How did everybody feel about that kiss? I wish I knew what was going to happen next. I usually write things on the fly. Sigh.

I do not own Harry potter or Buffy the vampire slayer

"thinking"

"talking"

Chapter 17

Harry POV

Harry felt like a pile of goo, pliable and just waiting for somebody to play with him. In this case he would rather have Xander play with him. Unfortunately Xander wasn't kissing him anymore. He wondered why…hadn't it been really nice? Well, more than nice actually. It was bloody fantastic! Explosive! And Harry wanted more. Xander, however, was not cooperating. The brown haired boy was looking at Harry with an expression that Harry most definitely did not want to see.

"Does he regret this?" Harry hoped not, the thought caused his heart to ache. He hadn't known that was possible.

"Xander?" Harry's soft questioning voice filled the air and Xander visibly cringed. Harry closed his eyes and swallowed. How could he be so stupid? Xander had just gotten out of a relationship. A relationship with a girl! This was too fast; he should have just stuck with his plan and became a good friend to Xander first and then made a move.

"Maybe it's not too late…"Harry wasn't sure, but he could try. Xander had been quiet this whole time and Harry was deathly afraid that because he had pushed too soon that he would lose Xander forever.

"Xander I…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," Harry looked away. He couldn't look at Xander it just hurt too see that expression on his face, like he regretted what he had done. Harry had never wanted to be a mistake. Was he one now?

"It's just…I'm very attracted to you and I really do like you. I don't want to ruin what we have. So maybe we can go back to being just friends?" Harry didn't want to be just friends, but he would. Harry stared at Xander imploringly.

Xander POV

"I can't do this."

Xander didn't know how he had gotten to this point. How they had gotten to this point? The touches, the hugs, the feelings being shared and the kissing? He definitely couldn't forget about the kisses. But hadn't it always been this way with Harry? Well, besides the kissing it had.

"But now it's different. I want more than that. Is it the hyena? Is it me? Do I really want this? Is this too fast? Am I even gay?" Xander had too many questions, none for Harry but all for himself.

Xander wanted more than anything to lean down and kiss that hurt but understanding look off of Harry's face. He wanted to have those eyes shine with lust, love and happiness. Not the rejection that had already taken residence. He wanted it so freaking bad. But he couldn't.

Kissing Harry would lead to more questions and doubts and fears and Xander just couldn't. He just couldn't.

He knew that he wanted a relationship with Harry, but, Harry was a boy. A boy with magic, and a bad past, and emerald green eyes that fucking sparkled when he was happy. And he didn't know how to deal with that. He knew that he needed to get his shit together first, because if he started dating Harry and all of his fears and insecurities got in the way that Harry would be hurt. And Xander never wanted to hurt Harry.

So, despite his body craving the smaller one just a few inches away from it and despite Xander's own growing feelings for Harry; Xander moved away.

"Harry, I like you too. I need time. I've never been in a relationship with another guy and I think I need some time to myself to think this through. I don't want to be the one to hurt you because I wasn't able to put my pride to the side. Shit, Harry. I shouldn't have let us go this far." Green eyes shined with tears and Xander felt like a dick.

But Harry smiled at Xander and nodded.

"I understand Xander. Can we...can we not let this change anything between us? Or is it too late?"

Xander gave Harry a small pained nod and smiled, although he knew it did not fully reach his eyes. Xander didn't know why this hurt so much.

"Yeah Harry. This changes nothing between us."

Harry POV

Harry felt like a world class prat. He had put that look on Xander's face. That pained, confused and regret filled look. But that didn't stop Harry from being happy that they could still be friends. He just wished he could have waited, could have been patient because Xander was in turmoil and Harry…Harry had just become his mistake.

Harry looked away from Xander's guilt filled brown eyes and his mind desperately scrambled to find something anything for them to talk about that was not this. Oh!

"My relative, you know the one who gave me this house? He was a magic user." Harry's voice sounded too cheery and both of them knew it was forced.

