Disclaimer: Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
HP is but an empty dream!-
For Albus is not dead, but slumbers,
And I am not what I seem. – Truly, I own nothing, not Longfellow's Psalm of Life, or JKR's genius progeny.
A/N We'll see how it goes folks! Reviews are always appreciated!!
It was all ready the end of April. Exams were beginning to loom on the horizon for the unfortunate students under Minerva's hormonal tutelage. Fortunately, the worst of the mood swings had been eased by an exceptionally successful, and in certain staff and student's case, life-saving potion Poppy had discovered in an old text-book on her shelf. Unfortunately, upon discovering the potion, Poppy had failed to read completely through the directions. At the time, Poppy had been on a rather tight deadline. Minerva had pounded into the infirmary shrieking that if she had another hot flash, she would cast a freezing spell on the whole castle. So poor Madame Pomfrey did the wisest thing for the moment, save the entire castle by providing an instant solution.
The unfortunate consequence came into effect on a Friday, about a month after Minerva began taking the potion regularly.
Albus was desperate to see Minerva. He hadn't seen her since breakfast, having been away from lunch, due to a desperate cry for help from the Ministry.
Millicent Bagnold had once again restored order and a temporary peace to her administration, while managing to ignore the growing threat of Voldemort. Because of her current success, she had considered herself back on good terms with Albus Dumbledore and liberally demanded of his time. It was important the press see a strong connection between the Wizarding School and the government; it gave the current Minister a better reflection in the eyes of the average witch or wizard.
But all that aside, Albus missed his wife terribly. And since she only had a class of sixth years left before the weekend, he decided to call on her during her half hour break. Flinging wide the door (quietly closing it after catching a raised eyebrow from the professor), Albus swept into the Transfigurations class room and surrounded his wife with his affection. He distinctly felt her tense as his arm clasped Minerva's shoulder. Switching tactics, he began to pull at the pins which held in the repetitive bun on his wife's neck. Minerva had, until that point, been successfully ignoring her husband's advances. She was not in a touchable mood today, her back felt as if the load on her front weighed at least several hundred kilograms. In addition, this inestimable bulge prevented her from scoring a comfortable sleeping position. But Albus trying to tease and peck at her body was like putting an elephant on a rickety rope-bridge. McGonagall's nerves whipped apart faster than a curse flew from a wand.
"Albus Dumbledore!! I do not wish to be…" the rant initiated with Minerva knocking over her chair. Thankfully, the scathing tirade that flowed from her mind to her tongue was stayed as Dumbledore quickly sealed up her lips with his. Pulling her close enough to feel the delicate curve of her belly against him, Albus began to slowly rub his hands up and down her back. This was too much for Minerva. She caved physically and hormonally, and decided to vanish their clothes. Oddly, the professor's wand was on the other side of her desk. Minerva had never been very handy with wandless magic. Obviously, more potent forces were at work to aid her in her plight. As their mouths became more and more inseparable, Minerva found herself getting very warm. But I'm not wearing any robes! How…? Oh, bugger it all!! In that moment, Minerva realized something must have gone wrong with the potion, because this was definitely a hot flash. As a matter of fact, this was promising to be a regular heat wave. Desperate to pull away and at least attempt to regain control, the transfigurations professor shoved off of her husband and leaned against the wall.
Albus was completely discombobulated by Minerva's latest actions. Concern prevailed, as he returned his clothing to its proper location, and approached his wife.
"Tabby, darling, is everything all right?" Albus reached out to steady her. Even with the wall for support, Minerva was wavering slightly. Instantly, Minerva recoiled from the extended hand. Now, Albus was truly worried, "What's going on Minerva? Are you in pain?"
Minerva could not answer, for at that moment, the world seemed to be rather fuzzy, as if her ears and eyes were wrapped in a cloak. She only knew that her blood felt like it was literally boiling and there was a terrible, all-encompassing pounding in her brain. All of a sudden, her face, her entire body, connected with something cold and hard. The cold felt good, but her head hurt more. These were her last thoughts before blackness closed over her.
