself, what little I remembered of him, had approved.

You were born for Earth, fledgling.

I did not understand what he had meant.

Lucifer, I shuddered as I recalled him, had given me his own warning, before being cast out.

Love will be your doom, brother.

Gabriel, before he'd run, had only left me a message.

Cavendum puella.

I could not comprehend it.

Would I ever get my answer?

Lucifer's words perturbed me the most.

Angels were incapable of feeling.

Obedience was our only task.

What could he possibly mean by it?

The Morning Star had always been an enigma, opening up to only Michael.

This, however, made me uneasy.

Lucifer had the gift of foresight, and no warning from him was ever wrong.

What was his intention?

Who was it that would seal my fate?

My answer would come.

I did not know it yet, but it would destroy me.