"Really? Cool. How did you know?" Xander asked gratefully accepting the change of topic to a somewhat lighter one.

"I'll show you."

Harry POV

"Okay. Wow, just wow." Harry laughed at Xander's stunned face. The other boy skipped around the room looking at everything, but not touching.

Harry grinned. "You can touch Xander, but some of the objects in the room can and will harm you if they are provoked." He was surprised to see Xander nod seriously at him. He had not expected Xander to behave this way, to see that magic was something serious and should be both feared and respected. Suddenly, Harry realized that he did not know much about Xander. He had no idea of his experiences that shaped him to be the person that he was today.

He didn't know much about his past and besides the hyena he didn't know any of his abilities or talents. Harry was uneasy at how quickly he had approached Xander, he wasn't like this.

"Am I trying to cope by clinging to Xander? He was there for me when I broke down and when I got sick…he listened to me and maybe what I feel for him…I'm not sure what I feel for him. I admire him, I respect him, I lust for him, but do I love him? I don't think so. Not yet." Harry smiled suddenly, still watching Xander flit around the room.

"I don't think I'm clinging to him because he was the one person in my whole life to actually care and take care of me. I think I'm with Xander because he is Xander. The amazingly hot, insanely compassionate and thoughtful man/boy who is currently poking a harmless crystal ball…"

Harry rolled his eyes, but smiled nonetheless. He walked over to the taller boy and pokes him because the crystal ball could not retaliate itself. Not that it really wanted to anyways, it wasn't sentient.

"I'm going to browse through the books for a bit. There are so many here. I think my mysterious relative dabbled in a lot of different types of magic." Harry decided not to tell Xander about the pentagram on the floor. Harry didn't want him to freak out.

Xander stopped poking the crystal ball and skipped skipped to one of the bookshelves. Harry giggled and went to one of the bookshelves on the opposite wall. He wasn't stupid; he knew what Xander was trying to do. He was trying to make Harry relax and feel better after getting turned down earlier. Well, Harry didn't mind, he really appreciated Xander's effort to cheer him up.

He read the titles at the book, impressed. The previous owner had books of all levels. A beginner and a master of a magic art would both be able to use this library without any problems. This is just what Harry needed. He needed to learn different types of magic, especially with the lack of a wand. He would not be a liability to Xander.

"Hey Harry, what's a THURISAZ stone thingy?" called Xander's voice from the other side of the rune. He was fiddling with some of the stones on one of the shelves, it was small and round and had letters carved in it.

"They are a combination of runes that improves heart problems; it was probably meant to be a temporary measure because it is not on some sort of necklace. Perhaps, it was used for emergencies when someone has been injured or have a heart attack." Harry answered absent mindedly.

"Thanks, hey that's pretty cool. Do you know a lot about runes?" Xander asked.

"No, I don't know anything about runes. Why?" Harry turned to Xander questioningly who looked at him with a strange look on his face.

"Harry, you just told me a basic description of this rune set, its uses and unless you are reading it in that book you are holding right now. I might be inclined to say you are lying to me."

Harry gaped at him before looking down at his book, it was on eleven history. He paled and Xander made his way over to him and put his hand on Harry's shoulder.

"Hey, Harry are you okay? What's wrong? Look, if you don't want me to know about the rune thing it's cool. I'll keep it hush hush." Xander said trying to pacify Harry.

Harry shook his head in disbelief.

"Xander it's not that, I've never even seen a rune before! Ever! So how the blood hell could I possibly know that? In fact, I was just looking at some of those earlier today and they all just seemed like pretty, but weird rocks to me."

It was Xander's turn to stare in disbelief.

Oh dear.

And I'm done for the day folks. I hope you like this chapter and don't worry those two will give in soon and hump like bunnies in a few chapters. Harry will meet the rest of the Scoobies again next chapter. Wish me luck!