I meant to put up this chapter yesterday, but I got sidetracked. Thanks for the great reviews. Tons more fluff. Loll. I can't help it. Next chapter will probably add more hellmouthy goodness.

Chapter 13

Harry wished he could have said that after his breakdown he had made a full recovery over night. Unfortunately, that was not the case. While dealing with his emotions had helped him heal and free his mind of some of the clutter, his body was still exhausted. All of the work that the Dursley's had made him do finally took its toll on his body and he still ached. Thankfully, Xander had deemed him well enough to walk around on his own and did not confine him to the bed again, like he had been for the first two days.

Xander had called the girls after Harry's 'episode' and told them that he had a relapse. Willow and Tara sent over an extra pot of mushroom noodle soup and chocolate chip cookies. Giles came over briefly to see how Harry was fairing and, once again, Buffy did not bother to show up or call. Harry saw again how hurt Xander was by this before the brown eyed boy shrugged it off.

"That little blond chit," Harry sighed annoyed, "it's not that he wants her to call and see if I was alright. He wants her to call to see how he was doing. Some sort of friend she is, she hasn't even bothered to call Xander even for a little chat."

Harry looked at the boy beside him on the couch and frowned. He wondered how long she had been neglecting her friend. From what Harry had seen so far Buffy was more of an acquaintance. He shook his head before concentrating on Xander. His boyfriend-to-be sat on the couch slumped in the chair, head tossed back and eyes closed. He wasn't asleep; Harry assumed that he was just resting or thinking.

They hadn't talked about last night yet and Harry knew that Xander wouldn't bring the topic up. Harry would have to. Harry didn't want to. He didn't want to ruin this thing that he had with Xander, he didn't want the other boy to look at him with hate or disgust in his eyes. He didn't want to be treated as some sort of saint or messiah because of his abilities. What Harry was afraid of more than anything was seeing a familiar calculating look in Xander's eyes that could only mean he was planning to use Harry for something, or to see what he could get from him. Harry didn't want that.

What Harry wanted was to see that 'look' on Xander's face again. He wanted to gaze in those eyes and see affection. Love.

Then again, Harry could have been mistaken. Maybe Xander was just feeling concerned for Harry's wellbeing and Harry had misinterpreted his expression. Or worse maybe Xander did not feel anything for Harry but a sense of obligation because he had saved them all with his magic a few nights ago. So Xander took care of him now while he was ill to pay off their debt. A life for a life right?

Harry left the room in a hurry and went into the kitchen before he could work himself in a tizzy. He was going to drive himself crazy thinking this way. He was probably just overreacting, but he couldn't help it. For all of his life Harry had been used and now he didn't know what to do.

"What is my purpose here? Am I useless? The Dursley's and the wizarding world had such high expectations of me and now…I just don't know what to do. If…if I can't find a way to be useful will Xander get rid of me?" It was stupid. Harry knew that. His thoughts swirled around in his head and made absolutely no sense to him.

"I want…I don't want to feel the way the wizarding world made me feel. Like saving their world should be my whole life. And I don't want to feel the way the Dursley's made me feel, like my only purpose was to serve them or be kicked out. I think…I think I just don't want to be abandoned. I don't want to be alone, but haven't I always been alone? What was that muggle saying…'it is possible to be alone in a crowd', yeah that sounds about right." Harry gave a humorless chuckle. He knew all about being alone in a crowd, isolated from other by status instead of proximity.

Harry wrapped his arms around himself tightly, hugging himself. He wished he could push these thoughts and emotions to the side, but he knew what would happen if he did and didn't want to feel that ever again. He closed his eyes tightly trying not to cry. He had thought all of his tears were spent yesterday.

He jumped as warm, strong and oh so familiar arms wrapped around him.

"I see that someone is thinking to hard." Xander's voice was filled with humor and an undercurrent of worry.

Harry blushed softly.

"I'm sorry I-I just." Harry turned around in Xander's arms and looked up into his face.

"Really, you shouldn't think that hard," Xander grinned goofily and pulled back a bit to put a finger between Harry's eyebrows, "you get this little wrinkly line right here and then the frowning starts which means you are about to start brooding. Brooding is definitely of the bad and leads to hiding in dark corners and stalking blonde cheerleaders. Well, actually that's what happened to Deadboy. Where was I going with this? Oh right, Harry I don't know what's going on in that pretty little head of yours, but you need to let it go. I understand that you just need to work out some things by yourself, but by yourself doesn't mean alone. You can talk to me if you need me. I'll always be here for you Harry."

Unsurprisingly, the tears made a quick return. Harry leaned in and wrapped his arms around Xander's waist crying silently. He stepped away after a few minutes sniffling softly. He smiled at Xander before wiping his eyes.

"I feel like such a blubbering idiot, but thank you Xander. That means a lot to me, I-I've never had someone that was really there for me. I thought I did, but…but it was just a lie." Harry's voice was still thick with tears. He cleared his throat before continuing.

"I-I wont be able to tell you everything. Some things just aren't my secret to tell, and I'm still not sure if I'm ready to tell you some things about myself. I-I'll try thought. Please, be patient with me."

Xander cupped Harry's cheek with his hand and stroked his thumb along it gently and Harry's breathe caught in his throat. Xander smiled and dropped his hand to his side.

"Just remember Harry, I'll always be right by your side, I won't ever abandon you."

Harry swallowed thickly and nodded. He would not cry again. He wasn't an overemotional teenage girl dammit. He blinked his tears away and smiled brightly.

"Well know that all of that is over. Let's eat I'm starving! I swear, if I see another bowl of soup again I'll lose my bloody marbles!"

They both started laughing hard. It wasn't Harry's joke, because to tell the truth it wasn't all that funny. But for some reason, as he heard Xander laugh along with him, all the tension of the past few days was released. Harry felt lighter than he had in days, scratch that, years. He hadn't felt this good in years.

It was then that Harry made the decision to stay in Sunnydale, California, to live here. He thought he had made his decision earlier, but it had always been in the back of his mind that he would somehow end back up in the wizarding world, but know he knew his place. It was by Xander's side, if not as a lover than as a friend. As he looked into Xander's smiling eyes he knew that he could deal with that.

(Author note: holy shit we just had room check and we had to run around and hide all of our dirty laundry and miscellaneous items in two minutes! Ha!)

Xander POV

"So, now that our chick moment is over. Let's order pizza! What kind of toppings do you want?" Xander bounced over to the phone and began dialing the number by heart.

"I don't know," Harry said sheepishly, "I've never eaten pizza before."

Xander dropped the phone and stared at Harry in horror.

Sorry I couldn't make it longer. I have another tutor session schedule in about 15 minutes. These people are hopeless.