Headmaster Albus Dumbledore was not given to obscenities. If he had been, he would have catapulted every one of them off his tongue in that moment. He was standing in his wife's classroom, which, in about five minutes, would be full of sixth year students. He looked rumpled enough, from the past few minutes, to raise uncomfortable suspicion. His wife lay at his feet, naked, sweating, and murmuring more nonsense than Peeves put out in a year. He had to tend to his wife, but how to get her to her quarters? They were practically on the other side of the castle. It would take at least the five minutes to get Minerva there, let alone worry about her students. In a few seconds, the highly experienced Headmaster processed these thoughts and arrived at a solution.
He hurriedly returned Minerva's clothes to her person and used her fireplace to summon Poppy. In a trice, the mediwitch zipped through the fireplace and levitated Minerva towards her chambers. It had taken some convincing, but Albus persuaded Poppy that the last thing they needed was to have a feverish Minerva in plain sight. So Poppy acquiesced to letting the professor stay in her own rooms. Albus then settled down to teaching the sixth year class.
After the class, Albus decided to pay Minerva a visit. He tentatively stepped up to her door. Inside he heard a great deal of groaning, as if someone was in pain. Worried about Minerva, he made the door ring with his frustration. There was some scuffling, and soon a disheveled looking Madam Pomfrey answered the door.
"Albus!" She whispered frantically, pulling him in by the front of his robes, but shoving him to the side, out of sight of the bedroom door. "Look, I need to talk to you, but…"
"Is that my husband, Poppy? Is that the lout that did this too me?!" Minerva was shrieking from the bedroom. Suddenly, her verbal assault was interrupted by the sound of running feet, followed by the noises that accompany being sick to one's stomach. As soon as these ended, there was more groaning.
"Albus, the potion backfired." Poppy's eyes were the size of galleons. Albus was terrified. If Poppy didn't know how to handle this, who would? "Apparently, it doesn't decrease hormone production, it just sort of bottles it up."
"I take it the "bottle" has blown it's top." Albus flinched as Minerva's discomfort increased in volume.
"Well, it actually comes in monthly cycles, which makes sense if I had actually read the entirety of the directions on that potion… But now, all we can do is try to keep her comfortable. Her hormone levels are unprecedented, but she should be all right. This potion was designed to help, not kill. Though there may be a few deaths if anybody gets in Minerva's way right now. I took away her wand, but she seems to be capable of wandless magic."
"Albus? Is that you? You lemon-sucking, over-sexed…"Minerva was furious, the sounds of breaking glass, accompanied by very material thuds, echoed from the bedroom.
"Now, Minerva, try to keep your temper down. Remember, you don't want to hurt the baby…" Poppy suddenly tied on a terrified smile and turned toward the bedroom. She had to prevent Minerva from physically harming herself.
"Hurt the Baby??? Have you seen what this little bugger has done to me? I must have gained thirty pounds in the past six months!! And what about my back! And I can't keep anything down!! Who's hurting who? And to think!" Minerva gave a sniff that trickled out of the bedroom, and sounded deceptively heartbroken. "I used to have a very lithe, becoming figure! Now look at me!!" Her sobs had moved aside for plaintive wailing, "I'm fat, ugly and I HAVE STRETCH MARKS!!!" This last part was nearly a scream.
Poppy turned around to cast a sympathetic, pleading look at the Headmaster. Summoning up all his courage, Dumbledore, the man who had killed Grindelwald and fought countless dark wizards, faced his most dangerous enemy yet, his wife. After all, as Minerva had so dashingly noted, it was his fault she was like this.
He quietly worked his way over to the hysterical woman. Taking her in his arms, he cooed, "Tabby, darling, I think you're beautiful." He wiped away a tear that slipped off her down cast face. Before he could react, what felt like an expelliarmus connected with his chest and pushed him to the floor some ten feet away.
"How dare you say something like that to me!!" Minerva seemed to grow taller, and Albus could have sworn that a wind was beginning to whip around the room. "That's exactly the kind of talk that put me in this position!!" She stepped closer, summoning a very heavy vase by merely stretching out her hand. "So help me, should you open your mouth again, I'll throw this at you, Albus Dumbledore! Now get out!! I'm miserable enough without your obscene comments!!"
Albus had tried, he truly had. But when Minerva was this angry, and this powerful, there was nothing he could do. Out of desperation, he darted out the door.
"How long?" He panted, after he escaped from the line of fire.
"Well, according to the potion directions, this is a monthly cycle, and her bad spell will only last about six hours." Poppy sighed, mopping her forehead with a handkerchief, "I will stay with her. After all, if I had read the directions more carefully, we could have prepared for this. Now, go away."
"Are you sure she'll be all right?" Albus grimaced as he heard sobbing coming from Minerva's bedroom once again.
"Don't worry!" Poppy promised, pushing him toward the door, "Now, come back in about five hours, and everything will be fine!" Another crash trumpeted from the bedroom.
"You'd think she'd have shattered every breakable object in that room by now!" Albus quipped as he stepped through the door.
"She has. But then she just uses her newly acquired wandless magic to put everything back together again," Poppy sighed as she shut the door. This was going to be the longest four hours of her life.
As Albus approached Minerva's room at eight o'clock that night, an eerie sense of stillness hung in the air like an invisible fog that one wanted to brush aside. Knocking on the door, Albus hoped that there was still someone in the room capable of answering it.
The door jumped open and Poppy Pomfrey slipped outside.
"She's finally settled down, Albus," Poppy and Albus sighed in unison, "She should sleep until late tomorrow morning. And when she wakes up, she will probably be very weak."
"Thank you, Poppy, you've been a great help," Albus patted her shoulder, and smiled in relief. They had survived.
"But I'm the reason this started! If I had paid attention, I never would have given her the potion!" Poppy wailed, guilt infested.
"Well, personally, and I'll have to talk to Minerva before we make any final decisions, but I think it would be better to get it all over with at once." Albus continued, not wishing to dwell on the thought of a hormonal Minerva everyday for the next two months. "And now that we know this is coming, maybe we can better prepare Minerva for its effects."
"Yes, well, I'm going to go get some sleep. I think coping with Minerva's emotional tennis games has taken my last ounce of sanity and energy for the day." Poppy yawned and strolled down the corridor.
The next morning, Minerva was too weak to leave her bed. Albus came and kept her company. Minerva read poetry, while Albus attempted to charm a deck of Muggle playing cards into the shape of Hogwarts. They spent most of the morning relaxing and simply spending time together, which they had been unable to do for quite some time.
Just before lunch, they received a fire-call. It was Molly Weasley. She seemed frantic, and excited and upset all at once.
"Minerva!" Molly called, Albus had helped Minerva sit on a couch before the fire place. "Minerva, you won't believe it!! It's such good news!! Arthur was so excited!"
"What, Molly, dear? You're completely incoherent!" Minerva smiled patiently and leaned closer.
"I'm going to have a baby!! I'm pregnant!! The baby's due in December!!" Molly's smile was brighter than the flames it had replaced. "Isn't it wonderful!!"
"Congratulations!!" Minerva beamed, and Albus reverberated the sentiment.
"How are you doing Minerva? How's your little one coming along?" Molly asked, completely innocent.
"Oh, just fine! Though he's getting rather big now and refuses to stick to a regular sleeping schedule." Minerva's smile soured somewhat.
"Well, I have to go! We still have to tell the rest of Arthur's relatives. And then we have to find a way to tell my Squib cousin! How do Muggles ever communicate with each other!?" And she was gone just as quickly and helter-skelterly as she had come.
"Oh, my!" Minerva grinned as she relaxed against the couch. "I wish I had that much energy right now!!"
"I think you spent more than your weekly quota of energy yesterday!" Albus teased.
Minerva suddenly turned on him, "Ah, about that, darling… Well you see, Poppy told me that I wasn't exactly complimentary…" Her wording placed a concerned look on Albus's face, "I don't remember much after you kissed me yesterday. Don't worry though! Poppy explained that it's perfectly normal after the type of sensory overload I suffered yesterday. She likened it to being intoxicated."
"A little worse, I'd say," Albus muttered on the side.
"Yes, well, I wanted to apologize for that…"Minerva made her best puppy dog eyes (for a cat animagus, which really turned out to be more comical than anything) and kissed him chastely on the cheek. "And to tell you that I love you, no matter what I say when I'm drunk!"
"I love you too, Tabby," Albus took more from the previous kiss and drew Minerva into his arms. The two of them relaxed on the couch the rest of the after noon.
A/N The grand denouement is next folks, so let me know what you think! You know how much I love hearing from you!! Thank you for reading!!